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nieh
09-18-2005, 05:48 PM
Ahhh...good times.

Dear Friends;

Mostly, this note is to that devious cunt Crazy4Clay69 who I thought was my best friend, and who definitely won't be reading this because that nasty twat committed suicide. Good riddance bitch.

Ever since we became online friends, I was constantly posting to reassure that neurotic snatch about our friendship. How much did I need her?--"More than anything.", Would I do anything for her? "Absolutely.", and then that psychotic skank set me up and fucked me over by asking what I'd do if she died. Unthinkingly, I posted "I'd kill myself". To which she replied, "Rely?". To which I replied, "yes really;)". To which she replied, "I meant to type, 'Really?'" To which I replied, "I know what you meant, silly<8)". To which she replied "Really?" To which I replied "Really what?--did I know you meant 'Really?' when you typed 'Rely?' Or did I really mean I'd kill myself?" To which she tried to reply, but the thread was too long and we had to start a new post.

I finally convinced Crazy4Clay69 that I would indeed kill myself if she died. What the fuck were you thinking Josh? You spend your whole life trying not to die in a jihad or as a religious sacrifice and then you piss it all away by casually agreeing to an online suicide pact. God damn it.

Sure, I could clear out my temporary files, stop accepting cookies, sign up for a new journal and leave my old online world behind. But anyone who has spent even 2 minutes reading my blog knows that's not what I am about. I live up to my responsibilities, even when they technically aren't my doing (see my "Errrr!!!!! Blockbuster Late Fees" entry on September 6). So, to all of you who have enjoyed my journal, I must say thank you, good-bye, and be sure to sign my guestbook.

God I hate that cunt,


Josh

P.S. All those gay pornos aren't mine. They're a friend's. And I was superimposed.

http://www.porkjerky.com/suicide.htm

Rag Doll
09-18-2005, 06:00 PM
awesome.


Dear "World";


Pursuant to an online suicide petition I electronically signed prior to this election, I must kill myself. Unfortunately, my views lost at the ballot box.

With a clearer mind, I see my beliefs weren't exactly worth dying for, or even moving to Canada over. Actually, the goals and ideals I have for a society can still be achieved even though the election didn't go how I wanted it to. Nevertheless, I did affix my e-signature to that e-suicide petition and made my life conditional on the outcome of this election.

Maybe a death ultimatum wasn't the best way to convince the electorate that my choices were the most environmentally sound, economically prudent and altruistically just. Or maybe those cocksucker voters just wanted to see if I really would do it.

Obviously, In hindsight, a status quo TV ad calling someone a communist heroin addict who drives pre-teens across state lines to get abortions would have swayed more votes. In any case, I knew what I was doing when I briefly scrolled the Terms and Conditions box, checked 'Accept', clicked on 'Submit' and digitally added "Samantha" to that suicide database. I had visions of grandeur. I still remember the picture of that Vietnamese monk on fire and thinking 'How fucking cool is that?' But I guess protesting the illegal invasion of your country, protecting a thousand year old culture and trying to prevent the slaughter of your fellow citizens, is probably a more noble cause to die for than anything that will ever find its way onto a ballot.

If only I had realized that prior to Tuesday,


Samantha


P.S. I cemented/superglued all my orifices shut, so you coroner pricks can't steal my fillings or sex up my corpse.

coke_a_holic
09-18-2005, 06:03 PM
Dear Fellow Pawns;


For the last decade, I have lived a lie that I can no longer go on with. I have started each of the last 3,762 days by convincing myself that McDonald's would bring back the Double ZestaBurger--if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day. Alas, I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness.

Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald's global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 193 limited times in the last 10 years has never given my well-being a second thought.

Well, McDonalds--You win. You have killed the will, spirit, and soul of Mike. Now my body will follow. Thankfully, I will be going to a better place. A place where my existence won't rely on decieving myself. A place where my happiness won't be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of grill cooks in cheap suits. While my body will be buried in the same ground where Ray Kroc's is surely spinning; my soul will be with his in heaven. Not here in purgatory controlled by the whims of MBA's from Hamburger U. Together Ray and I will forever feast on that delicious ambrosia, the Double Zesta Burger.


