PDA

View Full Version : LOOK AT ME! (and feel humble, ya dogs!)



Sin Studly
03-27-2006, 06:48 AM
So anyways, I arrange to meet up with a chick I haven't seen for over a year. She stopped talking to me because I did something horrible to her, I was drunk and don't remember, she remembers and won't tell me. Whatever.

She brings some pretty-boy bitch with her, to try and make me jealous, so I have a split second to size up the situation before giving my 'initial reaction'. Since I'm not that brilliant, I immediately launch into a facade of being pleased to see her, pleased to see him too, a friend of hers is a friend of mine sorta shit.

During that, I size up the situation. I go by instinct, and I decide that he desperately wants to bone her and she has no interest in him, but desperately wants to bone me. Incidently, i have no interest in boning her, but nobody gets away with trying to mindfuck-manipulate me without getting played. Plus, the minute I saw his blonde faggot ponytailed pretty-boy face I wanted to hurt him deep in his soul.

So, they seem clueless about what to do next, so I offer to buy them both a beer. She loves beer. He says "oh... I'm underage", and looks decidedly uncomfortable at the prospect of going into a city pub. -1 point for him, and I file his weakness in my mind.

So anyways, I say "it's okay, I know all the bar staff". +1 point for me. I take them to a place where I always know there'll be people who know me. I lead them over to where there's a manic irishman whose been drinking since 9am and a gay paedo I drink with sometimes. -5 points for me, but I'm willing to take them because I can guess what's coming.

There's one nice plush armchair left at the table, so I usher her into it, like a gentleman (+1 point). Then I grab two barstools, put his next to her (+1 point) and sit opposite them, as if to give the lovebirds room, totally aloof, like I couldn't give a fuck (+1 point). Now, I judged him earlier to be a loser, and soon enough him and the irishman are reciting the ENTIRE repetoire of monty python. -1000000 points for him. I've won.

I lean back in my chair so when the girl tries to talk to me, she has to lean foward. Within five minutes she gets sick of it, walks over and sits on my lap. +10000000 points for me. About 8 minutes later her prettyboy notices, makes some lame excuse and leaves.

I win the universe, yet again!

Lupin
03-27-2006, 06:57 AM
mwhaha!
Cool how you're inner monologue keeps score. Although i can't help wishing the Gay Paedo had played a bigger part...
________
Yamaha Fz6 History (http://www.yamaha-tech.com/wiki/Yamaha_FZ6)

Paint_It_Black
03-27-2006, 07:00 AM
Posting the story on the offspring bbs should shave off a few points.

killer_queen
03-27-2006, 07:01 AM
Did you take the girl to your home? If you did you are not the winner, in my opinion.

Sin Studly
03-27-2006, 07:07 AM
Of course not, I extracted myself from the whole situation as soon as the prettyboy got pwnt.

killer_queen
03-27-2006, 07:09 AM
Great. You're still my hero.

ruroken
03-27-2006, 08:23 AM
You gotta take me there when/if I go see you. :)

wheelchairman
03-27-2006, 08:35 AM
Yes, definitely take Ruroken there!

Preocupado
03-27-2006, 09:18 AM
A toast for that story, you win!

Just the lap thing... you mean the arm of the chair, right?

Andy
03-27-2006, 09:31 AM
I love you man, you should write self-help books or something.

JohnnyNemesis
03-27-2006, 09:52 AM
I love it. I fucking LOVE it!

Paint_It_Black
03-27-2006, 10:03 AM
I love you man, you should write self-help books or something.

Actually that would be awesome. Can you imagine a self-help book by Justin? It would describe, in minute detail, a million ways to commit suicide. With helpful illustrations.

Sunny
03-27-2006, 10:23 AM
the whole "how to kill yourself in a creative way" has already been done. by bunnnies.

BUNNY SUICIDES (http://www.popcornfor2.com/wysiwyg/bunnysuicides.htm)

oh, and good job, justin. lol.

0r4ng3
03-27-2006, 02:22 PM
^ Well, it's a good thing you didn't miss the point entirely...

.:SMASH:.
03-27-2006, 02:26 PM
Of course not, I extracted myself from the whole situation as soon as the prettyboy got pwnt.
typical. but fucking hilarious

Andy
03-27-2006, 02:26 PM
Grandma loved a sailor who sailed the frozen sea.
Grandpa was a whaler And he took me on his knee.
He said, "Son, I'm going crazy From livin' on the land.
Got to find my shipmates And walk on foreign sands."
*shrugs*...

JohnnyNemesis
03-27-2006, 02:44 PM
Maria, may I ask what you're doing? I am confused.

All About Eve
03-27-2006, 02:53 PM
Well, you win Earth, but until I see you do that to some alien chick with three boobs and antenna, I'm not giving you the universe just yet, although I'm sure it's inevitable.

XYlophonetreeZ
03-27-2006, 04:56 PM
Awesome story.


mwhaha!
Cool how you're inner monologue keeps score. Although i can't help wishing the Gay Paedo had played a bigger part...

Shut up, The_Hombre.

Sin Studly
03-27-2006, 06:53 PM
You gotta take me there when/if I go see you. :)

Sure I will, lil buddy. But afterwards we have to go to the biker bar on Hindley Street.

Sin Studly
03-27-2006, 07:01 PM
Great. You're still my hero.

.... guru and mentor as well, yes?


Just the lap thing... you mean the arm of the chair, right?

No.


I love you man, you should write self-help books or something.

I'm working on it already, for the .com FauxElitist is going to buy me.


you win for taking a girl on your lap? you go, stud...

No, you've missed the point. I win for being a manipulative duplicitous genius who recognised the girl's powerplay within a split-second, concocted a plan to turn the tables within several seconds, whilst simultaneously being witty and charming to the both of them ; then manipulated the meagre human resources immediately available to me without their knoweledge, and pulled it off smoothly to completely and utterly control the situation.

Merely having a chick on one's lap is nothing to be proud of.

Oh, and stop being an insane wench.

coke_a_holic
03-27-2006, 07:24 PM
Oh yeah? Well my penis is 17 inches. :cool:

Ninty Man
03-27-2006, 07:26 PM
You're pathetic

JohnnyNemesis
03-27-2006, 07:35 PM
Change your avatar.

Nicole
03-28-2006, 01:36 AM
I've never pictured her hanging around a guy with a blonde ponytail to try and make somebody jealous. Pretty goth boys who look about 17, yes. Pretty being rather subjective *shrugs*.

I need to see her and apparently we go to uni right next door.

Rocky-girl
03-28-2006, 02:32 AM
Good joke.
He says "oh... I'm underage",:):):) I like this most of all, I laughted a lot at this point!
But something in it I don't like... I come to this conclusion for the next time it's better to be careful of you. well I like you being my papushka.

Sin Studly
03-28-2006, 03:03 AM
to try and make somebody jealous

It's possible I'm being overly paranoid, but you know as well as I do that in my mind, everything that anybody ever does is to foward their quest of boning me.

Sin Studly
03-28-2006, 03:59 AM
Why the hell would I want your praise, you insane fucking frog? Go show your tits to more pre-teens.