View Full Version : Can I Get Some Advice?

03-15-2006, 08:22 PM
I should probably be psychoanalyzed by a licensed psychologist, but nameless, shapeless people are all I have. Let's start out by Hi, My name is Tiphani. I have no self esteem and certain people to not help that along. What else, I absolutely love being involved, but sometimes that can seriously overwhelm someone. I have schoolwork, couple with actually being in school, then going to soccer practice until 6, and then from 6:30 to 9:45 I have play practice. I absolutely have a disdain for soccer, with my lack of skill and talent and hate of physical activity. I feel like I'm only doing it being of my academically successful sister. She made my dad so proud and happy, that I'm afraid of failing him by not doing a sport. It doesn't matter that I suck, or practice puts me in a bad mood on account of being around 26 bitches for two hours a day, I still just have to do it, mainly for college. I'm Key Club Vice President, and that requires a lot of my attention and focus, but its not there to give, even though I manage it somehow. I'm possibly going to take on the position of Pennsylvania District Webmaster, which is going to require even more time and effort. Next year, I found out that I'm the one they want as editor of the yearbook, and again, that will require my life, and I am truly worried about that. I have the creativity and skills needed, but do I have the effort and time to give? Whatever, I will make it work, even with the increased school stress of my junior year. If that wasn't enough, because of Spanish Ninos and various orthodonist appointments, inconveniently scheduled around the start of my last trimester, I have been missing my first and second period classes a lot, and I have things to make up in them, which apparently I am supposed to do after school. But, you see, I cannot, with Lebanon Valley International Culture Day approaching, I have to stay after with my Spanish teacher and study random information for that. Still think I'm uninvolved, I still have to deal with being a Student Council Member, and Spanish Club Historian. I recently was accepted into National Honor Society, and that is going to require a ton of my time too. All this, and keeping my grades an A is almost astonishing to me when I think about it. Despite my involvements, I also have to deal with my low self esteem, and constant fear that I'm going to make somebody not like me. I try to be the friendliest person I can be, since that is my natural reaction toward people, but high school is making my heart bitter. It's OK though, because soon it will be over and I'll be off to the relief of college. And I truly love acting in the musical, but it's the time factor that irks me. My schoolwork is suffering a little bit. I almost feel like there is a weight on me, and I just might break soon. It's killing me. Ahhh!!! So, any advice on how to handle my life? Well, for now, it's just going to be Keep on Trekking, and live my life one day at a time, and just get it all over with. One day, I'll thank myself for the stresses I put on myself in high school, and be able to enjoy the luxury of college life and reality later. Which by the way, college, I'm pretty worried about. Scared, actually. I really really really want to get into the University of Hawaii at Manoa, but I'm afraid I won't get accepted, and have to settle for a not as glamorous school.I'm sorry for taking up your time if you actually read through all of that.

Rag Doll
03-15-2006, 08:26 PM
Drop soccer. Your attitude will be better cause you'll be happier without it. It'll also give you more time for everything else, including your schoolwork. Spending more time on your schoolwork will increase your chances of getting into the college of your choice. Don't worry so much about the sport, you're so involved with everything else that it wont matter too much. And I think you'll be much more angry with yourself if you totally crash & burn from the stress than from having one less extracurricular activity.

just my $.02. *shrug*

03-15-2006, 08:28 PM
This seems pretty simple. What Rag Doll said makes perfect sense. You probably won't have too much trouble handling the rest because of your more positive outlook.

All About Eve
03-15-2006, 08:28 PM
Also, don't pressure yourself to make people like you. Just hang around the ones that like you and make you feel more comfortable.

03-15-2006, 08:29 PM
I know how you feel about that soccer thing. See, I'm on Track, currently in the outdoor season. The thing is, I suck, and I know I'll never improve. I'm really only on the team because I feel that I have to be on it. I don't really have anything else going for me, college-wise. I also don't want to disappoint my friends who are on the team.

Sin Studly
03-15-2006, 08:33 PM
Can I get some advice?

Learn how to indent paragraphs.

03-15-2006, 08:33 PM
This may seem unbelievable, but chances are you'll look back on high school and see it really wasn't as bad as you thought it was. Your problems now may be confounding, but tough it out and you'll see it's not the end of the world. I'm not trying to be a jerkbag or anything, just an opinion from someone who's been through such bs.

