View Full Version : The Gatorade Conspiracy

04-18-2006, 08:15 PM

Ok, it may be a bit immature and stupid, but I sure got a chuckle or two out of it.

04-18-2006, 08:21 PM
Gatorade's tagline "Is It In You?" is pretty appropriate, but if that's not "subtle" enough, maybe they should change it to "Is It Thrusting Hard And Deep Into You?".

That was awesome.

04-18-2006, 08:51 PM
The funniest thing about that? The Comments people made about it that got angry and took it seriously, oh and i found it pretty funny he sent a e-mail to them saying
"your bottle looks like a penis"
then they sent back
"were glad gatorade refreshes you and you enjoy it"

04-19-2006, 03:15 AM
hahahaha, that's awesome.

04-19-2006, 03:40 AM
Doesn't work for me. Wtf?

04-19-2006, 04:21 AM
Dave, try: http://basketbawful.blogspot.com/2006/03/gatorade-conspiracy.html

Part 2, the cover up: long link (http://basketbawful.blogspot.com/2006/04/gatorade-conspiracy-part-ii-cover-up.html)

Then I discovered that Darren Rovell, ESPN.com's sports business reporter, runs a Gatorade blog. The blog is advertised as "An Unauthorized Look At One Of America's Most Dominant Brands." Darren even wrote an entire book about Gatorade. Personally, I think Darren and his Gatorade need to go get a room or something.

I love everyone who takes it so seriously. Bwahhaha. Sports drinks are serious business!

04-19-2006, 05:30 AM
Ha, I love this.

There are much more things in this world than to worry about a damned bottle. Our people are dying and your writing about a fucking bottle!

Yeah, like leaving comments for people who worry about bottles.

04-19-2006, 05:42 AM
I strongly approve of this thread. That shit is hilarious.


Ohhhhh man.

Mota Boy
04-19-2006, 05:49 AM
Personally, I like this post on the blog of one of the commentors (a chick, by the way).

a new penis for times of fear and insecurity

i ran out and charged another large strap on to my credit card. strangely enough, it made me feel better. why does carrying around a huge penis make me feel safe? is my silicone cock just a security blanket during my time of fear and uncertainty?

maybe this can be dismissed as nothing more than garden variety penis envy, i don't know. obviously, my cock is fake, so it can't feel pleasure or pain. which of course is actually an unexpected advantage--it can't be cut off, and even if it was, there's always some store that will gladly sell another one to me.

what's worrisome for some people though is my insistence on buying another large one. a gay friend of mine said, "8 and 1/2 inches is just too ostentatious sweetie. why do you have this need to pack a bigger and thicker dick than everybody?"

it could be said that i'm a lot like those nra gun nuts who let their fear of the phantom large black man scare him into buying large guns he doesn't need and will probably never use. the guns don't do any protecting really, but somehow they make a lot of conservative suburban dwellers feel safe enough to walk the streets and to continue avoiding darker hued people.

it's weird, but i don't even want to stick my cock into anyone. i just want people to be overwhelmed just by looking at it; for them to be rendered awestruck just by laying eyes on it.

i look at this and think that i'm making absolutely no sense. my feelings and urges just confuse me. all i know is this is what i'm feeling, and it seems profoundly idiotic (i am scraping another $300 for a pet deposit) given my financial situation.

it reminds me of that story stephen king wrote about a bunch of college boys during the vietnam era. at the time, one of the ways to avoid being sent to 'nam was to stay in school. the boys know this, yet they insist on playing cards and ignoring their schoolwork so they can tune out of their stressful experience. it just seems so overwhelming to face the political problems and their fears head on that distraction becomes an addicting mental balm. their grades go straight to hell, which endangers their status as students--the only thing that is keeping them from being shipped to southeast asia. yet despite understanding the ramifications of what they're risking by tuning out, they continue to play cards, almost as if they are willingly marching to their inevitable doom.

am i marching to my inevitable financial ruin by buying another cock i can't even afford? why don't i feel worse about this? i have less money in my pocket, yet i fell that much more relieved as well. i can't explain it, really. what is my problem that i am willing to mortgage my future for a sense of psychological comfort? am i no better than the scared voters who supported bush because he provided them with an enduring image of certainty and strentgh (rather than actual security and solutions)?

a liberal acquaintance lost her bearing during 9/11 and voted for bush in 2004. my landlord threatens to evict me and dirk if we don't get rid of our cats, i run out and buy a new cock. and since i ripped it out of its packaging, it's non-returnable.

04-20-2006, 02:12 AM
I recognize what she's talking about.

Still. lol penis.