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View Full Version : Per and Tizz Reviewing Eurovision.



Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 01:16 PM
We're gonna go song by song and give a review of what we've thought of the music tonight.

Starting with Switzerland:

We felt that it was a little cheesy. Like one of those terrible charity songs. With a chorus like "if we all give a little." it makes you think it comes from a bad Miss America pageant.

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 01:18 PM
Moldavia:

Now if you remember last year, Moldavia was the star of the show. They had a really entertaining rock band with their grandmother as the drummer.

This year they have Paris Hilton after a lobotomy performing the song. "She's so loca, I want to give her my choca" was the lyric. A very bad attempt at being Ricky Martin going ghetto. This made us sad. We give it 3 sad smileys.

:( :( :(

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 01:21 PM
Israel:

The song is called "Together We Are One." I thought that was a little ironic. Tizz said "they should've made a song called 'the Wall'."

Tizz: Awesome! It's Boys II Men. Oh it's in Arabic too!

Per: I think that's jewish tizz.

Tizz: Awesome it's nigga-jews!

We give it 4 sad smileys. That's the worst score possible:

:( :( :( :(

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 01:26 PM
Latvia:

Per: This is the first time anyone in Eurovision has ever performed with only their voices and no background music.

Tizz: I'm usually not a fan of that.

Per: This is terrible.

Tizz: I have no words for this. What is this?

Per: I don't know but that's the gayest dancing ever.

Per: Why do they all sound like they are hitting puberty?

Tizz: This isn't a song, it's showing off their vocal talents.

Tizz: Can we add more than 4 sad smileys?

Per: No there is a max of 4 smileys per post

Tizz: :/ That's sad.

Rating: :( :( :( :(

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 01:30 PM
Norway!

Per: This sounds interesting!

Tizz: Yeah cause they're all blonde women.

Per: This is good though.

Tizz: Yeah it's better than the others.

Per: Well I'm a big fan of Tatu, and this is like two tatus.

Tizz: But they're not kissing.

Per: Yeah but there's 4 of them.

Tizz: Per there's six.

Per: oh

Tizz: Do you think she has a longer skirt so that the camera won't go up it?

Per: I don't know, I like the deep words of the chorus.

Tizz: ah ya? ah ya ya ya?

Rating: :) :)

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 01:34 PM
Spain:

Tizz: Las Ketchup awesome!

Per: a hey! a ha! a hibby dibby dibby!

Tizz: I like the ketchup song better.

Per: I liked their music video better.

Per: Are they saying booty-free?

Tizz: I think they are saying nookie-free.

Per: Well both are appliable to us.

Per: ew bald girls.

Tizz: That's gross.

Per and tizz: oh they're saying tutti-free!

Per: What the fuck is tutti?

Tizz: Their dance is so boring.

Rating: :(:(

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 01:37 PM
Malta:

Per: As usual Malta is nothing special.

Tizz: I would jiggy to it.

Per: You'd what?

Tizz: If I lived in the 80's I would. Look at his 80's pants, they end under his armpits.

Per: So do your boobs.

Rating: :(:(:(

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 01:41 PM
Germany:

Tizz: It's Barbie!

Per: Yeah if you left barbie in the sun too long.

Tizz: It's totally western barbie with the cowboys.

Per: I thought Germany got rid of all the ban-jews in the holocaust.

Per: This is so bad it makes Gigli look good.

Per: Is this Prussian Blue?

Tizz: They all look like aryans.

Rating: :(:(:(:(

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 01:45 PM
Denmark:

Per: Holy crap it's Avril Lavigne if Avril Lavigne was good and hot.

Tizz: Yeah she's pretty hot, I don't wanna move here.

Tizz: Hey let's twist again.

We both loved it!

Rating: :):):):)

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 01:57 PM
Due to technical difficulties we don't have any text for Russia and Macedonia.

Russia : :( :( :(
Macedonia: :( :(

We did comment on the Russian mullet.

ROMANIA!

Tizz: It's Justin Timberlake!
Per: No it's Cher!
Tizz: Oh it has make-up on too!
Per: oh no wonder you like him, reminds you of Hanson.
Tizz: I don't like him!

Rating: :(

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 02:04 PM
Bosnia:

Per: Hey that's where Iz is from! What a Bos-jew!

Tizz: This song is kind of out of place.

Per: Reminds me kind of Mathilde Santing.

