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Total_immortal
09-11-2005, 02:19 PM
Anyone Has the Episode of "CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH" where offspring fight with metallica???????
if someone does, please,please,please post it!!!!!!!

offspring_freak_3
09-11-2005, 02:27 PM
Anyone Has the Episode of "CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH" where offspring fight with metallica???????
if someone does, please,please,please post it!!!!!!!
offspring VS metallica on celebrity deathmatch?! :eek: that i want to see. who won?

offspring_freak_3
09-11-2005, 02:35 PM
are you shure that was metallica VS the offspring? :confused: i only find metallica VS limp bizkit

Total_immortal
09-11-2005, 02:36 PM
offspring VS metallica on celebrity deathmatch?! :eek: that i want to see. who won?

ron welty, dexter and noodles died... chris higgins, guy cohen and greg survived, but only greg fought, and all the guys from metallica died, (also its ex-bassist wich came from the death to kill noodles...)

it's awesome to see greg k freak out...

i want to have that episode!!!!

I don't know
09-11-2005, 02:38 PM
so .... did offspring win?

Total_immortal
09-11-2005, 02:40 PM
so .... did offspring win?

yep... greg survived... so they won .... ah, i forgot to say, it was in the co1 times but dexter had long hair again (with grenades on it)...

RonWelty
09-11-2005, 02:42 PM
yep... greg survived... so they won .... ah, i forgot to say, it was in the co1 times but dexter had long hair again (with grenades on it)...
I WANT THAT SHIT "

I don't know
09-11-2005, 02:43 PM
I wanna watch to it

Total_immortal
09-11-2005, 02:45 PM
yeah, me to... that's why i did this post :p

Jarrex
09-11-2005, 02:46 PM
It deffinitly doesn't exist, i checked the MTV Celebrity Deathmatch archive, its not there Metallica only fought Limp Bizkit

Total_immortal
09-11-2005, 02:51 PM
It deffinitly doesn't exist, i checked the MTV Celebrity Deathmatch archive, its not there Metallica only fought Limp Bizkit

it's in www.offspring.com.ar (not the video, it's just metioned there)


Celebrity Deathmatch
The Offspring Vs. Metallica

Por: 'Outsider', Carsy, 'Beheaded Elder' y la ayuda de 'Man from Theran'.

(Introducción de Nick Diamond y Johnny Gómez)
Recientemente la música ha tenido un fácil acceso gracias a la Internet, y el sitio que hace que esto posible se llama Napster, y permite que las personas bajen MP3 logrando de esta forma bajar todas las canciones que deseen. Desde que los artistas no hacen dinero con este negocio algunos grupos como Metallica han declarado fuertes objeciones. En el otro bando están los grupos como The Offspring quienes opinan que Napster ayuda a las bandas a expandir su música hacia una mayor cantidad de personas. Este conflicto ha estado en circulación desde ya hace un tiempo, y esta noche esos dos grupos lucharan hasta la muerte para demostrar si: Napster es bueno, o Napster es malo.

it's in spanish, let me explain a bit what it says, it says that offspring and metallica are fighting because metallica is losing money with napster but offspring thinks that napster helps the bands to expand its music... and blah blah blah...

Jarrex
09-11-2005, 02:52 PM
so is it for spanish tv only, also? Cause shouldnt it be posted on this site or something?

Total_immortal
09-11-2005, 02:55 PM
so is it for spanish tv only, also? Cause shouldnt it be posted on this site or something?

it's not for spanish tv... celebrity deadthmatch isn't a spanish show... and i don't think they could do a special episode only for spanish tv ....

offspring_freak_3
09-11-2005, 02:55 PM
It deffinitly doesn't exist, i checked the MTV Celebrity Deathmatch archive, its not there Metallica only fought Limp Bizkit
yeah that's what i said before. i can't find anything just metallica VS limp bizkit

Total_immortal
09-11-2005, 02:57 PM
yeah that's what i said before. i can't find anything just metallica VS limp bizkit

shit... i need to see it.... :(

Total_immortal
09-11-2005, 03:06 PM
yeah... i'm searching and i only find metallica vs. limp bizkit, but why would the web make up a whole celebrity deathmatch episode :confused:

Turbonegro
09-11-2005, 03:08 PM
shit... i need to see it.... :(
That's too bad, because it doesn't exist.
And besides, if you know exactly what happened in it, then you've probably already seen it.

fockuman05
09-11-2005, 03:09 PM
i cant find it i would like to see that episode to if it exists

Total_immortal
09-11-2005, 03:13 PM
That's too bad, because it doesn't exist.
And besides, if you know exactly what happened in it, then you've probably already seen it.

i know what happened because i read the whole description of the episode on this web: http://www.offspring.com.ar/escrito_1.htm
(it's in spanish)

Spork
09-11-2005, 03:17 PM
There is no reason why it would be Metallica VS Offspring,the two bands don't have a connection, unlike Metallica VS Limp Bizkit.

Total_immortal
09-11-2005, 03:19 PM
There is no reason why it would be Metallica VS Offspring,the two bands don't have a connection, unlike Metallica VS Limp Bizkit.

yes, i told you why, because of the NAPSTER stuff and shit... look at my previous posts

Spork
09-11-2005, 03:20 PM
yes, i told you why, because of the NAPSTER stuff and shit... look at my previous posts


I did, the connection is bigger between Limp Bizkit and Metallica, obviously. I seriously doubt MTV would do another episode with them on fighting over the same issue.

