View Full Version : Funniest Sex Story EVER

04-14-2006, 02:48 AM
I stole this from an LJ community. I'm sure that's not allowed but hey, whatev. You could all be joining that community and read it for yourself after all.


Gather 'round chillin. It's story time. Tonight we are going to be reading "How I ruin people's hopes: The story of Peter Nguyen by God"


There once was a guy named Einstein. He fucking pimped math and liked to chill on his bike. Cool.

One time, this fucking froed out pacifist said
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Now onto this guy. His name? Peter Nguyen. He's 22 years old, disease free vietnamese american. A fulltime student, snazzy dresser, great loft in Soho, eats a strict and clean buddhist vegan diet and, after googling other Peter Nguyens, it is pretty safe to say he is probably one of the better looking ones out in this world.

No thanks.

Asians do have a curse, that being we tend to lack body hair, but this is getting ridiculous.

04-14-2006, 02:49 AM
Would you like some candy?

One of the better of the bunch, but not close.


Now Peter has a small problem. He broke up with his gf a while ago, yes, bummer and has been on the lamb ever since. However, it seems that the powers at be is having fun torturing him.

Now, I attributed the previous lay to my horrible week. I accepted that it was just a part of the shittiness and that once that week was over I can live a normal life.

However today god smacked me in the face and made me remember one thing: I'm his fucking bitch.

Peter's horrible sexual misadventures Part 2

I was going to use a fake name for her protection, but fuck that.

So there's this girl named Aneta. I met her at a photoshoot way back when last summer in Brooklyn. "She is from Ukraine".

I've seen her around a lot, mainly in the West Village, Lower East side and on occasion in Soho.

Aneta is stick thin, a bit too thin for my taste. 5'10" but a very gorgeous face. The whole alien youth thing going on with models these days.

On my way out of my building this morning I noticed a tall lanky thing looking for a building sign, as I turn I hear my name "Peter!"

Who is standing in front of my but lovely Aneta, apparently she is there for a Samsung casting in my building.

I show her the way in. She asks if I want to get coffee later and I tell her maybe tonight because I have another class at 3pm, she nods and heads up the elevator.

Fast foward to 6:30pm. I get a little buzz on the intercom with a little voice saying ANETAAAAA.

I let her up to my building, it is clear she is on something. Her eyes are a bit bloodshot. She has this look on her face. THAT look. And asks me if she should check out my place.

I'm not stupid, we basically run into my place and start making out.

Great kisser. Check.

I'm not feeling nervous about this one so far.

I throw her on the bed and we start peeling off the clothes. I politely ask her if I can go freshen up and if she would like to go as well. She commented she had just taken a shower after the casting, so I ran inside and gave the man a little wash down and come back to a fully nude lovely little (tall) thing.

Cute tits. Cute Bubble butt. Check

I jump downtown, shaved and ASPHALT BURNT CHEESE free I get to work.

We're tossing and turning and so far, having a great time.

My turn, I lay down and she goes down. Not bad so far. After a while she starts pushing her head way down, a bit of teeth grinding.

"Not so hard baby" I suggest to her. She looks up at me with a bit of an evil eye. Made even more evil because they were blood shot red. She starts sniffling. I suspect she's on coke.

She keeps working it and working it and then she starts chomping on my balls. I'm talking pacman chomping. She eases into it so I let the first few chomps go, but then she starts pushing her teeth into that area between my balls and ass and I don't go there, so I ask her to slow down.

Sniffle. Evil eye.

I continue to make out with her until she grabs my arm and starts kissing my biceps. I'm very ticklish so I tell her not so much because I really hate it. So she softly kisses my arm up and down and stops at my pit.

And then this is where it gets fucking weird.

She goes to town on my pit. I'm talking about eating out my pit. Somehow my pit turned into a pussy and she was the biggest pit dyke. I flinch back and ask her what she is doing and she looks at me with that face that basically said "let me do this or you don't get to fuck" so I let her continue.

