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Idiot
12-20-2005, 02:36 PM
Sorry, if anyones looking for a funny or entertaining poem, you might as well leave this thread now. Although I guess some people may find this funny, but if you do its probably because you think I'm sad and you haven't been really close to someone before [ other than your mummy :D ]

Its about me and my girlfriend basically, we've been together for just over a year now, but things have been difficult between us lately and due to the state of mind I was in last night, I felt like writing a poem, but like I said, its not great, it only took 6 minutes.

However, feedback of any sort would be appreciated [ I don't care if you take the piss, people who try and offend people over the internet who they haven't met before are just lame ]


Emily, Emily, wherever you are,
I want you to know, that I’m not very far
When we are together, my life is complete,
But when I am without you, I feel I could weep

You’re so very special, I think you’re the one,
To love and to hold me, ‘til the day I am gone
I love you so much, I want you to see,
The happiness you bring, inside of me

I think you should notice, I think you should realise
Your unrivalled beauty, which I see with my eyes
No love is stronger, than this love of ours,
I could hug you and kiss you, for hours and hours

So please stay with me, and forever we’ll be,
Holding each other, I love you Emé

Time taken to write: 6 minutes

Copyright Joe Chittock 2005 [ just for good measure ]

Sinister
12-20-2005, 02:49 PM
it's good. seriously.

Idiot
12-20-2005, 02:57 PM
Haha, "seriously".

Thanks, was a good first response. :)

Nirushika6789
12-20-2005, 02:58 PM
But when I am without you, I feel I could weep




that is lovely....that part is very romantic,all of it is

that is really good..I bet if you spent more than 6 mins you could do AMAZING pieces

Idiot
12-20-2005, 03:05 PM
Well, you never know, maybe I could, but I don't like spending very long on things like this. Maybe one day I'll feel the need to and spend much longer.

Nirushika6789
12-20-2005, 03:07 PM
yea ... just when the feeling hits you

Dirty Bertie
12-20-2005, 03:09 PM
Love is for wimps..

original_prankster
12-20-2005, 03:09 PM
It's actually not that bad for a poem written in 6 minutes.

Jebus
12-20-2005, 03:10 PM
Yeah, it was good and it rhymed nicely but it wasn't anything special. It was little bit too obvious and cliche if you know what I mean. Poems are better when there's a deeper meaning behind the surface value. You said what you meant straight out leaving nothing to the imagination. Good poems make you think. Maybe add some symbolism or some other literary devices somewhere in there. I know you said you did this in 6 minutes but oh well...

Cejus
12-20-2005, 03:22 PM
I don't like poems.
Well, there must be illiterate people everywhere... =/

Nice poem, Joe! I used to write poems, too. Oh, those times when I was deeply in love... :rolleyes:

Idiot
12-20-2005, 03:28 PM
Yeah, it was good and it rhymed nicely but it wasn't anything special. It was little bit too obvious and cliche if you know what I mean. Poems are better when there's a deeper meaning behind the surface value. You said what you meant straight out leaving nothing to the imagination. Good poems make you think. Maybe add some symbolism or some other literary devices somewhere in there. I know you said you did this in 6 minutes but oh well...

I know exactly what you mean, but like I said, it took 6 minutes. For 6 minutes work, things were always gonna be blatant and obvious. If I do ever spend more time on a poem, I'll definitely leave more to the imagination etc.
I was good at english at school. :rolleyes:

Cejus: Great to see you back man!

Idiot
12-20-2005, 03:29 PM
I don't like poems.

Bloody hell, can tell you're a n00b - first post and you say "I don't like poems" in a topic called "I wrote a poem".

I'm sorry but to me that indicates a dumbass.

Nirushika6789
12-20-2005, 03:33 PM
I'm sorry but to me that indicates a dumbass.
Exactly...

That's like going to the Meat section in your shop even though your a vegetarian, your going for no reason other than to find something you dislike...

Jebus
12-20-2005, 03:41 PM
I don't see why you would deside to sit down and write a poem but only ending up spending 6 minutes on it though. You'd think someone would spend more time when dealing with something somewhat serious such as a poem to a girlfriend.

Little_Miss_1565
12-20-2005, 03:44 PM
I don't like poems.

Try all you want, we're already on to you.

Idiot
12-20-2005, 04:00 PM
I don't see why you would deside to sit down and write a poem but only ending up spending 6 minutes on it though. You'd think someone would spend more time when dealing with something somewhat serious such as a poem to a girlfriend.

I didn't sit down and write it, and it wasn't planned. It was literally off the top of my head, I suddenly thought 'I'll write a quick poem' - and above is the result.

Icy Chic
12-20-2005, 08:59 PM
That was such a good poem!No really,I mean it.Idiot,you are a great poet!
*snaps fingers*

If anyone didn't know,when poetry is being presented,you snap,not clap.

Drummerguy123
12-20-2005, 09:15 PM
I hate you, but only in a jealous way. I will spend hours on making two lines rhyme and it always ends up sucking. I wish I was as creative as you... :(

Idiot
12-21-2005, 01:07 AM
Heh, maybe I was just lucky that poem went together quite well. ;)

platinumpt
12-21-2005, 01:16 AM
It's very nice Joe, I used to write stuff like that when I was a few years younger, and those kind of feelings hitted me deep inside.

offspringrammsteinfan
12-21-2005, 02:38 AM
I would like to thank "Idiot" for the link in your signature, I've been looking for a bootleg of the Amsterdam 2004 show of the offspring for a long time and just when I stopped to believe there would be one I found it. Goddamned thanks for that dude :)

Rocky-girl
12-21-2005, 03:00 AM
You're very talanted. It's beautiful poem. I think your gf must be proud of you.

wheelchairman
12-21-2005, 03:24 AM
I'll be honest. It's soppy crap. She'll like it, but if your relationship is going through problems, then focus on the problems or figure out that it won't work and split up.

