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HornyPope
11-28-2004, 08:42 AM
Took us fiften minutes to get to the hospital. A new record. I never left my feet off the pedal. Not even on red lights. I knew it was it this time. I saw the look on her face. Saw the pain. The body movement. As she was plastered on the back with her legs in the air--a reflection of our first date--I knew I was to become a father in only counted minutes.

Nurses were downstairs and waiting. It was blitzkrieg-fast. Couldn't even finish my Mars bar I bought from the candy machine in the garage when they took my baby away to administer birth. Some fag in the waiting room screamed "congratulations!". He was probably hitting on me. Must be the new eyeliners I put on while she was having cramps. But what a lousy pick up line.

The room looked exactly like the room 101. Not that i've ever been there before but I was convinced that this was exactly like it looked like. At least as far as the collection of knives go--though no sight of a steak knife anywhere I looked. Pitiful collection then.

I was bumped by a doctor from behind. Wouldn't be the first time I had something done to my behind. "It's gonna be good", he assured me. "Heart beating normal and date of delivery couldn't be better". He then passed me on a paper with medical mambo jambo conserning my baby-to-come. I skimmed through the paragraphs until a line that sent shock vibes onto where was once brain. 4kg or 10 pounds. I was wet. Shivers run amok my body. With a stumbling voice I turned to the nurse, "is this the weight of my son?" - "No, this is the weight of your daughter", she smiled, "a healthy baby". "But... but... isn't it... isn't it fat for a newborn girl?" I croaked. "It's a perfect weight", she assured me and went on with her business. I wasn't impressed. So I did what every father would. I screamed of the tops of my lungs - "THIS BABY IS FAT. I DON'T WANTS IT". A second of silence of followed as heads turned on to me. I repeated myself. The doctor was crambling. "Sir", he urged me, "your wife is two minutes from delivery. This is no time for abortion". I was no longer Mr. Nice Guy. I went Dick Cheney on his ass and told him to go fuck himself. It was then when I left the room, took out the pertinant forms that I luckily carried in my inside pocket all the time, signed them and passed onto the administrator; with a gun in the right hand shall he try and act funny. I don't like funny people. He had no choice but to call off the delivery.

"Do you realize what your wife had to go through to get to this stage?", someone from the waiting room remarked. "I'll make it up to her", said I without turning my head. And as she was wheeled away into the abortion room, I assured her I would take her out for some ice cream tonight.


True story of course. Discuss.

nieh
11-28-2004, 08:57 AM
You did the right thing. That child would have had a terrible life.

Wizard*SweetRockerGirl*
11-28-2004, 09:17 AM
Sorry for the mother of your unborn daughter

wheelchairman
11-28-2004, 09:37 AM
Yeah Hornypope's experienced some tough shit in his life. Did y'all know he's only 16?

HornyPope
11-28-2004, 10:19 AM
I'm 17 as of last month!! GIMME THE RESPECT I DESERVE!!!

MirandaV
11-28-2004, 10:48 AM
Mh you're a bit rude, but you made a good decision.

leo3375
11-28-2004, 11:23 AM
What a load of crap! At that stage, no doctor in their right mind would sanction an abortion! If such a scenario occurred, the child would be put up for adoption. At minutes away from birth, it is too late for an abortion, even for medical reasons. That being was definitely viable and no longer dependent on its mother for oxygen and nutrients.

wheelchairman
11-28-2004, 11:40 AM
Of course it's true. You obviously don't know the very liberal abortion laws in Canada. The father can merely say he doesn't want to have it at any time and they go through with it, no questions asked. For fucks sake you idiot, do your research for once.

HornyPope
11-28-2004, 01:19 PM
I can't believe someone would bring my integrity into question.

wheelchairman
11-28-2004, 01:32 PM
It's alright horny, he hasn't been here as long as you have. He couldn't possibly have known how traumatic that was for you.

HornyPope
11-28-2004, 01:36 PM
It's her, and she's been here about as long as I have actually. Quite a while by now. She just lacks the brain capacity to catch up with the rest of us.

Izie
11-28-2004, 01:45 PM
Now now, don't get upset. We support you, and never question your integrity!

Moose
11-28-2004, 02:57 PM
What a load of crap! At that stage, no doctor in their right mind would sanction an abortion! If such a scenario occurred, the child would be put up for adoption. At minutes away from birth, it is too late for an abortion, even for medical reasons. That being was definitely viable and no longer dependent on its mother for oxygen and nutrients.

...this is what you call a "lost cause"...now im not for suicide, but it might not be a bad idea in your case...maybe if you make some changes in your life, like add some sort of intelligence. i dunno, just something.

sKratch
11-28-2004, 03:31 PM
No, I think suicide is probably a good idea.

latinospunkunidos
11-28-2004, 04:03 PM
traumatic story, but i totally support you.. this kid, and any kid deserves a good life that you, being so young can not give.
you totally make the right decission

Betty
11-28-2004, 04:46 PM
The scariest part is that I can't read whether some people are serious or not...

