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guitarboy
05-04-2006, 03:36 PM
hey does anyone have any tips for licking twat my gf is coming over tommorrow and i want to try that but not completely fuck it up serous posts only

wheelchairman
05-04-2006, 03:40 PM
Go immediately for the clitoris. That's the smartest thing to do. Before you do anything else. Use your tongue to go right to the clitoris. And you got to use force, because in the beginning they might not feel it.

Preocupado
05-04-2006, 03:43 PM
EDIT: oh nvm, i missed the point of the thread.

Sunny
05-04-2006, 03:43 PM
for one, don't refer to it as "twat" when she's around.

Sin Studly
05-04-2006, 03:43 PM
Yeah, clitoris immediately. That's the best way to start these things. Suck real hard on it, like you're trying to suck a golf ball through a garden hose. And grind against it HARD with tongue.

And don't be afraid to use your teeth a little, nibbling and pinching sorta stuff.

the_GoDdEsS
05-04-2006, 03:43 PM
The what? No use. The female orgasm is a myth.

Sunny
05-04-2006, 03:45 PM
Suck real hard on it, like you're trying to suck a gold ball through a garden hose. And grind against it HARD with tongue.

And don't be afraid to use your teeth a little, nibbling and pinching sorta stuff.

ow fuck not with bare teeth!

and i wouldn't say start out hard OR go for the clit right away. there's plenty of stuff in the area to explore (inner thighs, lips, etc).

kamikaze
05-04-2006, 04:15 PM
Haha, this reminds me of this one porno I saw teaching guys how to "properly eat a girl out."

Don't go straight to the sex. Kiss. Touch. Foreplay = a sexual must. Then do the whole tongue to clit. And you really do have to work at it. You'll probably get tired after a while, but it does work. And seriously - if you're still clueless - ask her what she likes or what she wants you to do. It'd probably be a big turn on for the both of you.

H1T_That
05-04-2006, 04:20 PM
always remember to pause for air.

Idiot
05-04-2006, 04:24 PM
Make sure she's clean first.

Mota Boy
05-04-2006, 04:40 PM
hey does anyone have any tips for licking twat my gf is coming over tommorrow and i want to try that but not completely fuck it up serous posts only
What are you, gay or something? It's obvious who wears the pants in that relationship.

Isolated Fury
05-04-2006, 05:05 PM
Violently jabbing the clitoris with a finger is also useful. Don't worry about if it hurts; they love it.

kamikaze
05-04-2006, 05:08 PM
Violently jabbing the clitoris with a finger is also useful. Don't worry about if it hurts; they love it.

You know I love it. ;)

sKratch
05-04-2006, 07:03 PM
Make sure she's clean first.
Actually very important.

Furthermore, suck on a penny for a day (thank you Josh) to get used to the taste.

EDIT: *Waiting for Ricky to show up*

guitarboy
05-04-2006, 08:03 PM
whats w/ the whole penny thing? i know what it tastes like just not what to do exactly we've messed w/ stuff like this before but never actually tried doing it all the way and if more girls could post and tell what they enjoy it would be appriciated

calichix
05-04-2006, 08:09 PM
I'm pleasantly suprised at how good the advice from the boys in this post is.

sKratch
05-04-2006, 09:19 PM
I don't know if it's a common mistake to make the first time or if I'm just an idiot, but the tongue need not "tongue fuck" the vagina. I learned from porn and it was wrong :( :( :o

Little_Miss_1565
05-04-2006, 09:31 PM
whats w/ the whole penny thing? i know what it tastes like just not what to do exactly we've messed w/ stuff like this before but never actually tried doing it all the way and if more girls could post and tell what they enjoy it would be appriciated

Seriously, every woman likes something different. What I really like might do nothing for your girlfriend. You really have to ask her to give you some feedback while you're going at it.

calichix
05-04-2006, 09:36 PM
I don't know if it's a common mistake to make the first time or if I'm just an idiot, but the tongue need not "tongue fuck" the vagina. I learned from porn and it was wrong :( :( :o


I love you with every fiber of my being.

sKratch
05-04-2006, 09:48 PM
ohfux I just realized you use the http://www.offspring.com/forums/images/icons/icon4.gif posticon. <3<3<3 let's have some tubular loving (lolz puns)

calichix
05-04-2006, 11:08 PM
primo!! let's shred the gnar as one.




Violently jabbing the clitoris with a finger is also useful. Don't worry about if it hurts; they love it.


stay away from my vagina, dude.

T-6005
05-04-2006, 11:10 PM
Violently jabbing the clitoris with a finger is also useful. Don't worry about if it hurts; they love it.
Jabbing with one finger is ineffective. Just give it a solid punch.

