View Full Version : Per and Tizz Reviewing Eurovision.

05-20-2006, 12:16 PM
We're gonna go song by song and give a review of what we've thought of the music tonight.

Starting with Switzerland:

We felt that it was a little cheesy. Like one of those terrible charity songs. With a chorus like "if we all give a little." it makes you think it comes from a bad Miss America pageant.

05-20-2006, 12:18 PM

Now if you remember last year, Moldavia was the star of the show. They had a really entertaining rock band with their grandmother as the drummer.

This year they have Paris Hilton after a lobotomy performing the song. "She's so loca, I want to give her my choca" was the lyric. A very bad attempt at being Ricky Martin going ghetto. This made us sad. We give it 3 sad smileys.

:( :( :(

05-20-2006, 12:21 PM

The song is called "Together We Are One." I thought that was a little ironic. Tizz said "they should've made a song called 'the Wall'."

Tizz: Awesome! It's Boys II Men. Oh it's in Arabic too!

Per: I think that's jewish tizz.

Tizz: Awesome it's nigga-jews!

We give it 4 sad smileys. That's the worst score possible:

:( :( :( :(

05-20-2006, 12:26 PM

Per: This is the first time anyone in Eurovision has ever performed with only their voices and no background music.

Tizz: I'm usually not a fan of that.

Per: This is terrible.

Tizz: I have no words for this. What is this?

Per: I don't know but that's the gayest dancing ever.

Per: Why do they all sound like they are hitting puberty?

Tizz: This isn't a song, it's showing off their vocal talents.

Tizz: Can we add more than 4 sad smileys?

Per: No there is a max of 4 smileys per post

Tizz: :/ That's sad.

Rating: :( :( :( :(

05-20-2006, 12:30 PM

Per: This sounds interesting!

Tizz: Yeah cause they're all blonde women.

Per: This is good though.

Tizz: Yeah it's better than the others.

Per: Well I'm a big fan of Tatu, and this is like two tatus.

Tizz: But they're not kissing.

Per: Yeah but there's 4 of them.

Tizz: Per there's six.

Per: oh

Tizz: Do you think she has a longer skirt so that the camera won't go up it?

Per: I don't know, I like the deep words of the chorus.

Tizz: ah ya? ah ya ya ya?

Rating: :) :)

05-20-2006, 12:34 PM

Tizz: Las Ketchup awesome!

Per: a hey! a ha! a hibby dibby dibby!

Tizz: I like the ketchup song better.

Per: I liked their music video better.

Per: Are they saying booty-free?

Tizz: I think they are saying nookie-free.

Per: Well both are appliable to us.

Per: ew bald girls.

Tizz: That's gross.

Per and tizz: oh they're saying tutti-free!

Per: What the fuck is tutti?

Tizz: Their dance is so boring.

Rating: :(:(

05-20-2006, 12:37 PM

Per: As usual Malta is nothing special.

Tizz: I would jiggy to it.

Per: You'd what?

Tizz: If I lived in the 80's I would. Look at his 80's pants, they end under his armpits.

Per: So do your boobs.

Rating: :(:(:(

05-20-2006, 12:41 PM

Tizz: It's Barbie!

Per: Yeah if you left barbie in the sun too long.

Tizz: It's totally western barbie with the cowboys.

Per: I thought Germany got rid of all the ban-jews in the holocaust.

Per: This is so bad it makes Gigli look good.

Per: Is this Prussian Blue?

Tizz: They all look like aryans.

Rating: :(:(:(:(

05-20-2006, 12:45 PM

Per: Holy crap it's Avril Lavigne if Avril Lavigne was good and hot.

Tizz: Yeah she's pretty hot, I don't wanna move here.

Tizz: Hey let's twist again.

We both loved it!

Rating: :):):):)

05-20-2006, 12:57 PM
Due to technical difficulties we don't have any text for Russia and Macedonia.

Russia : :( :( :(
Macedonia: :( :(

We did comment on the Russian mullet.


Tizz: It's Justin Timberlake!
Per: No it's Cher!
Tizz: Oh it has make-up on too!
Per: oh no wonder you like him, reminds you of Hanson.
Tizz: I don't like him!

Rating: :(

05-20-2006, 01:04 PM

Per: Hey that's where Iz is from! What a Bos-jew!