Dammit... it's that sarcasm thing again...

JoY
11-29-2004, 04:54 AM
The scariest part is that I can't read whether some people are serious or not...

Dammit... it's that sarcasm thing again...
same here. & actually I'm hoping on my bare knees it all is just poor use of sarcasm.


aw Vlad, that's terrible. yeah, fat babies ARE the worst. you made an excellent decision. we'll make you a new, better baby, just for comfort, okies?

Italia311
11-29-2004, 07:42 PM
No, I think suicide is probably a good idea.

Get on it then.

This story is rediculous. I dont believe a single line of it.

Sexy Panda
11-30-2004, 05:35 AM
Get on it then.

This story is rediculous. I dont believe a single line of it.

Gee maybe you're right. Damn HP almost tricked me again with his tomfoolery.

I think you made one mistake HP, you should have kept the fat baby as they end up tasting the best.

HornyPope
11-30-2004, 08:03 AM
I think you made one mistake HP, you should have kept the fat baby as they end up tasting the best.

Do you not have any respect for human life? Fucking savage.

jimmyjimjimz
11-30-2004, 11:27 AM
WOW that really happened to you? I thought you got the story off a website or something.

I don't really know if that was smart to do, or not. It kinda was smart, because who would wanna have a kid at your age? I mean, you're still in high school, aren't you? What would you do? Work 3 jobs just to support your kid for the rest of your life? I know here, in the US, you can't have an abortion in the third trimester, so that would be illegal here. I think the reason they made it illegal to have an abortion in the third trimester was to shut up the republicans, and I honestly think that was a good idea. Cause every trimester is 3 months. So, after 6 months, you'd think the girl would wanna have the baby.

Just like I said before, I support abortion, but I believe both the mother and the father should agree on having the abortion, unless the mother got pregnant because of rape, incest, or if the father abandoned her after she found out she was pregnant.

Actually, I do think you did the right thing. Just like I said before, if you kept the baby, you would've had to work like 3 jobs for the rest of your life to support the kid, and you're still young. You need time to act young and be young. You need time to go out with the guys and drink (if you drink). You need time to go to college. You need time to enjoy life before you have a kid.

wheelchairman
11-30-2004, 11:57 AM
ah Jimmyjimjimz, sometimes your wisdom surprises me.

JoY
11-30-2004, 01:27 PM
OMFG.


I've never been more pro-abortion in my entire fucking life.

Strider
11-30-2004, 02:27 PM
You know...here in Brazil, I guess abortions are still illegal (which doesn't mean I'm totally against them.). Notwithstanding, I want to say some things.

Ya know, if you don't want your gilfriend to have a kid, you have to use a condom when you're out there making bacon. That's basic. Oh, and killing that poor innocent baby just because she was fat was ridiculous. (My mom is a nurse and she can tell you: there's nothing wrong if the baby is a little heavier than you expected. In fact, it's a signal that it's healthy.) Plus, if you still didn't want the baby, you could have put her into adoption, as leo3375 suggested. And you should not have made your decision without consulting the baby's mother.

One more thing... @jimmyjimjimz : if you suggest HP to go out and drink with the guys at the age of 17, I tell you you're a dumbass. I am 17. And what am I doing? I just got into university and now I'm looking for a job. People need to be responsible sometimes, especially when the consequences of their acts affect others' lives.

wheelchairman
11-30-2004, 02:44 PM
Hey let HP drink. Man a 17 year old needs to relax. He's had a tough life like I said. I mean jesus he's already had at least one abortion with his girlfriend. I would say drinking would do him some good.

And your right condums would've helped good ol hornie here. I believe he has been using them more frequently, although there was the story of 'the scare' which led to 'the punch in the stomach.'

sKratch
11-30-2004, 03:15 PM
Some people here sadden me.

HornyPope
11-30-2004, 04:26 PM
Actually, I do think you did the right thing. Just like I said before, if you kept the baby, you would've had to work like 3 jobs for the rest of your life to support the kid, and you're still young. You need time to act young and be young. You need time to go out with the guys and drink (if you drink). You need time to go to college. You need time to enjoy life before you have a kid.

Thanks a lot man. Your support is much appriciated. Actually, if my wife bore the baby, I would then be forced to work 4 jobs because feeding a fat baby is even harder. They eat so much!


if you suggest HP to go out and drink with the guys at the age of 17, I tell you you're a dumbass. I am 17. And what am I doing? I just got into university and now I'm looking for a job. People need to be responsible sometimes, especially when the consequences of their acts affect others' lives.

