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Thomas
07-13-2006, 06:18 PM
So, I am suspecting my girlfriend of cheating on me, but I am not sure yet. How would one go about asking such a question or how would one find something like this out? I am crazy about her and I am willing to forgive her, but I dont know what to do here. Please give me some advice. This is really the only place I can go without her being able to see this and any advice will be much appreciated. Thanks.

I don't know
07-13-2006, 06:22 PM
stalk her

Thomas
07-13-2006, 06:23 PM
By "advice," I meant something useful.

BREAK
07-13-2006, 06:23 PM
You could try stealing your balls back from her while she's sleeping.

Sinister
07-13-2006, 06:24 PM
By "advice," I meant something useful.
ask someone in real life.

nieh
07-13-2006, 06:28 PM
First off: Don't ask her about it. Not yet anyway. Not until you're reasonably sure that she's actually doing it. Because if she's NOT, then she could get offended that you would think that and that could screw things up just as bad.

Secondly: Why do you think she's cheating?

mrconeman
07-13-2006, 06:54 PM
Whats you're evidence, tell us more, we can help that way.

Little_Miss_1565
07-13-2006, 07:03 PM
Whats you're evidence, tell us more, we can help that way.

I third this request.

JoY
07-13-2006, 07:06 PM
So, I am suspecting my girlfriend of cheating on me, but I am not sure yet. How would one go about asking such a question or how would one find something like this out? I am crazy about her and I am willing to forgive her, but I dont know what to do here. Please give me some advice. This is really the only place I can go without her being able to see this and any advice will be much appreciated. Thanks.
then you're not crazy about her, then you're just crazy, buddy. or you crave a loooot of attention, affection & lovin'. I can't possibly tell what you should do, but staying with her without at least making her crawl & eat dirt to get you back, that wouldn't be what I'd do. "oh, so I can cheat without losing you? well sugar, I was just about to go to the supermarket. see you in three hours!"

if I were you, I'd look at my own relationship before suspecting someone from having started one with someone else. what does your own relationship look like? are you happy? is she happy? do you have enough time together? do you enjoy your time together? just simple things. if one of answers is negative, you know your relationship isn't exactly built of strong material. & when a relationship is weak, both people in it are more vulnerable for things like cheating.

Linda
07-13-2006, 07:06 PM
Contact Cheaters.

http://www.cheaters.com/

Italia311
07-13-2006, 07:06 PM
Seriously..Dump her.

If you suspect she is...then she probably is. I mean, do you want to be 2nd guessing the girl all the time, or feel that you can't trust her?? I've been cheated on and I had to find out the hard way. Dump her and get out while you're still on top man.

Thomas
07-13-2006, 07:09 PM
Just some things she's been saying recently and a little bit of the way she's been acting.

There is one more thing, and don't make fun of me for it, but in myspace bulletin surveys, she used to say that she never cheated on anyone, and all of a sudden today in one she said that she did once.

Actually, I don't think shes cheating on me at the moment, but I think she recently was. I just need to know...

Sinister: I can't ask anyone in real life because she would find out. I wouldn't resort to this place unless I had no other options because I know I can expect remarks like this:


You could try stealing your balls back from her while she's sleeping.

nieh
07-13-2006, 07:12 PM
Just some things she's been saying recently and a little bit of the way she's been acting.

Examples! The myspace thing is...odd. Not totally sure what to make of it on its own. If she says she's cheated before now but didn't before, then she probably has cheated on you. But then at the same time, why would she fill out a survey like that knowing you're going to read it if that was the case?

Thomas
07-13-2006, 07:15 PM
then you're not crazy about her, then you're just crazy, buddy. or you crave a loooot of attention, affection & lovin'. I can't possibly tell what you should do, but staying with her without at least making her crawl & eat dirt to get you back, that wouldn't be what I'd do. "oh, so I can cheat without losing you? well sugar, I was just about to go to the supermarket. see you in three hours!"

if I were you, I'd look at my own relationship before suspecting someone from having started one with someone else. what does your own relationship look like? are you happy? is she happy? do you have enough time together? do you enjoy your time together? just simple things. if one of answers is negative, you know your relationship isn't exactly built of strong material. & when a relationship is weak, both people in it are more vulnerable for things like cheating.


I know what you mean, but our relationship has been, well, different than normal relationships. We have gone through some things together, many things together, that make our relationship especially strong. I'm not going to elaborate on this, so youll just have to take my word for it. And I will keep that in mind about letting her off that easily.

Italia331: I dont care about coming out on top here. I just want to be with her.

Italia311
07-13-2006, 07:20 PM
Thats weak man...so if she cheats on you..you dont care?? Damn...

Thomas
07-13-2006, 07:22 PM
Thats weak man...so if she cheats on you..you dont care?? Damn...

No, I do care. This is kinda hard to explain... I will be very angry with her if Im right, but I will forgive her eventually, thing thing is that my trust level with her will be way down.

JoY
07-13-2006, 07:24 PM
First off: Don't ask her about it. Not yet anyway. Not until you're reasonably sure that she's actually doing it. Because if she's NOT, then she could get offended that you would think that and that could screw things up just as bad.

uh huh. *wildly nods* I once was accused of cheating. I wasn't cheating at all, so I said in all honesty I'd never cheated on him & he kept saying, "but really, you can tell me, I'd forgive you, if you are honest, please, you can tell me anything". not once, not twice, but an entire evening.

that night I temporarily broke up with him. someone who'd a) think I'm dishonest when I'm blatantly telling them I fucking swear I'm honest, b) doesn't trust me in the relationship & would think I cheat [well okay, shit happens], c) would be enough of a fucking push-over to forgive me for CHEATING, d) actually anounces he'd forgive me IF I was cheating. how badly do you want someone to grab another guy by the balls, drag him home & fuck him silly? I've never felt like cheating more, than that moment in time.

three days of tears, "I'm sorry"s, "I love you"s & shameless crying around my & his friends later, after I'd finally given in & had taken him back, he made his final mistake & I was done with it.


