View Full Version : Best resignation letter ever!

08-15-2005, 04:40 AM
Dear mr Baker:

As a graduate of an institution of higher education,I have a very few basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel.After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.Asking me,a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my officeis not only a waste of time,but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees,who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling yiu what an IP is. Your shiny new imac has more personality than you will ever have. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview but now that you actually have responsibility,you pawn it off on overworked staff,hoping their tallent will coer for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1.When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment" I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2.I have all the passwords to every account on the system and I know every password you have used for the past five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually favoured by the administration.

3.When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mothers birthday",you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then youforgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation.(Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendationon my desk by 8am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted , repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.Never mess with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day.


08-15-2005, 04:44 AM
heh - you want me to highlight your mistakes so you don't look retarded?

08-15-2005, 04:47 AM
no, thats the way it was in the e-mail

08-15-2005, 04:51 AM
no, thats the way it was in the e-mail

...oh dear.

Sin Studly
08-15-2005, 06:32 AM
heh - you want me to highlight your mistakes so you don't look retarded?

It's not going to help.

The whole letter is pathetic and unfunny, the type of thing nerd techsupport guys masturbate while dreaming about. "Nnneeeeh, maybe you do make 120K a year and get loads of beautiful chicks and have a loving family and great friends and impeccably tailored suits and have wit and charm and personality and drive a Jaguar and holiday in Prague twice a year, but I know how to pwn n00bs in binary so I'm superior!"

Entire thing is pathetic, and if you laugh at it you're pathetic.

08-15-2005, 09:05 AM
I'd be willing to bet he never actually sent this letter. That he just brags about it to his friends. The same kind of losers who complain about work and cheer over certain scenes of Office Space.