She starts to inhale my body. She says soam turns her on. I asked what the fuck is soam. She replies "Scent of a man".

So, to stop me from losing my hard-on from some fucked up Eastern European sex game, I pin her down and kiss her all over. I hold her down by the neck and it's pretty fucking sexy when she started grabbing on my forearm. So after a bit more fondling I bust out the condom and start fucking her.

I continue to hold her down by the neck and we're having a great time. Then she takes my hands and starts sucking on my fingers, something I really like, until she starts trying to deep throat my hand. I try to pull back, at least in my head, but there's something about simultaneous back and forth movements that I could never get right. I was never really good at that pat head rub belly game.


So she keeps trying to have bulimic sex, I'm banging her semi-freaking out at what this girl will do next. If there's one thing I learned in my lifetime of watching 2902350235 movies, is that European people have fucked up sex games (thank you Eurotrip!)

After shaking my hand from her graps, we switch positions and she gets on top, back towards me and starts at it again.

I lay back and let her do a lot of the work, occasionally giving her the lower ass support with I feel something warm on my feet. I freak out and shake my leg, having vivid flashbacks of smashing Roaches with my feet in my shoes, she flies off me, foot in mouth, and almost slips off my bed.

*insert evil laugh*

She stands up, still laughing like a fucking psycho and grabs my foot and starts rubbing it all over her face.

At this moment it was a porn as directed by M. Night Shamalyananansnsa. I really wanted to see what fucked up shit this chick was going to end with. What was the twist, fuck, there has to be one!

Please note: I'm not entirely enjoying this, just slightly.

She starts licking my leg up and down. I tell her to stop because as mentioned above, I don't like being tickled.

So she goes back down to my cock. However, she doesn't suck or even licks.

She starts rubbing her face on it.

I close my eyes and think to myself..."what the fuck"

After motioning for her to get back up, she straddles me and we start to make out again. For some reason, she thought it was a sexy idea to spit in my mouth. Not just any spit. That thick, salty spit from the back of the throat spit.

I begin to cry inside. I realized that I am being punished for being an Atheist. Maybe not by god, but probably by some fucked up right wing nut who hired her to do this job.

Much like the last girl, I realized i need to get this girl the fuck out. So I flip her to her side and start fucking her again. Legs up, hands flying everywhere, some moderate kissing (mouth closed as small as possible) and then I feel something poking me.

yes. It started to feel like I was taking a dump.

She was trying to play with my ass.

Ninja defense, I roll to my back so that now she's on top of me and let her ride, however she is not easily defeated. She starts trying to dig her hand between the buttocks and the bed, at which point I yell (politely) "I'm not into that"

She throws her hands up and turns around.

With a look of disappointment on her face I pick her up and throw her on her back and fuck her until I cum.

At this point, and ladies please don't hate me for this, I really don't care if she gets off and I don't care about getting her off. This girl is fucking insane.

Call me an american prude, but sometimes I just like a classic line up of make out -> feelup -> oral -> fuck -> hold.

I feel like I'm back in high school having sex for the first time, except somehow I'm trapped in some fucked up german porn my cousin always rents. Make out -> pit sniffing -> mouth loogey spitting -> foot vs mouth battle -> ball facial -> finger fucking..I'm not ready for this.

We got cleaned up in complete silence. It was awkward, like when someone says they have the best joke and tells it to everyone at the table and everyone just looks around. It was like that, except we gave each other courtesy kisses and the "I'll call you sometime but please don't look at my face because I have that I'm never gonna call you again look on my face" deal.

The moral of the story is...

Bitches from the Ukraine are crazy.

I should settle down.

And..yes, them bitches from the Ukraine are crazy.

The end.

04-14-2006, 03:06 AM
I've heard some fucked up shit from my friends. I once told Tizzie though that I only get erections when I am sad. We spent the next 1 and a half minutes yelling "I wanna see other people". Good sex lasts 1 and a half minutes.