Sincerely,

Mike


P.S. Tell everyone I'm not psychotic.

Rancid_Guyxxx
09-18-2005, 06:10 PM
Dear Fellow Followers of God;


There comes a time in every person's life when god calls upon them to ritualistically remove their own liver. For me, that time is at hand. And I, Shane, am not a blasphemer. Nor am I disillusioned about the consequences of fulfilling god's edict. I know that at best I will be left bileless, most likely dead. Let this be my last testament. Let it be known that while my body lies here in Applebee's bathroom full of riblettes and those little cheese thingies, but empty of a liver; the rest of me is in a better place and surrounded by the spirit of the lord.

Rejoice: Do not mourn or question.

Kudos to the lord,


Shane


P.S. Please mail my cable bill, it's on the credenza.

0r4ng3
09-18-2005, 06:11 PM
My initial note was too familiar to coke's, so I had to change it. Oh well, here goes...


Whomever Found My Body;


Mom, if that's you reading this: I was actually murdered, my corpse was desecrated by those "damn dirty faggot jews" you always warned us as kids about and they made me write this to cover up their horrible, heinous crime, and you should stop reading now.

If your reading this and your not my mother, then most likely I am hanging by a noose from the rafters with a smile on my face, a zucchini up my ass and a wad of jiz all over the place.


Damn it, I wish I wouldn't have kicked the chair so far or tied the noose so tight, maybe I should have just sprung for a whore. Jesse you cheap dead bastard.

Oh well, at least I died doing something I loved--asphyxiating myself while watching Blue's Clues.

Sincerely,


Jesse


P.S. Please mail my cable bill, it's on the credenza.Edit: I just read the whole note through, and I am one sick fuck.

Jebus
09-18-2005, 06:27 PM
Damn, I have a small penis. :(


Dear World;

I wish everyone could know the pain I live with every day of my miserable life. Alas no. Statistics tells me only 1 in every 30,000 adult males has a penis less than 4 inches long and 2 inches around. Only they, my wee wienied brethren can even begin to understand the hurt I feel when I step up to a urinal and my stream of urine is only slightly smaller than the 3.28 inch long, 1.67 inch wide wanker that it springs from.

I have tried pumps, creams, exercises, and god forbid; even praying. Nothing works, not even marginally on my miniscule member. So, everyday I try to lie to the world about possessing a petite pecker by peeling out in my Corvette, strutting around in expensive suits, talking about my mansion, dating strippers to show the world my virility and constantly crowing about my colossal crotch. But my Armani suits are just expensive costumes to hide my teeny-tiny tallywacker. My gigantic house is where I sit alone with my dwarf johnson. And the truth is the only thing I can stretch when it comes to my freakishly feeble frankfurter. Day in and day out I used to ask myself, "Edwin what would jesus do with a small penis"? After hours of reading the bible, searching my soul and peering at my puny prick, I know now that there is no jesus.




Edwin

P.S. Please mail my cable bill, it's on the credenza.

T-6005
09-18-2005, 06:49 PM
Dear World;


I am not some psychotic fuck or pathetic loser trying to end my worthless existence. Nor am I one of these pussies using "suicide" as a cry for help. I kill myself tonight as king of the world. Things could not be better.

Which is why I leave this world. Things just can't get better. I have reached the pinnacle of life, and not just my life, the zenith of existence itself. Bliss, Nirvana, Utopia. I am at the top of the mountain, not at the bottom like most suicidal fucks. Unfortunately, knowing that, I cannot go forward with the days ahead because they will never again be as good as tonight. I just snorted not 1, but 2 lines of coke off of not 2, but 3 girls' chests. Then we all 4 made sweet beautiful love. The kind of tender sweet beautiful love they sing rap songs about. Then we washed rinsed and repeated it all.