Tizz: I think he has to shit.

Rating: :) :)

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 02:07 PM
Lithuania:

Per: Sounds like a British soccer riot turned gay.

Tizz: I like it too!

Per: I like his hand movements!

Tizz: I like your hand movements better.

Per: Check out that violin-wank!

Per: Holy shit it's Billy Corgan break dancing!

Rating: :) :) :) :)

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 02:11 PM
England:

Per: Why is everything in England about teen pregnancy?

Per: Are those chavs?

Per: Make Jamie Oliver stop rapping.

Tizz: Look at that schoolboard, I bet something's misspelled.

Per: They're really ugly too.

Tizz: Duh, they're Brits.

Tizz: The lyrics are "This is what the teachers say, but I don't understand." No wonder Brits seem stupid.

Tizz: In England it's backwards, singers are all black, and all the rappers are white.

Per: Fuckin' CHAVs.

Rating: :( :(

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 02:15 PM
Greece:

Per: It sounds like Evanescence.

Tizz: No it sounds like Queen, but looks like Madonna.

Per: Shockingly, no gay guys yet. I wonder where EROS is.

Tizz: Pretty EMOz song. Whatta Emos!

Per: Wow that shirt is 14th century retro.

Rating: :(

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 02:19 PM
Finland:

Per: HAHAH awesome!

Per: It's troll-glam-rock!

Per: "On the day of rockoning". I hate metal lyrics. :/

Per: The Norwegian glam rockers of last year were better.


Rating: :) :)

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 02:23 PM
Ukraine:

Per: ooooh wow. This is really bad.
Tizz: I thought you said wow because of her body.
Per: I would do that. It's the voice that disturbs me. It's like a combination of Shakira and the Finnish band.
Tizz: She's wearing a christmas outfit.
Per: You're right she's dressed too warmly.

RATING: :(:(:(:(

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 02:26 PM
France:

Per: sounds like the starting to Angel.

Tizz: She has a pimple on her chin. Lolz.

Tizz: boring boring boring boring

Per: This song?

Tizz: yes

Per: Holy crap she has Tiphani eyebrows!

Tizz: I thought of that before but I didn't want to say it.

Rating: :(

Vera
05-20-2006, 02:29 PM
I love you guys.

Except Lordi is :) :) :) :) for le laughs. Because they have a pretty laugh of an attitude, overall.

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 02:30 PM
Croatia:

Per: This artist had an intimate video of her and her boyfriend leaked on the internet.

Tizz: Her legs are still spread.

Tizz: Look at her face, looks like she's had some botox.

Per: I like the music though.

Tizz: I don't.

Per: What are they Sieg Heil'ing?

Per: She's still hotter than Britney Spears.

RATING: :) :) (this is the average of what we both gave)

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 02:34 PM
Ireland:

Per: FUCK this sucks.

Tizz: It's a Ronan Keating copy.

Per: It's Bono with a more sensitive vagina.

Per: He also has Tiph's eyebrows.

Tizz: I was thinking it again!

Tizz: I like the background dancers.

Per: That's cause they dance like you.

Per: It's for the staarrrrvin' children! (Bono Impression from Family Guy)

Rating: :( :( :( :(



P.S. We love Sanni too.

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 02:38 PM
Sweden:

Per: What's with Sweden and re-creating ABBA every year?

Per: Did she say love is like a miracle or love is like america?

Tizz: Miracle...I think.

Rating: :( :(

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 02:42 PM
Turkey:

Per: That's the blondest turk ever.

Per: And her dancers must be the gayest too.

Per: Man I love belly-dancing.

Per: Holy crap check out that prison tattoo.

Per: She sounds like a mix of Cher and Shakira.

Per: What's wrong Tizz?

Tizz: I'm not impressed.

Rating: :( :( :(

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 02:48 PM
Armenia!

Per: Looks like that creepy cult from that one buffy episode.

Per: Hey it's a remake of that one clash song, Should I Stay or Should I go?

Tizz: This is like "should I stay should I go? sim sim sala bim *poof* "

Per: Holy crap he really did say sim sala bim!

Tizz: I told you! I'm not making crap up!

Tizz: Alright bondage!

Rating: :( :( :( :(

Izie
05-20-2006, 02:49 PM
I totally have to review them. Harrrrr.

Switzerland: Hippies much?

Moldavia: I only remember the spanish words. le suck.

Israel: Jews come in all forms.

