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Sin Studly
12-06-2005, 01:36 PM
.... and found some fucking hilarious ones I'd forgotten all about.

Keep in mind, I accidently deleted the first few emails she sent me, since they were just from "Maria", and when I get an email from a generic female name I don't recognise I delete it in the assumption it's ads for porn/dick extensions, but I finally opened one after seeing Maria come up so many times. Here goes. (note that this is before she joined the new board)


Just you wait, Justin!
You gathered right I'm mad at you how dare you insult me by dismissing my mail thus lightly?
You'll get it coming to you alright. I'll shame you into begging for mercy... on your knees you'll crawl!
I know I got your address right so why don't you put at least the merest show of bravery, you wimp? Why, you're nothing but a sissy!
Are you scared of me, chicken? Well, for your own sake you'd better. I loathe you with every bone in my body. I dare to presume you've never seen a French wench getting incensed before? I assure you, tis no pretty sight. I'm foaming at the mouth, relishing such diverse fancies as trampling you gaily, gouging your eyes out, castrating you, tearing your hair and weeping on your shoulder.

You've no idea how much I care for you. I own I'd never thought of you till a couple of days ago, you were completely lost to me. Then all of a sudden the dear memories of you sprang back. I was stunned.

If you're still addicted to that daft Offspring board brimming over with retards, I'll get you. Hope you haven't changed that moronic moniker of yours.

I'll get thugs who'll scour the sticks till you're grovelling at my very feet, you knave!

I appeal to your heart, if you still have one.
I appeal to your brains, though you've never had any.
I appeal to your prick, for that is what you are.

Answer me and brush my tears away.



Ciao, Maria...

I was shocked somewhat speechless by the insanity, and didn't reply.. nevertheless....


The sun has set
I've had a hard, tedious but rewarding day.
Do you like my pics? The one when I'm dozing was taken last year my hair has grown since as you can see in the other 2 photos.
I love my looks I'm quite conceited if you don't find me pretty say so gently.

I just needed to talk to you, you're my addiction. Tell me anything you wish about your life. Just talk to me out of my neurosis.


Ciao, Maria...

Yeah, that one had some pictures attached, by now you've all seen them.


Look here young buck....
There's one thing I want you to understand: I cannot feel contented without you. My whole life's a frustration without you. Do you understand, for heaven's sake?

I've never wanted a man before so very badly... I need you and I've needed you since I virtually met you. I could wait for you and never despair. Hope has triumphed over desperation.

I don't even ask you to love me... I just need your talking to me, ever and ever, cooling my hot forehead, soothing my grief and my addled brain.

I'm very childish, in fact I'm a child-woman. I need someone to take care of me and coddle me, who can take me on his lap and tweak my nose... and I feel, oh I do feel like you're the one who can best understand.

Of course this is preposterous. lt doesn't fit with your character at all, anyone can see that. But l will make so bold as to contend that l've seen through it all and still l know l need you.

Play with my heartstrings gently, I pray you...


Ciao, Maria...

Still no reply, and beginning to feel insanely nervous. Was about that time she joined the boards.


I'm sorry I lied to you
Where there is no trust, there is no love. Life has taught me that much.

I'm a harlot and speaking of sugar mamas I couldn't even turn half of my johns into sugar daddies.

You cannot love me we're not made of the same stuff I'm made of glass and you're made of rock.

I'm perverse and contradictory, shilly-shallying and childish. I aspire only to your love and gazing in your eyes to see the vault of heaven.

I'm ruining the one chaste romantic idyll I had ever dreamed of.


Ciao, Maria...

Still too nervous and bewildered to reply, but I must have started acknowledging her presence on the boards by this stage.


Wotcher coco
Just thought I'd say hello considering how you've talked to me on the board I don't even expect a reply anyhow I just wanted to say I'm puzzled as to... what you really think of me... should you care to set the record straight do so by all means!

Maria

The bitch just doesn't give up!


Hmm
How do you love me, Justin? Like you wanna kick my teeth in? Like there's "nothing even remotely likable in me"? You've undermined my self-confidence & my trust...

If you really loved me... you'd feel a yearning burning inside you... you wouldn't be cool & sedated, smoking & drinking... you'd really want to see me & touch me & feel I'm real, not a delusion...

Maria


Re: Hmm
Only I am not in any way likable. Let alone lovable. I think you gathered as much. You've seen enough of me, too, I guess. And I won't change, coz I just can't.

Get lost. I love you.

Maria


Re: Hmm
You're the one & only blotch on my beautiful life.

Maria


Hmm...
You really are pissing me off, but no matter I feel we're getting along apace... I don't mean it but still, we're getting along!

I don't really think you deem me a nerd, & even if it were so you know I don't care a tinker's cuss, I've too much work @ school to fritter my time away pretending to be clever on the net. So that's why I'm so daft. I'm just me at my worst; sorry about that & take it up your ---.