Track is the best sport to do when you suck :] Have fun waiting to run in the 100th heat of the 300m dash.

03-15-2006, 08:35 PM
That sucks.

Sounds to me like you're pretty stressed. I, for one, would implode under that kind of schedule. I have issues with responsibility, and I just suck at life in general. I don't even go to school anymore. After my first semister as a Freshman, I got what few credits I had taken away because I exceeded the "10 abscenses per semister" rule (There's that damn reaponsibility thing again), and I just coulden't handle the pressure of High School. All my teachers were bitches and dicks, which made me not want to go even more. But instead of completely "dropping out" I'm going to do the ghetto Online/home schooling thing instead to get my HS diploma... I also have a lazy issue.

I have to say, good for you for wanting to do sports and all that, but if you're only doing it to not feel below your sister, that can't be good, especially if you're truely not enjoying it. But I can understand your situation and why you're doing what you are.

Do you do all these things during the weekend also? I mean, besides the schoolwork and school, of course.

I'll call you Super-Woman.

03-15-2006, 08:37 PM
I agree with Rag Doll. You definately don't need to worry about "failing" with your dad. I mean, you got accepted into the freaking NHS! If that isn't a reson to be proud of you, I don't know what is. Quite frankly, I am extremely impressed with everything you are doing and I wish you the best of luck! :D

03-15-2006, 08:42 PM
Track is the best sport to do when you suck :] Have fun waiting to run in the 100th heat of the 300m dash.
I loved it, and was rather good at it, but aside from High Jump, waiting for the first round of the 800 to start was death.

03-15-2006, 08:50 PM
This thread irritates me, but I'll be nice and leave it at that.

03-15-2006, 08:50 PM
This may seem unbelievable, but chances are you'll look back on high school and see it really wasn't as bad as you thought it was. Your problems now may be confounding, but tough it out and you'll see it's not the end of the world. I'm not trying to be a jerkbag or anything, just an opinion from someone who's been through such bs.

Yep, I believe you, and that, my friend, is what keeps me going. You're not a jerkbag, I know all the stresses will be gone it time and it's not going to matter, but unfortunately, even the most optimistic outlook isn't putting me where I want to be. As for the soccer droppage issue, I forgot to mention I actually like playing in the games because I'm aggressive then and don't suck, but it only seems like during gametime, and never practice. It's frustrating. But hey, tomorrow is only a day away.

Oh yeah, by the way, I should mention that indentation of my paragraphs was the last thing on my mind when what was on my mind happened to be all one conglomerate thought. And just in case you think I suck at English because I did not happen to indent, I don't.

Sin Studly
03-15-2006, 08:55 PM
And just in case you think I suck at English because I did not happen to indent, I don't.

I never said that. But if you don't indent a block of text as big as the one you posted, most people would rather anus-swallow a lit cigar than read it.

03-15-2006, 08:57 PM
True point, but the intent of that humongous paragraph was more to get my thoughts out than to be read. I figured I could use some advice on handling all of my stress, and I'm glad I actually got some. Thanks.

Not Ozymandias
03-15-2006, 09:04 PM
Is your named really spelled "Tiphani" or do you just like to spell it that way?

Stop doing homework and just learn the material on your own (hint: you already have the books), it'll save you a ton of time.

03-15-2006, 09:08 PM
In case you're considering talking to a psychologist, i can tell you it's pretty cool.

Not Ozymandias
03-15-2006, 09:15 PM
Oh, and I advise you to have sex with All About Eve.

03-15-2006, 09:54 PM
Oh, and I advise you to have sex with All About Eve.

Yeah, Alex is good. But kind of a slut.

03-15-2006, 10:03 PM
Just as you cannot force yourself to love someone for whom you feel disdain, you cannot force yourself to do sth which you don't care a jot about (soccer apparently).

This applies to practically anything. Just follow your impulses & act constructively on them.

03-15-2006, 10:28 PM
It sounds to me as though you need to get more value from your achievements and the process of doing them. Doing an incredible amount of stuff may seem impressive but you're just going to get burnt out. Be more discriminating in the activities you're taking on, something may sound wonderful but doing it with a ton of other stuff isn't a good idea. Choose what you really want to do and just do those things, and enjoy doing them a lot more. You'll probably end up being your own worst critic so don't feel like you HAVE to do everything. I'm sure it wont take that much to impress colleges, having a few things there should be fine. Grades most importantly.