04-14-2006, 03:11 AM
I didn't find anything funny about it. Parts of it were just stupid, the guy was lame and it was poorly written.

04-14-2006, 03:13 AM
I completely and entirely disagree with your statement. It was written funnily, in a very amusing way, obviously to me of course, but about 100 other people as well. He's not an author or anything, I dont get what type of expectations you have from normal people on the net.
Oh well. I thought I'd share and I love it.

04-14-2006, 03:14 AM
I didn't find anything funny about it. Parts of it were just stupid, the guy was lame and it was poorly written.
Of course you didn't find it amusing. You're a slav. That's normal sex for you.

04-14-2006, 03:15 AM
I dont get what type of expectations you have from normal people on the net.

What's the problem? I just voiced an opinion, that's all.

04-14-2006, 03:16 AM
Hmm. We're TALKING, right? When you say something you can indeed expect some sort of respond. And that's what I did.

04-14-2006, 03:18 AM
Yeah, but you reacted angrily and stingy as if I actually attacked you and your opinion. Meanwhile I just said what I think of the story.

04-14-2006, 03:18 AM
I wasnt and I didnt. clear now?

04-14-2006, 03:30 AM
Heh, nice story. (but i've heard better!)

And i'm not ready for that stuff too and never will. Bleah, "scent of a man"!?

04-14-2006, 03:54 AM
Sounds like fun to me.

Sin Studly
04-14-2006, 04:06 AM
Sorry, is pretty lame.

04-14-2006, 05:17 AM
I didnt expect anything different from you :]

Sin Studly
04-14-2006, 05:56 AM
Are you trying to blame my opinion on my personality instead of the quality of that story? Seriously, it's not written TOO badly in terms of flow (although it is written badly), but the events it describes just aren't really outlandish enough to be considered funny.

I don't see how you can call it the funniest sex story ever, let alone the funniest sex story EVER. Have you read Tucker Max tries Buttsex, by any chance?

04-14-2006, 06:02 AM
I havent read anything.
I was simply amused by it and in the hype I wrote that title. I didnt expect anything else from you because all I hear from you if at all is this type of crap.
Cant we (well, I?) just have SOME fucking fun without always having to argue with either you or the_goddess? You're both so fucking annoying. If it's so bad, dont read it. If it's so horrible, dont reply. Same to everybody else. I dont get the problem at all. I dont FORCE anybody to read this, or reply. I dont read your threads either, because I consider them just as boring. Ever noticed? Probably not. But what does it matter.
How ruined. FOOH.

04-14-2006, 06:12 AM
Nina, I really don't understand what your problem is with me. You seem to have a go at me as of recent with anything I say. I don't know what it was in the past that triggered this. Remind me? Did I disagree with you somewhere sharply or what the hell? Seriously, I wasn't trying to argue with you in this thread, I just said what I thought about the story. I don't care you consider it the funniest story, that's your opinion. I just criticised the story itself from my own point of view. To which you immediately jumped on me and I felt it was because you have something against me personally.

Sin Studly
04-14-2006, 06:17 AM
........... so basically, if we like it we should reply. If we don't like it we should somehow travel back in time to warn ourselves not to read it, or failing that shouldn't express our opinion whatsoever, shouldn't reccomend better stories?

I'm not looking for an argument, I'm just judging the story based on its own fucking merits, if I liked it I would have said so. But it's shit. And if you think people should only express their opinions when their opinions happen to look favourably on something, I'm sorry ; but you're wrong.

Anyway, since you're obviously so deprived in the field of humorous sex stories, have a free one here (http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/tucker_tries_buttsex_hilarity_does_not_ensue.phtml #278).

Feel free to give your opinion on it ; even if (gasp) you don't like it. That'll be a new experience for you.

