PDA

View Full Version : My Beautiful Poem



Telekinesis
08-16-2005, 03:10 AM
Hi, this is a poem I wrote for English and I already got the mark (my teacher loved it) but I still wanted some feed-back from you guys, I already posted it in another thread but it was unrelated so I thought I would make a thread here about it! note that this poem is not about me I wrote it from the point of veiw of the character in the book we had to read "Chinese Cinderella"

Do you see me? Here I am
I am no-one I truly am
They don't see me, they don't care
They don't see me standing there
They resent me, yes they do
I am just a piece of garbage to you
My aunt says I'm special, she does love me
How come my Mummy and Daddy don't hug me?
I love my school, I love to learn
for my parents acceptance I yearn
My friends don't know it, no they don't
will my step-mother beat me? I hope she won't
She normally does, she might today
For going to my friends 10th birthday
I hate my life, I hate myself
Through my house I creep with stealth
I see my step-mum in my room
I came home to early that afternoon
She is angry I can see
This is when she questions me
She is crazy, she's insane
Ow! she slapped me, I'm in pain
I know now not to be a sneak
I am useless I am weak
Nothing good from me will come
Who am I? I am no-one

yes that is my beautiful poem and at the bottom my teacher wrote "Excellent Francesca 10/10"

Yay! so what do you guys think?

RXP
08-16-2005, 03:15 AM
Didn't read but I read this as "my beautiful porn"

Dirty Bertie
08-16-2005, 04:20 AM
Very nice poem.

I am moved to the point of expelling vomit.

neocon58
08-16-2005, 04:37 AM
Who am I? I am no-one

At least your honest.

Sin Studly
08-16-2005, 05:57 AM
These wounds, they will not heal :( :( :(

//image removed

Seriously though, your poem is trite pathetic angst-ridden shit. You should delete/destroy it in all mediums it's recorded on so you can't look back at it in two years and be so profoundly ashamed of yourself.

platinumpt
08-16-2005, 06:01 AM
These wounds, they will not heal :( :( :(
Geezzz can't you act like a normal person more oftenly???

Sin Studly
08-16-2005, 06:10 AM
Am I failing to understand you because you can't speak English, or because you're basically just a fucking retard?

platinumpt
08-16-2005, 07:22 AM
No, I'm not a retard. And you neither... you're just a sick person dude...

Sin Studly
08-16-2005, 07:31 AM
So then you just can't speak English worth shit? Cause, y'know, that's what we assumed about EROS, and look how that turned out.

platinumpt
08-16-2005, 07:34 AM
My comment was about that image that was removed (I've only noticed it now)... and yeah, you're 100% right, I'm no good english speaker... but I know the meaning of the "sick" word. And you're sick. Get some treatment, 'cause you really seem like a disturbed person... I'm being serious about this. :(

Sin Studly
08-16-2005, 07:39 AM
Who's sicker, somebody who posts a pic of somebodies slashed up arm to ridicule the pathetic angst-ridden poetry of a moronic Original Angster tryin to make they bones in the uncaring world of goth, or the aforementioned Angster who made the crybaby pathetic poem in the first place?

Holy fuck, I love that term.

All y'all angsters can't bounce wit us
Cause all y'all angsters ain't cryin
We listen to Manson an slit our wrists
And in the burbs of PapTown we be dyin

Sinister
08-16-2005, 07:40 AM
And you're sick. Get some treatment, 'cause you really seem like a disturbed person...

definitely.

platinumpt
08-16-2005, 07:48 AM
Who's sicker, somebody who posts a pic of somebodies slashed up arm to ridicule the pathetic angst-ridden poetry of a moronic Original Angster tryin to make they bones in the uncaring world of goth, or the aforementioned Angster who made the crybaby pathetic poem in the first place?

Holy fuck, I love that term.