Tijs
09-11-2005, 03:23 PM
There is no reason why it would be Metallica VS Offspring,the two bands don't have a connection, unlike Metallica VS Limp Bizkit.

I have Backstreet Boys VS Beastie Boys.
They don't have any connection either, besides the 'Boys' in the names.

Turbonegro
09-11-2005, 03:24 PM
Don't trust everything you read, especially on the internet, because most of it's all made up.

Spork
09-11-2005, 03:25 PM
I have Backstreet Boys VS Beastie Boys.
They don't have any connection either, besides the 'Boys' in the names.


True, but I was comparing the two on which was bigger.

Total_immortal
09-11-2005, 03:30 PM
Don't trust everything you read, especially on the internet, because most of it's all made up.

it sounded real to me.... and i just wanted to know if someone had it... :(

Total_immortal
09-11-2005, 03:35 PM
it's traduced by google, where it says "Rum" it should say "Ron"
READ THIS: "vos" means "you"
Celebrity Deathmatch
The Offspring Versus Metallica

By: ' Outsider', Carsy, ' Beheaded Elder' and the aid of ' Man from Theran'.

(Introduction of Nick Diamond and Johnny Go'mez)
Recently music has had a easy access thanks to the Internet, and the site that does that this possible one is called Napster, and allows that the people lower MP3 obtaining of this form to lower all the songs that wish. Ever since the artists do not make money with this business some groups since Metallica has declared strong objections. In the other side they are the groups like The Offspring that think that Napster helps the bands to expand its music towards a greater amount of people. This conflict has been having been in circulation from already for a time, and tonight those two groups fought until the death to demonstrate if: Napster is good, or Napster is bad.

Now, we go behind the scene and entrevistemos to our fighters:
- Interview to The Offspring: The boys are seated in chairs drinking beer and of course, smoking. Noodles takes 4 empty tins and goes by 5ta. Dexter Holland has drained 2 tins and goes by 3ra, Rum Welty has drained 3 and goes by 4ta and Greg K, goes so single by first.
Interviewer speaking with Dexter: "So, as you with respect to this fight feel" Dexter: "Oh, will be amused. Vos you know, officially we we are doing this by Napster, but really we want to kick some buttocks "-
Noodles and Ron festejan and make some noises.
Noodles finished his 5ta beer and squashes the tin against its head. Rum is ed ***reflx mng. Noodles says to him to Greg: "Hey Greg, you could obtain another beer to me"
Greg: "No. Curse, 5 already are sufficient. Vos querés not to leave to fight drunk, or if?
Noodles: "Clear That if! We go friend, consígueme another beer "
Greg sighs but it does not rise.
Noodles: "Perfect, it does what you want. Hey Guy! Consígueme a beer "
Guy Cohen, the boy "Pretty Fly" and has been waiting for the moment for doing something by the group while it watched the interview kindly. When Noodles calls it, it says "If Sir" and it is run.
The interviewer speaks again with Dexter: "I have noticed that you have changed look of your hair. Some reason is special "
(Dexter this dress with wide blue trousers, a rower of Napster and her jacket of leopard. Its hair this like was it at the time of the Smash: with long blond braids and adornments silverplated in the ends). Dexter: "If, I obtained that they put to me you apply..."
Interviewer: "ok... small you anticipate some complication to gain this fight"
Dexter: "No, this does not paint to be difficult. In fact we are average drunkards but I am sure that we can end those types."
Greg interrupts saying: "Humm... Dexter, I believe that Noodles not this average drunkard... I believe that this drunkard absolutely "
Dexter: "Oooh callate Greg! Vos you are going to us to ruin "
To that height Noodles and Ron they are embraced and they begin to sing "a mountain of spageeeeettiiii, all cover of queeeeeesoooo!!!". Dexter festeja. Resigned Greg gives a return with its eyes while Noodles and Ron fall to the floor.
Interviewer: "Eeeeh... we return with you Nick and Johnny"

Interview to Metallica: The interviewer enter to be to all those of the band seated in slept and completely drunk chairs, means.
The interview begins: "So, you think that..."
The interviewer stops and takes a step backwards since one of the members of the band falls to the right floor to the height of its feet.
The interview continues: "So, you think that it will be easy to win tonight"
Lars Urlich is seated next to James Hetfield and both they are thrown in its chairs. Lars murmurs: "Stupid Napster... we will obtain dddd... money..." Eructa, and the beer that it had in his hand falls to the floor.
Interviewer: "... they saw there Well... we return with small you "
The continuous Interviewer its way leaving to the drunkards and somnolientos thrown members of Metallica in the floor.