04-14-2006, 06:27 AM
Nah. I really didnt mean all of this like that. However, I am 100% certain that you two criticize other people constantly, and a lot. I noticed and I said something to it (refering to "why do you always reply if you dont like it?"). You see, the emphasis lies on "ALWAYS".
I criticize other people and their threads as well, but since you two do it so so often, it's not very authentic to me anymore. I guess this discussion makes no sense anymore though.
In reply to what you said: I have the feeling that if somebody else posted this, you (the_goddess) would have found it funnier. I cant prove that because that's obviously in your own mind and yadda yadda, but that's the impression I have of you. However, I still just tried to talk. Sorry if you felt attacked. That's an honest apology.
But I do believe that you (Sin) didnt find it funny. cause you're quite honest. And blabla.
I'm too scared to click that link. I'm sure you're shitting me.

04-14-2006, 06:32 AM
In reply to what you said: I have the feeling that if somebody else posted this, you (the_goddess) would have found it funnier. I cant prove that because that's obviously in your own mind and yadda yadda, but that's the impression I have of you. However, I still just tried to talk. Sorry if you felt attacked. That's an honest apology.

Wrong, it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you posted this. Will you finally freaking understand that I replied criticising the story and not because it's a story you posted? Stop being paranoid. And I also don't understand why you magically started calling me the_goddess when we used to be on a first name basis.

Sin Studly
04-14-2006, 06:36 AM
But I do believe that you (Sin) didnt find it funny. cause you're quite honest. And blabla. I'm too scared to click that link. I'm sure you're shitting me.

Fine, here you go.

Tucker tries buttsex; hilarity does not ensue

I spent the summer between my 2nd and 3rd year of college suckling on the parental teat in South Florida. It was the absolute prime of my “do anything to get laid” phase. I was recently freed from a 4-year long-distance relationship that began in high school and I wanted nothing more than to have sex with as many girls as possible.

Most of the things I did that summer are not story-worthy; you can only tell the same, “I got drunk on Dom and fucked this hottie” story so many times before it gets annoying. That summer I experienced every random sex situation that a 20 year old can imagine: fucking on the beach, getting head from random girls in club bathrooms, sleeping with 3 different girls in a day, getting so drunk I passed out during sex, getting arrested for receiving fellatio in the pool at the Delano, blah, blah, blah…Jesus. What does it say about how fucked up my life is that I don’t consider these stories to be extraordinary anymore?

Anyway, while most of my stories may not be extraordinary for me, there is one very notable exception…

I was seeing one girl, “Jaime,” about twice a week. She was a fresh arrival to South Beach, having moved there 5 months ago from upstate New York as a 19 year old with a modeling contract. We met through a mutual friend who befriended her while they were shooting a TV commercial. Five weeks and lots of sex later, she thought we were dating. I knew better, but she was way too hot to bother correcting her assumption.

The ex-girlfriend of 4-years I previously spoke about was very sexually conservative. It was missionary in the dark and then straight to sleep, with maybe a blowjob on the weekends if she’d had a few glasses of wine with dinner (it was a high school relationship, I didn’t know any better). After four years of this, I was ready to experience all the things I’d missed out on (when I wasn’t cheating on her, of course).

Buttsex, known in the biz as “anal,” was one of these unknowns, and I decided that I wanted to try it. Jaime was the perfect partner: very hot and very sweet, and more importantly, very naïve and very open to suggestion.

She was reluctant at first, not understanding why we just couldn’t keep having normal sex, so I had to employ my persuasive powers:

Jaime “But…I’ve never done it.”
Tucker “I’ve never done it either; it can be our thing.”

Jaime “But…I don’t know if I’ll like it.”
Tucker “You won’t have to worry about getting pregnant.”

Jaime “But…I like normal sex.”
Tucker “Everyone’s doing anal. It’s the new black.”

Jaime “But…I don’t know…it seems weird.”
Tucker “It’s the preferred method in Europe. Especially with the runway models. Don’t you want to do runways in Europe?”

