View Full Version : Joke Thread

Unnatural Disaster
11-10-2004, 06:16 PM
Post your favorite jokes here!!!

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over a bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."

The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!" George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are injured."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"

11-10-2004, 06:23 PM
Q:why did Michael Jackson get food poisoning?

A: Because he ate a Nine-Year-Old Wiener!!!

Unnatural Disaster
11-10-2004, 06:26 PM
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.

The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."

POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."

POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"

The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

11-10-2004, 06:27 PM
lol, that reminds me, i saw someone today who had a Tshirt with tons of michael jackson jokes on it...

Q: whats the difference between michael and a grocerie bag?

A: one is made out of plastic and is harmful for childer, and the other holds groceries

Mota Boy
11-10-2004, 06:28 PM
What did one tampon say to the other?

Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

11-10-2004, 06:35 PM
How many sexist pigs does it take to screw a light bulb?

None, let the bitch work in the dark

11-10-2004, 06:37 PM
Q: What do Michael Jackson and a Gamecube have in common?

A: They are both made of plastic and turned on by little children

11-10-2004, 06:38 PM
How did people find out that princess diane had dandruff?

they found her head & shoulders in the glove compartment

11-10-2004, 06:42 PM
An american, a russian, and a blonde are sitting round a campfire,
the Russian brags, "We were the first in space,"
The American replies, " We were the first ot walk on the moon"
Then the blonde says " Oh yeah? I'll be the first to walk on the sun!"
The American and the Russian say " No you can't it's too hot!"
So the blonde says " DUUUUHHH I'll go at night!"

11-10-2004, 06:44 PM
that remindes me of a "i am wiesel" episode

11-10-2004, 06:48 PM
I used to love that show is it still on?

11-10-2004, 06:53 PM
What's the difference between an astronaut and Michael Jackson?

Astronauts walk on the moon and Michael Jackson touches little boys.

Best pickup line ever made by my drunk friend:
Hey I think my penis died, can I bury it in your ass?

11-10-2004, 06:55 PM
what do michael jackson and McDonald's have in common?

they both stick 40 year old meat between nine year old buns

Unnatural Disaster
11-10-2004, 06:58 PM
A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us."
So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.

The next morning, the cops said, "Come out with your hands in the air!"

The red-head said, "Hide in those baskets, they'll never find us!"

So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets.

So the cop kicked the first one: "RUFF."

"It's just a damn dog!" yelled the cop.

The cop kicked the next one: "MEOW."

"It's just a damn cat," yelled the cop.

The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, "POTATOES!"

11-10-2004, 07:06 PM
what do you call an ethiopian with a yeast infection?

A Quarter pounder with cheese!

yeah it's really nasty...

11-11-2004, 05:46 PM
wanna hear a dirty joke: michael lackson fell in the mud

wanna hear a clean joke: michael had a bath with bubbles

wanna hear another dirty joke: bubbles is his pet monkey.

here is another joke!
Well there is this woman wit 3 kids. The first one cums up 2 her n asks “y did u call me rose mum?” “ bcos a rose petal fell on ya head wen u were born.”
The second child, tulip askd her mum the same question, the mother answered with “ bcos a tulip fell on ya head wen u were born.” Then the third daughter said 2 her mum “hkgafshkglhksdghzb?” the mother said “wot was that fridge.”

11-11-2004, 05:48 PM
how do u get 100 homless bums in a fone booth? put a burger in it!
how do u get em out agen? run past it wit sum pasta!

11-12-2004, 03:33 AM
whats brown and sticky?

a stick


fairy call
11-12-2004, 04:49 AM
tee hee

whats worse than being late for work?

the holocaust
its harsh, but i still laughed with it, just because its so much over the top

11-12-2004, 06:18 AM
The MichaelJackson jokes aren't funny at all man, pfje.

11-12-2004, 07:49 AM
What's the difference between an elephant and a camel?

Camels can't drive tanksd

11-12-2004, 08:32 AM
whats brown and sticky?

a stick


classic... CLASSIC! Haha.

I read this one on the internet a while ago, though it was funny:

"Man.. I can't believe I had sex with a patient!" says Dave to himself who's a doctor.
But on the other hand: "What's the big deal?" Dave says "A lot of doctors have sex with their patients.".
Then again, he says to himself "Daaaave... you're a vet!"