Pre-Pelea-
- the bands are introduced and appear in screen.
Jhonny Gomez: "In the blue corner, defending to Napster: The Offspring "
The Offspring appears and they approach Ring. Pretty Fly (for to White guy) this sounding.
Dexter: "Oh brother, this ruined everything! Guy! It sees and deals that change music "
Guy Choen: "If Sir"
Guy leaves running and seconds but late and Play Eats out is listened to in the loudspeakers of the dome.
Rum Welty thinks: "Good boy. I ask myself as we could be all this time without."
The Offspring continues walking towards the scene.
Johnny Gomez: "and in the red corner, opposition to Napster: Metallica "
The members of Metallica move slowly in the direction of Ring, dragging behind to one of their members that have gone of glasses. This being listened to Enter Sadman. All of them are with the difficult breathing and eructando, still they follow very drunk. Lars encounters when trying to rise Ring and appears The Offspring.
Lars stammers: "We go! You fag punks "
Then Lars in mocking tone sings "Hey hey hey Come out and Play" Soon a histérico attack comes to him from laughter and finally it falls to the floor (it rises just when Mills Lane enters Ring).

The two bands already are in Ring and Mills Lane says its classic verse "Okey, Offspring, Metallica, which devils is of you, I want a clean fight. Some question "
Greg says: "If, I have a question. That it happens if we killed somebody and vos you say that not this allowed "
Mills stops, thinks by seconds rascando itself the bare one and suddenly it says:: "you do not bother boy to me! Now, they begin to fight "
Soon of the shout of Mills Lane Greg it is surprised and it is possible to be noticed in its face. Dexter, Noodles and Ron begin to reir themselves of him until Greg shouts "Cállense" what it caused but laughter as well.

The fight begins: First Jason Newstand approaches Dexter doing to him a right Oreck XL in the arm.
Jasón: "Oh, I can see that tenés your braids of girl again, so that they serve to you in any case"
Dexter: "FOR THIS"
Dexter shakes to its head using its braids like whips. The "silver-plated adornments" in fact are small explosive grenades and these when exploding destroy the face to him to Jason. The blood is open on the jacket of leopard of Dexter.
Dexter watches the body in the floor, soon its clothes and says "Devils! Blood scattered by all my clothes! (bloddy mess all to over my clothes) I knew that I must not have brought this jacket "
Nick Diamond comments: "Wow! It seems that their braids nonsingle are in fashion but that also they are enough you practice "
Johnny Gomez: "It must be why they call" Dexter ", Nick."
Dexter takes off its jacket and the strip towards outside Ring. After that Rum one approaches Lars Urlich and it removes back from his pocket of a pair of battery small sticks. Lars is ed ***reflx mng of Rum and says: perhaps "Oh, really I am scared, are small sticks assassins! Ja ja ja "
When saying this Rum runs in the direction of Lars and it nails the small sticks to him in the ear, and with force, it sinks them until his head. Lars falls to the floor. Rum answers to him: "Exact"
Meanwhile Guy Choen this unemployed in a part of Ring watching the fight and hoping to give attendance if Offspring needs it. (When Rum kills Lars Guy shouts "Woo! We go Rum! Woo-hoo")
Returning to the fight: After which Rum kills Lars, he stops to admire his work by few seconds. Soon Kirk Hamet that this behind Rum shouts: "Hey mugroso drummer"
Rum occurs return and Kirk removes a few CD's.
Kirk: "Here something goes that Napster cannot do"
Kirk throws the CD's to him to Rum, this outcry and is sliced in small pieces. Dexter watches the rest of Rum and says angered "perfect Oh! Now we will have to obtain another drummer "
Greg runs towards Kirk and it shouts to him; "You will pay by this"
Kirk: "Oh, enserio? I do not see that you have no weapon. That you are going to do, to beat to me with your cap of baseball! Ja ja ja " (Of course Greg had position a cap of baseball)
Greg: "No, I will make something better than pegarte with that".
Greg abruptly takes hold its wood of golf and walks in direction towards Kirk. It beats to him with his wood in the head dividing it to it in 2 parts. Kirk falls to the floor. Greg is stopped on Kirk and continues beating to him with the golf wood and continues doing it descontroladamente until Dexter takes it from the shoulder and it says to him: "Greg... GREG! Cálmate! It seems to me that this dead already... "
Meanwhile, Noodles has been fighting with James Hetfield. And the James tries to strike itself mutually but the 2 are too drunk since to do it it is why just they appear to this height of the fight. Finally Noodles obtains what wanted and strikes James until this it falls to the floor. After this Noodles it walks up to one of the corners and one climbs to the post. James tries to escape but Dexter goes towards and it holds it so that it does not escape.
Dexter: "Oh no, your nonwraths nowhere, friend! We go Noodles! It advanced "
Noodle this now stopped in the post and says "to Hey brother always I wanted to do this. Woo- Hoo! NAPSTER! YEAH "
Noodles is prepared to jump when suddenly it loses the balance, says "excrement! And it falls of backs to the floor outside Ring. Their lenses have left to him. By seconds feels saying "Can somebody help me? I cannot see a damn thing ". Finally Oh decides "! That devils! Still I can see a little " One rises and it begins to walk in the direction of Ring while Ups says "! Pardon... permission."finally runs into with Ring and it rises. Hardly one rises begins to feel around to his trying to be located when suddenly it finds the flame thrower that had taken with himself to use it like weapon.

