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View Full Version : Slovaks ; Kinda like Czechs, but less important



Sin Studly
11-28-2005, 12:28 PM
Here we go again. Now, I suppose you're expecting me to call for the extermination of Slovaks. After all, I called for the extermination of the Polish and the Serbians, and I would have called for the extermination of the English, (but accidently forgot). Well, here's something that might surprise you. I'm not going to call for the extermination of the Slovaks. "Why not?", I might hear you ask... well, the better question would be, "Why bother?". I mean, seriously, have the Slovaks ever done anything? Ever? I mean, honestly, they used to be part of the Czechslovakian republic, which was fine. Everybody knew who Czechs were, nobody knew any such thing as a Slovak existed. Since the split between the Czech and Slovak republics, has anything changed? People still know who the Czechs are, everybody knows about Prague being a seat of European civilisation, history has known such great Czechs as Edvard Beneš, Antonín Leopold Dvořák, Ivana Trump, Oskar Schindler... not especially great people (they are Slavs, after all) .... but great Slovaks? If you can think of any, let me know ; cause I'm seriously fucking stumped.

Even today, most of the western world hasn't yet realised that there's actually a country on the map called The Slovak Republic. And why would they? I mean, when's the last time you saw them on the news for something? Anything? When's the last time the Slovaks made any kind of impression on the world order? For that matter, when's the first time? Has it ever happened? I don't know, and I probably never will know, and more to the point ; I don't care. I mean, their capital city, for instance. Even Trivial Persuit masters wouldn't be able to tell you the capital city of Slovakia, and they'd probably accuse you of making up ficticious nations. Oh, my apologies... did I say 'capital city'? I meant to say, 'capital village'. Yes, the Slovaks haven't actually gotten around to building any cities yet. The first Slovak state was founded somewhere in the eight century AD, and they still haven't managed to build a single city. I mean, niggers had managed to build cities before Jesus was born, and the Slovaks are still struggling. I'd equate their laziness and desire to fade into obscurity with that of the beaners, but I'm afraid that would be an unfair insult to beaners.

So how do a peoples become so wholly insignificant? Seemingly it's because the Slovaks openly embrace their mediocrity. After playing the role of the Czechs bitch for so many years, it seems they decided they weren't nearly insigificant enough. I mean, try to understand ; it's the Czechs we're talking about, a wholly insignificant and mediocre nation. We, as human beings, are only vaguely aware of the fact that the Czech Republic exists somewhere ; so can you imagine how wholly mediocre and insignificant and worthless one has to be to play bitch to the Czechs? Yeah, it simply hurts the brain trying to imagine it ; doesn't it? I mean, the Slovaks are so fucking insignificant it's hard to write this damn essay, I'm afraid that at any minute I'm going to have to launch into an excessively long anecdote about my last trip to the public library, in painstakingly minute detail ; and honestly, I think that might be somewhat more interesting than talking about Slovaks. An entire nation, an entire peoples, with ethnic roots reaching back to the fifth century AD, and my last ten minute trip to the public library is going to interest you all more.

So, apart from being the Czechs bitches, they've also spread their legs for the Moravians, the Hungarians, the Nazis and the Soviets. And I don't mean like, they got conquered or anything, hell no. It seems throughout their entire history the Slovaks have done nothing but find other cultures to attach themselves to, like the insignificant unnoticed piggybackers that they are. To hand it to them, they have been progressing throughout the years, but only in the sense that they've found increasingly bigger and better civilisations to attach themselves to. I mean, throughout history there have been some pretty badassed civilisations. The Finns, for instance, fought the Nazis and the Allies during World War II. Now that's pretty badassed, and it's not something many nations would have the balls to do. Conversely, most nations had the balls to fight one of those forces... but, as they've proved time and time again, the Slovaks quite simply are nothing like most nations. No, they quite happily spread their legs for the Nazis and the Soviets. It's no wonder nobody on the planet knows who they are except people who actually live in Slovakia (and I wouldn't be surprised if even a few of them had never heard of the place).