I felt tired just reading that.

Mota Boy
03-15-2006, 10:31 PM
Learn how to indent paragraphs.
My reaction too. However, after deciding to read it, it actually kinda works in that it really helps to get the feeling of being overwhelmed across to the reader. Of course, that's assuming the reader decides to commit themselves to reading it in the first place.

I remember reading up on Japanese kids in high school and how they'd just kill themselves (sometimes literally) to get into college. However, once in college, the kids don't go to class and instead spend all their time surfing. I'd shake my head and add it to my mental list of things that are wrong with Japanese society. However, I've come to realize how closely American kids fit that model. I have an assload more free time now than I did in high school, and feel only a fraction of the pressure.

Applying to college is the most terrifying activity in which one can engage. Read up on it in guides and you'll find out that you need outstanding grades, astronomical SAT scores, plenty of extracurriculars, great recommendations from teachers and, finally, an essay that will distinguish you from the thousands of other applicants who fulfilled the first several requirements. Boo. Here's a tiny secret - you'll almost certainly be happy no matter whereever you go. And if you aren't, it's easy to transfer.

First off, let's get this out of the way - you're a teenager. For fuck's sake, you're not supposed to have self-esteem. You look awkward, you feel awkward, you're misunderstood, you don't like your parents, you don't know who you are (especially if you think you do). You're a sack of skin that barely encases a sea of writhing insecurities. What's most important to know is 1) that most everyone else your age is going through the exact same thing, the only difference being that some are better at hiding it than others and 2) it'll pass. Believe it or not, one day you're going to wake up and discover that you're smart, you're cute, people like you and the possibilities are limited only by your own imagination and drive. Trust me on this one, it'll happen. The downside is that you have to weather the next half-decade of youth before it finally hits you.

Right now, you're trying to please your dad, your teachers and a plethora of potential colleges, however, *cliche alert* you are only responsible for the happiness of one person: Tiphani Insertlastnamehere. From the minute amount of information I've learned from my two decades holding onto this spinning rock, I find that the key to life is to find a good balance of making yourself happy in the present and investing in future happiness. If you focus all your energy on the present you'll soon find yourself burnt-out in a dead-end life. If you focus all your energy on the future, you'll never be happy, but instead find yourself constantly working towards goals that, once acheived, only become replaced with other goals.

The secret is to do what you love now with an eye on future ramifications. You hate soccer - quit. No fucking "ands", "ifs" or "buts". Honestly, if it were possible, I'd crack you over the head with a giant mallet that had "QUIT" imprinted on the head just to make certain my point wasn't lost. When you're applying to college, 80% is going to be class standing and SAT scores. If you keep pushing yourself to be the "perfect" applicant, you're going to get burnt out and your grades could suffer. Not to mention you'll miss out on that whole "childhood" thing people talk about occasionally. In short, seek out what you love, and be active in it. Live your life so that it's the best life possible, not so that it looks the best when written on a fucking form paper and handed to strangers.

03-15-2006, 10:38 PM
I was going to make another reply, but there was no point after Mota's beautiful job.

03-16-2006, 12:09 AM
You know what's funny? I'm 21, it's my 4th year of university, and I'm only JUST NOW learning to relax and not work so fucking hard at everything. I've finally snapped and decided "screw it, I want some Michelle time too". And it's been wonderful. (She says as she frantically scrambles to finish her quantum chemistry assignment and prepare her talk for the conference on Saturday).

You remind me a lot of myself in highschool. I played volleyball and badminton, was editor of the yearbook committee (HUGE time commitment), was on the student council, worked 30 hours a week (wow, that's nearly full time), and maintained an absolutely ridiculously high average. All that while spending a shitload of time with my boyfriend and some time with my other friends as well. I still always maintained the motto that homework could never be an excuse for not going out, I would just have to squeeze it all in somehow. I definitely didn't have the perfect resume for university since I was lacking a lot of volunteer experience, but it was good enough to get me where I wanted to go, and some scholarships to boot.