Total_immortal
09-11-2005, 03:38 PM
here's the other part....
Noodles: "Aaah! Here I go " Noodles takes the lance flames, it test aiming at the air and immediately it is arranged to look for James. Meanwhile Dexter and James continue fighting and the throats are being taken hold mutually. Suddenly Noodles descries them and shouts "DIES DAMN!!!". He pledges the flame thrower when he has to James in the sight, but at the same time that Noodles shoots the Dexter flame thrower strikes James doing to fly it. James was saved nearly of the fire but the flames they reached completely to Dexter burning it quickly. Dexter shouts and soon it explodes! Nick Diamond: "crazy Hey, llamame, Johnny. But I do not believe that a flame thrower can make such damage." Johnny Gomes: "No, it cannot, Nick. But good looking I who Dexter took with himself some of its famous grenades of hand "Nick Diamond: "If, that must explain it everything." Returning to the fight, when seeing the happened Greg shouts "stupid Noodles! Him you gave to Dexter!!!!" Noodles shines worried and says: "Hey man! I lost my lenses! Not even I could see it " Greg: "OK, definitively we must find your lenses before you make any other thing" Greg walks towards the end of Ring in where it assumes that Guy Choen must be and shouts: "Hey, Guy! It sees look for the lenses of Noodles! Guy? Guy! Where excrement you put Guy?!?!" Seated Guy this in the other end of Ring surrounded by adolescent girls who do not let coquetear with and say things like "Oh! He is so fly ". Guy suddenly occurs return and says "Huh? That llamo? was eso?... Somebody me... ah does not matter! Chicassss in which we were " Finally Chris Higgins, that been has seated observing the fight finds the lenses and it is reached them to Greg. Higgins: "Here they are the lenses, Greg" Greg: "Thanks man" Greg reaches the lenses to Noodles and the continuous fight to him. After the explosion James he was in favor unconscious of a time and it recovers the conscience at the moment at which Noodles obtains its lenses. Now James rises and this ready one to fight against Noodles and Greg. James: "OK, I am very of this excrement. We are going to see if vos you prune to stop this with a golf wood " James throws to the boys with a few of those famous stars ninja to them of Metallica. The majority is lost and they give people in I publish but one of them gives him to Greg in the shoulder. Greg shouts and cries of the pain, and soon same the acquittal of the arm. Greg: "OK Noodles. Muéstrale which you have " Noodles moves in the direction of Mills Lane and takes its microphone. Noodles: "Hey man, I can take this lent? Thanks " Mills: "Devuélveme that" Noodles goes towards where this James and him enrosca the cable of the microphone around the neck strangling it and soon inserts the microphone to him within the mouth. Mills: "That not this allowed" Greg says: "Hum... I believe that that conversation to my question" Mills calms and reproaches to Noodles and Greg, but Noodles interrupts it: "THAT DEVILS IS THAT?!!!" A great gray dust cloud appears in the corner of Ring. Johnny Gomez exclaims: "He is that what I believe that is" The cloud enlarges and comes off some rays electricity becoming a species of vestibule and a person leaves him. Jhonny says: "Oh my God! Yes it is the one who I believe that she is! It is Cliff Burton, the old bear of Metallica that died years in an accident back, and ah returned from but alla '! Cliff puts the weight to him to Noodles and it takes hold it of the neck. Cliff: "Punky these going to you to carajo" Click murmurs a pair of words while Noodles shouts and patalea. Suddenly Cliff walks towards the vestibule maintaining to Noodles of the neck and it throws it in this doing to disappear it. Nick Diamond: "Oh my God Johnny! Cliff took to Noodles to the other world " Cliff turns around in the direction of Greg and says: "Vos sos the next one" Greg is put nervous and murmured: "That hacer..que to do." It indicates the flame thrower and it says "No, that not". Soon it does not watch the small sticks of Rum and it says "No, that either". Suddenly the glance of Greg is centered in the vacuum cleaner in the hand of Jason Newstand and exclaims: "That". Just then Cliff reaches to Greg, but the this that already had taken hold vacuum cleaner ignites it and it points it in the direction of Cliff and this it is absorbed by the vacuum cleaner. While this outcry is absorbed: "Nooo not that! Any thing except that! AAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!" After this Greg it throws the vacuum cleaner within the vestibule and this it is closed. Mills Lane approaches Greg raises its arm and exclaims: "the winner is Greg... Kreesel? Krysel... " A little annoying Greg says: "So single it tell me Greg K". Mills: "OK, and the winner is Greg K" Greg smiles while it watches at all I publish festejando. Soon their eyes fall on Guy Choen that continues coqueteando with the girls. Greg goes to where this Guy, this occurs return and it says to him: "Hey Greg! That so it was the fight " Guy watches Ring and sees all the thrown bodies and says: "Oh curse" Greg: "So according to vos with saying" to Oh curse "it is sufficient! Stupid Vos! One assumed that you were here for helping us " Greg this on the verge of striking to Guy but this says to him: "the girls! We go Greg! She thinks about all the girls!!!"- The girls to a that height had left running. We return with Johnny and Nick: Jhonny: "Wow! That was an incredible fight! And Cliff Burton... that encounter " Nick: "It is truth" Jhonny: "Good, we are last of time, until the next week, I am Jhonny Go'mez" Nick: "and I Nick Diamond" Jhonny: "Good fight, good night" Posted 22/07/2000

Drummerguy123
09-11-2005, 04:24 PM
I'd like to see a fight between Green Day and The Offspring. Noodles would kick Billy Joe's ass. :D

Lupin
09-11-2005, 05:20 PM
http://afifanfiction.tripod.com/outsider/offspringvsmetallica.htm