It is truly the best night that could ever be, which is why it must end tonight. Life can now only get worse. Nothing is left for me here in this world. Every seemingly joyous moment from here forward would be compared to tonight and fall miserably short. I will never surpass the level of happiness that I have tonight. So, I'm going out on top, high as hell, feeling good, and my seed spread across the faces of 3 beautiful women. It's nice to be me.

Viva Life,



Thibault Kervarech


P.S. Don't do an autopsy this is definitely suicide.

Offspring7
09-18-2005, 06:52 PM
Dear World;


I am not some psychotic fuck or pathetic loser trying to end my worthless existence. Nor am I one of these pussies using "suicide" as a cry for help. I kill myself tonight as king of the world. Things could not be better.

Which is why I leave this world. Things just can't get better. I have reached the pinnacle of life, and not just my life, the zenith of existence itself. Bliss, Nirvana, Utopia. I am at the top of the mountain, not at the bottom like most suicidal fucks. Unfortunately, knowing that, I cannot go forward with the days ahead because they will never again be as good as tonight. I just snorted not 1, but 2 lines of coke off of not 2, but 3 girls' chests. Then we all 4 made sweet beautiful love. The kind of tender sweet beautiful love they sing rap songs about. Then we washed rinsed and repeated it all.

It is truly the best night that could ever be, which is why it must end tonight. Life can now only get worse. Nothing is left for me here in this world. Every seemingly joyous moment from here forward would be compared to tonight and fall miserably short. I will never surpass the level of happiness that I have tonight. So, I'm going out on top, high as hell, feeling good, and my seed spread across the faces of 3 beautiful women. It's nice to be me.

Viva Life,



Tiphani


P.S. Tell everyone I'm not psychotic.

T-6005
09-18-2005, 06:53 PM
You're so unoriginal... way to steal mine.

Offspring7
09-18-2005, 06:54 PM
sorry about that...i opened the thread to when the person before you posted...took time to read them all....then generated my own note...once i posted it i saw you had the same one. no fair.

Preocupado
09-18-2005, 06:54 PM
Dear World;

I am not some psychotic fuck or pathetic loser trying to end my worthless existence. Nor am I one of these pussies using "suicide" as a cry for help. I kill myself tonight as king of the world. Things could not be better.

Which is why I leave this world. Things just can't get better. I have reached the pinnacle of life, and not just my life, the zenith of existence itself. Bliss, Nirvana, Utopia. I am at the top of the mountain, not at the bottom like most suicidal fucks. Unfortunately, knowing that, I cannot go forward with the days ahead because they will never again be as good as tonight. I just snorted not 1, but 2 lines of coke off of not 2, but 3 girls' chests. Then we all 4 made sweet beautiful love. The kind of tender sweet beautiful love they sing rap songs about. Then we washed rinsed and repeated it all.

It is truly the best night that could ever be, which is why it must end tonight. Life can now only get worse. Nothing is left for me here in this world. Every seemingly joyous moment from here forward would be compared to tonight and fall miserably short. I will never surpass the level of happiness that I have tonight. So, I'm going out on top, high as hell, feeling good, and my seed spread across the faces of 3 beautiful women. It's nice to be me.

Rock Life,



Kurt Cobain

P.S. I hope all that jesus and god and heaven bullshit is real.

nieh
09-18-2005, 06:56 PM
You do realize I'm expecting each and every one of you to be dead in the next couple hours, right?

Offspring7
09-18-2005, 06:56 PM
was that actually kurt cobain's suicide note?

Offspring7
09-18-2005, 06:56 PM
You do realize I'm expecting each and every one of you to be dead in the next couple hours, right?

haha...i'm 15...too young and too much to live for. i have no intention of committing suicide.

barangatang
09-18-2005, 06:57 PM
was that actually kurt cobain's suicide note?

