View Full Version : A WCM Advent Calendar (10 days late...)
12-09-2005, 04:28 PM
Alright. I'm going to use the expressions and images of the Hippo Dolph, to educate you in politics, society, and culture. I will try and relate it as much to your own cultures as you can understand. And my translation will be provided under every picture.
December 1: Dolph on the Danish Parliamentary Election
2005 started with a parliamentary election! It was a completely worthless show. Mogens Lykketoft* cried all the time because his goatee had been removed in an attempt to lie to everyone and claim that he wasn't the same "man with the goatee that no one liked." And Anders Fogh Rasmussen** was continuously narrow. Our Prime Minister is a ridiculous party-monkey, who loves to lay and smoke dope and build castles out of his old supporters. The only reason to believe that this idiot got elected is because the Danish people have been brainwashed to believe that Anders Lund Madsen*** is the average man, and thus Fogh looks like a semi-erious type. This is a mistake! The masses are sick, siiiiick! And should be exiled to India, where there is a lot of place. There are no people in India! Fact!
*Mogens Lykketoft, social-democratic party leader, who used to look like Trotsky. Except during the election he shaved off his facial hair to appear less intimidating.
**Anders Fogh Rasmussen is the liberal Prime Minister.
***Anders Lund Madsen is our Adam Sandler.
12-09-2005, 04:32 PM
Dec. 2 : Dolph on TV-Entertainment
"Wild About Dancing"* was this years failure! All the untermensch watched this program. It was the ultimate possibility for propaganda and development of the masses' killer-instinct. And what happened? A horde of celebrities fought a pathetic battle to get attention with stupid, off nigger-inspired physical exertion. Aaahhh! A program should be produced with the name "Wild About Bazookas, Hydrogen Bombs and Napalm". The population should be trained to learn to kill in over 900 CIA-approved methods. Naughty and rhythmic cha-cha-cha - No thanks! Bullet in David Owe's** neck - Yes sir!
*A Danish show where celebrities did a dance off
**The winner of this show.
12-09-2005, 04:36 PM
Dec 3 : Dolph on Leave It To Beaver
I took some liberties with this one, and just Americanized it a bit.
Beaver must disappear without a trace! That stupid gypsy-boy has never had a bath! He is an unhygienic pig, who needs to be de-loused! There is creeping and crawling on this little psychopath's scalp! The creep's body-hygiene is a carefully planned bacteriological terrorist attack planned by Osama Bin Laden. More evil and with far more serious consequences that September 11, MEW, bongo-drums, and the crazy-frog ring tone, and whatever else Al-Qa'ida is to blame for. Beave will and must be destroyed! He is sick, siiiick!
12-09-2005, 04:39 PM
Dec 4 : Dolph on the War in Iraq
(The sign says Stop the War)
It's completely understandable that so many are unsatisfied with Denmark's participation in the war in Iraq. It's simply too embarrassing that we only are participating in one single war! One!? That's nothing! USA is always involved with at least 9000! It doesn't matter where Americans go, they can find Taleban warriors and evil Vietcongs who must be shot down, and then start democracies! Come on Denmark! Invade Uzbeistan, occupy Wales, send torpedoes to all Belgian cities! Now! The fact is that peace only leads to more peace! War is the only way to more war! Yes sir!
12-09-2005, 04:43 PM
Dec 5 : Dolph on Curious George
There is absolutely no one who can stand Curious George! A skinny monkey that bicycles around and does silly things! The Man With The Yellow Hat should be set in front of a War Tribunal and shot at dawn! It's his fault! Why should that idiotic primate have a tricycle? The freak can't even compete on an elite-level. If Curious George wanted to bicylce around like an idiot instead of focusing on something reasonable, then let us at least see some results: Join the Tour De France, and come back when you've beaten Lance Armstrong's record of 7 victories in a row! Or else you are worthless, Curious George, you pathetic Julio Iglesias lookalike! Fact!