Alright, so how in the name of Christ & His ministering seraphs are you? I don't want no 'gaaaahhhh.... hangover again..... can't take the needle out it's stuck in.......' behave yourself.

Yours ever,
Maria


I can't believe it
You don't want my nipples?????????????? Why is that? You've never even seen them!!!!

And btw, I was on the verge of liking you, & you ruin it all... why do you look sometimes... indifferent... at others... unkind, mean & cruel... at others still... loving?

*And is thy heart so strong,
As for to leave me thus,
Who have loved thee so long,
In joy & woe among?

Say nay! Say nay!*

Fine, here's an account of my life: I went to see my bf yesterday evening, & he sort of rebuked me... so ... I left him earlier than expected... then he called me... asked me back... I said I would come on Monday & I wished him joy till then. He cursed & hung up. I've got too much work in the w-e, that's why!


Tell me truly, I implore... no I don't implore ye... just tell me truly... the poems you wrote... weren't they meant for that Australian lady you're in love with at the moment? Is your love requited? Do you feel like you're in Heaven beside her?

Once you told me... I remember ev'rything you tell me... take care what you say! (only kidding) erm... yes... you told me you could only love a woman who did certain special things. Is that true? Don't you feel like love can't be accounted for? And above all, can't be due to prerequisites??? Hmm?

You also play the jerk a lot on the board... & said that you were the greatest guy in the universe... I don't believe you arrogant at all, though. Here's why: once you asked me anxiously (I dare say as much) what I could possibly see in you. Alright. If you found me ugly or stupid, you wouldn't have asked that, would you? Besides... I find you handsome, yes. But... others are good-looking... you're charming... others are charming... I'm surrounded by charming, dashing men.

No. If I feel so much for you, tis only because... in a breast such as yours, I feel that love would reign no ordinary passion. That is all.

Maria


Hello coco
Coucou coco!

Well, I'd be glad if you handed that address now without further ado. Your steadfast refusal is simply grotesque. I'm not going to eat you.

Are you really blonde? I thought you had very dark colored hair with dyed brows, goatee & mohawk. Send a pic over I'd like to check.


Ciao, Maria...

Yeah, so then the emails kinda stopped, so me and ninth did that whole thing where we convinced her that I loved her back.


Baby
*lowers eyes demurely* If I have ever been scared it was of my love going unrequited... perhaps you will understand, perhaps you won't care to, but I have been waiting for you, & don't you forget it I love you. Tis pretty hard getting it off my breast, & I'm still scared, are you fickle, are you faithful? Questions noone but you can answer, questions that will offend you if you love me, that won't if you don't... questions I dare not answer yet... not just yet... I'm tired I'm not that angel of hope you think I am... I'm tired of being hopeful... I'll just leave you now baby ere I lose control...

With the deepest affection,
Maria

All I can say is ; Holy shit!

[Warning] Nimrod In Town
12-06-2005, 01:39 PM
God damn ...

TheUnholyNightbringer
12-06-2005, 01:39 PM
Anyone else who's read Enduring Love will, like me, see similarities between that and Jed Parry.

Nirushika6789
12-06-2005, 01:40 PM
WOAH

thats a lot of emails....

Megs
12-06-2005, 01:42 PM
i signed my old address a few weeks back to find 57 bloody emails to sort out. sheesh. nearly all chain mail. but you get a laugh out of some of those.

Kitten
12-06-2005, 01:45 PM
Looks like she just doesn't take a hint. If she were so beautiful though, you'd think she would go out and find someone who might actually respond to her.

Vera
12-06-2005, 01:46 PM
Wait, how did she find you if she wasn't a member on the board before the e-mails happened?

Sin Studly
12-06-2005, 01:50 PM
She said was on the old board, and apparantly she kept my address for over a year.

Christ, I feel like I need a shower.

Tired_Of_You
12-06-2005, 01:52 PM
WOAH

thats a lot of emails....Yeah...but I think they are mostly...terrifying.

I completely agree with Kitten.

Revolver-2005?
12-06-2005, 01:52 PM
thats really fucking creepy

Sin Studly
12-06-2005, 01:57 PM
i signed my old address a few weeks back to find 57 bloody emails to sort out. sheesh. nearly all chain mail. but you get a laugh out of some of those.

You're an idiot.

Isolated Fury
12-06-2005, 02:03 PM
What the fuck?...

I actually thought that she was over you.

But now I can see that you are the light of her life, and it will take an ungodly force to put that light out.

I wish I could help. I'm sorry, Justin.



HAHAHAHAHAHA

The Talking Pie
12-06-2005, 02:04 PM
Anyone else who's read Enduring Love will, like me, see similarities between that and Jed Parry.
I know, it's actually scary. The tone even progresses parallel to Jed's.

Though, when reading that book, he was my favourite character.

wheelchairman
12-06-2005, 02:08 PM
What the fuck?...

I actually thought that she was over you.

But now I can see that you are the light of her life, and it will take an ungodly force to put that light out.