Wow, you rock man. I agree that responsability is key to a healthy lifestile. But i'm just a worthless alcoholic so what can I do y'know. But listen, i have an offer for you man. My other wife just called me and said she is 6 months pregnant. I think i'll have to abort the baby. Unless you help me out that is. I called the Tax and Customs in my country and they said I can exchange human flesh (dead or alive) via the borders without paying duty to the Government. I'm thinking maybe you can adopt my girl. That would be so good because honestly I have this headache and don't feel like going to the hospital to abort the baby y'know. So you wanna help out dude? I spoke to my trucker friend who smugles illegal imigrants from Mexico and he agreed to take the baby as far as San Salvador. Will take about ten days or so. From there, I have a very trusted friend (who sent me cocaine via the post once) who will take the baby and ship it to Brazil through some other mean of transporation. How about you give me your full address and i'll send you the baby? Please? I really don't wanna go through another abortion and you seem like a smart guy. I'd be honoured if my baby daughter spends her life with you. You can even have sex with her. Just wait few years from birth at least.
So yeah man, give me your address and i'll ship you the baby. Thanks a lot bro.

Linda
11-30-2004, 05:52 PM
Awwww, HP, I had no idea your young life was so full of turmoil.
:( *hugs* I feel so bad for you now.

Trip Boy
11-30-2004, 09:52 PM
You open your legs to fucking dick then the slut should have the baby or get killed herself.

jimmyjimjimz
12-01-2004, 07:25 AM
One more thing... @jimmyjimjimz : if you suggest HP to go out and drink with the guys at the age of 17, I tell you you're a dumbass. I am 17. And what am I doing? I just got into university and now I'm looking for a job. People need to be responsible sometimes, especially when the consequences of their acts affect others' lives.

That's not exactly what I meant. I meant he has to go out and live a little before he has kids.

UgLy_eLf
12-01-2004, 07:52 AM
Hahahaahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha

Strider
12-01-2004, 11:43 AM
Wow, you rock man. I agree that responsability is key to a healthy lifestile. But i'm just a worthless alcoholic so what can I do y'know. But listen, i have an offer for you man. My other wife just called me and said she is 6 months pregnant. I think i'll have to abort the baby. Unless you help me out that is. I called the Tax and Customs in my country and they said I can exchange human flesh (dead or alive) via the borders without paying duty to the Government. I'm thinking maybe you can adopt my girl. That would be so good because honestly I have this headache and don't feel like going to the hospital to abort the baby y'know. So you wanna help out dude? I spoke to my trucker friend who smugles illegal imigrants from Mexico and he agreed to take the baby as far as San Salvador. Will take about ten days or so. From there, I have a very trusted friend (who sent me cocaine via the post once) who will take the baby and ship it to Brazil through some other mean of transporation. How about you give me your full address and i'll send you the baby? Please? I really don't wanna go through another abortion and you seem like a smart guy. I'd be honoured if my baby daughter spends her life with you. You can even have sex with her. Just wait few years from birth at least.
So yeah man, give me your address and i'll ship you the baby. Thanks a lot bro.

I didn't really mean to slag you off...Thanks. I truly appreciate your offer. I would be really thrilled to raise a baby as if it were ny own, HP, but sincerely I cannot carry on such a task. I need to get a job first. Anyway, thanks for the offer. I do hope you find somebody to do that for you.

One more thing...don't think of yourself as worthless. No one's gonna value you unless you do. ;)

wheelchairman
12-01-2004, 12:18 PM
I think he'll probably get it aborted. That is what he said he'd probably do if you didn't agree. Ah well, I have no problem with that personally.

HornyPope
12-01-2004, 12:24 PM
You don't understand man. This is between life and death y'know. Either I abort the baby or either I give it to you. Be a sport. Help me out man. I even offer to pay all the shipping. All you have to do is to unpack the child from the container and take off the duct tape off her mouth and untie her. Leave the rest to me. Hell, i'll even provide you with a tracking number so you can follow your new daughter's journey from Canada to Brazil. You'll be a proud dad, man. And the coolest thing is you can pretend that this baby is your own. People will think that you're no longer a virgin. They will think you actually nailed a girl (not a guy!) to get this baby out. Suddenly the rumours of your inability to get it up circulating on your block will cease to exist. How cool is that?

Listen man, you're a very smart guy. I know you are by the way you talk and care y'know. But I understand you have other things to do meanwhile. So listen man, here's an idea: how about I store the baby in the fridge for a month or two (i'll feed her of course - i'm not stupid!) until you get sorted out, find a job and decide to adopt her. Then we can arrange the shippment. How's that for an offer?


I meant he has to go out and live a little before he has kids.

Problem is - everytime I go out there is a woman calling me few months later, saying she is pregnant with the help my sperm. So what's a nigga to do? Help me out man. Gimme some advices on how to live a responsible life.

the_GoDdEsS
12-01-2004, 02:02 PM
Dudes, this is... Awwww, there are fucking tears in my eyes now.

offsprung
12-01-2004, 02:07 PM
wow. sorry, not to be rude, but what was the point in telling us this?

jimmyjimjimz
12-01-2004, 02:13 PM
That's not really a true story, is it?

HornyPope
12-01-2004, 02:20 PM
What makes you think this isn't a real story? I... I would never ever lie about such sensative topics as abortion.

Izie
12-01-2004, 02:21 PM
Honestly, you people can be so insensitive sometimes! Like he doesn't have enough problems without YOU being all "we dont believe you, nanananan".

Seriously, some people.

