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View Full Version : The Ballad of Kim and Ashley



Sin Studly
11-25-2005, 02:48 PM
So gather round ye children,
And listen to my epic tale,
A tale of a cutting emo fuck,
And a goth, so fat and pale,
They came to an internet forum,
To annoy us with their shit,
With intelligence and literacy,
Like that of the average brit.

The emo's name was Ashley,
He was a stupid fucking tard,
He claimed the southside ghetto,
And pretended he was hard,
Even after his dumb girlfriend,
Claimed he was a sopping emo muff,
He still made up his stories,
So desperate to appear tough,

And the gothic's moniker was Kim,
She was a heinous ugly slut,
Faking her suicide attempts,
On the days she didn't cut,
With skin paler than albinos,
And an ass like a school bus,
We wish she'd attempt properly,
And fucking stop annoying us,

So hark to the tale of cutting,
And attentionwhoring dramas,
They'll threaten suicide again,
And claim status as self-harmers,
They need their fucking audience,
Their souls they have to bare,
Even though it's fucking obvious,
That we fucking do not care.

And they post their lame domestics,
In every single fucking thread,
Till we wished they'd buy a pistol,
So the next attempt would leave them dead,
Even though we went and told them,
These two purile wastes of life,
To suicide they'll need more than,
Two millimetres of the knife.

And so these starcrossed lovers,
Should try jumping in front of trucks,
They're both borderline retarded,
Ugly attentioncraving fucks,
Both devoid of any attributes,
That could be considered good,
And all their talk of suicide,
Just makes us wish they fucking would,

You're both stupid fucking molluscs,
The world hates your fucking guts,
And you've got nothing to show for it,
But some petty superficial cuts,
And your highest mark of failure,
Into which this ballad delves,
Hitler killed six million,
And you can't even kill yourselves.

So hark to the tale of cutting,
And attentionwhoring dramas,
They'll threaten suicide again,
And claim status as self-harmers,
They need their fucking audience,
Their souls they have to bare,
Even though it's fucking obvious,
That we fucking do not care.

TheUnholyNightbringer
11-25-2005, 02:49 PM
They need their fucking audience,
Their souls they have to bare,
Even though it's fucking obvious,
That we fucking do not care.

*Dies of laughter*

Izie
11-25-2005, 02:49 PM
Truer words have never been spoken.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v334/Izacam1/bow.gif

China Boy
11-25-2005, 02:50 PM
Best one yet.

[Warning] Nimrod In Town
11-25-2005, 02:51 PM
Hitler killed six million,
And you can't even kill yourselves


Hahhaha . Can you make me a ballad?

the_GoDdEsS
11-25-2005, 02:52 PM
Motherfucking priceless. I especially loved the last part.

Just a Girl
11-25-2005, 02:53 PM
Best one yet.

i must agree with this.

Patton
11-25-2005, 02:54 PM
That's some funny shit.

Tizzalicious
11-25-2005, 03:08 PM
Hahahaha, the Hitler bit is awesome indeed.

wheelchairman
11-25-2005, 03:08 PM
The title just told you, that this was going to be the most delicious ballad ever. Haha. This should be put in some kind of anthology.

the_GoDdEsS
11-25-2005, 03:10 PM
This should be put in some kind of anthology.

I wholeheartedly agree. We gotta save them all and do some 1337 reciting while intoxicated.

wheelchairman
11-25-2005, 03:11 PM
Oh definitely. In the next meetup we can totally do a singalong thing.

MindlessSelfIndulgent
11-25-2005, 03:11 PM
I wish I was able to write like that. Beautiful.

nieh
11-25-2005, 03:11 PM
This should be stickied.

platinumpt
11-25-2005, 03:18 PM
Fucking brilliance.

the_offsprings_monkey
11-25-2005, 03:20 PM
Meh I thought that was rather funny.

0r4ng3
11-25-2005, 03:23 PM
Meh I thought that was rather funny.
On a somewhat unrelated note,

Why did I get the feeling his reply would include the word "meh"?

XYlophonetreeZ
11-25-2005, 03:25 PM
Meh I thought that was rather funny.

Yeah, I liked the parts about your fat cutter girlfriend. LOL!

the_offsprings_monkey
11-25-2005, 03:29 PM
Yeah, I liked the parts about your fat cutter girlfriend. LOL!
I don't care what a bunch of people off the net think, least of all a bunch of fucktards like this lot.

TheUnholyNightbringer
11-25-2005, 03:30 PM
I don't care what a bunch of people off the net think, least of all a bunch of fucktards like this lot.

LOL, you and your girlfriend are cutters.

LOL!

Sin Studly
11-25-2005, 03:30 PM
Why did I get the feeling his reply would include the word "meh"?

Because he's just been so badly pwnt his only options are to ignore, or feign indifference.