Tizz: This song is kind of out of place.

Per: Reminds me kind of Mathilde Santing.

Tizz: I think he has to shit.

Rating: :) :)

05-20-2006, 01:07 PM

Per: Sounds like a British soccer riot turned gay.

Tizz: I like it too!

Per: I like his hand movements!

Tizz: I like your hand movements better.

Per: Check out that violin-wank!

Per: Holy shit it's Billy Corgan break dancing!

Rating: :) :) :) :)

05-20-2006, 01:11 PM

Per: Why is everything in England about teen pregnancy?

Per: Are those chavs?

Per: Make Jamie Oliver stop rapping.

Tizz: Look at that schoolboard, I bet something's misspelled.

Per: They're really ugly too.

Tizz: Duh, they're Brits.

Tizz: The lyrics are "This is what the teachers say, but I don't understand." No wonder Brits seem stupid.

Tizz: In England it's backwards, singers are all black, and all the rappers are white.

Per: Fuckin' CHAVs.

Rating: :( :(

05-20-2006, 01:15 PM

Per: It sounds like Evanescence.

Tizz: No it sounds like Queen, but looks like Madonna.

Per: Shockingly, no gay guys yet. I wonder where EROS is.

Tizz: Pretty EMOz song. Whatta Emos!

Per: Wow that shirt is 14th century retro.

Rating: :(

05-20-2006, 01:19 PM

Per: HAHAH awesome!

Per: It's troll-glam-rock!

Per: "On the day of rockoning". I hate metal lyrics. :/

Per: The Norwegian glam rockers of last year were better.

Rating: :) :)

05-20-2006, 01:23 PM

Per: ooooh wow. This is really bad.
Tizz: I thought you said wow because of her body.
Per: I would do that. It's the voice that disturbs me. It's like a combination of Shakira and the Finnish band.
Tizz: She's wearing a christmas outfit.
Per: You're right she's dressed too warmly.

RATING: :(:(:(:(

05-20-2006, 01:26 PM

Per: sounds like the starting to Angel.

Tizz: She has a pimple on her chin. Lolz.

Tizz: boring boring boring boring

Per: This song?

Tizz: yes

Per: Holy crap she has Tiphani eyebrows!

Tizz: I thought of that before but I didn't want to say it.

Rating: :(

05-20-2006, 01:29 PM
I love you guys.

Except Lordi is :) :) :) :) for le laughs. Because they have a pretty laugh of an attitude, overall.

05-20-2006, 01:30 PM

Per: This artist had an intimate video of her and her boyfriend leaked on the internet.

Tizz: Her legs are still spread.

Tizz: Look at her face, looks like she's had some botox.

Per: I like the music though.

Tizz: I don't.

Per: What are they Sieg Heil'ing?

Per: She's still hotter than Britney Spears.

RATING: :) :) (this is the average of what we both gave)

05-20-2006, 01:34 PM

Per: FUCK this sucks.

Tizz: It's a Ronan Keating copy.

Per: It's Bono with a more sensitive vagina.

Per: He also has Tiph's eyebrows.

Tizz: I was thinking it again!

Tizz: I like the background dancers.

Per: That's cause they dance like you.

Per: It's for the staarrrrvin' children! (Bono Impression from Family Guy)

Rating: :( :( :( :(

P.S. We love Sanni too.

05-20-2006, 01:38 PM

Per: What's with Sweden and re-creating ABBA every year?

Per: Did she say love is like a miracle or love is like america?

Tizz: Miracle...I think.

Rating: :( :(

05-20-2006, 01:42 PM

Per: That's the blondest turk ever.

Per: And her dancers must be the gayest too.

Per: Man I love belly-dancing.

Per: Holy crap check out that prison tattoo.

Per: She sounds like a mix of Cher and Shakira.

Per: What's wrong Tizz?

Tizz: I'm not impressed.

Rating: :( :( :(

05-20-2006, 01:48 PM

Per: Looks like that creepy cult from that one buffy episode.

Per: Hey it's a remake of that one clash song, Should I Stay or Should I go?

Tizz: This is like "should I stay should I go? sim sim sala bim *poof* "

Per: Holy crap he really did say sim sala bim!

Tizz: I told you! I'm not making crap up!

Tizz: Alright bondage!