Betty
12-01-2004, 02:32 PM
"Last edited by the_GoDdEsS : Today at 05:05 PM. Reason: fit of laughter"

Oh man... That made me laugh even more...

But not at HP... he's in a really tight spot. I hope Strider makes the right decision.

jimmyjimjimz
12-01-2004, 02:33 PM
What makes you think this isn't a real story? I... I would never ever lie about such sensative topics as abortion.
Because you people keep laughing, and you told that other guy you'd mail him a kid. Who the fuck sends a person through the mail? That's kinda stupid.

Betty
12-01-2004, 02:36 PM
How else is he supposed to send it?

wheelchairman
12-01-2004, 02:46 PM
Because you people keep laughing, and you told that other guy you'd mail him a kid. Who the fuck sends a person through the mail? That's kinda stupid.

Don't you fucking read you insensitive asshole!? He said he had a trucker friend who would take the baby down to San Salvador. And that he had another friend who would take him from there to Brazil. Jesus Christ, do you really have to be such an ass?

Izie
12-01-2004, 02:49 PM
Don't you fucking read you insensitive asshole!? He said he had a trucker friend who would take the baby down to San Salvador. And that he had another friend who would take him from there to Brazil. Jesus Christ, do you really have to be such an ass?

You tell him wcm, I honestly can't. I can't believe there are SUCH insensitive inconsiderate pricks in the world.

Awful, just awful.

Good luck with everything Pope, you know we're all thinking of you!

JoY
12-01-2004, 03:06 PM
*pats Vlad on the back*
I'm so sorry, you know I can't possibly raise the baby, man. I'm not responsible enough; you know my lifestyle & what happened to the last baby I had responsibility for. how I flushed it through the sink & stuff...
anyway.. I've got this friend.. she works in the Red Light District of Amsterdam (you know that, you've been there!) & one of her customers was some black guy & his dick was so gigantic the condom ripped & now she got knocked up. so she'll have to work twice as much now as she used to, but her neighbour, who lives with her abusive husband in Amsterdam West, will take care of the kid, while she isn't there. & well, even though she *occasionally* sniffs cocaine & shoots up heroin (but who doesn't here?), I'm sure she won't have a problem with an extra kid. & like the other kid she takes care of, she could raise it to become the prostitutes, who said she'd quit her job right after she turns 17.

you'll just have to find a way to ship it to Amsterdam, because I'm afraid a truck won't do.

& don't mind the insensitive assholic wastes of space around here. y'know how it goes; disturbed childhood & all. the world is crawling with such wrecked pieces of shit. *shakes head*

HornyPope
12-01-2004, 03:31 PM
you told that other guy you'd mail him a kid. Who the fuck sends a person through the mail? That's kinda stupid.

Dude, just because i'm a worthless alcoholic doesn't mean i'm stoppid. As people pointed out, I have trusted friends who will take care for the baby throughout the journey. And it's not like i'm gonna just drop the child into a box or something. Duh. I mean, i'll put on some used newspapers and christmas wrappings and shit and i'll even drill air holes. And to further prove that i'm a thoughtfull father, i'll write FRAGILE in large characters on the box so that people dealing with the package will know not to fuck it.

You encouraged me once when you said that i'm not a worthless alcoholic like others think. Please encourage me again. I need your help and guidance brother. Believe in me like I would believe in you if I wasn't high on crack.

And thanks a lot for your support people. *hugs* I love you all. It's times like these that I need you to stand by my side. And you have. I'd make love to each and one of you if you were any better looking.

Bella,

What a stupid offer. I don't want my baby growing around prostitutes and hero-addicts. That's why i'm sending her AWAY from my house. I want to give her a new life in a far away home. Now if only Strider agrees to help me out.

JoY
12-01-2004, 04:41 PM
you think AWAY from you it'll be any different?? the whole world is like that, dear. it was a "take it, or leave it"-offer. so.. whatever. go raise your unwanted kid yourself, at least here in 'the basement of sexual activities' the baby is wanted & will have the fun & love it deserves.

jimmyjimjimz
12-02-2004, 06:06 AM
*pats Vlad on the back*
I'm so sorry, you know I can't possibly raise the baby, man. I'm not responsible enough; you know my lifestyle & what happened to the last baby I had responsibility for. how I flushed it through the sink & stuff...
anyway.. I've got this friend.. she works in the Red Light District of Amsterdam (you know that, you've been there!) & one of her customers was some black guy & his dick was so gigantic the condom ripped & now she got knocked up. so she'll have to work twice as much now as she used to, but her neighbour, who lives with her abusive husband in Amsterdam West, will take care of the kid, while she isn't there. & well, even though she *occasionally* sniffs cocaine & shoots up heroin (but who doesn't here?), I'm sure she won't have a problem with an extra kid. & like the other kid she takes care of, she could raise it to become the prostitutes, who said she'd quit her job right after she turns 17.

you'll just have to find a way to ship it to Amsterdam, because I'm afraid a truck won't do.