XYlophonetreeZ
11-25-2005, 03:31 PM
And yet you continue to make all of our lives worse by posting here. And you thought a ballad encouraging your girlfriend to commit suicide was FUNNY.

the_offsprings_monkey
11-25-2005, 03:34 PM
And yet you continue to make all of our lives worse by posting here. And you thought a ballad encouraging your girlfriend to commit suicide was FUNNY.
No I think the fact that he spent time doing it is funny, just go's to show how pathetic he really is.

Sin Studly
11-25-2005, 03:38 PM
*gasp*

Perhaps I'm actually a writer (y'know, one of those people who 'makes words'), and stringing together a decent poem, no matter the subject ; actually brings me pleasure?

TheUnholyNightbringer
11-25-2005, 03:39 PM
No I think the fact that he spent time doing it is funny, just go's to show how pathetic he really is.

LOL, you're a stupid cutting 'tard.

the_GoDdEsS
11-25-2005, 03:39 PM
*gasp*

Perhaps I'm actually a writer (y'know, one of those people who 'makes words'), and stringing together a decent poem, no matter the subject ; actually brings me pleasure?

I don't think the illiterate understand that.

the_offsprings_monkey
11-25-2005, 03:40 PM
LOL, you're a stupid cutting 'tard.
Why thanks.

Jebus
11-25-2005, 03:43 PM
Anyone else get reminded of miss piggy when you see her picture? She doesn't exactly look like her but I always seem to get a miss piggy image in my head.

The Talking Pie
11-25-2005, 03:48 PM
Hahahahaha. Holy shit, Hitler is awesome :cool:

Vera
11-25-2005, 04:08 PM
His name is Ashley? Geez, I thought it was another one of those teenie bitches.

No, wait, it IS one of those teenie bitches.

clokey43
11-25-2005, 04:09 PM
That is pure genius. He doesn't care he said, yet he continues to try and defend himself.

Sunny
11-25-2005, 04:54 PM
And your highest mark of failure,
Into which this ballad delves,
Hitler killed six million,
And you can't even kill yourselves.



pwned.

i second the sticky request.

neocon58
11-25-2005, 04:56 PM
Certainly deserves a sticky.

T-6005
11-25-2005, 05:00 PM
This is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

original_prankster
11-25-2005, 05:20 PM
Gotta give credit where credit is due. You're a very clever guy, Sin Studly.. :D

Offspring-Fanatic
11-25-2005, 05:26 PM
im sorry, but it was rather funny...

wow you should be a poet

Sin Studly
11-25-2005, 05:28 PM
wow you should be a poet

... I write poetry. Which would kind of, y'know, mean that I am a fucking poet.

Offspring-Fanatic
11-25-2005, 05:30 PM
well, i didn't know that. so now i learned something today.

Sin Studly
11-25-2005, 05:34 PM
You thought maybe a poet was somebody who fixes cars? Or you didn't realise, whilst posting in a thread containing one of my poems, that I wrote poetry?

Offspring-Fanatic
11-25-2005, 05:43 PM
well i dont know! alright, you could've been a waiter who likes to write poetry in your spare time. Who knows? It could be anything! so therefore, i did not know you were a poet. just because i like to write, does not mean i am a writer.

Sin Studly
11-25-2005, 05:46 PM
Oh, you meant a full-time poet? Yes, I'm actually part of the Poet's Union, and I work for PoetryCorp...

'tard.

Offspring-Fanatic
11-25-2005, 05:50 PM
when i mean poet, i mean as in a job.as in all you do, is write poetry for money.

whatever, it was a compliment and you HAVE to turn it around. brilliant.

The Talking Pie
11-25-2005, 06:12 PM
Hahaha... making a living off writing poetry... if only.

Rag Doll
11-25-2005, 08:49 PM
Oh man. definitely the best one yet. And I have to agree that the Hitler line is absofuckinglutely brilliant.

DirtyMagical
11-25-2005, 09:00 PM
I gotta read this again without Tatu playing in the background...
Hilarious stuff!

Offspring7
11-25-2005, 09:10 PM
Does Justin have published work?

All About Eve
11-25-2005, 09:11 PM
pwned.

i second the sticky request.

I third. Motion passes.

0r4ng3
11-25-2005, 09:18 PM
I fourth, even though motion has already been passed.

Sin Studly
11-25-2005, 10:57 PM
Does Justin have published work?

Yeah, I do, but nothing I'm proud of.

lenar
11-26-2005, 12:09 AM
I like the whole thing but I love the Hitler part best.

the_GoDdEsS
11-26-2005, 12:10 AM
I think everybody does.

TheUnholyNightbringer
11-26-2005, 12:11 AM
http://www.csulb.edu/~rjames/classic/nahtzee.jpg

Sorry. It cracks me up and I wanted an excuse to post it.

Obie2trice
11-26-2005, 03:54 AM
damn this shit is hard, nice work

.:SMASH:.
11-26-2005, 04:02 AM
did you stay up ALL night writing that?

Sin Studly
11-26-2005, 04:03 AM
Five requests now, can we get a sticky up in the hizzle?

Sin Studly
11-26-2005, 04:04 AM
did you stay up ALL night writing that?