Ok, right the 'CD' episode you're talking about is just a script, that was translated...from english to spanish and then to english again. I dont think its a real episode - not being in the 'CD' archives but the full english script, is in the link above. It'd be fuckin' ace if it was real tho.
________
Ktm 450sx-f (http://www.cyclechaos.com/wiki/KTM_450SX-F)

offspring_freak_3
09-11-2005, 05:27 PM
I'd like to see a fight between Green Day and The Offspring. Noodles would kick Billy Joe's ass. :D

yeah. that would be great

IdiotOfTheDay
09-11-2005, 06:32 PM
http://afifanfiction.tripod.com/outsider/offspringvsmetallica.htm

Ok, right the 'CD' episode you're talking about is just a script, that was translated...from english to spanish and then to english again. I dont think its a real episode - not being in the 'CD' archives but the full english script, is in the link above. It'd be fuckin' ace if it was real tho.
Holy shit, that was fucking hilarious, I couldn't stop laughing...my favorite part is the end when Greg cusses Guy out and kicks his ass.

billiejoe87
09-11-2005, 07:20 PM
I'd like to see a fight between Green Day and The Offspring. Noodles would kick Billy Joe's ass. :D

Ah no. Noodles is a 40 something year old, he'd be old and tired. Billie would kill him. No offence to The Offspring of course.

Also, some may have already established this, but that interview looks made up right from the start.

Amanda
09-11-2005, 07:22 PM
Dammit i missed that one!

barangatang
09-11-2005, 07:23 PM
Ah no. Noodles is a 40 something year old, he'd be old and tired. Billie would kill him. No offence to The Offspring of course.

Also, some may have already established this, but that interview looks made up right from the start.

naw billie would be afriad to loose another testecle.










Dexter, looking over at Ron, says angrily: "Oh, GREAT!!! Now we have to get a new
drummer!!!"


Thats a little to ironic.

brothadave79
09-11-2005, 07:24 PM
Ah no. Noodles is a 40 something year old, he'd be old and tired. Billie would kill him. No offence to The Offspring of course.

Also, some may have already established this, but that interview looks made up right from the start.

Noodles is 42, and Billy Joe is 37, I think, and definitely a punk-ass compared to Mr. Wasserman. Not too much difference in age for an ass kicking.


Edit: Billy Joe is 33. But Noodles would still win. It takes a lot of stamina to do rock shows all summer long.

offspring_freak_3
09-12-2005, 12:23 AM
naw billie would be afriad to loose another testecle.

hahahahaha.lmao. i can't stop laughing. and by the way he don't have one :p

The Darkside Has Cookies
09-12-2005, 12:32 AM
Ive never seen it. The last Celebrity Deathmatch I saw was the NIN vs Red Hot Chilli Peppers

offspring_freak_3
09-12-2005, 12:47 AM
http://afifanfiction.tripod.com/outsider/offspringvsmetallica.htm

Ok, right the 'CD' episode you're talking about is just a script, that was translated...from english to spanish and then to english again. I dont think its a real episode - not being in the 'CD' archives but the full english script, is in the link above. It'd be fuckin' ace if it was real tho.
this is fucking funny. i can't stop laughing.hahaha
the shy people are the worst. poor dexter noodles killed him

thecavedog
09-12-2005, 03:43 AM
I found this on the net. Has to be true. Still need to have the video.

***Celebrity Deathmatch***

The Offspring VS Metallica

Written By: Outsider, Carsy and Beheaded Elder, with help from Man from Tehran

Subject (Nick and Johnny introduce):

Lately, music has become a lot easier to access, thanks to the Internet and a site called
Napster, which allows people to download songs and listen to them for free. Since artists
don’t make any money off of this enterprise, some groups like Metallica have voiced
strong objections to it. On the other hand, there are bands out there like The Offspring
who say that Napster helps groups by getting the music out to more people. This conflict
has been going on for a while, and now tonight these two groups are going to fight to the
death to prove:

Napster good, or Napster bad?

Now, let’s go backstage and interview our fighters.

-Offspring interview: The guys are sitting in chairs and drinking beer, and of course,
they’re smoking. Noodles has four empty cans on the floor by his chair, and is drinking
his fifth. Dexter has two empty cans and is on his third. Ron is on his fourth, and Greg is
only on his first.

Interviewer, talking to Dexter: "So, how do you guys feel about this fight?"

Dexter: "Oh, this is ‘gonna be fun. You know, officially we’re doing this for Napster, but
really we just wanna kick some ass. These guys just happened to volunteer."

-Noodles and Ron in the background cheer and make...manly noises. Noodles finishes his
fifth beer and crushes the can with his head. Ron laughs.

Noodles to Greg: "Hey Greg, can you get me another beer?"

Greg: "Fuck no, man. Five is enough. You don’t ‘wanna go out there blind-drunk, do
you?"

Noodles: "Sure I do. Come on, man! Get me a beer!!!"

Greg sighs, but doesn’t get up.

Noodles: "Fine, man. Be that way. HEY GUY, GET ME A BEER!!!"

Guy Cohen, the "Pretty Fly" guy, has been standing by the group, watching the interview.
When Noodles calls him, he shouts "Yes sir!" and runs off.

Interviewer, talking to Dexter again: "I’ve noticed you changed your hair. Is there any
particular reason for it?"