After a few weeks of this, she finally consented. Though she agreed to let me put my penis in her small hole, she extracted a promise in return:

“OK, we can try anal sex, but I want it to be special and romantic. You have to take me out to a nice place, like The Forge or Tantra, NOT one of your parent’s restaurants, and it has to be a weekend night, NOT a Monday. And you have to keep taking me out on weekends. I’m tired of being your Monday night girl.”

I made reservations for the next Friday at Tantra. Aside from being insanely expensive, Tantra is famous for having grass floors. Really; they put in new sod every week. They also advertise their food as “aphrodisiac cuisine.” Yes, at that point in my life, I thought these things worked.

Thanks to my father’s connections, I got us a corner booth in the grass room. She was quite impressed. I ordered like it was the Last Supper. No expense was spared. Two $110 bottles of merlot, veal rack, stone crabs, the Tantra Love platter--it was lavish and decadent. I was 21, stupid, and wanted to fuck Jaime in the butt; I wasn’t about to let a $400 tab get in my way.

By the time we left Tantra, this girl had doe eyes that made Bambi look like a heroin-chic CK model. She could not have been more in love with me. The entire drive back to my place she was rubbing my crotch, telling me how badly she wanted to me to fuck her, how hot I made her, etc, etc. We get back to my place and our clothes are off before we even get in the door. We collapse on the bed and start fucking. Normal vaginal sex at first, just like always.

Now, what she did not know, and what I have not told you yet, was that I had a surprise waiting for her.

[Aside: Before I tell you what the surprise was, let me make this clear: As I stand right now, 27 as of this writing, I am a bad person. At 21, I was possibly the worst person in existence. I had no regard for the feelings of others, I was narcissistic and self-absorbed to the point of psychotic delusion, and I saw other people only as a means to my happiness and not as humans worthy of respect and consideration. I have no excuse for what I did; it was wrong and I regret it. Even though I normally revel in my outlandish behavior, sometimes even I cross the line, and this is one of those situations….but of course, I’m still going to write about it.]

This was going to be my first time foraging in the ass forest, and I wanted to have a reminder of my trip, a memento I could carry with me the rest of my life…so I decided to film us.

I planned this beforehand, but I was afraid she would decline, so instead of being mature and discussing this with Jaime, I just made the executive decision to get it on camera…without telling her.

That alone is pretty bad. But instead of just setting up a hidden camera…I got my friend to hide in my closet and film it.

No really--I know that I will burn in hell. At this point, I’m just hoping that my life can serve as a warning to others.

I left my door unlocked and we arranged it so that around midnight my friend would go over to my place and wait until my car pulled in, and then run into the closet and get the camera ready. The top half of the closet door was a French shutter, so it was easy to move the slats and give him a decent camera shot through the closed door.

By the time Jaime and I got to the bed, I was so drunk I had forgotten that he was filming this, and of course she had no idea he was there. After a few minutes of standard sex, she kinda stopped and said, all serious and in her best seductive soap opera voice, “I’m ready.”

I quickly flipped her over and grabbed the brand new bottle of AstroGlide I had on my bedside table.

A week prior, after Jaime consented to buttsex, I realized that I didn’t have any idea how to do it. How exactly do you fuck a girl in the ass? Luckily, I had the world’s best anal sex informational resource at my disposal: The gay waiter. I consulted several gay waiters who worked at one of my parents restaurants about the mechanics of buttsex, and each one recommended AstroGlide as the lubricant of choice. Much to my dismay, I learned that spitting on your dick is not enough lube for buttsex. Stupid, lying porn movies.

The other important piece of advice I remembered was from Calvin, “Make sure you use enough, because if this is her first time, she’ll be especially tight, and it might hurt her. Use enough to really loosen her up and go slow until she gets used to it. Then it’s smooth sailing from there.”

Well, since some is good, more is better, right? At 21, this seemed logical.