I made a thread about it, here it is:

http://www.offspring.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12081

T-6005
09-18-2005, 06:59 PM
Haha - well, you're just not as quick as I am.

Offspring7
09-18-2005, 07:02 PM
ok so i wasn't as quick this time. barangatang...that note was really hard to read. is there something that someone typed to make it easier to read?

bd007h
09-18-2005, 07:05 PM
Dear Ungrateful World;


Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and adulation that should go with me, Brett Hurley, being the 3rd coming of christ, I will still fulfill my destiny. For you insolent pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven.

Start erecting statues, singing songs, scoring touchdowns and doing other shit for my glory, because you fuckers owe me big,



Jesus Christ III
a.k.a. Brett Hurley


P.S. Tell everyone I'm not psychotic.



HAHAHA, Jesus Christ III, haha

barangatang
09-18-2005, 07:07 PM
ok so i wasn't as quick this time. barangatang...that note was really hard to read. is there something that someone typed to make it easier to read?

yup here itis



To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

nieh
09-18-2005, 07:12 PM
Don't even fucking try to turn this into a conversation about Kurt Cobain. There's already more than enough topics about him and his suicide in the Other Bands section.

Offspring7
09-18-2005, 07:12 PM
ironnically that was quoted from theoffspring7...thank you barangatang.

bd007h
09-18-2005, 07:13 PM
Jesus Christ III
a.k.a. Brett Hurley


I just had to sig that part.

Offspring7
09-18-2005, 07:13 PM
Don't even fucking try to turn this into a conversation about Kurt Cobain. There's already more than enough topics about him and his suicide in the Other Bands section.

oh sorry...i'll stop with that now. anyways...that generator is cool but there are only so many notes. someone should make more.

ruroken
09-18-2005, 07:14 PM
Dude, if you kill yourself, then you're an idiot.

barangatang
09-18-2005, 07:15 PM
ironnically that was quoted from theoffspring7...thank you barangatang.


Oh shit, i was manually putting in quotes and I forgot your name, sorry.

Its fucking hilarious so i won't edit it.

T-6005
09-18-2005, 07:15 PM
Ugh... Kurt Cobain's dead. Conspiracy theorists can get so tiring.

bd007h
09-18-2005, 07:15 PM
Dude, if you kill yourself, then you're an idiot.

you're an idiot. Go kill yourself

ruroken
09-18-2005, 07:17 PM
you're an idiot. Go kill yourself
I have more to live for than you ever will. There is no point in killing myself.

Endymion
09-18-2005, 07:23 PM
Dear Fellow Pawns;

For the last decade, I have lived a lie that I can no longer go on with. I have started each of the last 3,762 days by convincing myself that McDonald's would bring back the Double ZestaBurger--if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day. Alas, I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness.

Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald's global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 193 limited times in the last 10 years has never given my well-being a second thought.

Well, McDonalds--You win. You have killed the will, spirit, and soul of Endymion. Now my body will follow. Thankfully, I will be going to a better place. A place where my existence won't rely on decieving myself. A place where my happiness won't be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of grill cooks in cheap suits. While my body will be buried in the same ground where Ray Kroc's is surely spinning; my soul will be with his in heaven. Not here in purgatory controlled by the whims of MBA's from Hamburger U. Together Ray and I will forever feast on that delicious ambrosia, the Double Zesta Burger.


Sincerely,



Endymion

P.S. Tell everyone I'm not psychotic.

The Darkside Has Cookies
09-18-2005, 07:26 PM
Listen Up Dumbfucks:


Most people kill themselves because of a mental condition. This is true in my case too. The condition I suffer from is that I am not normal, I am not like every "sane" person in the world.

I am not normal in the sense that I am not like every other one of you brain-dead zombies. I can think. I can reason intelligently. I can observe and learn from life. I can make my own decisions and follow through on them. And I can do these without any aid from celebrities, T.V. or radio. Unfortunately, every one of you shit-brained lemmings in the world seem to lack these skills and I can't fucking take it any more.