(Dexter is wearing a pair of jeans, a Napster T-shirt, and his leopard-jacket. His hair is
like it was for Smash: the long braids. They have silver "decorations" on the ends.)

Dexter: "Yeah, I got hair extensions. Actually there is a reason for it, but it’s really
top-secret for the time being. You’ll see in time what it’s for."

Interviewer: "Oh-kay... Do you guys anticipate any trouble winning this fight?"

Dexter: "No, it doesn’t seem like it’ll be too hard. I bet even half-drunk we can take these
guys-"

Greg cuts in: "Uhhh... Dexter, I don’t think Noodles is half-drunk, I think he’s fully
drunk..."

Dexter: "Oh, shut up Greg. You’ll jinx us."

-At this point, Ron and Noodles put their arms on each others’ shoulders and start singing
"ON TOP OF SPAGHEEEEETTIIIIIIII, ALL COVERED WITH
CHEEEEESSSEEE!!!!!". Dexter joins in. Greg rolls his eyes. Ron and Noodles fall over
in the background.

Interviewer: "Umm... Back to you, Johnny and Nick."

-Metallica interview: The Interviewer enters to find all of the band members sitting in
chairs, half-asleep, and completely drunk.

Interviewer starts: "So, do you think..."

S/he stops and steps back as one of the band members falls off the chair at his/her feet.

Interviewer continues: "So, do you think this will be an easy win tonight?"

Lars Ulrich sits in the chair next to James Hetfield, both are slumped in their chairs.

James mumbles: "Stupid Napster... ‘Gonna get ‘em.... mmmmm, money....."
He burps and the beer can he’s holding falls from his grasp. The Interviewer makes a
grossed-out face.

Lars sits fast asleep and begins to snore.

Interviewer: "Oh-kay... There you have it.... Back to you, guys."

Interviewer picks his/her way around the drunk and sleeping Metallica member laying on
the floor.

Pre-fight. The bands are introduced, and come out:

Johnny Gomez: "In the blue corner, defending Napster, The Offspring!!!"

The Offspring come out and approach the ring. Pretty Fly is playing. About halfway to
the ring they stop, with looks of disgust on their faces.

Dexter: "Oh, man! They got this all screwed-up. Guy! Go tell them to change the
music!!!"

Guy: "Yes sir!"

Guy runs off, and in a few seconds Come Out and Play plays.

Ron muses: "Good kid. I wonder how we ever got along without him."

The Offspring continue their approach.

Nick Diamond: "And in the red corner, opposing Napster, Metallica!!!"

The members of Metallica move slowly towards the ring, dragging one of them behind,
who has passed-out. Enter Sandman is playing. They’re all hiccuping and burping, and
still very drunk. Lars stumbles into the ring, and approaches The Offspring.

Lars slurs: "Come on, you punker pansy boys!!!"

Lars then sings, in a mocking tone: "Hey-hey-hey!!! Come out and play!!!", then goes
into a fit of hysterical laughter, and falls backward. He gets up just in time for Mills to
enter the ring.

Once both bands are in the ring, Mills Lane does his thing.

Mills: "Offspring, Metallica (Mills pronounces it "Met-uh-leek-uh" for effect), whatever
the hell you are. I want a good, clean fight!!! Any questions?"

Greg cuts in: "Yeah, I have a question. What happens if we kill someone, and then you
say you don’t allow it?"

Mills stops, ponders for a few moments, then snaps: "DON’T YOU SASS ME, BOY!!!
Now let’s get it on!!!"

After Mills snaps at him, Greg gets a surprised, frightened look on his face. Dexter,
Noodles and Ron all giggle at him, until he gets angry and yells: "SHUT UP!!!", which
only results in more laughter.

The fight begins. First off, Jason Newstand approaches Dexter, holding an Oreck XL
vacuum cleaner in his right arm.

Jason: "Oh, so I see you have your girlie little braids back. What are those for, anyway?"

Dexter approaches him and replies: "THIS!!!". Dexter swings his head around, making
the braids whip around. The silver "decorations" are actually razor blades and other
sharp, pointy objects, which cut off Jason’s head. Blood is splattered all over Dexter’s
leopard-jacket. Dexter looks at the body, then at his clothes.

Dexter: "Yuk. Bloody mess all over my clothes!!! I KNEW I shouldn’t have worn this
jacket!!!"

Nick quips: "Wow! It looks like those braids of his are both fashionable AND
functional!!!"

Johnny: "That must be why they call him ‘Dexter’, Nick."

Nick: "Huh?"

Dexter takes off his jacket and tosses it aside. It should be mentioned here that his braids
are now a pinkish color, and remain so for the rest of the fight.

thecavedog
09-12-2005, 03:44 AM
Next, Ron approaches Lars Ulrich, and grabs a pair of drumsticks out of his back pocket.

Lars laughs at Ron, and says: "Oh, I’m really scared, you have killer drumsticks!!!" He
pretends to be afraid... Then Ron takes a drumstick and jams it into Lars’ ear, and
through his head. Lars falls to the ground.

Ron replies: "Exactly!"

Meanwhile, Guy is standing to one side of the ring, watching the fight. When Ron kills
Lars, he shouts: "Go Ron!!! WOO-HOO!!!"

As Guy stands there, he is approached by several teenage girls wearing Offspring
T-shirts. The girls start fawning over him, giggling and saying things like "Oh, he’s so
fly!!!" and sighing.