All y'all angsters can't bounce wit us
Cause all y'all angsters ain't cryin
We listen to Manson an slit our wrists
And in the burbs of PapTown we be dyin
Look, I'm serious about this, I really think some of your posts are brilliant, you are an intelligent person, I'm sure about that; but why posting those sick pictures dude? There's no need to do that, I mean, I'm not shocked by regular porn and stuff, but those things you post... man, you can really astonish me... and in a thread like this? What's wrong with her poem? She just shared it with us, if you didn't like it, why not replying with something else rather than with those images... you can express your disapproval by another means... but that's just my opinion... I hope you understand my english this time :o

Sinister
08-16-2005, 07:51 AM
Look, I'm serious about this, I really think some of your posts are brilliant, you are an intelligent person, I'm sure about that; but why posting those sick pictures dude? There's no need to do that, I mean, I'm not shocked by regular porn and stuff, but those things you post... man, you can really astonish me... and in a thread like this? What's wrong with her poem? She just shared it with us, if you didn't like it, why not replying with something else rather than with those images... you can express your disapproval by another means... but that's just my opinion... I hope you understand my english this time :o

you don't have to be nice to him dude.

JoY
08-16-2005, 03:01 PM
I read half of it & absolutely hated it.

China Boy
08-16-2005, 03:07 PM
I'd hate any poem.

Conspiracy of One
08-16-2005, 03:09 PM
I read half of it & absolutely hated it.
yes, as did I.

killer_queen
08-16-2005, 03:11 PM
Look, I'm serious about this, I really think some of your posts are brilliant, you are an intelligent person, I'm sure about that; but why posting those sick pictures dude? There's no need to do that, I mean, I'm not shocked by regular porn and stuff, but those things you post... man, you can really astonish me... and in a thread like this? What's wrong with her poem? She just shared it with us, if you didn't like it, why not replying with something else rather than with those images... you can express your disapproval by another means... but that's just my opinion... I hope you understand my english this time :o
It's so sweet of you to write this. I'm sure he'll change his mind after reading this.

JoY
08-16-2005, 03:44 PM
I'd hate any poem.
how narrow-minded of you.

platinumpt
08-16-2005, 04:23 PM
It's so sweet of you to write this. I'm sure he'll change his mind after reading this.
Oh gee thanks. So sweet of you to confort me.

China Boy
08-16-2005, 05:10 PM
how narrow-minded of you.
I am a pretty narrow-minded person you know.

ThrashedThrasher
08-16-2005, 06:34 PM
:D My Beautiful Poems :D


~~~~~LIES~~~~~

As I stared into your eyes
I fell in love with all your lies
Why couldn't it have been true?
Why couldn't it have been just us two?
You said you loved me, I thought I was right
Now I see clearer every night
I'm not really the one that you wanted
In my dreams your face has always haunted
I just can't get you out of my head
I've tried everything and with one shot I'm dead...


~~~~~SLIPPIN'~~~~~

Here I go back to being the outcast
I thought that shit was in my past
Getting depressed my thoughts go to suicide
Anger rushes in, all I want is homicide
So fuck all the kids that think they're better
'Cause I'm gonna keep chokin' them til
They turn a little redder.
I just want to see those fuckers die
I'm going to kill each one whenever they pass by
I can't take it anymore this anymore, It's gone on too long
I wish I knew what the fuck I did wrong
Well I'm hated by everyone, Only a couple things left to do
I'm going to hate all of you fuckers back
And blow my fuckin' head off too!


Those aren't actually mine (well the first one I wrote with a friend, the second one is all his), but anyways back onto the topic. Telekinesis, that's a very simple poem and it could've been worked on (try expanding your vocabulary.)If I had turned something like that into my teacher I'd most likely get a F for it, but I'm in honors 9 English.

Conspiracy of One
08-16-2005, 06:37 PM
Hell im postin my ghetto Rap.......(I did this in 5 minutes the other day when i was bored)


Get away stay away
cuz i dont wanna be da ho, cuz you da ho
yea cuz you da ho


You say im a mo fo, yea but whatta you know
you aint got nothin dere bitch
That's why you don't get no stares, bitch

You look like shit
and ya smell even worse
I'd hate to be tha doctor while you givin birth!

You kno yo mamma's a crack whore
now you couldn't get any more poor
you live on da west side
all these laws that you dont abide

you gonna get shot down
then ill be laughin my ass like a clown
while you bleedin in da streets
and you got all these creeps....

