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greencows12
11-10-2004, 10:50 PM
Come, let me help you in, we'll drown together.
The day's becomes the night's to take
but the river is red.
what's there left?
we're doomed, we need a hero.
They're running after us
So what's there left to lose?
They carries blades in their hands
and the sharks of the sea smell us
let's drown together and end while we're happy.
--anonomous

Is this poem cool?

BREAK
11-11-2004, 02:15 AM
F---. No coherent flow of ideas. No consistent rhythmic pattern. Poor choice of words. The imagery is bland & cliched to the point of self-mockery.

I can see why the asshole who wrote that chose to remain "anonomous" - it's the work of a hack.

JoY
11-11-2004, 05:26 AM
I wouldn't word it like Break did, but let's just say this is not my thing.

Tocchi
11-11-2004, 05:28 AM
yeah poems jsut don't do it for me

JoY
11-11-2004, 05:34 AM
yeah poems jsut don't do it for me
oh no, I love poetry. I can't write for shit myself, but my opinion on this one is asked for & very clear. it's not my thing & I wouldn't want to go deeper & more thorough into this, because I don't see what good could come of that. it shows too little potential for that.

Inshane
11-11-2004, 05:36 AM
I think its kind of pathetic to bring somebody's poem down like that.
Giving critics is way easier than actually write a good poem.
I don't like the way of writing this anonymous person uses but writing gets better.
write a lot and you'll probably write better stuff.

JoY
11-11-2004, 06:01 AM
true. but when someone has a negative opinion, that doesn't mean they should do better themselves. especially not if they've been asked for their opinion. because aren't we asked here to give those easy critics, you talked about?
you agree, basically, with what I said & then only added that critism should never discourage the writer. that's only stating the obvious, because it never should. the meaning you give to your own poem, the opinion you yourself have of it, should be the things, that matter most to you.

Goki
11-11-2004, 08:48 AM
hmm I can't really make a connection between the different ideas written there. It needs some more work, in my opinion, so that I could consider it "cool".

samr
11-11-2004, 08:51 AM
sounds angsty/10