Another interesting fact about the Slovaks... and I use 'interesting' in the very loosest sense of the word, as there's really absolutely nothing interesting about them, and I wouldn't be surprised if nobody ever actually gets to reading this far about them ; is that they coined the term 'Velvet Revolution'. Why? Because nobody else in the history of the fucking universe has had a Velvet fucking Revolution before. I mean, conjure up some mental images of what you consider a Revolution to be. Russians storming the winter palace, the Romanovs being dragged out and shot, guillotines, baskets full of heads, the Marquis de Sades and the Great Terror of France, guerrillas stalking the South American rainforests, Che Guevara and Fidel Castro triumphantly raising their fists aloft to the amassed crowd's shouts of "VIVA! VIVA! VIVA LA REVELUCION!!!!, partisan mercenaries slaughtering the shattered remnants of the white Rhodesians.... God, it's exciting, isn't it? Interesting? The blood, the violence, the turmoil and social upheaval.... the Slovaks are the only peoples on the face of the earth who've managed to take something as bloody and violent as revolution and succession and make it so bland and uninteresting that nobody fucking noticed. A quick handshake, the Czechs cheerful reply of 'Yeah, good luck, guys', and that was it. If the Slovaks were interesting enough to actually have murderers, fuck knows what their method of killing would be. Boring people to death? Or more likely they'd just say "Hey there, would you mind, like, dying, please?", and their victims ; so immersed in the Slovak culture of submission and obedience, would say "Sure,", and just spontaneously die.

To get a proper idea of just what seeping vaginas the Slovak people really are, google up an image of the Slovak national dress.... yes. A white frock with floral designs imprinted all over it. And that's what the men wear. Honestly, to call the Slovak males the most flaming queerbos since Liberace would... no, actually... they're far more flamingly gay than Liberace, so that won't work. Okay, to call them the most flaming queerbos since Oscar Wilde would be a... erm, no, they're gayer than him too. In fact, I don't even think I feel comfortable calling them gay, because it's an insult to cocksucking camp queers the world over. They really need to come up with a new word to describe the Slovak male, because 'rampantly mincing fairy' doesn't even come close. I can guarantee that if anybody in North America had ever heard of the Slovaks, the entire Queer Eye for the Straight Guy team would be completely comprised of Slovaks ; in traditional dresses. And no, I didn't mean to say 'traditional dress'. They're dresses. As in, cocktail frock kinda shit. It's simply amazing, the Slovaks almost make the Greeks look heterosexual by comparison.

So.... I wanted to reread 'Of Mice and Men' by John Steinbeck, and I had it on reserve for quite a while, and decided I'd check into the library to see if it was in yet. To prepare for this, first I picked up my wallet, with my left hand. My wallet was made of brown leather, and contained exactly forty cents in ten cent coins, six dollars in two-dollar coins, a twenty dollar note, and a five dollar note. It also contained my libarary card, which was yellow, cardboard, and laminated....

XYlophonetreeZ
11-28-2005, 12:33 PM
Are you going to finish that seemingly irrelevant anecdote by saying that the library card was made from the remains of Jews?

Naw, but really, Bratislava is actually a pretty well-known city, and personally, I've met more Slovaks than Czechs. But I admit I'd never heard of any of that Velvet Revolution shit.

Sin Studly
11-28-2005, 12:39 PM
Brati-what-va?

.:SMASH:.
11-28-2005, 12:49 PM
theres no way im reading that giant motherfucker

XYlophonetreeZ
11-28-2005, 12:53 PM
Then... post somewhere else! As always, thanks for your worthwhile and stimulating contribution.

By the way, your avatar looks like Dexter was prepared to fellate someone when his head was suddenly cloven off by an awesome supernatural light force.

.:SMASH:.
11-28-2005, 12:57 PM
Then... post somewhere else! As always, thanks for your worthwhile and stimulating contribution.

By the way, your avatar looks like Dexter was prepared to fellate someone when his head was suddenly cloven off by an awesome supernatural light force.
i wasn't planning on making a worthwhile contribution to one of sin studly's pointless insult-people-for-the-fun-of-it threads, i was planning on annoying someone and according to you, i am succeeding in my goal. thank you for the compliment on my avatar :D. its from the want you bad video

Cejus
11-28-2005, 12:58 PM
I've lived in the Czech Republic for 5 years, and Slovaks always looked at Czechs with envy. I mean, the Czech Republic has a lot of important cities, eg: Prague, Brno, Karlstadt (Karlovy Vary), Pilsen... and Bratislava is just boring. So Czechs seem to get a lot of money through tourism, and Slovaks don't.

