View Full Version : The Aristocrats

03-29-2006, 04:41 PM
So a guy walks into a talent agency and says to the agent, "Hey, I got a great act for you and your business. It should really help your theatre out." The talent agent says, "Okay, well what did you have in mind?"
"First, my wife and I walk out onto the stage. We bow to the applauding audience. At that point we introduce our four children, who walk out onto the stage. And then ol' Grandma comes out on her rocking chair, knitting, which brings a smile to everyone's face. At this point, my wife gets completely naked and all of my kids start giving her oral pleasure. By then, my character is pretty jealous and pretty protective of his wife. I take an aluminum bat and start bashing each of my kids in the head until they all fall to the ground, unconscious. From here, I just start banging my wife. After we do it about six times and I can't hold an erection anymore, my 7-year-old son wakes up and he starts banging her. My daughters both see this and puke on the floor, the floor that I had come on six times. After my seven year old son has done my wife about four times, my ten year old son starts taking her from behind while my daughters are both blowing my other son. Believe me, when the whole family gets involved, it's a beautiful thing. At this point, I steal grandma's false teeth and take a big bite out of my wife's leg. Then I get a new hard-on and start penetrating the hole I made with the teeth. My wife, in her painful state, takes a big dump on my sons. Losing all consciousness, my sons and daughters all pass out and piss on the stage. So we've got this whole stage covered with blood, piss, shit, puke, and cum. After we swim in it for about an hour, Grandma takes out her shotgun, cocks it, and shoots each of us in the head. She then takes a bow and walks off the stage."
The talent agent says, "Well, that's quite an imagination you've got for this act. What do you call it?"
"The Aristocrats!"

(I thought this would be a good ice-breaker for my return to the forum)

03-29-2006, 04:49 PM
Is The Aristocrats an existant performance or is this about aristocracy?

03-29-2006, 04:50 PM
I just got it from the documentary, "The Aristocrats."

03-29-2006, 04:51 PM
Is The Aristocrats an existant performance or is this about aristocracy?

If I'm not mistaken, it's a documentary film featuring a whole bunch of well-known comedians attempting to tell that joke, which is considered one of the dirtiest jokes ever.

Not Ozymandias
03-29-2006, 05:01 PM
I hate this thread and I hate you.

03-29-2006, 05:15 PM
the joke's rarely funny spoken and never remotely funny written.

03-29-2006, 07:03 PM
(I thought this would be a good ice-breaker for my return to the forum)

Nobody remembers you it seems, and rightly so.

Dead baby jokes > The Aristocrats

03-29-2006, 07:18 PM
Dead baby jokes > The Aristocrats

like... how many babies does it take to paint a wall ?

select here for answer : depends on the strength you trow them against it

Sin Studly
03-29-2006, 08:45 PM
The Aristocrats would have been funny back when people first started telling it ; when there was still an aristocracy to hate on. Now it's just retarded.