& don't mind the insensitive assholic wastes of space around here. y'know how it goes; disturbed childhood & all. the world is crawling with such wrecked pieces of shit. *shakes head*
Another reason why I think this is all fake.


Dude, just because i'm a worthless alcoholic doesn't mean i'm stoppid. As people pointed out, I have trusted friends who will take care for the baby throughout the journey. And it's not like i'm gonna just drop the child into a box or something. Duh. I mean, i'll put on some used newspapers and christmas wrappings and shit and i'll even drill air holes. And to further prove that i'm a thoughtfull father, i'll write FRAGILE in large characters on the box so that people dealing with the package will know not to fuck it.
And another reason why I think this is all fake. You're gonna wrap your kid up in wrapping paper and drill holes in it? WOW you really care about that kid. All I know is here in the US, if someone saw you do that, they'd kick your ass, and you'd get arrested.

HornyPope
12-02-2004, 06:48 AM
Oh shit, we got a detective on your hands. Or at least you sound like one. Because you're incredibily smart with those conclusions, Mr. Detective. Listen, I mean no harm. I need no further harassement from the police until my appartement is transformed back from a meth lab. Please don't report me to the cops. I'll do whatever you say. I'll pay you but I just spent my last twenty dollars on a crack rock. How about I send you a baby instead? A custom one made just for you*. You can deduct some taxes in your declarations this april because you're a father now. But please mister office, don't file an investigation against me.


*offer for a limited time only while supplies last. not availible for resale. one year limited warranty on all parts and labour.

jimmyjimjimz
12-02-2004, 06:55 AM
Oh shit, we got a detective on your hands. Or at least you sound like one. Because you're incredibily smart with those conclusions, Mr. Detective. Listen, I mean no harm. I need no further harassement from the police until my appartement is transformed back from a meth lab. Please don't report me to the cops. I'll do whatever you say. I'll pay you but I just spent my last twenty dollars on a crack rock. How about I send you a baby instead? A custom one made just for you*. You can deduct some taxes in your declarations this april because you're a father now. But please mister office, don't file an investigation against me.


*offer for a limited time only while supplies last. not availible for resale. one year limited warranty on all parts and labour.
Did I say I was gonna call the cops? And, I don't want a baby. At least not at this age.

HornyPope
12-02-2004, 07:12 AM
What age would you like your baby then, Mr. Detective? And what nationality? I'm pretty sure I can find something for your taste from my wide repertoire of bastard children.

jimmyjimjimz
12-02-2004, 07:43 AM
Did I say I was a detective?
And, I'm not ready to have a kid right now. I'm 21 years old. I need time to go out and live it up, and find a girl, and get married.

nieh
12-02-2004, 08:17 AM
Pope, I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. If you need a place to keep your kid, you can send her to me. I can't take her forever but I'll take care of her until you find someone that's willing to adopt her. I'll send you my address over P.M.

p.s.
my next door neighbor is a South American gay (possible) drug-dealer. I'll be sure she doesn't get into contact with him.

sKratch
12-02-2004, 09:40 AM
I know who you're talking about. He's definitely gay.

nieh
12-02-2004, 11:25 AM
oh no, he's definitely gay. He's only possibly a drug dealer.

HornyPope
12-02-2004, 02:50 PM
Did I say I was a detective?

Not at all, mr. officer, but hear you come out with these brilliant Sherlok-Holmes-like deductions made me suspect that you are working for the police force for they hire only the brightest. You sure you're not an undercover cop? Because I can't believe how incredibily well you analyzed my post to pick out the doubtfull pieces; but rest assured, these shady pieces don't take any from the sincerity of my help plea.


And, I'm not ready to have a kid right now. I'm 21 years old. I need time to go out and live it up, and find a girl, and get married.

It's a great idea, Sir, but it ain't easy to execute it. The way I look at it, if there is any correlation between your intelligence and your looks, odds are you will remain a virgin at least for another decade. So how you gonna have babies then? You can always donate sperm to a clinic, track down the client, hunt them down and claim their newborn at gun point, but that's just a crazy radical move on your behalf. Why won't you be a smart boy and accept a free baby offer from me instead? I'll take insurance on the package if it means so much to you. Just as long as you agree to help me out.


Pope, I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. If you need a place to keep your kid, you can send her to me. I can't take her forever but I'll take care of her until you find someone that's willing to adopt her. I'll send you my address over P.M.

Awesome. Thanks a lot. You're a truely great friend.

See Mr. Detective, even established BBS members offer to help me. How can you still possibly maintain that I am lying? Now where's Strider. We were on a verge to seal the deal already.

jimmyjimjimz
12-03-2004, 08:20 AM
It's a great idea, Sir, but it ain't easy to execute it. The way I look at it, if there is any correlation between your intelligence and your looks, odds are you will remain a virgin at least for another decade. So how you gonna have babies then? You can always donate sperm to a clinic, track down the client, hunt them down and claim their newborn at gun point, but that's just a crazy radical move on your behalf. Why won't you be a smart boy and accept a free baby offer from me instead? I'll take insurance on the package if it means so much to you. Just as long as you agree to help me out.
You're gonna send your kid in a fucking package? I can't believe they'd even let you do that. How will the kid survive in a fucking package?

sKratch
12-03-2004, 08:26 AM
Are you mentally handicapped? He's drilling fucking air holes in it.