Latvia: Who? Oh the gay guys. Gay. Except the robot.

Norway: That one can sing.

Spain: Las Ketchup disappointed me :(

Malta: The guy looks like Will.

Germany: Oh. My. God.

Denmark: TWIST! Me liked.

Russia: WTF that piano chick.

Macedonia: Eh, le suck.

Romania: Uh, I forgot.

Bosnia: I uber-hate that guy. But the composer is Serbian, so whatever. Le suck anyway.

Lithuania: I laughed throughout the performance. They're cool.

England: First time I changed the channel.

Greece: Calm the fuck down, woman?

Finland: ...

Ukraine: Jumpie! Same as Ruslana.

France: I went to the toilet during the song.

Croatia: SEVERINA. I likey, she's such a damn slut.

Ireland: He has eyebrows so he thinks he's Collin Farell. Wtf.

Sweden: Too much ABBA.

Turkey: Ew to the max.

Now I stopped watching.

Conclusion: Le suck, but entertaining.

Demon_of_Debauchery
05-20-2006, 02:52 PM
They were all crap but it was a good laugh to watch.

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 02:56 PM
Lighten up DoD.

I just voted for Lithuania! I feel so European! This is the first time I ever voted!

- WCM

wheelchairmanisMYeurotrash

yay!

- Tizz

offspring fan
05-20-2006, 02:59 PM
i voted for finland..... thay where funny.

Izie
05-20-2006, 03:01 PM
Lighten up DoD.

I just voted for Lithuania! I feel so European! This is the first time I ever voted!

- WCM

YAY. I likey them!

I can't vote :(

Vera
05-20-2006, 03:04 PM
I don't even wanna vote.

I predict Top 5 position for Finland, though.

Paint_It_Black
05-20-2006, 03:45 PM
This was fucking awesome. I haven't enjoyed a thread this much in ages. You two really need to review more stuff. Anything really. Per and Tizz reveiwing a ham sandwich would probably still be entertaining.

Vera
05-20-2006, 03:58 PM
I hear Lordi is winning.. Holy shit, am I going to have to turn on the TV?

Lars
05-20-2006, 04:02 PM
Haha, I guess my topic (http://www.offspring.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22257) from months ago was correct.

offspring fan
05-20-2006, 04:03 PM
YAY! finland! :D

Vera
05-20-2006, 04:12 PM
The hell suddenly froze over and pigs started flying. THIS IS SO UNREAL.

Finland WON the fucking Eurovision. Holy fucking shit.

I'm laughing so much right now.

HeadAroundU
05-20-2006, 04:13 PM
Slovakia, heart of Europe. :confused:
I guess we suck.

Izie
05-20-2006, 04:14 PM
You're kidding me, right?

This is awesome!!! XD

Vera
05-20-2006, 04:14 PM
Well, you probably still aren't the LEAST successful country in the history of Eurovision..

Up until now of course.

only88
05-20-2006, 04:36 PM
Ahahah :D Oh man :D Hard Rock Hallelujah \,,/ :cool: \,,/

UN fucking believable :D

Tizzalicious
05-20-2006, 04:43 PM
I like that Finland won, they were definitely really good! I hope this is a continuing trend in Eurovision. Less showing off the body, more troll-glam rock!

- WCM

China Boy
05-20-2006, 05:21 PM
I guess we suck.
You finally realised?

Rocky-girl
05-21-2006, 01:28 AM
Due to technical difficulties we don't have any text for Russia and Macedonia.

Russia : :( :( :(

Never let you go

Heavy clouds, no rain
And every move causes pain
Ready kiss, but no love
I feel I’m torn in half
Ardent look, but no heat
It’s not you really need
Baby, now it’s happened with us
We are dancing on broken glass
Can’t stand no more -

Never, never let you go
You are the one I’m searching for
Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone
Love’s carving it in the stone
Never, never let you go
Return the days we had before
Soul of my soul, blood of my blood
Love’s carving it in my heart

Gentle words, no aim
It seems we’re playing a game
Easy smile, but no fun
Sweet music for no one
Close embrace, but no more
Cold Champagne we forgot to pour
Baby now it’s happened with us
We are dancing on broken glass
Can’t stand no more

This it that song I think. I'm not sure.

Nina
05-21-2006, 01:36 AM
I really wanted to watch that...but a certain somebody didnt let me.
this wounds will never heal?
great review. <3