I opened the cap, crammed the bottle top into her asshole, and squeezed. I probably emptied half of the 4-ounces of AstroGlide into her. I have since learned from homosexuals that a 4-ounce bottle usually lasts them about 6 months. So yeah--I overdid it.

But Tucker Max wasn’t done. Oh no, after depositing enough grease in her to run a Formula One racecar, I dumped half of what remained onto my cock and balls, really wanting to lube up because I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable.

Really--consider my thought process: I was going to fuck her in the butt and film it without her consent, yet I was truly concerned about her personal comfort. Sometimes the contradictions in my personality even amuse me..

Sin Studly
04-14-2006, 06:36 AM
Predictably, I slid in with ease. She was a little tense at first, but with an Exxon Valdez size load spilled into her poop chute, she quickly loosened up and got into it. I liked it also; it had a different feel to it. Not as good as vaginal sex, a little grainy, kinda tight, but still very nice.

Before I knew it I was fucking her like the apocalypse was imminent, burying it to the hilt with impunity. After a few minutes I was ready to come. My urgency was expressed in my tempo, and I began really jackhammering her. As the excitement got the best of me, I pulled out too far and my dick came out of her ass. I kinda scrambled to grab my dick and put it back in so I could finish off inside of her, but before I could even get a hold of it and put it back in her ass, I heard a faint “psssst” sound and felt something wet and warm hit my crotch.

It was dark in the room (I was not smart or sober enough to leave the lights on for the camera), so after I looked down it took me a few seconds to realize that my dick, balls and groin area were covered in a viscous black liquid. I stopped moving and stared at my strangely colored crotch for a good 5 seconds, completely confused, until I realized what happened:

“Did you…did you just…shit on my dick?”

I reached down to touch the liquid feces, still in complete and utter disbelief that this girl shot explosive diarrhea on my penis, when, without warning, the smell hit me.

I have a very sensitive nose, and I have never been more repulsed by a smell in my life. The combination of synthetic AstroGlide and rancid stench of raw fecal matter combined to turn my stomach, which was full of seafood, veal and wine, completely over.

I tried to hold it back. I really did everything I could to stop myself, but there are certain physical reactions that are beyond conscious control. Before I knew what I was doing, it just came out:


I vomited all over her ass. Into her crack. Into her asshole. On her ass cheeks. On the small of her back. Everywhere.

She turned her head, said, “Tucker, what are you doing?,” saw me vomiting on her, screamed “Oh my God!,” and immediately joined me:


Watching her throw up on my bed made me vomit even more. Her vomiting all over my bed, me vomiting on her ass, the next step was almost inevitable.

I heard the loud CRASH first, turned to see my friend break through the shutters and rip the closet door off as he, the video camera, and the door tumbled out of the closet and crashed onto the floor next to us:


The memory of the 2-second span where all three of us were vomiting at once is permanently seared into my brain. I have never heard anything like that symphony of sickness. It was like something out of the old Pink Panther movies.

I think the crowning moment was when my eyes locked with Jaime’s, I saw her moment of realization and then her quick shift from shock and surprise to complete and irreparable anger. Between bouts of hurling she flipped out:


She tried to stand up, slipped on the huge puddle of backflow AstroGlide on the bed, and fell into both my pile and her pile of vomit, covering her body and hair in vomit, shit and anal lubricant. She flailed on the bed for a second, grabbed the top sheet, wrapped it around her, and started running out of my place. Still naked and retching, my dick covered in shit and oil, I followed her as far as my front door.

The last contact I ever had with her is the image I witnessed of her in a dead sprint, a

shit, vomit and grease stained sheet stuck to her body, running from my apartment.


The camera we used was one of those old fragile ones that filmed onto a VHS tape, and when he crashed out of the closet, the tape recorder and tape broke. It didn't occur to us at that the tape records the images magnetically, and we could take the actual tape itself and get someone to put it in another holster until after we had thrown it out. I know it seems stupid now, and believe me I kick myself about it everyday, but you should have seen the apartment afterwards--the tape was not a high priority. AstroGlide, shit and vomit covered EVERYTHING.