Since everyone else in this world is a fucking retarded drone who revels in their ignorance and unintelligence, I must put an end to my misery. I truly wish I was normal. I wish I could be a fucking retarded drone whore like all of you. I wish I could have the same conversations day in and day out about sports, politics, or "how about that weather, huh?" But I cant. Sure you'll see this note and say Jerri's the crazy one. You have to it's the only way you can go on thinking you're sane and your pathetic life is meaningful. Go ahead, call me the weirdo like everyone else surely will. Then return to your happiness of everyday mindless monotony.

My only wish is that the bullet I put into my brain doesn't kill me but only leaves me brain dead. For if ignorance is bliss and everyone of you fuck-for-brains is truly happy, then living a life without a brain stem in a coma must surely be utopia.


Leave my machine plugged in you fucking retards,




Jerri


P.S. Please mail my cable bill, it's on the credenza.

Jebus
09-18-2005, 07:32 PM
I have more to live for than you ever will.
what do you have to live for? the next season of Akimoto Michiyo: Dragon Master X?

T-6005
09-18-2005, 07:32 PM
Gets old quickly, doesn't it?

bd007h
09-18-2005, 07:35 PM
what do you have to live for? the next season of Akimoto Michiyo: Dragon Master X?

HAHAHAHA. PWN3D

The Darkside Has Cookies
09-18-2005, 07:35 PM
This thread reminds me of that Stone Sour song "Bother" I love that song. When I die I want that song or Pantera's "Planet Caravan" playing.

Endymion
09-18-2005, 07:45 PM
by the way, the site that the suicide note generator is from is fucking hilarious.

Offspring7
09-18-2005, 07:46 PM
endymion...i totally agree.

barangatang
09-18-2005, 07:54 PM
Dear Ungrateful World;

Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and adulation that should go with me, kieth moon, being the 3rd coming of christ, I will still fulfill my destiny. For you insolent pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven.

Start erecting statues, singing songs, scoring touchdowns and doing other shit for my glory, because you fuckers owe me big,


Jesus Christ III
a.k.a. kieth moon

P.S. Please mail my cable bill, it's on the credenza.

Endymion
09-18-2005, 08:05 PM
Abortion Is Murder
(but that doesn't mean it's bad)

Or...

What About The Good Abortion Does?
(A roadside lesson in logic)

1st off: I agree. Abortion is murder. Life begins at conception. Don't eat the yellow snow. For good head call Christy. The cost of an abortion is 1 human life. Whatever bumper sticker cliche you want to spout--I truly agree. But...

2nd and foremost, is that so wrong? So abortion ends a life, big deal. I mean, the death rate is 100%. You gotta die from something. What do those cold-hearted abortion abolotionists want infants to die from? S.I.D.S.? Child abuse? Unattended pool drowning? Outlet electrocution? Suffocation from being forgotten in a car seat? Or maybe being thrown from a car because they aren't in a car seat? Those sick fucking anti-abortionist, child-endangering bastards. By wanting all children to be born they are actually putting more children in harm's way by exposing them to all those perils. Aborted babies never die from being shaken because they won't stop crying. Aborted babies never overdose on the meth you left out. Aborted babies never have to experience any of those horrible things. But those demented, baby jeopardizing, abortion hating pricks actually want them to have that chance. What kind of sick fucking satisfaction do they get out of making more babies vulnerable to dog maulings?

3rd and just as importantly, who's to say we aren't aborting the next Hitler, Dracula or Brynn Hartman? Don't let their cuteness fool you, while some babies do grow up to be saints, not all do. It's a simple mathematical mapping really. For every Mother Teresa there has been in the world, there has been a corresponding Charles Manson. For every Princess Diana there has been a Jeffery Dahmer. For every dumbass getting his picture taken while laughing at roadside crosses there is one well-intentioned person building an abortion cemetery. For every Jesus Christ/Mohammed there has been one Mohammed/Jesus Christ. Overall, who gives a fucking shit? It all averages out. At worst, we are doing just as much good as we are bad with each abortion, so let the medical waste fly.