I don't regret it at all though since everything I did I enjoyed. If I really don't want to do something, I don't get involved, even if it will screw over my resume in the end. I hope it's the same in your case. You HAVE to enjoy, at least for the most part, what you do. Sure it will be overwhelming and stressful at times, but the experiences gained will be worth it in the end. If you hate what you do and are only living towards the future, definitely get out of the situation fast. But really, I don't think that's the case. I think you're just feeling particularly stressed and overwhelmed at the moment. And the payoffs can indeed be worth it. I've pretty much had my life handed to me on a silver platter to date and I haven't minded that one bit. This is all a result of my hard work of course.

Unlike Mota, my workload quadrupled once I reached university because of my program. The extracurricular activities were severely cut and in second and third year I spent a huge majority of my time doing homework to keep up the grades. I rationalize it by treating it like a job. All the work I put in now will get me scholarships which will, and have already, paid me tens of thousands of dollars. Do I regret that? Maybe a little bit. I missed out on a lot of personal development. But could I have lived any other way due to my perfectionist and ambitious personality? I don't know. All I know is that now I've eased up and am going to make up for lost time. And I'm excited!

And regarding the self esteem, it's been covered pretty well already I think. It will definitely get better. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try and convince yourself that you rock right now, because ultimately it takes a little willpower as well.

03-16-2006, 02:11 AM
jesus christ, fuck reading that

03-16-2006, 03:52 AM
What makes you think you are failing your dad?

03-16-2006, 04:19 AM
I think like many here do, you need to leave soccer. I can't see any reason in doing that thing that you don't like from one hand you can never do it good just because it isn't interesting for you from the other hand why you must do the same as your sister? Find something that you like and you'll make your best in that work and I think that your dad will be proud of you and you'll be able to make you self esteem higher. And about exams, I have a feelling that I fail them too.

03-16-2006, 04:51 AM
I remember reading up on Japanese kids in high school and how they'd just kill themselves (sometimes literally) to get into college.
Actually, they usually tend to literally kill themselves once they don't get into college. That's why those of us who are foreigners who've lived in Japan know exactly what the term "suicide season" means. It means that your train is probably going to be a few minutes late because they have to remove the body. It means that you probably shouldn't take the train to Toritsu-Daigaku on the Toyoko because right before that station is the most suicide-prone bridge in all of Tokyo. It means aggravation, pretty much.

The people who tend to die from overwork are middle aged men. College students are extremely chill. They'll dye their hair, drink a lot (well, for Japanese people, anyways), have more casual sex per week than I have had in my life, and pretty much live off of their parents money. But from one day to the next, that all changes once they get a job. They'll cut off the dyed portion of their hair, wear suits, and get married, and settle into the typical role prepared for them in Japanese society.

Even after three years, I think they have one of the weirdest ways of life ever.

03-16-2006, 11:03 AM
I know how you feel about that sister thing. I don't know why but my mom always thought that my brother is great at everything. Everything I do. Like playing piano, riding horse, painting, acting... I was pretty good at all of these things and my brother definitely was not. But she kept on saying he ws great. Nothing I did changed her mind. After my brother failed at university exams she even tried to hamper(?) me. Anyway, now she's left, I'm okay.

But you, it's so cliche, I know but you don't have to please anyone. Especially your dad because he's pleased enough by your sister, I think. I don't know if you're jealous of your sister or not but you probably are because generally all the little girls are. I say don't even try to get in a race with your sister about making your dad happy. She was the first. Parents always love what older children do.

Also, being the president of key club, being great at soccer or anything else never make you a better person. It's just about your personality (and your appearance, a little). Just think about your happiness. The things you do for your dad will make him happy just for a few days and then he'll forget but the things you do for yourself will change your whole life. You seem like a smart girl, I'm kinda sure that you can make the best decisions for your happiness.

[suck up]It's so hard to find something to say about Mota Boy's answer[/suck up] but I have a few things to say about your worries about college. I'm having those kind of worries right now and nobody knows them better than me. Or my friends. God, there are people who are losing their hairs, getting sick, going crazy... Every year I see people like this. And you know what, none of them goes the best universities. A little worrying is always a good thing. Without it life would suck but generally it eats you inside if you don't stop it. Try to relax about it. Not too much of course.

And don't forget, hobbies, social activities seem so important right now but in the future they probably won'tr be that useful and don't change people's opinions about you (if you care people's opinions). Best thing to do is thinknig for yourself right now. Or it might be too late some day.