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kami_mathieu
01-07-2006, 12:28 PM
This is the thread where you rate my lyrics. please be honest so don't tell me a lyric is good when it sucks, but telling me a lyric sucks when it is good won't help you being cool or my songwriting either.

so here's the first one, it fits my name quite wel as it is called kamekaze (until I've come up with a better name) and it's not finnished yet

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k.a.m.i.k.a.z.e.
k.a.m.i.k.a.z.e.
k.a.m.i.k.a.z.e.
k.a.m.i.k.a.z.e.

my problems are my aeroplane my lies they are my fuel,
this burden will now drag me down and I'll crash into you,
and when I burn couse burn I will I'll take you all with me,
destruction trough my own demize it's called kamikze!

(chorus)
don't try to save me I'm no good.
even If I could eject I don't know if I would
so kiss your ass goodbye for good.
even if I could eject I don't know if I would.
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so thats lyric one, so on a schale from 1 to 10?

this one is finnished, it's called murphy day.
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(verse 1)
first chamber shot in a russian roulette,
loosing your dough in a 10 to 1 bet.

(there should be a strong line here, but I didn't think of one yet, I'll edit when it's done)

ariving at 8 when the school starts at 9,
you finaly bowled strike but you just crossed the line!

(pre chorus)
welcome to the days that it seems like fate is pissed at you for no reason,
you lost your jacket yesterday at a party when outside it's freesin.

(chorus)
even good effords seem flawed!
man you drew the shortest straw, today its murphy's law!

(verse 2)
10 cents for a toilet you only have 5,
winning the fistfight till he draws a knife

(strong line)

getting caught cheatin
or just being stressed,
out in the rain till a bulet trough the vest!

(pre chorus)
these are the days that it seems like fate is pissed at you for no reason,
you've seen the signs too late when bad luck came in season.

(chorus)
even good effords seem flawed!
man you drew the shortest straw, today it's murphy's law
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again on a schale of 1 to 10?

thanks for taking the time.

wheelchairman
01-07-2006, 04:06 PM
Kamikaze is alright. Except the last line of the first verse. That is absolute crap. Re-write it.

Murphy's Law, I liked it. I could hear it in my head. I've lived the pre-chorus myself. However it sounds like a rip-off of Alanis Morissette's "Ironic."

kami_mathieu
01-08-2006, 09:08 AM
Favour against favour, will you tell me where you learnt English? Grammatically tis perfect, syntax okay & all that, but shiver me molly, the orthograph is dismal. :eek:

I don't have a clue what orthograph means (even searching for it on google helped nothing). and I've learned my english from english songs, movies and a little from school.


Murphy's Law, I liked it. I could hear it in my head. I've lived the pre-chorus myself. However it sounds like a rip-off of Alanis Morissette's "Ironic."

well thanks. no ripping off done here though.