Rating: :( :( :( :(

05-20-2006, 01:49 PM
I totally have to review them. Harrrrr.

Switzerland: Hippies much?

Moldavia: I only remember the spanish words. le suck.

Israel: Jews come in all forms.

Latvia: Who? Oh the gay guys. Gay. Except the robot.

Norway: That one can sing.

Spain: Las Ketchup disappointed me :(

Malta: The guy looks like Will.

Germany: Oh. My. God.

Denmark: TWIST! Me liked.

Russia: WTF that piano chick.

Macedonia: Eh, le suck.

Romania: Uh, I forgot.

Bosnia: I uber-hate that guy. But the composer is Serbian, so whatever. Le suck anyway.

Lithuania: I laughed throughout the performance. They're cool.

England: First time I changed the channel.

Greece: Calm the fuck down, woman?

Finland: ...

Ukraine: Jumpie! Same as Ruslana.

France: I went to the toilet during the song.

Croatia: SEVERINA. I likey, she's such a damn slut.

Ireland: He has eyebrows so he thinks he's Collin Farell. Wtf.

Sweden: Too much ABBA.

Turkey: Ew to the max.

Now I stopped watching.

Conclusion: Le suck, but entertaining.

05-20-2006, 01:52 PM
They were all crap but it was a good laugh to watch.

05-20-2006, 01:56 PM
Lighten up DoD.

I just voted for Lithuania! I feel so European! This is the first time I ever voted!




- Tizz

offspring fan
05-20-2006, 01:59 PM
i voted for finland..... thay where funny.

05-20-2006, 02:01 PM
Lighten up DoD.

I just voted for Lithuania! I feel so European! This is the first time I ever voted!


YAY. I likey them!

I can't vote :(

05-20-2006, 02:04 PM
I don't even wanna vote.

I predict Top 5 position for Finland, though.

05-20-2006, 02:45 PM
This was fucking awesome. I haven't enjoyed a thread this much in ages. You two really need to review more stuff. Anything really. Per and Tizz reveiwing a ham sandwich would probably still be entertaining.

05-20-2006, 02:58 PM
I hear Lordi is winning.. Holy shit, am I going to have to turn on the TV?

05-20-2006, 03:02 PM
Haha, I guess my topic (http://www.offspring.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22257) from months ago was correct.

offspring fan
05-20-2006, 03:03 PM
YAY! finland! :D

05-20-2006, 03:12 PM
The hell suddenly froze over and pigs started flying. THIS IS SO UNREAL.

Finland WON the fucking Eurovision. Holy fucking shit.

I'm laughing so much right now.

05-20-2006, 03:13 PM
Slovakia, heart of Europe. :confused:
I guess we suck.

05-20-2006, 03:14 PM
You're kidding me, right?

This is awesome!!! XD

05-20-2006, 03:14 PM
Well, you probably still aren't the LEAST successful country in the history of Eurovision..

Up until now of course.

05-20-2006, 03:36 PM
Ahahah :D Oh man :D Hard Rock Hallelujah \,,/ :cool: \,,/

UN fucking believable :D

05-20-2006, 03:43 PM
I like that Finland won, they were definitely really good! I hope this is a continuing trend in Eurovision. Less showing off the body, more troll-glam rock!


China Boy
05-20-2006, 04:21 PM
I guess we suck.
You finally realised?

05-21-2006, 12:28 AM
Due to technical difficulties we don't have any text for Russia and Macedonia.

Russia : :( :( :(

Never let you go

Heavy clouds, no rain
And every move causes pain
Ready kiss, but no love
I feel I’m torn in half
Ardent look, but no heat
It’s not you really need
Baby, now it’s happened with us
We are dancing on broken glass
Can’t stand no more -

Never, never let you go
You are the one I’m searching for
Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone
Love’s carving it in the stone
Never, never let you go
Return the days we had before
Soul of my soul, blood of my blood
Love’s carving it in my heart

Gentle words, no aim
It seems we’re playing a game
Easy smile, but no fun
Sweet music for no one
Close embrace, but no more
Cold Champagne we forgot to pour
Baby now it’s happened with us
We are dancing on broken glass
Can’t stand no more

This it that song I think. I'm not sure.

05-21-2006, 12:36 AM
I really wanted to watch that...but a certain somebody didnt let me.
this wounds will never heal?
great review. <3