I wish I could help. I'm sorry, Justin.



HAHAHAHAHAHA
In her defence, that was like a year ago or so.

Sin Studly
12-06-2005, 02:23 PM
Yeah, I think she actually is over me now, thank the fuck Christ.

What the hell did I do to deserve this, anyway?

Isolated Fury
12-06-2005, 02:23 PM
Oh, yes...

I knew that the whole Justin-Maria thing happened a while ago. I just figured that, by seeing these emails, it meant she just kept sending him emails. Like recently or something.

Sin Studly
12-06-2005, 02:26 PM
Nah, the last one was just before Pain Incorporated pwnt her heart.

Isolated Fury
12-06-2005, 02:29 PM
I wasn't here for Pain Incorporated. Would anyone mind explaining?

[/noobery]

Sin Studly
12-06-2005, 02:40 PM
Right here (http://www.offspring.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10245&[/url), babycheeks.

Isolated Fury
12-06-2005, 02:55 PM
Thanks, sweetie.

yay
12-06-2005, 03:19 PM
Yeah, I think she actually is over me now, thank the fuck Christ.

What the hell did I do to deserve this, anyway?Breathed .

Back in Black
12-06-2005, 03:26 PM
Thanks, sweetie.
no problem, honey.

0r4ng3
12-06-2005, 03:37 PM
Breathed .
That's not fair, saying you're the only one that doesn't deserve this fate.

Sub-Human.

calichix
12-06-2005, 10:50 PM
Dude.. She's gonna kill you.. then weep on your shoulder??

Kitten
12-07-2005, 05:16 AM
Yeah... that was the best thing I wrote, I think. That & the 'I appeal... ' !

Guess I couldn't write like that anymore, would need to hone my writing-style... those were days when my style was 'pure', now tis much more slippery... too busy to read these days.

Somehow I get the feeling it's been a while since you were pure. As for the emails, why the hell did you keep writing to him?

Nicole
12-07-2005, 06:02 AM
Yeah... that was the best thing I wrote, I think. That & the 'I appeal... ' !

Guess I couldn't write like that anymore, would need to hone my writing-style... those were days when my style was 'pure', now tis much more slippery... too busy to read these days.

Why are you so proud of the fact that you come across as a creepy stalker? Go get help.

JohnnyNemesis
12-07-2005, 10:18 AM
Actually, Maria, your writing style is rather clumsy and always has been on this BBS. It's like you're dancing around what you want to say with a bunch of empty platitudes for no reason.

No offense intended, but it's all way too pretentious.

the_GoDdEsS
12-08-2005, 03:11 PM
Bahahaha. Funny old times. I'm a sucker for Pain Incorporated.

JohnnyNemesis
12-09-2005, 01:40 AM
Samuel L. says:

http://ameblo.jp/user_images/c9/43/10001083869.jpg

Aw, this bitch again?!

Sin Studly
03-06-2006, 03:38 AM
Bump, hahhahahahahaa.

Rocky-girl
03-06-2006, 12:21 PM
All I can say: papushka, it's MEAN!!!Poor Maria, I'm sorry for her.

Sin Studly
03-06-2006, 12:23 PM
My little Tanichka, such a sweet and caring girl. You feel sorry for Marfa?

the_GoDdEsS
03-06-2006, 12:30 PM
Do you mean you are sorry for her or that you pity her?

sKratch
03-06-2006, 12:35 PM
Self-bumping seems to be an increasingly frequent activity for you.

Sin Studly
03-06-2006, 12:49 PM
While you stick to making worthless little asides I usually skim over. Hey, we all have our fortes.

Rocky-girl
03-06-2006, 12:54 PM
Do you mean you are sorry for her or that you pity her?
I think sorry..... I didn't see the difference.

Sin Studly
03-06-2006, 12:55 PM
There isn't a difference, your Mamushka is just terrible at English.

JohnnyNemesis
03-06-2006, 12:56 PM
Crazy lying insane woman.

Sin Studly
03-06-2006, 12:56 PM
Heaven hath no rage like that of love to hatred turn'd
And Hell nary a fury like that of a woman scorn'd

Rocky-girl
03-06-2006, 01:05 PM
I noticed that Юстинчек has a perfect ability to clean his email and show everybody what he throws out.

Sin Studly
03-06-2006, 01:28 PM
Hey Maria, quick question ; why do you post here?

Sin Studly
03-06-2006, 01:43 PM
I'll waive that. Why do you post here though, seriously? Nobody likes you. Nobody wants you here.

Sin Studly
03-06-2006, 01:51 PM
I certainly wouldn't inflict my presence on a place where everybody disliked me.

Sin Studly
05-26-2006, 03:39 AM
Bump for recent developments.

kamikaze
05-26-2006, 06:52 AM
People, from what I've observed, who are named Maria are just fucking weird. And the fact she's French doesn't do anything to justify her existence. I don't know. I'd be really creeped out if I ever got anything like that.