4th and most scary, and the reason I want abortion to remain legal--What do abortion opponents do the day after abortion is outlawed? These fucks have a lot of determination, will, resources, organization and psychotic ideas. I mean where do these anti-abortion psychos focus their energies after they accomplish ending abortion? These people harrass politicians, doctors, patients, and anyone else they think can further their cause. These people hound young women walking into clinics for their annual exams. These people went to Cape Giradeau, Missouri and built a fucking intricate graveyard for no one in particular. For fuck's sake, these people have rationalized commiting murder to further their cause of stopping murder. Protesting abortion is their inner city midnight basketball: Abortion gives them somewhere to go, something to do, provides them with an outlet for their energies. Take that away by actually ending abortion and where do they turn? What do they focus on the day after they win? Be thankful for abortion and be scared to lose it.

*i love this man simply for the reason bolded.

nieh
09-19-2005, 07:23 AM
who's to say we aren't aborting the next Hitler, Dracula or Brynn Hartman?

Phil Hartman = God, and one of the few SNL folks to NOT die of a drug overdose or something of the sort.

Endymion
09-19-2005, 07:33 AM
i know. i was just recently watching the pee-wee HBO special and was amazed anew by how awesome phil hartman was.

Kerr
09-19-2005, 07:35 AM
Listen Up Dumbfucks:

Most people kill themselves because of a mental condition. This is true in my case too. The condition I suffer from is that I am not normal, I am not like every "sane" person in the world.

I am not normal in the sense that I am not like every other one of you brain-dead zombies. I can think. I can reason intelligently. I can observe and learn from life. I can make my own decisions and follow through on them. And I can do these without any aid from celebrities, T.V. or radio. Unfortunately, every one of you shit-brained lemmings in the world seem to lack these skills and I can't fucking take it any more.

Since everyone else in this world is a fucking retarded drone who revels in their ignorance and unintelligence, I must put an end to my misery. I truly wish I was normal. I wish I could be a fucking retarded drone whore like all of you. I wish I could have the same conversations day in and day out about sports, politics, or "how about that weather, huh?" But I cant. Sure you'll see this note and say Jimmy's the crazy one. You have to it's the only way you can go on thinking you're sane and your pathetic life is meaningful. Go ahead, call me the weirdo like everyone else surely will. Then return to your happiness of everyday mindless monotony.

My only wish is that the bullet I put into my brain doesn't kill me but only leaves me brain dead. For if ignorance is bliss and everyone of you fuck-for-brains is truly happy, then living a life without a brain stem in a coma must surely be utopia.


Leave my machine plugged in you fucking retards,




Jimmy

P.S. Please don't look in the closet.

killer_queen
09-19-2005, 08:03 AM
Are we writing suicide letters? If so here's mine.

Dear God,

I know I've been your favourite since I was born. It was nice to have 16 years here and I'm really thankfull for all of the things you gave me. Like stupid parents buy whatever I want, idiot friends who make me look cooler and my sexy appearance.

Anyway, as I said before it was quite nice but these days I got bored. It's really boring living in this place. I'm just sick of all those ugly, stupid people. The only book they read is Fight Club, the only band they listen to is The Rasmus, the only things they talk about are football and TV shows. I'm sure you understand me. And I'm sure you think it's time to take me back to your place.

Thanks for uncommon understanding
Gülşah

P.S. Please remember that I helped an old woman for going across the street while I was waiting for the school bus today when you decide to put me heaven or hell.

nieh
09-19-2005, 10:51 AM
i know. i was just recently watching the pee-wee HBO special and was amazed anew by how awesome phil hartman was.

He was on Pee-Wee...? What character was he? I don't remember him at all, though it was long before I started paying attention to the guy.

China Boy
09-19-2005, 01:10 PM
Wow this is Hilarious...ish.