Takin yo money while you dyin'
you'r baby's home cryin'
while you buyin crack
Next time you see yo pimp you gonna get smaked

dont look at me like dat
witcho fucked up eyes
you all slobby and fat
bitch you gonna die
and dat's dat!

kickass0987654321
08-16-2005, 06:47 PM
Nice poem telekinisis or however you spell it. Good job.

platinumpt
08-16-2005, 06:49 PM
HAHA those are some fine lyrics guys... both of you... I liked them a lot. Dexter Holland, my good friend, you're finished :rolleyes:

Conspiracy of One
08-16-2005, 06:50 PM
HAHA those are some fine lyrics guys... both of you... I liked them a lot. Dexter Holland, my good friend, you're finished :rolleyes:

You know mine was the best though. Was it not? :D

platinumpt
08-16-2005, 06:53 PM
You know mine was the best though. Was it not? :D
Yeah, all that ghetto language surely hits the spot :cool:

Conspiracy of One
08-16-2005, 06:54 PM
Yeah, all that ghetto language surely hits the spot :cool:
lol good i served my purpose then today.

coke_a_holic
08-16-2005, 06:55 PM
I think that the poem is rather agnst-ridden, but it's not the worst of the type. You just need to get through your troubles before releasing any art. You will wonder what the fuck was wrong with you in a few years, take my word for it.

kickass0987654321
08-16-2005, 06:55 PM
lol good i served my purpose then today.
Good for you. :D

Jebus
08-16-2005, 07:08 PM
Kickass, you posted about 300 times yesterday. Calm down...

kickass0987654321
08-16-2005, 07:10 PM
Kickass, you posted around 300 times yesterday. Calm down...
Why ?

eye_pennies
08-16-2005, 07:36 PM
You'll all look back on yourselves in a few years and blush with embarassment.

The original poem was bad, but Thrasher's took the biscuit.

9 Honours in English? Thats hard to comprehend, Miss Biff.

coke_a_holic
08-16-2005, 07:43 PM
Hi, this is a poem I wrote for English and I already got the mark (my teacher loved it) but I still wanted some feed-back from you guys, I already posted it in another thread but it was unrelated so I thought I would make a thread here about it! note that this poem is not about me I wrote it from the point of veiw of the character in the book we had to read "Chinese Cinderella"
Way to let THIS be seen by everyone.

ThrashedThrasher
08-16-2005, 08:28 PM
You'll all look back on yourselves in a few years and blush with embarassment.

The original poem was bad, but Thrasher's took the biscuit.

9 Honours in English? Thats hard to comprehend, Miss Biff.


I already said that they WEREN'T mine you dumbfuck. And to correct you, it's not 9 honors in English. I'm in 9th grade, I'm in an Honors English class, therefore I'm in 9th grade honors English.

Sunny
08-16-2005, 08:30 PM
damn you people, i think i might've broken a rib.

ThrashedThrasher
08-16-2005, 08:35 PM
Here's something that IS mine :

All the prejudices that keep us from
Healing the world
All the grudges that slay friendship
And make time twirled
Tear down the differences we let
Complicate communication
Help de-throne all the tyrants of
Brutal dictation
Stand up and be held to account
For ignorance and short-sightedness
Users and abusers will be proved
Usesless and pointless
The new wave has to rise because
We're being suffocated and drowned
Waiting for something to unite everyone
With a love so profound
No one will be denying the truth
And the plyaing field will be fair
So choose your way carefully and
Tempt karma if you dare...


And I wrote this one for the guy that wrote the previous 2 I posted :

That look in your eyes that says
You can't say how you feel
Trying to ignore and not come to
Terms with what's real
Anyone can see and especially
Me as I look at your face
You're crying out for someone to
Take you out of this awful place
If only we could find the time
To help eachother over the mountain
To bask in the sun of glory and
Listen to the spring fountain
It kills me to hear that tone in
Your voice that says I don't care
Whenever you're ready, I'm here
To work out why it's not fair...

Conspiracy of One
08-16-2005, 08:37 PM
Poetry sucks.....Im using that as a prime example^. I would'nt be one bit surprised if a teacher found that in a google search, and brought that into class holding it up saying.. "Ok, this is what you shouldnt do."

TheUnholyNightbringer
08-16-2005, 08:41 PM
Poetry does not suck. Poetry is a fantastic, amazing thing that can allow you to show emotions that you couldn't show in any other art form. No two poems are the same and every single one has it's own merits. What I would consider the "great" poems are works of utter genius.

