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Little_Miss_1565
12-06-2004, 10:38 AM
Who else has read this awesome book?

It's a relationship self-help style book for the fuck-Mars-and-Venus-and-all-that-shit female set. Its basic tenet is that mixed signals from a guy are not mixed at all, and it's we females who are the mixed-up ones reading so much into it. What the mixed signals mean is that he's just not into us. If he's really "not ready for a relationship," he'd tell us first-off, not halfway through or even worse, suddenly spring it up at the end--and other revelations that are so straightforward and obvious that I feel rather dumb for buying into so much of the Mars and Venus mainstream sort of bullshit for so long.

Thoughts?

wliethof
12-06-2004, 10:50 AM
hah I saw this on oprah some late night when i was incredibly bored.

It's this guy saying that, right? Hypocrite, telling women to dump guys instantly.. thinking all guys are the same and think exactly like he tells women. Sometimes a guy just doesnt know what to do and accidentally does the wrong thing, and then he's apparently 'just not that into you'

lame.

nieh
12-06-2004, 10:52 AM
semi-related. I actively hate the person that wrote the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Children are from Heaven books, and I never even read them. I saw an interview with him once and I wanted to gouge his eyes out with a spork.

Izie
12-06-2004, 10:53 AM
I generally don't buy into any of the male-female thoeries. Both genders can be retarded, playing God knows what kinds of games and sending mixed signals.

If you have something to say, say it. If not, goodbye. Wouldn't it just be so much easier?

And relationships, just like people, just can't be generalized and then put into a self-help book. I just don't see it working that way.

Not that I'm any kind of an expert, just an oppinion.

Vera
12-06-2004, 11:07 AM
On the general level I dislike all relationship self-help books, because it's basically people making money off the same shit girls/women have been overanalyzing with each other for ages. Plus Bridget Jones blew me away. Reading all those never did her anything. That's kind of the joke there, yes, but it was just insane in my opinion.

I dislike those Venus&Mars-books, though, more than anything else in the whole self-help genre.

Personally I'd like to think relationships and communication between women and men don't have to be fucking science with "The Rules" and "Non-Rules" and whatnot. So I guess I could agree with the book in that way. Silly crap like "if he calls you before noon it means he's obsessed but if he calls you ten minutes after 1am you should just dump him because he is only into you for the sex" just amuse and annoy me simultanously.

Little_Miss_1565
12-06-2004, 12:44 PM
hah I saw this on oprah some late night when i was incredibly bored.

It's this guy saying that, right? Hypocrite, telling women to dump guys instantly.. thinking all guys are the same and think exactly like he tells women. Sometimes a guy just doesnt know what to do and accidentally does the wrong thing, and then he's apparently 'just not that into you'

lame.

But the book clearly differentiates between making a mistake and dumping someone, getting back together, dumping them again, getting back together again, and then dumping them again. There's a fine line (or, in some cases, not so fine), and the authors do not ignore it.

And there is a lot of commentary on Greg's ideas from a woman named Liz. And she doesn't always agree with what he says. It's just overall a really interesting book. It's like anti-self-help in the traditional sense and a big boost for taking a realistic look at what's going on instead of overanalyzing everything all the time.

DUKESTER76
12-06-2004, 12:50 PM
i dont bother with them books. they are a waste of time and i dont think everyone is the same in how they think. also like i dont get the rule that if you stop calling someone for a few days you are rejecting them. sometimes things come up and you just are way too busy to even call them up. i understand it would only take a minute of your time but i dont have a cell phone and sometimes i just might come home shower and take off to do something and when i get home i am just too tired to do anything and go straight to bed.

wliethof
12-06-2004, 01:06 PM
But the book clearly differentiates between making a mistake and dumping someone, getting back together, dumping them again, getting back together again, and then dumping them again. There's a fine line (or, in some cases, not so fine), and the authors do not ignore it.

but he talked about calling a number of dates before a date.. more meaning you care ore about the girl. talking as if all guys act and think the same. So If you don't call enough days before the date, you're out. Also if you make some bad decisions, but do care about the girl, you're out. It's just totally unreasonable.

Not that dumping and getting back together is good.. but still. Can't generalise all guys.

Little_Miss_1565
12-06-2004, 01:20 PM
but he talked about calling a number of dates before a date.. more meaning you care ore about the girl. talking as if all guys act and think the same. So If you don't call enough days before the date, you're out. Also if you make some bad decisions, but do care about the girl, you're out. It's just totally unreasonable.

Did I miss something? I don't remember that part of the book...But there is a difference between caring about someone and being *that person* in someone's life. And a lot of us get caught up in the "well, he/she/it still cares about me obviously, so I can put up with x/y/z." But hypothetically, if I'm looking for someone who loves me, and you just care about me, why should I stick around?

wliethof
12-07-2004, 04:45 AM
Did I miss something? I don't remember that part of the book...But there is a difference between caring about someone and being *that person* in someone's life. And a lot of us get caught up in the "well, he/she/it still cares about me obviously, so I can put up with x/y/z." But hypothetically, if I'm looking for someone who loves me, and you just care about me, why should I stick around?

I'm just talking about what I saw on oprah that unfortunate night. So you could just be right and I could be wrong.. oh well

Tizzalicious
12-07-2004, 04:50 AM
Can't generalise all guys.

Oh yes you can!

Vera
12-07-2004, 10:12 AM
Yeah, what a bunch of fucking pigs.

They all disgust me.





*emo tears*
Why don't I have a boyfriend?

JoY
12-07-2004, 01:10 PM
Who else has read this awesome book?

It's a relationship self-help style book for the fuck-Mars-and-Venus-and-all-that-shit female set. Its basic tenet is that mixed signals from a guy are not mixed at all, and it's we females who are the mixed-up ones reading so much into it. What the mixed signals mean is that he's just not into us. If he's really "not ready for a relationship," he'd tell us first-off, not halfway through or even worse, suddenly spring it up at the end--and other revelations that are so straightforward and obvious that I feel rather dumb for buying into so much of the Mars and Venus mainstream sort of bullshit for so long.

Thoughts?
haven't read the book, but I partly agree with it already.
I know in every relationship EVERYONE twists & turns a bit to keep someone with him/her & not everyone does that for the same reasons. any relationship, no matter what it's based on, is like a plant & needs a bit of watering every now & then to keep it alive. yes, I've heard the "I love you" after having sex to bind me to some sort of silent promise I'd be back, even though none of those three little words were meant. it was supposed to be the water to feed our odd sexrelationship. if I wouldn't have read into that, I'd still be laying in his bed. so, yes, women can be suspicious, even when there's no reason to be, but what if there is & your heart is about to be trempled on?

when I first got myself tangled up in the relationship I'm in now, I kept being scared to lose him. that one day he'd just come home & say "babe, we've been having fun & all that, but no sweat, it's nothing serious, okay?". that idea *is* pretty fucking frightning, especially when you're already head over heals in a litterally lovely mess. the first months everything put doubts in my little paranoid head. from weekends he spent away from me, to a short phone call, that he was busy & had no time to talk. but doesn't it always take time to gain trust in the other & more important; in yourself, that you're good enough to come home to? & even now, now I trust us together so much more, than I used to, I'm still scared as shit, that one day everything will be over, like it never even really was there before. but as long as we both keep watering our plant.. I suppose it's bearable. ;) (..that just sounded a tad perverted..)

am I even remotely making a point here??