JoY
12-03-2004, 08:54 AM
You're gonna send your kid in a fucking package? I can't believe they'd even let you do that. How will the kid survive in a fucking package?
you can't read very well, can you?

jimmyjimjimz
12-03-2004, 09:45 AM
you can't read very well, can you?
yes I can read well.

I'll take insurance on the package if it means so much to you. Just as long as you agree to help me out.

Strider
12-03-2004, 10:17 AM
Whew...has this errand been taken care of? HP, what exactly are you gonna do?

HornyPope
12-03-2004, 10:36 AM
You're gonna send your kid in a fucking package? I can't believe they'd even let you do that. How will the kid survive in a fucking package?

Why all these questions, Mr. Detective? I'm innocent I tells you. All I wanna do is give my baby a good home. Why can't you help me out? I'm bursting in tears here. I offered to place cushions for the baby made of 90s magazines and old newspaper, I offered to drill air holes, I offered to take inssurance, I offered to write fragile on the package, and yet you're not satisfied. How can I ever please you? Please Mr. Detective, my intentions are as sincere as is my mind before the day I smoked a juicy on my 6th birthday. Believe me. I don't have the ressources to compete with the big-name corporations who can ship out children on first-class flights. I can't hire university graduates. I can't offer no multi-million bonuses to my CEO, who incidently is missing as of last month. I'm just a poor man trying to survive. Why must you make this any harder on me? Support the little guy. And together we shall overcome the evils that plague this world!


Whew...has this errand been taken care of? HP, what exactly are you gonna do?

What do you mean "what are you gonna do"? I shipped out the baby to Brazil yesterday. Surprise! You're gonna be a proud dad in a week time. Until then please stay patient. A pleasure to talk to you as always Strider. Have a good day!

jimmyjimjimz
12-03-2004, 12:28 PM
Why all these questions, Mr. Detective? I'm innocent I tells you. All I wanna do is give my baby a good home. Why can't you help me out? I'm bursting in tears here. I offered to place cushions for the baby made of 90s magazines and old newspaper, I offered to drill air holes, I offered to take inssurance, I offered to write fragile on the package, and yet you're not satisfied. How can I ever please you? Please Mr. Detective, my intentions are as sincere as is my mind before the day I smoked a juicy on my 6th birthday. Believe me. I don't have the ressources to compete with the big-name corporations who can ship out children on first-class flights. I can't hire university graduates. I can't offer no multi-million bonuses to my CEO, who incidently is missing as of last month. I'm just a poor man trying to survive. Why must you make this any harder on me? Support the little guy. And together we shall overcome the evils that plague this world!

OK I believe you now, and I know you're joking about shipping the kid via mail. But dude, can't you just give the kid up for adoption? That's a much better idea than giving the baby up to someone you met over the internet.


What do you mean "what are you gonna do"? I shipped out the baby to Brazil yesterday. Surprise! You're gonna be a proud dad in a week time. Until then please stay patient. A pleasure to talk to you as always Strider. Have a good day!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nieh
12-03-2004, 12:48 PM
OK I believe you now, and I know you're joking about shipping the kid via mail. But dude, can't you just give the kid up for adoption? That's a much better idea than giving the baby up to someone you met over the internet.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

90% of children put up for adopted spend at least 8 years in the orphanage. 40% never get adopted at all.

jimmyjimjimz
12-03-2004, 02:00 PM
90% of children put up for adopted spend at least 8 years in the orphanage. 40% never get adopted at all.
OK that's a really good point, but you don't know who you're talking to on the internet. Like once, I was talking to this girl, and she said she was 18, but I found out she was really 14.

wheelchairman
12-03-2004, 02:55 PM
You're a real ass. We've known hornypope for over 4 years some of us. Some of us have even met him. Hell I saw his girlfriend while she was pregnant. It was a really hard time for them.

HornyPope
12-03-2004, 03:43 PM
Why must you discriminate against the internet, Mr. Detective? One can get mislead in real life just as easy as online. Once I was fuckng this girl who turned out to be a guy. I swore to myself that i'd never have anal sex again before I found out the real details of the fuckee. The following week I made the same mistake. See how easy it is to get sucked into the lies of others? Just because they have long hair and lipstick doesn't mean it's a girl. So i'm not gonna trust people off line more than I trust people on line. It's the same thing everywhere to me. That's why I've no problems giving away my baby online. As for the package, look man, i'm not as smart as you are. I can't make the best decisions alll the time. So I figured i'd ship her like the rest of the mail y'know. What's the big deal, eh? But if you're so against it, I suppose i can find another way to smugle her. Maybe I can place her in the trunk of a car and drive it to the U.S.. Would that be a better alternative for you?

