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View Full Version : Cinemax is ridickle.



calichix
12-15-2005, 11:55 PM
So, an hour ago I decided it was high time to be a perv because "Busty Cops" was on Cinemax and it sounded decadent. It had THE greatest plotline of any porn in the history of the cheap soft-core porn universe. It was a murder mystery. In the beginning there's two of those chicks that are total babes but their faces look like border collies and this repulsive middle-aged man getting it on in a hot tub. Actually, I don't know if that's the beginning that's just where I tuned in. Anyhoo, so some guy waltzes in and grabs this unplugged hair straightener and throws it in the bath tub and they all get electrocuted (the electric shock looks like a shaky spider web then disappears) then this BUSTY COP and her accomplice who looks just like Bill Murray track down all these porn stars to crack the case and the porn stars names are all like, Licka Vagina and Cherry Nipple. Oh, and the porn star secret agents all end up in a shower somehow and start cracking eggs on each other then they're in a locker room holding hands for a moment of silence. Maybe you had to have been there. yeah, probably.

BATWT
12-15-2005, 11:59 PM
i thought i was the only one who payed attention to the weak-ass plotline in porn films. thats a relief.

if you want a "high-budget" porn with the ultimate in shit acting, yet quite an imaginative plot, check out Sex Commando's :cool:

calichix
12-16-2005, 12:05 AM
dude, check out Lust in Space. some black dude made me rent it in my "sisternization process".

Mota Boy
12-16-2005, 12:21 AM
The best porn movie ever is "The Breeders", or something along those lines. It was set in the future after a nuclear holocaust, when most of Earth's population was decimated. So this society called the BREEDERS got together and dedicated to go about repopulating the Earth as quickly as possible. However, it appeared that they were still in phase 1 of the operation, as, while I did manage to see a whole lotta people gettin' it on, I didn't notice many pregnant chicks. That would've just been an OK movie. However, the Breeders had their arch-enemies in some group of people that liked the way the Earth was, and were thus dedicated to tracking down and killing the Breeders, so the Breeders kept having to screw on the sly, like on the side of a hill before dawn, or in their secret hideout, or behind a bush.

Now, sorry to spoil the ending, but the Breeders ultimately end up winning over the evil tribe by... you guessed it... massive amounts of sex. Man, if there's one porn movie that I'd get nostalgic about... well, other than "Slut Search", which was the only porn that anyone had in 9th grade, it'd be "Breeders". My friends and I would actually fast-forward through the sex just to get back to the plot.

Little_Miss_1565
12-16-2005, 03:08 AM
BuckleRoos is better, because it's gay porn about gay cowboys. A Garth Brooks lookalike plays an invisble cowboy ghost/angel thing with a magic belt that he gives to these guys that gets them mad crazy laid. And that's the only plot there is. Well, the two main cowboys live together but aren't a couple even though they had the best damn sex ever 10 years ago supposedly, because they say it's never as good the second time, so they're always out there looking for new booty to plunder. And then they meet a younger, loose-cannon type gay cowboy who was hitchhiking, but that's where I got bored.

OH, one of the main guys gets pulled over by a cop while wearing the belt, and instead of writing him a ticket, they do this really erotic thing with pot-smoke, passing it back and forth between them, and then the cop gets fucked in the ass with his nightstick.

Everyone always is still wearing their cowboy boots while they do it.

calichix
12-16-2005, 11:18 PM
speaking of gay cowboys, I saw brokeback mountain tonight. it was really good. and you see heath ledger's balls like 5 times. gigglegiggle.

BATWT
12-17-2005, 05:14 AM
My friends and I would actually fast-forward through the sex just to get back to the plot.

welcome to my world

TheUnholyNightbringer
12-17-2005, 06:42 AM
I can't remember what it was called, but I saw one on Bravo once. It was these physics students who make this belt that allows them to travel back in time. So of course they do. Except they get kidnapped by a very busty queen, and the belt gets taken from them. So they have to get to the queen by - you guessed it - really large amounts of sex. Btw, they're aided by this alchemist dude. Which is good, cos at the end of the film, when they have the belt back, they figure out that they can't figure out how to get home. Old alchemist dude takes the belt (he looks like Albert Einstein, obviously), looks at it through his little round glasses, and says the best line of any film, ever.

"It seems the belt is powered by sexual energy."

They have lots of sex and get home. The end.

BATWT
12-17-2005, 06:45 AM
I can't remember what it was called, but I saw one on Bravo once. It was these physics students who make this belt that allows them to travel back in time

shit, i saw that! um... can't remember the name either. but you could tell it was a fantasy, i mean, physics students getting sex?

TheUnholyNightbringer
12-17-2005, 06:46 AM
shit, i saw that! um... can't remember the name either. but you could tell it was a fantasy, i mean, physics students getting sex?

BWHAHAHAHA!

Endy's gonna kick y0 ass.

BATWT
12-17-2005, 06:46 AM
hmm, re reading this thread it appears that i am some kind of perv who has seen almost every cheesy porn ever made.

i have to correct that notion: there are still thousands of more for me to watch

BATWT
12-17-2005, 06:47 AM
BWHAHAHAHA!

Endy's gonna kick y0 ass.

as long as kickings all he's gonna do i'm cool with it