12-09-2005, 04:50 PM
Dec. 6 : Dolph on the Jørgen Leth case*
There has been a lot of nonsense about the lazy poet Jørgen Leth, and then a miracle happened: The eternally copulating artist-wannabe was called out, so that the only thing that was left, was the bloody pieces of an Armani suit. Well done Ekstra Bladet**! But your job isn't done: Leth is still alive and still neither a wage-recipient or has boughten a manufactured home. Kom on Extra Bladet, behead this deviating whore-goat - his sick lifestyle makes the masses insecure and makes them set question marks at their own ways of living. There isn't room for this type of activity! Fact!
*Jørgen Leth is a Danish sports commentator and film maker, who in his memoirs wrote that he once had sex with the 17 year old daughter of his chef. He's been plagued by the Danish gossip-media since.
**The Danish Gossip-magazine that started it.
12-09-2005, 04:55 PM
Dec. 7 : Dolph on Support Songs
2005 was the year where there was a lot of collections for the victims of a tsunami, and suddenly all the rockstars/welfare-recipients got something to do, and for a moment stopped their eternal cocaine-rush to become a choir, for a song that should've been called "Look how petty, and stupid, and lame, and media-horny we are"! All celebreties are a type of lepruous frenchmen, and it's the states responsibility to end their lives (or as Dolph says, De-live them) or they should be caged inside Guantanamobase with all the other Al-Qa'ida members who live off the States Welfare Fund for Artists and are 100% assholes! And that's indesputable!
12-09-2005, 04:59 PM
Dec. 8 : Dolph on Sports
In the world of sports, the Danish National Team was the world's worst team throughout the ages! Thomas Gravesen* played like a misbalanced and blind mutant who had just eaten 19 liters of poisonous cream-sauce. Stig Tøfting** was clearly not on the team, which meant that we lost, and even worse, that blood was never spilled on the astro-turf. Now you listen just one second, Morten Olsen***, you excessively dry and serious man: You can't win a war without having a violent psychopath on the team! Got it?! Tøfting has never left a football game or a bar before he ate another person's head. That's strategy! 4-4-2 - no thanks! Cannibalistic ball-retards - yes sir!
**Soccer player thrown off for violence and drinking
***Coach of the national team
12-09-2005, 05:06 PM
Dec 9. - Dolph on the Islamic Death-Sentence to Cartoonists*
One or another fictional religion from the warm countries has judged some lame satirists to death, and they got upset that PET** has known for a while and completely forgot to tell them. Now you listen to me: PET doesn't have the time to protect your kind! You are a bunch of uncreative dreamers who smoke dope all day long, never take a bath, and play with your markers! And besides it's also your own fault! Cartoonists should concentrate on making things like Beatle Bailey, just without Private Baileys, who is an undisciplined trouble maker and sick, siiiiick! Get started you lying freaks!
*Some Islamic fundamentalists have threatened some Danish cartoonists for drawing Mohammed in ways they did not approve of.
**The Police's Investigation Service
12-09-2005, 05:10 PM
Dec. 10 : Dolph on Snowmen
Snowmen are 100% assholes!
Point 1: They don't have any muscles!
Point 2: They have a nose that at first glance looks like a carrot! Weak and terribly communistic!
Point 3: Snowmen have the tendency to melt! Aaahh! Can you be more of a joke!? You will never see a subliminal killer machine like Steven Seagal melt! If you find yourself in a Vietnamese jungle, around 1968, then you must defeat the enemy with an uncountable number of circle-kicks - not become mush. It's impossible to liquidate a rice-muncher if you are mush. That's indesputable!
12-09-2005, 05:35 PM
OMGWTF, were you bored?
12-09-2005, 05:38 PM
I wanted to share. :( That's the hippo I like.
12-11-2005, 02:02 PM
Dec. 11 : Dolph on Louise Frevert*
Woman Of the Year was undoubtedly Louse Frevert. The stripper was revealed in having a home-paged stuffed with crazy scribblings. And what did this clever propagandist do? Frevert avoided the catastrophe perfectly! The bitch's superior mastery of the mass medias was incredible! Oh she handled herself excellently and believable in all interviews! And no unbelievably bad excuses. Momentarily everything was completely forgotten, and the former pornstar is now stronger than ever before. Congratulations Frevert, you have the entire people's support! Yes sir!
*Danish nationalist politician and former porn star/ballet dancer
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