I couldn't tell anything good about the Slovak Republic, nor could I tell anything bad, although I've visited it a lot of times. It's just a boring country. :(

the_GoDdEsS
11-28-2005, 01:04 PM
You have a fairly good grasp of things. Agreed on several points. Yes, we are pretty mediocre, insignificant and yes, we've been bitches of other nations. And yes, most Slovaks are lame and need someone to guide them, even though they're hard working but they're scared to put their own ideas into practice and flush their brains with incredible alcohol abuse and violence instead.

To correct some facts:

There was no Slovak state before 1918 though. We had an empire first together with the Moravians and then were parts of other empires (Austrian-Hungarian empire where Bratislava was the main place where you'd crown all the kings).

No, we never were the Moravian bitches. The Moravians actually wanted to annex themselves to us because of the Czech cockiness. Again, you're perfectly right on being bitches to other nations.

The reason why we were the Nazi babystate is that Hitler threatened to scatter our territory around and annex parts of it to Poles and Hungarians (whom we hated).

And last but not least, my conclusion is you're gonna get bloody whipped worse than the bitches on Easter Monday and fucked up the arse without the lube because the Slavic bitches can be tougher than the Slavic 'queer' males. I shall personally take care of degrading that 'proud white man' you are, being the peasant nigger subhuman sadistic animal I am. Until you're reeaaaaaaal wide.

the_GoDdEsS
11-28-2005, 01:05 PM
I've lived in the Czech Republic for 5 years, and Slovaks always looked at Czechs with envy.


Envy is a big issue here. I hate that. But disagreed, Bratislava is not boring.

.:SMASH:.
11-28-2005, 01:07 PM
oh thats a relief the goddess..next time you insult me for being an "Oiiiiiistralian cane toad" i will understand that you also enjoy insulting yourself..more of a compliment sort of.

the_GoDdEsS
11-28-2005, 01:09 PM
oh thats a relief the goddess..next time you insult me for being an "Oiiiiiistralian cane toad" i will understand that you also enjoy insulting yourself..more of a compliment sort of.

You are a cane toad licking retard though. You plague.

.:SMASH:.
11-28-2005, 01:11 PM
You are a cane toad licking retard though. You plague.
you seem to know alot about me..although you dont know my address, what school i go to, my first and last names, who my friends are etc

Sin Studly
11-28-2005, 01:11 PM
The first known state of the Proto-Slovaks was the Nitrian Principality (Principality of Nitra) founded sometime in the 8th century

Lollercaust.

.:SMASH:.
11-28-2005, 01:12 PM
i think sin has me on his ignore list considering he hasnt been paying me out lately

Cejus
11-28-2005, 01:42 PM
Envy is a big issue here. I hate that. But disagreed, Bratislava is not boring.
Mmmh, I just didn't find it was a beautiful city, like Prague or České Budějovice... but I didn't find Vienna or Varsaw beautiful, either, and most people seem to love them...

JohnnyNemesis
11-28-2005, 04:19 PM
i think sin has me on his ignore list considering he hasnt been paying me out lately

Nah, you're just irrelevant to him, probably.

Also, stop making it so obvious that you want people to be annoyed with you. It kind of kills the whole point.

HeadAroundU
11-28-2005, 04:27 PM
Czechoslovakia soccer team won European Championchip in 1976!
8 of 11 players were Slovaks! :)

.:SMASH:.
11-28-2005, 04:27 PM
Czechoslovakia soccer team won European Championchip in 1976!
8 of 11 players were Slovaks! :)
wow, i was just wanting to know that information. thank you




eurgh

That_Guy91
11-28-2005, 04:29 PM
wow, i was just wanting to know that information. thank you




eurgh
well, he was on topic, in a way.

JohnnyNemesis
11-28-2005, 04:30 PM
Czechoslovakia soccer team won European Championchip in 1976!
8 of 11 players were Slovaks! :)

Awesome! ;) :cool: [fat kills]

Sin Studly
11-29-2005, 12:32 AM
*coughs*

Does it not kinda validate my entire argument when you say that eight of of eleven football players in NINETEEN-SEVENTY-SIX were Slovak? I mean... fifteen hundred years of 'civilisation' and that's all you've got to show for yourselves? Build a fucking city already, peasants.

HeadAroundU
11-29-2005, 08:07 AM
wait a second!
I'm building.

Sin Studly
12-07-2005, 04:21 PM
Ticho, mutant-tvar.