Only problem is, teen slashers like to adopt it.

kickass0987654321
08-16-2005, 08:43 PM
Only problem is, teen slashers like to adopt it.
What is a teen slasher?

TheUnholyNightbringer
08-16-2005, 08:43 PM
Teens who slash. Keep up.

coke_a_holic
08-16-2005, 08:44 PM
kickass: Teenagers who are depressed so they cut themselves.

EDIT: "depressed"

Conspiracy of One
08-16-2005, 08:44 PM
Only problem is, teen slashers like to adopt it.
Thats why i dont like it.....goddamned moody teens.

kickass0987654321
08-16-2005, 08:45 PM
kickass: Teenagers who are depressed so they cut themselves.

EDIT: "depressed"
Oh, okay. Those people are idiots.

TheUnholyNightbringer
08-16-2005, 08:46 PM
Thats why i dont like it.....goddamned moody teens.

Edgar Allen Poe was not a moody teen. Alfred Lord Tennyson was not a moody teen. Rudyard Kipling was not a moody teen.

Conspiracy of One
08-16-2005, 08:48 PM
Edgar Allen Poe was not a moody teen. Alfred Lord Tennyson was not a moody teen. Rudyard Kipling was not a moody teen.
That i know dave. Im speaking about modern poets. The majority of them are slashers right.........OKay fine so im wrong!

ThrashedThrasher
08-16-2005, 08:48 PM
Edgar Allen Poe was not a moody teen. Alfred Lord Tennyson was not a moody teen. Rudyard Kipling was not a moody teen.

I was late, Ignore this .

kickass0987654321
08-16-2005, 08:51 PM
Edgar Allen Poe was not a moody teen. Alfred Lord Tennyson was not a moody teen. Rudyard Kipling was not a moody teen.
What about that dude Robert Frost?

TheUnholyNightbringer
08-16-2005, 08:52 PM
That i know dave. Im speaking about modern poets. The majority of them are slashers right.........OKay fine so im wrong!

The majority of modern poets are not slashers, no. Just the majority of amateur teen poets, and even then, not all by any means.

"Be that our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting--
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul has spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!--quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadows on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted--nevermore!

Conspiracy of One
08-16-2005, 08:54 PM
The majority of modern poets are not slashers, no. Just the majority of amateur teen poets, and even then, not all by any means.

"Be that our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting--
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul has spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!--quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadows on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted--nevermore!

^See now thats good. I actually enjoy that type of poetry. Just the poems these kids right in school. It's fucking depressing.

HisHolinessSatan
08-16-2005, 08:55 PM
That i know dave. Im speaking about modern poets. The majority of them are slashers right.........OKay fine so im wrong!

Yeah really, I'm no poetry expert, but just because a poet writes emotional poetry doesnt mean he/she is a slasher, it just means he/she is a person who likes to express their feelings through poetry. In fact, chances are kinda low a poet is a slasher, because the poet has an alternate and healthier form of expression.

coke_a_holic
08-16-2005, 08:55 PM
You forgot the greatest poet of all: Dr. Suess.

TheUnholyNightbringer
08-16-2005, 08:55 PM
Rudyard Kipling (or was it Robert Browning? I think it was) once wrote a poem called The Laboratory about a women who wanted to poison a load of people. It ruled.

ThrashedThrasher
08-16-2005, 09:03 PM
Rudyard Kipling (or was it Robert Browning? I think it was) once wrote a poem called The Laboratory about a women who wanted to poison a load of people. It ruled.

Twas Browning, and I agree, it ruled.

Telekinesis
08-17-2005, 12:07 AM
Thank you everyone who liked it but all the other people need to get one thing straight, THE POEM ISN'T ABOUT ME! I had to write it from the point of veiw of a character from a book, I even mentioned it before the poem. I got an A+ for that, 10/10, so I don't care waht you think coz my teacher, another teacher and pretty much my whole class of 29 students loved it. Mine was the only poem read out coz my teacher loved it THAT much. Again thank you everyone who had something nice to say about it.

Sin Studly
08-17-2005, 12:16 AM
Dave, get that Poe out of this damn thread. Can't you see this thread is a talent-free zone?