View Full Version : Strangers With Candy

01-28-2006, 02:55 PM
best fuckin' show ever. stephen cobert has never been better.

Jerri Blank: You know, Paul, I'm very interested in you... SEXUALLY. I like the pole and the hole, and right know I'm as MOIST as a snack cake down there. So, how about you come on over, and I'll make your pinky, alllll STINKY.

Chuck Noblet: All right everybody, for tomorrow I want you to write a history poem on Hiroshima. But nothing too faggy. And remember, I need the permission slips for this week's trip to Good Time Island.
Girl Student: Where's *your* permission slip?

Orlando Pinatubo: You should run for homecoming queen, Jerri.
Jerri Blank: What? Are you joking? I don't think I'm what the boys consider a traditional beauty.
Orlando Pinatubo: In my country, you'd be a real queen.
Jerri Blank: Yeah, well, that's cause your country's ruled by monkeys.
Orlando Pinatubo: Jerri, that's an ugly thing to say.
Jerri Blank: Geez, why are you people so sensitive about your resemblance to monkeys? They're adorable.

Chuck Noblet: Can anyone tell me the tragic irony of the Trojan War? Tina?
Tina: Um, that horses are friendly creatures yet a hollow, wooden one was used to destroy Troy?
Chuck Noblet: Wrong and no. Anyone else? Chip?
Chip: That the mighty warrior Achilles was killed by a small cut to his ankle.
Chuck Noblet: Chip is wronger. OK, here it is. The tragic irony of the Trojan War is that though it was fought over Helen, who was young and beautiful, by the time they rescued her ten years later, she was old and ugly.
Tina: But wasn't recovering the king's wife reward enough for the Greeks?
Chuck Noblet: Tina, an ugly woman is never a reward.

Mr. Chuck Noblet: It's unthinkable, the atrocities that the Native Aamericans committed against the buffalo. No one is certain what exactly the Native Americans did to the poor creatures, but whatever it was, it caused the buffalo to become so depressed, that when the white men came, the buffalo committed suicide by jumping in front of the white men's muskets.

Jerri Blank: Do a lot of the people die of syphilis?
Mr. Chuck Noblet: Oh, absolutely. Historically, syphilis is right up there with Germans. It wiped out the Romanovs, it decimated our fleet at Pearl Harbor, and of course, Fidel Castro impersonated Marilyn Monroe and gave President Kennedy a case of syphilis so severe that eventually it blew the back of his head off.

Principal Onyx Blackman: [to Ricky, the transfer student] Your new-student eyes immediately graze over the firm young flanks of our females. And I won't have it! Capiche, amigo? There's nothing I'd like better than to put you new students back on the boat to where you came from. Comprend-zay vous?

01-28-2006, 03:50 PM
I love this show. Principal Blackman rules. :D

01-29-2006, 11:34 AM
Every single quote cracked me up.

01-29-2006, 11:36 AM
Strangers with Candy is the most bizarre show I have ever seen in my life. It is quite entertaining.

01-29-2006, 11:54 AM
Strangers with Candy is the most bizarre show I have ever seen in my life. It is quite entertaining.
it's not that bizarre. it's just brilliantly written and executed.

dave, you should look into downloading or buying this show. these quotes don't even come close to doing it justice.

01-29-2006, 12:05 PM
Does anybody else read this and think of that Marcy Playground Song?

looks hilarious.

The shadow
01-29-2006, 12:20 PM
Does anybody else read this and think of that Marcy Playground Song?

looks hilarious.

You mean ¨sex and candy¨?.

01-29-2006, 01:49 PM
Strangers with Candy makes me laugh until I wet myself.

My favorite quote:

"Hi. This is Wilford Brimley. Welcome to Retardation a Celebration. Hopefully with this book I'm going to dispel a few myths, a few rumors. First off the retarded don't rule the night. They don't rule it, nobody does. They don't run in packs and while they may not be as strong as apes, don't lock eyes with 'em. Don't do it, puts 'em on edge. They might go into bezerker mode, come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screamin' 'no! no! no!' and all they hear is 'who wants cake?'. Let me tell you something, they all do, they all want cake. That's it for the celebration. Guess the most important thing to remember is: they're just like you and me."

All About Eve
01-29-2006, 04:31 PM
I honestly never liked the show that much, although Stephen Colbert is amazing in it.