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bouncingcoles
10-06-2005, 08:22 PM
i laughed when i found and read this review on a website about an offspring concert back in 1997. if you dont wanna read the whole thing just read the underlined parts.



This review will likely be fairly short. Not only am I writing it almost a full week after it happened, but it's the first concert where I spent more time deciding whether or not to go than I actually spent at the concert itself.

See, I wasn't going to go because it was too expensive, but I wanted to go, but I had to work, but The Offspring was the last of the three bands so I'd see them anyways, so I won't go, but I will. I had several conversations like this with Pat and Deseree. I think they were getting fairly fed up with me by the day of the show, when I was still undecided.

Finally, I decided to show up after work, so of course I had to work late. I showed up at about 8:30, or an hour after the scheduled start time. The opening act, Tripwire, was already finished, so I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they kicked ass. Pat and Deseree had only got there about ten minutes before I did, so they didn't see Tripwire either. The Doughboys were currently playing at a volume that far exceeded anything that I had been exposed to before (excluding, of course, the Big Sugar concert, which set off seismographs in Kyoto). Dez and I sat next to a wall, and had a conversation that included such memorable lines as "These guys sure are loud, huh?" and "That girl's sure got green pants, hey?"

By the way, any Offspring review that quotes lyrics is going to contain the same amount of profanity as Scarface, without Manolo's facial gestures to back it up. I apologize to those I offend, but I am a journalist who believes in the right of people to swear gratuitously. Yeah.

The Doughboys leave, but my ears still hurt. Pat and I take the opportunity to examine each other's new glasses (mine are ovals, his are octagons which have blobs of sunscreen on them). We then head over to the merch booth, which features t-shirts for $20, and that includes a free CD too! How reasonable! How agreeable! I cave and buy a shirt with the Ixnay On The Hombre album cover on the front. Later that week, I was amused when my 96-year-old great grandmother kept raving about how "sharp" it looked.

The Offspring take the stage. The standard "Ahh, it's time to relax" opener from their album "Smash" started the show, or so we thought. It quickly segued into (paraphrasing here): "Who are we kidding? You're not here to relax, you're here to fuck shit up! You're gonna jump, and scream, and stage dive, and get totally wasted. So indulge yourself. Go for the beer, or roll up a blunt, or just chill, if that's what you're into, you stupid dumbshit goddamn motherfucker!!!"

This leads into Bad Habit, which is my favourite Offspring song and a pizza-delivery guy's anthem. I was surprised to realize that I knew most of the songs they played that night. I have the new album (Ixnay on the Hombre), but (sheepish grin) I haven't actually listened to it, so all I know is what's on Smash. I mean, it doesn't matter, 'cause every Offspring song sounds like every other Offspring song, except they sometimes swear differently, but still. Anyway, it was the songs from Smash that got the best reaction as well, which makes sense since Smash has sold way better than IOTH.

This one kid, I felt really sorry for him, he was like ten years old and there with his mother. Not to say I didn't feel sorry for her too. He had his Offspring shirt and liked the music, it seemed, but she made him leave. Which is understandable with lines like the aforementioned "stupid dumbshit etc..."

So not only are they good swearers, but they're also (and I mean this in a good way) completely nuts. First the lead singer starts talking about who he hates ("You know I hate? Fuckin' Spice Girls. I hate them. And Garth Brooks! Fuck that guy! And Jenny McCarthy, she bugs me. See, that never gets as good a reaction"). Then he walked/moshed/surfed into the crowd for one song. Then they announce that they've rented Sid's Garage (a hall a few blocks from the Auditorium) to party after the show ("Even if you're underage, we'll give you beer, we promise"). Then Noodles the guitarist starts playing metal (AC/DC's Back In Black and Black Sabbath's Ironman; "Fuckin' Bon Jovi is as metal as my ass").

So they finish up, and come back for the encore. They play "Gone Away," which is great, and for their last song, they actually remove the security barricade and let anyone who wants to get up on stage with them. I kept my distance, but watched as dozens of teenagers moshed through the stage. Damn, I felt old.

We decided not to follow the band to Sid's Garage; went for poutine instead. Which is just as well, I'm getting too old for that sorta thing. I mean, the concert was wonderful, but my ears hurt, and my back hurts, and I had to get up the next morning... you know.

Evka.pl
10-07-2005, 08:59 AM
hard to call it a review actually. iy was more like a diary. the person claimed that every offspring song sound the same, only the swearing is different-well obviously she/he doesn't know much offspring songs to what she/he admited anyway. but it is funny!