Guy: "Well, hellooooooo ladies!!!"

Back to the fight:

After Ron kills Lars, he stands there admiring his work for a second. Then Kirk Hammet,
who is standing behind him, shouts: "HEY, LITTLE DRUMMER BOY!!!!"

Ron turns, and Kirk whips out a bunch of CDs.

Kirk: "Here’s something Napster CAN’T DO!!!"

Kirk throws the CDs at Ron. Ron screams, then gets chopped into a bunch of little pieces.

Dexter, looking over at Ron, says angrily: "Oh, GREAT!!! Now we have to get a new
drummer!!!"

Greg runs up to Kirk, and shouts: "YOU’LL PAY FOR THAT!!!"

Kirk: "Oh, really? I don’t see you holding a weapon. What’re you going to do, beat me
with your hat?" (Of course, Greg is wearing a baseball cap, picked from his private
collection, for good luck.)

Greg: "No, I’ve got something better to beat you with."

Greg grabs a 9-iron that is lying next to him, and goes after Kirk. He whacks Kirk on the
head with it, and it cuts the top part of his head in two. Kirk falls to the ground. Greg
leans over him and starts beating him with the golf club. He keeps it up until Dexter
comes over and grabs him by the shoulder.

Dexter: "Greg, GREG!!! Calm down! I think the guy is dead now."

Meanwhile, Noodles has been fighting with James Hetfield. He and James are trying to
punch each other, but they’re both drunk so they miss half the time. Finally, Noodles gets
James where he wants him and punches him until he falls to the ground. Then Noodles
walks over to one of the corner-pole things (what are those called?), and climbs onto it.
James tries to get up, but Dexter comes up and grabs him and pins him down.

Dexter: "Oh, you’re not going anywhere, pal."

Noodles is now on the pole, and shouts: "Man, I’ve always wanted to do this!!!!" He
screams "WOO-HOO!!! NAPSTER!!!!! YEAH!!!!", and prepares to jump, but about
halfway through he starts to lose his footing. He exclaims "OH SHIT!!!", and falls
backward. His glasses are knocked off. He gropes around for a little bit, saying: "Hey,
can anyone help me? I can’t see a damn thing!", then finally decides: "Oh, fuck it. I can
see a little....". He gets up and starts walking around. He runs into the ring and says
"Oops, sorry man!", then realizes it’s the ring and climbs into it. He gropes around for
awhile in the ring, then finds his flame-thrower.

Noodles: "Ah, here we go!" He turns the flame-thrower on and tests it out, then looks
around for James.

By this time Dexter and James are fighting, and they’re at each others’ throats. They’re
both standing. Noodles sees them, screams: "DIE FUCKER!!!", and fires when James is
in his sight. Just as he fires though, Dexter punches James, and he flies backward. The
flame-thrower barely misses James, and hits Dexter square in the chest. The flames
spread quickly. Dexter screams, then explodes!

Nick: "Hey, call me crazy Johnny, but I didn’t think a flame-thrower could do that much
damage."

Johnny: "It can’t, Nick, but I bet Dexter was carrying some of his trademark Hand
Grenades in his pockets!"

Nick: "Yeah, that would explain it. I think you’re right, Johnny."

Greg shouts: "NOODLES, YOU DUMMASS!!! YOU JUST KILLED DEXTER!!!"

Noodles looks worried, and says: "Oh, man!!! I lost my glasses, I didn’t even see him!!!"

Greg: "Okay, we definitely have to get your glasses back before we do anything else."
Greg walks over to the edge of the ring where Guy is supposed to be.

Greg yells: "Hey, GUY!!! GO GET NOODLES HIS GLASSES!!! CHOP-CHOP!!! GUY?
GUY?!! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, GUY?!!!!"

Guy is over on the other side of the ring, in a chair, surrounded by the teenage girls, who
are still fawning over him and saying the "He’s so fly!!!" stuff.

Guy looks up, says: "What’s that about Noodles? Did I hear someone call my name?....
Never mind.... Please, ladies. Gently!"

Finally, Chris Higgins who has been standing by, watching the fight, gets Noodles’
glasses and hands them to Greg.

Higgins: "Here ‘ya go, man."

Greg: "Thanks, Higgins. Man, when I see Guy I’m going to make mincemeat out of
him!"

Greg gives Noodles his glasses back, and the fight continues.

James was temporarily stunned when Dexter exploded, which gave Greg the chance to
get Noodles’ glasses back. Now he stands up and gets ready to fight Noodles and Greg.

James: "Okay, enough of this shit. Let’s see you stop THESE with a golf club!!!" James
throws a bunch of the famous Metallica ninja-stars at Noodles and Greg. Most of them
miss, but one of them hits Greg in the shoulder. Greg cries out in pain, then rips it out of
his flesh.

Greg: "Okay, Noodles. It’s your turn. Show him what you’ve got!"

Noodles goes over to Mills Lane, and grabs his microphone.

Noodles: "Hey man, can I borrow this? Thanks!!"

Mills: "Hey, give that back!!!!"

Noodles comes around behind James, and gets him around the neck with the microphone
cord. He strangles James, then crams the microphone down his throat.

Mills shouts: "I DON’T ALLOW IT!!! I DON’T ALLOW IT!!!"