Endymion
05-04-2006, 11:11 PM
punch
kick*http://www

calichix
05-04-2006, 11:18 PM
*meat tenderizer

Tizzalicious
05-04-2006, 11:26 PM
If Per wouldn't read this, sKratch could tonguefuck me any day.

JohnnyNemesis
05-04-2006, 11:37 PM
EDIT: *Waiting for Ricky to show up*

Whatsat? Clitoris?!

It's yet to be located.

wheelchairman
05-04-2006, 11:38 PM
Well Tizz, you're getting a punch in the clitoris.

ninthlayer
05-04-2006, 11:42 PM
Tips for you for sex? Be celibate.

Tizzalicious
05-04-2006, 11:42 PM
What makes you think you'll find it now?

wheelchairman
05-04-2006, 11:43 PM
What makes you think you'll find it now?
I have fat hands :( They're so fat they'll hit everything!

sKratch
05-04-2006, 11:46 PM
primo!! let's shred the gnar as one.
I love California. Too bad you dudes elected Schwarz.

calichix
05-05-2006, 12:06 AM
you're just jealous cause your guvna didn't promise to paint his Hummer green for Earth Day or star in holiday classic "Jingle All the Way".

Jebus
05-05-2006, 12:10 AM
star in holiday classic "Jingle All the Way".
<3 <3 <3 <3

JohnnyNemesis
05-05-2006, 12:10 AM
I'm still confuzzled as to why I was being waited for, sKratch. Is it because of my known pro-cunninglingus stance?

EDIT: Sinbad totally stole the show in "Jingle all the Way".

XYlophonetreeZ
05-05-2006, 12:38 AM
Bah, Phil Hartman stole the show in that movie playing the perv neighbor horning in on Ahhnold's wife!

Sin Studly
05-05-2006, 01:01 AM
ow fuck not with bare teeth!

and i wouldn't say start out hard OR go for the clit right away. there's plenty of stuff in the area to explore (inner thighs, lips, etc).

What are you, fucking stupid? Dumb cunt.

JohnnyNemesis
05-05-2006, 01:05 AM
Wait, I forgot to do something very important in this thread:


hey does anyone have any tips for licking twat my gf is coming over tommorrow and i want to try that but not completely fuck it up serous posts only

You're an idiot.

Endymion
05-05-2006, 01:16 AM
<3 <3 <3 <3
ninety smiles an hour!

Nicole
05-05-2006, 03:23 AM
This thread is hilarious, there's heaps of internet sites dedicated to this (although most are awful) that won't make you look ridiculous.

However, I'll be nice and give you a little bit of advice. Your attitude is going to make a world of difference in making her feel comfortable. Don't be overeager, thats a turn off. Don't be all nervous, that's awkward. And the attitude of going straight for the orgasm is hugely annoying and has never worked for me, enjoy the process not the end result.

Changes are you won't be brilliant at it at first but it's not rocket science, it should be quite easy to pick up seeing as all the guys I've been with (small number but whatever) have been at least fairly skilled and I know at least one had never done it before.

JoY
05-05-2006, 05:50 AM
holy shit, I admire the patience that most people dug up so, so much.

killer_queen
05-05-2006, 06:05 AM
This thread makes me feel jealous. :(

JoY
05-05-2006, 06:05 AM
how come? the whole sex-part of it?

killer_queen
05-05-2006, 06:10 AM
Probably. Especially after reading sKratch's post.

kamikaze
05-05-2006, 06:21 AM
Probably. Especially after reading sKratch's post.

Really? I figured it'd be because of Andy's post. You now, every girl loves to have her 'gine jabbed violently! :p

T-6005
05-05-2006, 06:23 AM
But it's so much more... interesting to go Tekken on someone.

kamikaze
05-05-2006, 06:27 AM
Tekken?! Oh, God. Not you too.... :(

T-6005
05-05-2006, 06:28 AM
To be honest, I've always been more of a Street Fighter type.

Nicole
05-05-2006, 07:09 AM
holy shit, I admire the patience that most people dug up so, so much.

Me too. I thought most of the replies would be negative. Then I joined the trend. Wtf.

guitarboy
05-05-2006, 07:16 AM
Wait, I forgot to do something very important in this thread:



You're an idiot.


not a serouis post just a dumbass

the_GoDdEsS
05-05-2006, 07:54 AM
What did you expect asking this on a public forum? Of course you'd get flamed. You should have read up on a site or a sex forum instead.

sKratch
05-05-2006, 08:08 AM
I'm still confuzzled as to why I was being waited for, sKratch. Is it because of my known pro-cunninglingus stance?


Yes.

And I forgot to make a very important reply.
Tizz: ok!

sKratch
05-05-2006, 08:31 AM
Probably. Especially after reading sKratch's post.
I'm gonna assume this means you want to sex me.