jimmyjimjimz
12-03-2004, 05:43 PM
Why must you discriminate against the internet, Mr. Detective? One can get mislead in real life just as easy as online. Once I was fuckng this girl who turned out to be a guy. I swore to myself that i'd never have anal sex again before I found out the real details of the fuckee. The following week I made the same mistake. See how easy it is to get sucked into the lies of others? Just because they have long hair and lipstick doesn't mean it's a girl. So i'm not gonna trust people off line more than I trust people on line. It's the same thing everywhere to me. That's why I've no problems giving away my baby online. As for the package, look man, i'm not as smart as you are. I can't make the best decisions alll the time. So I figured i'd ship her like the rest of the mail y'know. What's the big deal, eh? But if you're so against it, I suppose i can find another way to smugle her. Maybe I can place her in the trunk of a car and drive it to the U.S.. Would that be a better alternative for you?
lol.
I have nothing against the internet, but I just don't get why you wanna hand over your kid to people you possibly never met in person. Like me. You never met me in person. Don't you have anyone in your family to give your kid to? Or anyone in the mother's family?

HornyPope
12-04-2004, 03:00 PM
This has gotten boring.

The reason I want to give it to you is because of your superiour intellect. I'm convinced that a child growing up with such brilliant father will no doubt become incredibly smart herself. Help the poor girl out.

jimmyjimjimz
12-04-2004, 07:57 PM
I can't man.

I have no job. I have no way to support her.

HornyPope
12-05-2004, 10:26 PM
Get a job then, man. Don't be a slacker. One must work hard to survive. If you don't work and earn money, who will support my daughter? Huh? We need you now.

jimmyjimjimz
12-06-2004, 10:46 AM
dude,
I'm not ready to be a father right now. Plain and simple.

Sexy Panda
12-07-2004, 02:36 AM
Dear God the air is so dense.

Jimmy use your brain. It is clear that Pope has the fat genes and he's giving them to his kids. That baby you adopt is going to be as fat as santa Clause. That's some good barbecue Briskets.

jimmyjimjimz
12-07-2004, 11:27 AM
Dear God the air is so dense.

Jimmy use your brain. It is clear that Pope has the fat genes and he's giving them to his kids. That baby you adopt is going to be as fat as santa Clause. That's some good barbecue Briskets.
I'm not adopting any babies. I'm not ready to be the father.

And, yeah, my family has the fat gene too.

sKratch
12-07-2004, 01:02 PM
Dear God the air is so dense.

Jimmy use your brain. It is clear that Pope has the fat genes and he's giving them to his kids. That baby you adopt is going to be as fat as santa Clause. That's some good barbecue Briskets.
Don't be so mean... vlad doesn't have the fat gene, his girlfriend does. She gave it to the baby. But Jim will be able to care for a fat baby because he knows what it's like.

HornyPope
12-07-2004, 01:38 PM
I'm not adopting any babies. I'm not ready to be the father.

Running away from your responsabilities already, huh? What kind of father will you make? You don't even have kids but already you showed zero will intowards your future offsprings. If you can't take care after other peoples' children, you won't be able to take care after your own. A shame!


And i'm fat too you guys but not because of my genes. It's through a slow discovery that eating candy bars and lying on your coach is probably not very healthy for your diet that i've got to where I am -- at the 300 pounds of mass. But I don't worry. I get as much sex as I before. I just had to drop my standards few thousand notches down. But it's ok with me. Quadriplegics are people too, right?

jimmyjimjimz
12-08-2004, 09:54 AM
I'm not running away from anything. I never even said I wanted the kid. Give her to someone else.

Sexy Panda
12-09-2004, 02:21 AM
I'm not adopting any babies. I'm not ready to be the father.

And, yeah, my family has the fat gene too.

HAHAHA Jesus Christ.

Well if HP has sex with the same chick that baby will be fat so I still say it will be a good deal. Think about it Jimmy its just a few weeks work for a whole lot of salivatory reward.

JoY
12-09-2004, 07:42 AM
Jacross, darling, this most definitely should be your avatar;
http://www.rocpoint.com/01episode_Guide/season3/t_306_panda.jpg

either than one, or this one here:
http://www.darkhorizons.com/tv/images/sp-306.jpg

orrr:
http://www.rocpoint.com/800600/sue/306_pandasign.gif

but there's also this one:
http://stoneagescanners.com/chester/img/blig/shp.gif

whichever you prefer. personally I like the second one best, though the "hands off" sign is pretty hilarious, too.

HornyPope
12-09-2004, 08:12 AM
Bella, im sure Mr. Panada has seen that cartoon. It's precisely whence he drew his first name from.


I'm not running away from anything. I never even said I wanted the kid. Give her to someone else.

You are running away, friend. You're bailing out on me. If you can't handle this, how will you handle your own children? Will you find an excuse for your wife too? Huh? Will you tell her "im sorry honey, I aien't ready to be a father yet"?