Endymion
09-19-2005, 01:37 PM
He was on Pee-Wee...? What character was he? I don't remember him at all, though it was long before I started paying attention to the guy.
he was kap'n karl. only on earlier episodes and the special.

slit_wrists
11-17-2005, 01:45 AM
Listen Up Dumbfucks:

Most people kill themselves because of a mental condition. This is true in my case too. The condition I suffer from is that I am not normal, I am not like every "sane" person in the world.

I am not normal in the sense that I am not like every other one of you brain-dead zombies. I can think. I can reason intelligently. I can observe and learn from life. I can make my own decisions and follow through on them. And I can do these without any aid from celebrities, T.V. or radio. Unfortunately, every one of you shit-brained lemmings in the world seem to lack these skills and I can't fucking take it any more.

Since everyone else in this world is a fucking retarded drone who revels in their ignorance and unintelligence, I must put an end to my misery. I truly wish I was normal. I wish I could be a fucking retarded drone whore like all of you. I wish I could have the same conversations day in and day out about sports, politics, or "how about that weather, huh?" But I cant. Sure you'll see this note and say Holly-ann's the crazy one. You have to it's the only way you can go on thinking you're sane and your pathetic life is meaningful. Go ahead, call me the weirdo like everyone else surely will. Then return to your happiness of everyday mindless monotony.

My only wish is that the bullet I put into my brain doesn't kill me but only leaves me brain dead. For if ignorance is bliss and everyone of you fuck-for-brains is truly happy, then living a life without a brain stem in a coma must surely be utopia.


Leave my machine plugged in you fucking retards,




Holly-ann

P.S. Tell everyone I'm not psychotic.

the_offsprings_monkey
11-17-2005, 02:48 AM
Listen Up Dumbfucks:


Most people kill themselves because of a mental condition. This is true in my case too. The condition I suffer from is that I am not normal, I am not like every "sane" person in the world.

I am not normal in the sense that I am not like every other one of you brain-dead zombies. I can think. I can reason intelligently. I can observe and learn from life. I can make my own decisions and follow through on them. And I can do these without any aid from celebrities, T.V. or radio. Unfortunately, every one of you shit-brained lemmings in the world seem to lack these skills and I can't fucking take it any more.

Since everyone else in this world is a fucking retarded drone who revels in their ignorance and unintelligence, I must put an end to my misery. I truly wish I was normal. I wish I could be a fucking retarded drone whore like all of you. I wish I could have the same conversations day in and day out about sports, politics, or "how about that weather, huh?" But I cant. Sure you'll see this note and say Ashley's the crazy one. You have to it's the only way you can go on thinking you're sane and your pathetic life is meaningful. Go ahead, call me the weirdo like everyone else surely will. Then return to your happiness of everyday mindless monotony.

My only wish is that the bullet I put into my brain doesn't kill me but only leaves me brain dead. For if ignorance is bliss and everyone of you fuck-for-brains is truly happy, then living a life without a brain stem in a coma must surely be utopia.


Leave my machine plugged in you fucking retards,




Ashley


P.S. Don't do an autopsy this is definitely suicide.

Little_Miss_1565
11-17-2005, 05:34 AM
ohhhh heck yes! \m/


Dear Ungrateful World;

Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and adulation that should go with me, Sarah, being the 3rd coming of christ, I will still fulfill my destiny. For you insolent pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven.

Start erecting statues, singing songs, scoring touchdowns and doing other shit for my glory, because you fuckers owe me big,


Jesus Christ III
a.k.a. Sarah

P.S. Please reassure my children that my death isn't entirely their fault.

JohnnyNemesis
11-17-2005, 08:36 AM
Adriann has children?! zomg!!!

nieh
11-17-2005, 10:56 AM
You do realize I'm expecting each and every one of you to be dead in the next couple hours, right?

