View Full Version : Chuck Norris on 'Random Facts About Chuck Norris'

01-19-2006, 05:28 PM
I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.

From his official website.

LOL, Chuck Norris is too Chuck Norris to understand the random facts about him.

01-19-2006, 05:42 PM
Chuck sold out (http://selloutchuck.ytmnd.com/) :(
but because he's Chuck, he's still punker than everyone.

01-19-2006, 05:45 PM
His literary efforts sound like they'll be the equivalent of Steven Seagal's musical efforts.

01-19-2006, 05:46 PM
I bet he roundhouse kicked the publisher to convince them to publish his books.

01-19-2006, 06:19 PM
Tony Danza reads Chuck Norris facts to Chuck Norris. (http://www.boingboing.net/2006/01/18/tony_danza_reads_chu.html)
Bad quality, and the voices are way off from the lip movement, but still, Tony Danza AND Chuck Norris!

01-19-2006, 06:26 PM
I want to see that video.

01-19-2006, 06:28 PM
It's right there, just click the button that says "link."

01-19-2006, 06:52 PM
CHUCK NORRIS CALLED ME A BITCH at a football game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

01-19-2006, 07:02 PM
It's right there, just click the button that says "link."
To be honest, I wrote something about the spamming, but had to change my topic because I didn't feel like giving the person any attention.

01-19-2006, 07:05 PM
CHUCK NORRIS CALLED ME A BITCH at a football game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
interesting true story or just kidding?

01-19-2006, 07:07 PM
That could easily be turned into another fact.

"Chuck Norris once called me a bitch at a football game, and proceeded to roundhouse kick the referee."

I'd like to see you do any better.

Mota Boy
01-19-2006, 07:11 PM
The best part about Chuck Norris' web page is that he sells a poster of his code of ethics. I really want to own this.


And Laura, what'd you do to piss off Chuck Norris? I think I've heard the story before, but if so I've forgotten it.

01-30-2006, 11:22 PM
okay here it is. highlight of my life.

my friend and I were at a niners v. the bears game and chuck norris and his pal are a couple seats from the front row and these bears fans are in front row. well every time the bears fans would cheer chuck norris would throw things at them and scream obscene things and it was pissing my friend and I off because the guys were babes. anyhoo, so we drew a picture of a bear on a balloon and threw it at him and he blew an artery, so we blew up another balloon and wrote "walker, texas ranger sucks" on it and threw it at him and he stood up and turned around and I gave him the "Whät up" arm gesture and he called me a little bitch.

oh the glory.

Not Ozymandias
01-30-2006, 11:44 PM
I'm all Chuck Norrised out.

01-30-2006, 11:47 PM
larry david facts next.

Not Ozymandias
01-31-2006, 12:05 AM
Not "ironic" enough. Skeet Ulrich is next, guaranteed.

01-31-2006, 12:07 AM
my ten bucks is on dustin diamond facts being the next fad.

01-31-2006, 12:13 AM
My favourite Chuck Norris film is the one where ninjas are training East-European terrorists and the Asian ninja guy training them is Chuck Norris' brother.

01-31-2006, 08:49 AM
Whats the deal with all this chuck norris stuff? Am I missing something?

01-31-2006, 10:30 AM
I own forest warriors. I won it as a prize. BEFORE the fad.

Not Ozymandias
02-21-2006, 01:17 PM
Not "ironic" enough. Skeet Ulrich is next, guaranteed.

my ten bucks is on dustin diamond facts being the next fad.
We were both wrong. (http://www.cleanapple.com/steve/)

02-21-2006, 01:27 PM
Steve Guttenberg is even better.

02-21-2006, 01:34 PM

"Steve Guttenberg believes in accepting the consequences of his actions. For this reason, he hasn't used the backspace button on his keyboard since 1992."

02-21-2006, 03:12 PM
Steve Gutenberg?

Well, I guess Skeet Ulrich or Dustin Diamond might have been too obvious...

02-21-2006, 04:01 PM
His facts are like the antithesis of Chuck Norris facts. It is fantastic.

02-21-2006, 04:29 PM
Steve Guttenberg has two cats, both of which are named Sgt. Whiskers. He prefers the grey one because she lets him rub her belly.

Steve Guttenberg believes that 8 glasses of water per day is a bit extreme for any man, and suggests a much more modest 4 glasses of water.

Steve Guttenberg wishes that the box for Lucky Charms cereal looked more sophisticated.

At a school sponsored car wash, Steve Guttenberg accidentally scratched a man's new Cadillac. He found the owner and apologized, though he still felt bad afterwards.

Steve Guttenberg eats two slices of toast for breakfast, one brown bread, and one white bread. The brown bread is the main meal, and the white bread's a treat for afterwards.

Steve Guttenberg never saw the big deal about the Backstreet Boys. He just didn't enjoy their music.

As a child, Steve Guttenberg had a subscription to Highlights for Children. He thought Goofus was a lamer, but found Gallant too nerdy to identify with.

Steve Guttenberg often thinks it would be fun to drive around in a riding lawnmower. Once, Steve got the chance, but he was generally disappointed.

Steve Guttenberg claims to have memorized pi to 7 decimal places, but he always forgets the sixth one.

Steve Guttenberg always uses a whole Q-tip per ear, because sometimes after the first end of the Q-tip, the wax gets smeared on the edges of his ear canal.

Steve Guttenberg's favorite Top Ramen flavor is 'Chicken'.

While Steve Guttenberg enjoys Crunchy Peanut Butter, he finds Super Crunchy Peanut Butter to be both unnecessary and an inconvenience to spread.

Those were the ones I found the funniest. The whole "Steve Guttenberg is just an average guy" thing works to a certain degree, but only because we're all used to the Chuck Norris facts. Plus, there are too darn many of them, so some are bound to be stupid. A few of them are legitimately funny in any context. And the ones that were direct parodies of Chuck Norris facts were never funny at all.