You're evil and cold-hearted. I already told to me unborn daughter that she will have a new daddy. Yet you let her down. You're just like the people who wouldn't help the Jews during the holocaust. Yeah! Would you like to be like them? Would you like to be responsible for six million deaths? You should be ashamed of yourself! Murderer!

JoY
12-09-2004, 08:46 AM
Bella, im sure Mr. Panada has seen that cartoon. It's precisely whence he drew his first name from.

really??
I'm not slapped silly. I just meant those images would make a fucking rocking av for him. well, at least, I think so.

jimmyjimjimz
12-09-2004, 08:48 AM
You are running away, friend. You're bailing out on me. If you can't handle this, how will you handle your own children? Will you find an excuse for your wife too? Huh? Will you tell her "im sorry honey, I aien't ready to be a father yet"?

You're evil and cold-hearted. I already told to me unborn daughter that she will have a new daddy. Yet you let her down. You're just like the people who wouldn't help the Jews during the holocaust. Yeah! Would you like to be like them? Would you like to be responsible for six million deaths? You should be ashamed of yourself! Murderer!
Maybe when I'm married I'll be ready to be a father, but right now I'm not. I don't have a job, so I can't support her. Maybe you'd be better off giving her to someone who actually has a job and can support her.

Strider
12-11-2004, 11:49 AM
What do you mean "what are you gonna do"? I shipped out the baby to Brazil yesterday. Surprise! You're gonna be a proud dad in a week time. Until then please stay patient. A pleasure to talk to you as always Strider. Have a good day!

It's been one week already, and the baby hasn't come. :D

jimmyjimjimz
12-11-2004, 08:18 PM
It's been one week already, and the baby hasn't come. :D
He said he was sending me the baby, but I don't want her. Give her to someone who actually has the money to support her.

Sexy Panda
12-13-2004, 02:45 AM
really??
I'm not slapped silly. I just meant those images would make a fucking rocking av for him. well, at least, I think so.

Thanks Joy, I would have used the second one but it was too big.

Not Ozymandias
07-09-2005, 06:57 PM
BUMPtyBUMP

Endymion
07-09-2005, 08:36 PM
http://www.csulb.edu/~rjames/classic/kermit.png

wheelchairman
03-13-2006, 12:00 AM
I just needed to bump this again.

T-6005
03-13-2006, 12:38 AM
Are you mentally handicapped? He's drilling fucking air holes in it.
Priceless.

Betty
03-13-2006, 12:48 AM
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Best thread EVER!

JoY
03-13-2006, 06:47 AM
this has me caught in a laughing fit all over again.

if only I wasn't in the library.

nieh
03-13-2006, 06:56 AM
Vlad, I'd just like to take this opportunity to let you know that your kid's been growing up just fine since she got here. She's lost a little bit of weight (which I know will make you proud) despite getting a bit taller (She's about 4 lbs, and is about a foot and a half tall now). She likes to crawl in my cat's litter box and eats their shit like it's candy. It's adorable! Also, she's started teething recently (a bit later than expected, I know. The doctor's said it might be because she hasn't had a drop of milk since coming here and doesn't really have any other source of calcium in her diet). Lately she's been chewing on electrical cords, I'm assuming in an attempt to massage her gums and make them feel better. This one time she actually got through the insulation and I heard a loud *ZAP* sound from the other room. I ran in to see what was the problem and saw that she had shorted out my PS2. I was so furious I was going to toss her down into the crawl space but then I saw her shivering on the floor and just melted. I ran to the closet and grabbed my video camera and got about an hour of it on tape if you ever want to see it. It was the cutest thing ever! I still haven't thought up a name for her though. Any ideas?

JoY
03-13-2006, 07:01 AM
aw, Josh! you're the cutest dad for Vlad's children I could ever imagine. <3

HornyPope
03-13-2006, 10:04 AM
Thank you for the quarterly report, Josh. Please remember henceforth to add the serial number of the baby you're writing for so I can update my BABY folders accordingly.


/this is the funniest reply i could think of in the two minutes i had to ponder. i dissapoint, i know, i know.

Sin Studly
03-13-2006, 12:42 PM
I approve of this.

nieh
03-13-2006, 05:10 PM
Oh right, I forgot all about the serial number. It's RDZ-00371MN. I think I'm going to start using that as her name from now on so I don't have to think of one on my own.

nieh
03-17-2006, 06:22 PM
No, he was afraid he would have to go through life with a fat child.

wheelchairman
02-02-2008, 07:01 PM
Oh yeeeeeeaaaaaaahhh

T-6005
02-02-2008, 07:38 PM
I went looking for this about 3 months ago but didn't find it.

Jakebert
02-03-2008, 11:19 AM
Personally, I think that this thread could use a sequel called "A Very Abortion Christmas".

Tomboy Powerhead
02-04-2008, 05:35 AM
What are you drugging with? Just curious.

ad8
02-13-2008, 11:45 AM
How about I send you a baby instead? A custom one made just for you*

*offer for a limited time only while supplies last. not availible for resale. one year limited warranty on all parts and labour.

You mean like a heavy relic custom shop american standard baby?
(sounds interesting:D )