View Full Version : Hooky the Cripple

Sin Studly
02-26-2006, 09:55 AM
This is a story made up by one of Australia's most famous and bestselling authors. Psychologists have suggested it may be a metaphor for his own childhood. Incidently, he happens to be a violent psychopathic criminal who spent over half his adult life in Victoria's most notorious prisons, famous for (amongst other instances of murder and mayhem) robbing the most prominent mafioso heroin-kingpin in Sydney at gunpoint before burning down his mansion and attempting to shotgun his mother, then sending him a Christmas card every year taunting him about it until his death.

To set the scene, we're in sixteenth century Italy, right? There was this lady, she was unmarried... which was a great sin, these were the days of the Inquisition. This lady called Camilla. She was unmarried and she had a child, this child was born a cripple. Now, the cripple's got a hunched back, like the hunchback of Notre Dame. But anyway, she takes him washing and she does peoples laundry, she works her fingers to the bone to bring up this cripple. But because he was a cripple he was never allowed into church, because they thought it was bad luck. And she named the cripple "Hooky". And every day Hooky used to walk down the main street of Casa Manliogne, Italy. And every day he'd have to pass Manwello the Butcher.

Now, Manwello the Butcher was a big merchant, big merchant. And he had relatives in the Vatican, he had relatives who were members of the Inquisition, he had uncles who were cardinals, he had all of this sorta stuff, y'know, and he was a very wealthy merchant. And he had butcher shops all over the Kingdom of Italy, in the Kingdom of Naples and the Kingdom of Verona, he had butcher shops in Sicily, he had everything. And every day he would rush out of his butcher shop and yell "Hooky! I'ma tell you you no walka past my bucher shop, you dirty rotten cripple!" And he'd kick Hooky into the gutter, and he'd kick him into the mud, and he'd spit on him, "pfua! You dirty rotten cripple!!!"

And Hooky just used to cop it sweet, cause he used to go down the main street every day to help the fishermen mend their nets. He tried to be a good boy, he tried to be a good boy... every day, he'd work his fingers to the bone to help put food on the table for his poor mother. And every night he'd come home and complain. "Aw Mama, aw! Manwello the Butcher! He kicka me! He hurta me! He spitta on me! He say I shoulda be drowned at birth!" And his mother used to say to him, "Hooky... you can't do nothing to Manwello. Manwello is too powerful. You gotta turn da other cheek, like-a Jesus, justa turn da other cheek, dat's all you gotta do"

So every day, Hooky the Cripple would walk down the main street. And Manwello the Butcher would come out. "Hooky! You dirty cripple! You dirty rotten cripple! Every fuckin day, you walka pasta my butcher shop, you bring bad luck onto me, you bring bad luck onto my casa, PFUA! YOU FUCKING DOG!" And he'd kick him into the gutter and belt him in the fuckin head all the time, fuckin 'crack'! Right? So every night Hooky would come home and complain, "Aw, Mama, aw!"... she wasn't much fuckin help. Until one day, she gets this idea. She decides to make Hooky a bloody coat... a coat of many colours, kinda like... one of those fuckin things in the bible, a rainbow coloured coat.

So he's got his coat on. He's thinking to himself, "Manwello the Butcher... he can't hurt me no more. He'll be dazzled. He'll be blinded by this beautiful coat." So he's walking along the main street, and Manwello the Butcher sees Hooky coming from far off in the distance and he says "Heeey, Hooky, hey! Hooky the Cripple, heeey! That's a very nice coat! Beautiful coat, Hooky!" So now Hooky's thinking to himself you little bloody beauty. Fantastic, I'm sweet as a nut here. And Manwello's going "Aww, very nice coat, come here, come here, let me look at your coat" FUCKING SMASH! BANG! Yeah? Fuckin kick him in the head, and smash him in the head, and push him into the gutter, put mud all over him, smear him with mud and all sorts of shit. Right?

And this went on every fucking day. For days, for weeks, for months. Hooky the Cripple couldn't even walk down the main street to his work without getting fucking kicked and bashed and spat on by Manwello the fucking Butcher. Right? So anyway, time goes on, and Hooky turns twenty-one. And his mother says to him "Hey Hooky, you're a man now. And because you are a man now I'm a gonna give you a something to help with your work mending the fishermens nets."

So she gives Hooky this great big fucking knife.
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Later he released it as a "Childrens Book"

02-26-2006, 10:02 AM
fucking awesome.

02-26-2006, 10:03 AM
Beautiful ending.

02-26-2006, 10:12 AM
Really, I don't like to read big texts but not I see I was wrong. I like the story but I guess that it was rather sad, but owing to Юстинчек it became very happy.

Sin Studly
02-26-2006, 10:17 AM
The ending is better as it should be heard, accompanied by Chopper's maniacal laughter.

02-26-2006, 10:19 AM
This is just lovely. The stories which end with revenge have been my favourites since I was a child.

Sin Studly
02-26-2006, 10:25 AM
Revenge? I always assumed he just went and fixed the fishermens nets with the knife.

02-26-2006, 10:30 AM
It's because you are too nice & lovely to think Hooky went to near Manwello and chopped him until his body became a heap of bloody little pieces.

02-26-2006, 10:31 AM
Ia justa don't understand a whya it would be released as a children's book. It made me cry though with the parts of poor Hooky getting beaten for something he can't control. It's just so sad!

Sin Studly
02-26-2006, 10:41 AM
The author we're talking about is a fucking psychopathic murderer here. He sliced off his own ears, for fucks sake. And he was rich enough to release the story as whatever he damn well pleased.

02-27-2006, 03:13 AM
Anything else comes with the Children's Book? I'd like more stories. :(

Sin Studly
02-27-2006, 03:24 AM
Buy em, he's released about 10 books now.