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View Full Version : Flying Spaghetti Monsterism: An open letter to the Kansas School Board



nieh
08-29-2005, 07:27 PM
I'm sure a few of you have seen this already, but in recent history, the Kansas School Board voted to make it manditory for science teachers to not just teach the theory of evolution by natural selection, but to give equal time to the theory of "intelligent design", which essentially states that evolution did happen, but it happened because some intelligent power intentionally planned and created each and every tiny little step in the process. Intelligent Design is (obviously) based around religious beliefs and doesn't belong in public school. Anyway, someone decided to send the school board a letter explaining why he agrees with this new teaching requirement and why he thinks Flying Spaghetti Monsterism should be added to the agenda. The letter will explain the rest for itself.

OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that Iím writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. Iím sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people donít understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

Iím sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we donít.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

http://www.venganza.org/piratesarecool4.jpg

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

http://www.venganza.org/him2.jpg

http://www.venganza.org/

TheUnholyNightbringer
08-29-2005, 07:31 PM
Hahaha, that was just too awesome.

coke_a_holic
08-29-2005, 07:38 PM
Oh. My. God. That might be the funniest thing I've ever read. What's your source? I need to send that to about everyone with an attention span larger than that of a rat on my buddy list. Now.

barangatang
08-29-2005, 07:40 PM
Oh. My. God. That might be the funniest thing I've ever read. What's your source? I need to send that to about everyone with an attention span larger than that of a rat on my buddy list. Now.


http://www.venganza.org/

TheHulaChick
08-29-2005, 07:48 PM
Hahaha that was great, it seriously made me laugh out loud.

Rancid_Guyxxx
08-29-2005, 08:27 PM
All I can say is, that's fucking funny.

Little_Miss_1565
08-29-2005, 09:38 PM
Dudes I have seen the light and I am converting to Flying Spaghetti Monsterism like rightnow. PIRATES!!!

Endymion
08-29-2005, 10:20 PM
i'm going to have to bring this up at the next SPS meeting.

0r4ng3
08-29-2005, 10:24 PM
Dudes I have seen the light and I am converting to Flying Spaghetti Monsterism like rightnow. PIRATES!!!I finally read the entire letter and all I have to say is: Oh my Flying Spaghetti Monster (OMFSM).

barangatang
08-29-2005, 10:28 PM
lol !

you have a very disturbing avatar.

Homer
08-29-2005, 10:43 PM
Shit, I should bring this up in school this year, and the bad thing is, they'll buy it.

nieh
08-30-2005, 04:58 AM
http://www.venganza.org/images/noodledoodlewall.jpg

I love this picture...I want to buy a shirt with it now.

wheelchairman
08-30-2005, 06:41 AM
omg, this is so golden. Modern History, here it comes!

Sk8nstu_01
08-30-2005, 06:52 AM
hahahahaha, that was funny
LoL