I had to rent one of those steam cleaners, buy a new mattress, and I STILL lost my deposit. It was impossible to get the smell out. The next month was like living in a sewer. Every girl I brought back to my place after that refused to stay there, and some even refused to sleep with me anywhere because of how my place smelled.

What I never found out, and I still want to know, is how the girl got home. I never heard from her again, and the mutual friend who introduced us called her but didn’t get her calls returned. I never heard anything about her or from her again, even though she left her clothes and ID at my place (she wore a tight dress out that night, and didn’t bring a purse or any money with her).

Can you picture that scene? What did she do, hop in taxi? Wave down a passing car? Get on the bus? She lived at least 30 miles away, there is no way she walked home. It perplexes me to this day.

I'm hoping she reads this. Maybe then I’ll find out how she got home

- copywrite etc, Tucker Max

04-14-2006, 06:38 AM
I'm all for privacy and this is getting personal and I dont wanna spam my own thread. I'm writing you a PM! Childish, but effective.

Haha shit, I cant cause you have it turned off. whats your email again?

04-14-2006, 06:42 AM
Is in profile. Take the MSN one, if you really feel the need to. I don't want to overanalyse this. And definitely not trying to make it personal. I really don't care. Because I'm not going to fight with you. I just stated what I wanted to state. And there's nothing more to it.

04-14-2006, 06:55 AM
I tried to buy the I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell book yesterday on amazon.com, but i don't have the means to ship stuff.

04-14-2006, 09:50 AM
Wow. Tucker Max is brilliant. Iz told me about it before, but this is first time I read it.

Nina's story was okay, I chuckled a bit. Nothing special though.

Sin Studly
04-14-2006, 09:58 AM
His stories get old after a while, but there are some real classics in there.

In other news, he's being sued for libel... again.

04-14-2006, 10:04 AM
dude, i feel dirty now. omg. gross. GROSS!

he should've known from the start she was coked up and should've passed on the whole deal. i mean, shes a stick-thin model, hanging out in downtown manhattan, and has bloodshot eyes. how many warning signs do you need? ;p

Nina, did you get this from the bad_sex community? if not, check it out sometime. it's hysterical. beats Tucker Max.. which isn't all that hard to do.

04-14-2006, 10:24 AM
The saliva part made me laugh, the rest of it was alright. It wasn't unfunny, but it wasn't THAT amazing.

04-15-2006, 02:28 AM
Holy shit, that Tucker Max story was sooooooooooooooooo disgusting!!!
Thanks, i'll never have buttsex!!!
The scene where everyone starts to vomit made me giggle. that's about it :(

And Sunny, I didnt read it in badsex...I read it in off_hotfashion, but I know he reposted it there. Heh.

04-15-2006, 06:54 AM
A (somewhat) related link i got at Sensible Erection:

A Compilation Of Porn Movie Bloopers (http://www.uselessjunk.com/article_full.php?id=3219) It's adult content, kids! Click it!

04-15-2006, 08:14 AM
Ever kind of sex stories disgust me. I'm too virgin for reading those kind of stories.

04-15-2006, 11:23 AM
wait, so the guy writing this is the asian guy? oh dear. I like toe-sucking. :/

ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew, one time I met this total stud and we were on the road to romance then he dropped this bomb on me:
"do you always like, use soap and deodorant and stuff?"
"uh. yeah. I'm typically a delightful smelling lady."
"why do you care about what you smell like so much?"
"I'm really into B.O. and like, female scents. Girls aren't supposed to use soap down there."

if it was a hypothetical scenario I would've thought of something totally awesome to say but I was too shocked to speak so I just stared at him with a look of disgust on my face until we finally gave our "Okay see you 'round." speeches.

you should read tucker max, mos def. he's the mack of gross storytelling.