Megs
12-21-2005, 03:34 AM
meh, just to be me "s'okay"

Idiot
12-21-2005, 03:49 AM
I would like to thank "Idiot" for the link in your signature, I've been looking for a bootleg of the Amsterdam 2004 show of the offspring for a long time and just when I stopped to believe there would be one I found it. Goddamned thanks for that dude :)

No problem dude, glad to be of help!

WCM: I thought it obvious it was going to be soppy crap, no need to point it out.

killer_queen
12-21-2005, 07:19 AM
The only love poem I like is like "I've seen lots of blondes, darks who ere dying for me/ none of them could be like you, my lovely 31".

Obie2trice
12-21-2005, 07:50 AM
Nice poem Idiot

rodney mullen
12-21-2005, 08:33 AM
yah Idiot, nice one. :p

Idiot
12-22-2005, 03:07 PM
Thanks for the comments. ;)

Killer_Queen - who's that poem by?

killer_queen
12-23-2005, 05:47 AM
Heh, one of my fans.

Idiot
12-23-2005, 08:27 AM
Um, fair enough :s

Twinkle
12-23-2005, 08:31 AM
Actually, Idiot, I feel mean calling you that, but Ok, anyways, the poem was pretty good and rhymy for writing it in 6 minutes. I'm a real girl, so I melted at how cute the poem was. Which means your girlfriend would probably love it if you showed it to her. Some poets poems lack feeling, and yours didn't, which is a good thing.

Chimera512
12-23-2005, 10:49 AM
It was little bit too obvious and cliche if you know what I mean. Poems are better when there's a deeper meaning behind the surface value. You said what you meant straight out leaving nothing to the imagination. Good poems make you think. Maybe add some symbolism or some other literary devices somewhere in there
literary dvices in poetry are what makes a poem interesting:
"Shall i compare thee to a summer's day?" etc...
some metaphore or simile are good simple ones to add, making the meaning obscure and thought provoking is of more value then things like rhymn or scantion.

if you're a fan of poetry of this sort I suggest you go read some John Donne.
his love poetry is essentially "yo baby, lets get naked and fuck" which is a good sentiment in my book, especially when conveyed well.

HeadAroundU
12-23-2005, 11:52 AM
...This is the end of the world news
This is the end of the world news sponsored by god
So dose me up once is not enough
I can still see the ground...
:cool:

Call it an Obsession
12-23-2005, 12:00 PM
Could try using a bit more techniques like enjambement, assonance, alliteration, hyperboles, imagery, personification, symbolism or possibly even write a haiku... but if you're planning to write a basic 6 min poem then rhyming is just fine

Idiot
12-24-2005, 04:11 AM
Nice one !

China Boy
12-24-2005, 05:30 AM
Heh, one of my fans.
I want fans too.

Anyway, nice poem, Joe.

wheelchairman
12-24-2005, 05:33 AM
Why hasn't anyone pointed out that he's used the most unoriginal love poem rhymes of all time. He's only lacking love from above like a dove.

T-6005
12-24-2005, 08:48 AM
good and it rhymed nicely but it wasn't anything special. It was little bit too obvious and cliche if you know what I mean.
Chuck Norris is right.

If there's nothing deeper to say, why bother putting it in a poem when a sentence will do?

Idiot
12-24-2005, 08:57 AM
I was writing it for my girlfriend - as long as its not really long or boring why does it matter?

Jakebert
12-24-2005, 09:19 AM
How emo of you.

T-6005
12-24-2005, 10:23 AM
I was writing it for my girlfriend - as long as its not really long or boring why does it matter?
Poems = stuff that matters.

That's why.

Nina
12-24-2005, 01:08 PM
I like the poem a lot.
I don't think that it matters whether the rhymes are too simple or not. To be honest, I personally prefer simply structured poems/literatur in general a lot more, because I dont see the point of expressing feelings a complicated way.
It sounds like it comes from your heart, so I really hope that it is and that your girlfriend will like the poem. Did you already give it to her?

Idiot
12-24-2005, 02:39 PM
Yeah, gave it to her earlier last week, she didn't say much, just said it was very good and she was a bit teary.

WebDudette
12-25-2005, 12:46 PM
Copyright Joe Chittock 2005 [ just for good measure ] [/b]

That's not going to stop anyone unless you actually got the copyright for it witch I doubt.

Anyways it's nothing special in my eyes.

Megs
12-25-2005, 12:48 PM
has no-one got anything better to do on these boards than insult other users? *waits*........nah, didn't think so.

WebDudette
12-25-2005, 12:50 PM
So you want me to lie and compliment the poem. If I thought it was good I would have said so but I'am not gonna lie.

Megs
12-25-2005, 12:51 PM
no, but you could be more nide about it, maybe tell him what exactly it was that you didn't like about it. i'm not saying you should lie, i'm saying you should be sensitive about the truth.

WebDudette
12-25-2005, 01:01 PM
I didn't see my reply that mean. I didn't say it was a bad poem I just said it wasn't anything to celebrate.

Idiot
12-25-2005, 03:23 PM
Well thats awesome.