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View Full Version : Can you guys and gals rate my poem?



Chris1990
08-14-2005, 02:31 AM
I wrote a poem that I am gonna read to the girl I like :) I just wanted an oppinion of it of what you think. This poem was written by me 100% from the heart so be brutal.


My love, I donít know what to do,
Iím a lonely presence without you.
WE are but friends but I want more,
My heart is open, open your hearts door.

That laugh, that flawless perfect smile,
It is what makes my life all worthwhile.
WE can be one soul instead of two,
Please answer me let this dream come true.

I dream about you every night,
And seeing us together, it feels so right.
When will my one dream become a reality?
Or will I be dreaming for an eternity?

Everything that you do keeps me mesmerized,
I see my whole world when I look into your eyes
So please consider me a greater friend,
One the only god can send

kickass0987654321
08-14-2005, 02:32 AM
That is really good. Don't worry she will love it. I would go fucking crazy if a guy said all of that to me.

notoriousdoc
08-14-2005, 02:42 AM
My love, I donít know what to do,
Iím a lonely presence without you.
We are but friends but I want more,
My heart is open, open your heart's door.

That laugh, that flawless, perfect smile,
It is what makes my life all worthwhile.
We can be one soul instead of two,
Please answer me let this dream come true.

I dream about you every night,
And seeing us together, it feels so right.
When will my one dream become a reality?
Or will I be dreaming for an eternity?

Everything that you do keeps me mesmerized,
I see my whole world when I look into your eyes
So please consider me a greater friend,
One that only god can send

Better .

wheelchairman
08-14-2005, 02:56 AM
Whatever you do, don't read it to her. It'll come off creepy.

JoY
08-14-2005, 04:25 AM
the poem in itself is incredibly mushy, cheesy, clichť & scrambled together. the last sentence was just "freak, freak, freak!!". the rhyming-schedule (or whatever) is a-a-b-b, which hardly ever works in a poem, unless you're really fucking creative with sentences & thoughts. it's a very predictable way of rhyming & it is predictable in this poem & doesn't work in your advantage.

as for how I'd react, if it was for me; I don't know how I'd react to such a poem. probably flattered, but creeped out at the same time. it *really* depends on how well I know the guy & how much he normally chases me around. if it's the first time he lets me know he has a crush on me, I'd be pretty much "aww, you so silly". if he normally already does everything in an attempt to let me know he luuurvs me so much, I'd be like, "suckerr". I'm cruel like that.

but this is only my personal humble opinion. don't let it get to you.

Sin Studly
08-14-2005, 05:07 AM
If somebody wrote it for me I'd change my address phone number.

You're a creepy fucking freak.

crazy_offspring_gal
08-14-2005, 05:22 AM
I wrote a poem that I am gonna read to the girl I like :) I just wanted an oppinion of it of what you think. This poem was written by me 100% from the heart so be brutal.


My love, I donít know what to do,
Iím a lonely presence without you.
WE are but friends but I want more,
My heart is open, open your hearts door.

That laugh, that flawless perfect smile,
It is what makes my life all worthwhile.
WE can be one soul instead of two,
Please answer me let this dream come true.

I dream about you every night,
And seeing us together, it feels so right.
When will my one dream become a reality?
Or will I be dreaming for an eternity?

Everything that you do keeps me mesmerized,
I see my whole world when I look into your eyes
So please consider me a greater friend,
One the only god can send

Aww that is such a sweet poem! :) If like I had a poem like that read to me, ill sure be in tears! :D

Sin Studly
08-14-2005, 05:32 AM
I'd reach for the fucking pepper spray, it's seriously that bad.

JoY
08-14-2005, 05:34 AM
Aww that is such a sweet poem! :) If like I had a poem like that read to me, ill sure be in tears! :D
seriously??! *raises eyebrow* it just surprises me a girl would say that.

ever gotten extremely sweet, mushy, lovey-dovey poetry written just for you? with someone *reading* it to you??!

if you haven't, I think I understand. in that case this might seem very sweet, cute, cuddly & fluffy to you, but if someone would really actually *read* something like that to you, you'd be creeped out.

Sin Studly
08-14-2005, 05:37 AM
Maybe we're just cynical and bitter, Bella? Maybe our hearts are torn and ravaged beyond any concept of healing and redemption?

wheelchairman
08-14-2005, 05:39 AM
Well that depends on how they read it aloud Bella.

Normally when I read poetry to girls, I am scratching my special areas, breathing heavily and ignoring all concepts of personal space. The chicks love it.

the_GoDdEsS
08-14-2005, 05:39 AM
... that sounded kinda Gothique. :/

Mushy and cheesy stuff works on some 13-15 year olds.

the_GoDdEsS
08-14-2005, 05:40 AM
Well that depends on how they read it aloud Bella.

Normally when I read poetry to girls, I am scratching my special areas, breathing heavily and ignoring all concepts of personal space. The chicks love it.

Reminds me of how you read aloud in Amsterdam. Omgz, hawt and hilarious.

JoY
08-14-2005, 05:41 AM
Per;
hahahahahahahaha.

yeah, I'd totally go for it. *drools*

Sin Studly
08-14-2005, 05:42 AM
I have no idea what he's referring to, but I get the feeling I'd go for it too.