It took about twelve minutes (in which I concurrantly gave my attention to other things)..... see, I'm not illiterate and retarded like you are, so a mindless little piece of poetry doesn't take me "ALL night".

.:SMASH:.
11-26-2005, 04:05 AM
it depresses me to see how much effort you put into trying to upset other people

Sin Studly
11-26-2005, 04:07 AM
Effort? That's just something I whipped up in between smoking, drinking, and chatting on MSN. Honestly, there's barely any effort involved whatsoever. But see, you wouldn't understand that, because you've never written a coherent sentence in your life ; let alone a decent poem.

.:SMASH:.
11-26-2005, 04:09 AM
ok maybe you dont put effort into it, but it still depresses me to see how much you put people down. you're doing it again, but yet i havnt done anything to insult you yet..

Sin Studly
11-26-2005, 04:16 AM
Your continued existence saddens me. :(

.:SMASH:.
11-26-2005, 04:16 AM
you dont even know my name

XYlophonetreeZ
11-26-2005, 11:32 AM
you dont even know my name

^Worst fucking comeback EVER.

Offspring7
11-26-2005, 08:32 PM
this deserves a bump. its as close to a sticky as it gets. and i liked dave's boardgame.

JoY
11-27-2005, 06:48 AM
And your highest mark of failure,
Into which this ballad delves,
Hitler killed six million,
And you can't even kill yourselves.

*bursts into wild laughter* oh, Amon!

JoY
11-27-2005, 06:49 AM
Meh I thought that was rather funny.
you're a good sport. *thumbs up*

JoY
11-27-2005, 06:51 AM
No I think the fact that he spent time doing it is funny, just go's to show how pathetic he really is.
okay, now you've just ruined it. :[ boo.

JoY
11-27-2005, 06:53 AM
http://www.csulb.edu/~rjames/classic/nahtzee.jpg

Sorry. It cracks me up and I wanted an excuse to post it.
HAHAHAHA! fucking awesome!

Sin Studly
11-27-2005, 07:43 AM
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y218/AmonGoth/forum%20pics/orangejews.jpg

Slayter
11-27-2005, 07:56 AM
So gather round ye children,
And listen to my epic tale,
A tale of a cutting emo fuck,
And a goth, so fa....[/i]

WoW - great Respect!

The Talking Pie
11-27-2005, 07:56 AM
I tried to set up a Jewish candy store in school once. We were going to sell Herschel chocolate bars and Mountain Jew drinks. No one liked the idea. Fucking anti-semites.

Sin Studly
11-27-2005, 07:59 AM
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y218/AmonGoth/forum%20pics/jewcereal.jpg

Offspring7
11-27-2005, 09:34 AM
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y218/AmonGoth/forum%20pics/orangejews.jpg

I liked this invention the most out of the Nahtzee and Kike Krispies.

beautifulnightmare
11-27-2005, 11:16 AM
nice job haha

dalaksta
11-27-2005, 12:42 PM
whats a ballad again?

jk

Sin Studly
02-05-2006, 07:32 AM
Why wasn't this stickied?

Duracell
02-05-2006, 07:36 AM
Why wasn't this stickied?

because you are a nigger. Niggers are not given the same privilages as non niggerish people.

Paint_It_Black
02-05-2006, 03:56 PM
because you are a nigger. Niggers are not given the same privilages as non niggerish people.

Boy, are you retarded?

Andy
02-05-2006, 04:27 PM
Yes he is. Tragic, really.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y218/AmonGoth/forum%20pics/orangejews.jpg
That image is great, first time I've actually "laughed out load" on the net for weeks. Orange Jews..Genius.

calichix
02-05-2006, 11:29 PM
You're Einstein if he was a foxy Australian.

Sin Studly
02-06-2006, 01:13 AM
Einstein was a Jewish Physicist. Equate me to Oscar Wilde or George Bernard Shaw, please.

BREAK
02-06-2006, 07:03 PM
Can someone please explain to me why Duracell hasn't been banned, or murdered?

the_GoDdEsS
02-06-2006, 07:05 PM
Can someone please explain to me why Duracell hasn't been banned, or murdered?

Being processed. We e-mailed them about it. And no deletion before ban. Need evidence.

Andy
02-06-2006, 07:07 PM
Being processed. We e-mailed them about it. And no deletion before ban. Need evidence.
There is plenty. Over 3,000 posts of it.

calichix
02-06-2006, 07:54 PM
You're so *not* Oscar Wilde.

yay
02-06-2006, 10:38 PM
Being processed. We e-mailed them about it. And no deletion before ban. Need evidence.Isn't that post before good enough?

Sin Studly
02-06-2006, 11:07 PM
You're so *not* Oscar Wilde.

Be gentle with my tender heart :(

sKratch
02-06-2006, 11:37 PM
Why wasn't this stickied?
Why exactly did you bump this?

Sin Studly
02-07-2006, 02:06 AM
Why haven't you stickied it yet?