*ahem*Anyone that did one of these notes has to off themselves in the way described.

notoriousdoc
11-17-2005, 11:15 AM
Listen Up Dumbfucks:


Most people kill themselves because of a mental condition. This is true in my case too. The condition I suffer from is that I am not normal, I am not like every "sane" person in the world.

I am not normal in the sense that I am not like every other one of you brain-dead zombies. I can think. I can reason intelligently. I can observe and learn from life. I can make my own decisions and follow through on them. And I can do these without any aid from celebrities, T.V. or radio. Unfortunately, every one of you shit-brained lemmings in the world seem to lack these skills and I can't fucking take it any more.

Since everyone else in this world is a fucking retarded drone who revels in their ignorance and unintelligence, I must put an end to my misery. I truly wish I was normal. I wish I could be a fucking retarded drone whore like all of you. I wish I could have the same conversations day in and day out about sports, politics, or "how about that weather, huh?" But I cant. Sure you'll see this note and say Daniel's the crazy one. You have to it's the only way you can go on thinking you're sane and your pathetic life is meaningful. Go ahead, call me the weirdo like everyone else surely will. Then return to your happiness of everyday mindless monotony.

My only wish is that the bullet I put into my brain doesn't kill me but only leaves me brain dead. For if ignorance is bliss and everyone of you fuck-for-brains is truly happy, then living a life without a brain stem in a coma must surely be utopia.


Leave my machine plugged in you fucking retards,




Daniel


P.S. I cemented/superglued all my orifices shut, so you coroner pricks can't steal my fillings or sex up my corpse.
Ghey. The orifice thing is truly ironic

SkunkIt
11-17-2005, 12:27 PM
Dear Fellow Pawns;


For the last decade, I have lived a lie that I can no longer go on with. I have started each of the last 3,762 days by convincing myself that McDonald's would bring back the Double ZestaBurger--if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day. Alas, I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness.

Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald's global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 193 limited times in the last 10 years has never given my well-being a second thought.

Well, McDonalds--You win. You have killed the will, spirit, and soul of . Now my body will follow. Thankfully, I will be going to a better place. A place where my existence won't rely on decieving myself. A place where my happiness won't be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of grill cooks in cheap suits. While my body will be buried in the same ground where Ray Kroc's is surely spinning; my soul will be with his in heaven. Not here in purgatory controlled by the whims of MBA's from Hamburger U. Together Ray and I will forever feast on that delicious ambrosia, the Double Zesta Burger.


Sincerely,

The Hamburgular



P.S. I cemented/superglued all my orifices shut, so you coroner pricks can't steal my fillings or sex up my corpse.

FrancoDaHui
12-15-2005, 08:58 PM
hahaha


Listen Up Dumbfucks:

Most people kill themselves because of a mental condition. This is true in my case too. The condition I suffer from is that I am not normal, I am not like every "sane" person in the world.

I am not normal in the sense that I am not like every other one of you brain-dead zombies. I can think. I can reason intelligently. I can observe and learn from life. I can make my own decisions and follow through on them. And I can do these without any aid from celebrities, T.V. or radio. Unfortunately, every one of you shit-brained lemmings in the world seem to lack these skills and I can't fucking take it any more.

Since everyone else in this world is a fucking retarded drone who revels in their ignorance and unintelligence, I must put an end to my misery. I truly wish I was normal. I wish I could be a fucking retarded drone whore like all of you. I wish I could have the same conversations day in and day out about sports, politics, or "how about that weather, huh?" But I cant. Sure you'll see this note and say Franco's the crazy one. You have to it's the only way you can go on thinking you're sane and your pathetic life is meaningful. Go ahead, call me the weirdo like everyone else surely will. Then return to your happiness of everyday mindless monotony.

My only wish is that the bullet I put into my brain doesn't kill me but only leaves me brain dead. For if ignorance is bliss and everyone of you fuck-for-brains is truly happy, then living a life without a brain stem in a coma must surely be utopia.


Leave my machine plugged in you fucking retards,




Franco

P.S. Tell everyone I'm not psychotic.