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Zack
04-24-2006, 06:11 PM
Hey everybody tell me what you think about this song that we wrote for our band.

your leaving a place where youv'e grown up
to go fight
to fight for what you think is right
you have made your decision

everybod hopes for the best
and knows you have made the right choice
we will all support it
and hope to help you along the way

if you have to kill a million soldiers then that is right
all we have is hope for you to survive
you cant be held on to forever
this is the way it has to be

everybody on the other side fighting for the same thing
for their family and country
killin women and children
you feel sorry but it's what you have to do

if you have to kill a million soldiers then that is right
all we have is hope for you to survive
you cant be held on to forever
this is the ay it has to be

as you sleep restless with a bottle by your side
you know it's the right thing to do
but still the memorys will haunt your dreams
it's to late your decision is final

you try to get a grip on these memorys you cant stand
it's driving you insane
you try to fight off the pain
but still it is to strong to handle

if you have to kill a million soldiers then that is right
all we have is hope for you to survive
you cant be held on to forever
this is the way it has to be


this song is called "hope"

Mr. Noodles
04-24-2006, 06:12 PM
"Hope" has good lyrics, in my opinion.

Sin Studly
04-24-2006, 06:13 PM
Don't stain April 25th with your shitty war lyrics.

Zack
04-24-2006, 06:54 PM
Well by the way it was about one of my friends that just recently went into the airforce, so i figured i could make a song about it.

Mr. Noodles
04-24-2006, 06:56 PM
Well by the way it was about one of my friends that just recently went into the airforce, so i figured i could make a song about it.
Well, u must think about him a lot.
The song obviously describes what you think about him joining the military.

one_fine_day
04-24-2006, 07:04 PM
SOOOOOOOOOOOO....... 'your band' forum anyone?

Anya82
04-24-2006, 07:33 PM
i will give you my opinion once you post in the right forum.

XYlophonetreeZ
04-24-2006, 07:34 PM
IF YOU HAVE TO KILL A MILLION SOLDIERS THEN THAT IS RIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!
q

Anya82
04-24-2006, 07:45 PM
I would give my opinion, but you didn't post in the right forum, they moved this thread.

Vera
04-25-2006, 12:15 AM
Enough bitching about right forums, it's here now, innit?

I could not find a single rhyme in that song.. How do you plan on turning it into a real song?

If the song is about a soldier going to Iraq or whatever, I wish there had been less of "that is the way it has to be" and "if you have to kill a million soldiers / then that is right" blabber and more of the family&friends emotions. I don't really get the angst in the final verses.. "Your decision is final".. What's the message here? Go to war, don't go to war? If you go to war, you're a fucking dumbass?

The vocabulary is quite simple. If English is your second language, I'd try writing lyrics in your own language first. If English is your mother tongue, I'd really work on finding rhymes and a good message for this song.

I don't want to discourage you. Writing is always a process.. Just work on this one, and if it doesn't seem to work out, throw it out and write a new song.

Zack
04-25-2006, 08:02 PM
alright we rewrote it so tell me what you think...

your leaving a place where youv'e grown up
out of your old scene to go fight
to fight for what you think is right
you have made your decision

Your past is behinde you
and your furture ahead
and your on your knees prayin you won't be dead

everybod hopes for the best
and knows you have made the right choice
we know you'll defeat all the rest
and hope to

if you have to kill a million soldiers then thats alright
all we want is for you to survive the night
you cant be held on to forever
this is the way it has to be

everybody on the other side fighting for the same thing
for their women and children
Whove been slootered since Day one
You have no remorse an do what needs to be done

if you have to kill a million soldiers then thats alright
all we want is for you to survive the night
you cant be held on to forever
this is the ay it has to be

another restless with some jack at your side you Know it's right
prayin for it to end tonight
but still in the mitst of your your own dreams
leaving you nothing as it seems

you try to grip your self
it's driving you insane
you try an kill the pain
but it's to strong for your own hand
leaving nothing but a shell of a man

if you have to kill a million soldiers then that is right
all we want is for you to survive the night
you cant be held on to forever
this is the way it has to be

Now laid down in your grave
people weaping for you
sayin you were front line brave
but they were to

Vera
04-25-2006, 11:36 PM
Well, it's got rhymes now.. Some of them work, some of them don't (kind of typical - right, night but you know, I couldn't write better myself) but it's definitely a better song now..

Keep reading through it every now and then, see if there's anything you can improve on your own. Also ask for bandmembers' opinions.