Greg ponders: "Hmm... I guess that answers that question."

Mills eventually calms down, and approaches Noodles and Greg.

Mills: "Noodles is disqualified. The winner is Greg-"

Noodles interrupts: "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!!!"

A big, bluish-black cloud appears in the corner of the ring.

Johnny: "Is that what I think it is?!"

The cloud gets bigger, and bolts of electricity shoot from it. It morphs into a kind of
portal, and a glowing person comes out of it.

Johnny: "Oh my god! It IS what I think it is!!! Cliff Burton, the former Metallica bass
player, has returned from beyond the grave!!!"

Cliff approaches Noodles and grabs him by the neck.

Cliff: "YOU’RE GOIN’ DOWN, PUNK!!!"

Cliff mutters a few words, and Noodles is screaming and kicking, and you see this
glowing Noodles come out of his body and get sucked into the portal. Then the body goes
limp.

Nick: "OH MY GOD, JOHNNY!!! CLIFF BURTON HAS SENT NOODLES’ SOUL
INTO THE SPIRIT WORLD!!!"

Cliff turns to Greg, says: "You’re next, twig!" He drops Noodles’ body and goes after
Greg. Greg tenses up, glances around the ring, muttering: "What to use, what to use..."
He glances at the flame-thrower, says: "No, not that." He glances at Ron’s extra
drumstick laying on the floor of the ring, says: "No, not that either!" Greg’s eyes fall on
the vacuum cleaner in Jason Newstand’s hand, and he exclaims: "That’ll do!!!" Just then,
Cliff reaches Greg. Greg barely ducks out of his grasp and makes a dash for the vacuum
cleaner. He turns the vacuum cleaner on, and aims it at Cliff. Cliff gets sucked in.

As he gets sucked in, Cliff screams: "NO, NOT THAT!! PLEASE!!! ANYTHING BUT
THAT!!! THERE ARE DUST BUNNIES IN THERE!!! AAAUUUUGGHHHH!!!!!!"

Greg then throws the vacuum cleaner into the portal, which promptly closes up.

Mills Lane approaches Greg and lifts his arm, says: "And the winner is Greg.... Kreesel?
Krysel?"

Greg, slightly annoyed: "Just call me Greg K."

Mills: "Okay. The winner is Greg K!!!"

Greg smiles and looks around at the crowd. Everyone is cheering. Then his eyes fall on
Guy, who is now fully basking in the affection of hormone-crazed teenage girls. Greg
marches over to Guy, who looks up and says: "Oh, hey Greg!!! How was the fight?" Then
Guy looks over at the ring, and sees all the dead bodies. Guy exclaims: "Oh, crap!", then
Greg lunges at him, yelling: "OH, CRAP IS RIGHT YOU FUCKING DIMWIT!!! YOU
WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING US!!!!"

Greg proceeds to beat Guy up, and Guy is all surprised and stammering: "Greg, come
on!!! Think of the ladies!!!" The ladies, of course, have all run away screaming.

Back to Nick and Johnny:

Johnny: "Wow, that was an incredible fight! And Cliff Burton... What an encore!!!"

Nick: "You bet! Not only that, but I think I see a modeling contract in Guy Cohen’s
future!"

Johnny: "Not when Greg K. is through with him, Nick."

Nick: "Oh... Right."

Johnny: "Well, we’re out of time, so until next week, I’m Johnny Gomez!"

Nick: "And I’m Nick Diamond!"

Nick and Johnny: "Good fight, good night!"

The credits roll, but in the background you can still hear Greg beating up and cussing at
Guy.

offspring fan
09-12-2005, 04:32 AM
naw billie would be afriad to loose another testecle.












Thats a little to ironic.hahahahahaha. billie lost a testecle?

offspring_freak_3
09-12-2005, 12:37 PM
hahahahahaha. billie lost a testecle?
he don't have one :p

Fat Boy Samsam
09-12-2005, 12:49 PM
Here is the link to the URL for offspring v metallica celebrity death match:

www.mtv-archive.com/cdm/offspring-metallica.htm


Enjoy!!!

offspring fan
09-12-2005, 01:32 PM
he don't have one :p
hahahahahahahahahahahaha :D most funny thing i herd hole week :D

offspring fan
09-12-2005, 01:33 PM
Here is the link to the URL for offspring v metallica celebrity death match:

www.mtv-archive.com/cdm/offspring-metallica.htm


Enjoy!!!
it dosent work.

offspring_freak_3
09-12-2005, 03:07 PM
hahahahahahahahahahahaha :D most funny thing i herd hole week :D
haha :p .

pretty_fly_white_guy858
09-12-2005, 05:12 PM
To bad they never made it. But the script was funny as hell.
Bad thing is Noodles killed Dexter!! It was a funny death but he killed him!

renato piquette
01-21-2009, 10:19 PM
it's in www.offspring.com.ar (not the video, it's just metioned there)


it's in spanish, let me explain a bit what it says, it says that offspring and metallica are fighting because metallica is losing money with napster but offspring thinks that napster helps the bands to expand its music... and blah blah blah...

but it doesn´t say anything about celebrity deathmatch,it only talks about napster having metallica against it and the offspring with it

randman21
01-22-2009, 03:10 AM
Ha, I knew somebody was going to end up replying to this thread.