'scuze me for the rant, but to make a long story short[-er]; don't ask, unless you have GOOD reasons to suspect her of something like that. cheating violates everything a relationship stands for, basically. don't simply get paranoid, because you're all luvyduvy over her & never want to lose her, because then you'll start claiming her & that means the shit WILL hit the fan one way or another. get paranoid when you have a reason to be paranoid. when you find empty condom wrappings under the carseat, stuff like that. strange telephone bills, long trips to short destinations - I don't know, things like that.

if she tells you, looking you in the eye with a serious look on her face, that she is not & will not be cheating, DON'T act like you don't believe her. if you don't expect her to tell the truth, then how is she ever going to tell you the truth. you don't believe her anyway, so why care?
DON'T say you'd forgive her (to encourage her to tell the truth possibly); now that's like offering her to shop on your account. get it? plus, I think it'd be a stupid idea anyway if you'd forgive her for cheating just like that.

my exboyfriend was a fucking moron & at this moment in this topic you sound just like him. & that ain't good.

mrconeman
07-13-2006, 07:29 PM
Ask around, people you can trust who may know if she is cheating, and also will never tell her that you asked them, good friends.

I hope she doesnt check your internet history lolz.

Dont ask her unless you are almost completely certain, acting a little strange and saying different things does not = cheating. It may, of course your suspiscion may be correct, but for the love of God, if your wrong and you ask her, you will regret it, it will be a constant cloud over your relationship that you couldnt/didnt trust her.

And even if you become almost completely certain, ask her carefully.

JoY
07-13-2006, 07:40 PM
I know what you mean, but our relationship has been, well, different than normal relationships. We have gone through some things together, many things together, that make our relationship especially strong. I'm not going to elaborate on this, so youll just have to take my word for it. And I will keep that in mind about letting her off that easily.

that's such an illusion, holy shit. *grabs chest* it's cute & terrifying at the same time.

okay, forget what I said. I'll try to find a different entrance.

do you think you can be someone credible, if you *whoosh* forgive her for cheating without too many problems? do you think you prove yourself a good, solid, strong, reliable partner in the relationship, if you don't stand up for yourself & don't let her know you won't let anyone hurt you like that? is she supposed to believe you love her oh so much, when you can *poof* forgive her for something as hurtful to you & destructing to your relationship as cheating?

it's nice you want to be with her, I FULLY understand & I know what it is, loving each other, while losing/hurting each other... trying desperately to keep it up. I once "forgave" someone for hurting me. but what he did never stopped bugging me & it kept nibbling bits off my self-confidence. the fact I'd attempted to forgive him made the whole matter that much worse; I'd lost all credibility to him, to myself... we got back together because I *wanted* to forgive him, not because I actually forgave him, because I never could. I still can't.

funny, right? I loved him so incredibly much & I know it was mutual. but it was exactly "love" that made us dry up like an ocean in the desert. he suffocated me, didn't stand up for himself (he was the person who'd forgive me if I cheated), I didn't stand up for myself & in the end we both lost face & not only that, but our entire identities. we'd became the relationship & nothing but the relationship, because we'd been adjusting ourselves in an uncomfortable way in order to stay together.

either way, that's *points at more rant above* a road you don't want to travel. losing someone is hard, tough & painful, especially someone you love & who loves you back. but who said the best road was the easiest? if it doesn't work, the relationship, it doesn't work. don't force it. if she's cheating, it doesn't work.

nieh
07-13-2006, 07:47 PM
Bella, in those two big rants, out of all the words you typed, you never once used the word "respect". That should've been one of the first things on your list! If she cheats on you and you forgive her just like that, she won't respect you and she has every reason not to.

Thomas
07-13-2006, 07:49 PM
Okay, I thank you all for your advice here, but there is a lot to the story you don't know. Our relationship basically started several months before it actually "started."

Ill try paraphrasing this to be as short as possible.

I asked her out on Valentine's day this year. She said that she liked me for a very long time, but her parents were in the middle of a divorce, she had just transferred schools, and a bunch of other things that made her not ready for the title of "girlfriend."

So, time went on, we still went on dates and whatnot, but we werent officially going out. I told her that I understand what she is going through (btw, she was recently put on anti-depressants) and I couldnt hold it against her for not wanting the title of "girlfriend" at the moment, especially since she had already decided that she was going to avoid relationships before I asked her out. Every passing day, I felt closer and closer to her.

Im not going to lie, she is a "free spirit" kind of girl, but I knew that it was just the way she always was, so i didnt let it get to me. She'd spend time at some of her guy-friends' houses (some of whom were gay, btw) and I trusted her enough to make wise decisions.

Then one day, our relationship hit rock bottom. Just keep in mind that we werent officially going out yet. She got herself a boyfriend, that wasn't me. This lasted not even one day, though, because she saw how upset I was, even though I knew that he could make her happy, and I was willing to do whatever it took to make her happy, even if it meant I would suffer. ANyway, she saw how upset I was that day at school, and she basically just sat in the bathroom and burst out in tears. She broke up with him because she said that she couldn't bear to see me upset." And yes, that is a direct quote.

Of course, since then, we have gotten closer than we ever were before, even though it took a bit of time. We are officially going out now, and she has made me happier than I have ever been in my life. I know that there are A LOT of people who want her; I have seen it myself. Other people have told me so.

I have been told by many people that I'm especially kind for sticking with her through all of this, and I have been told (by several people) that any other guy would have just said she was playing me like a toy, but we have been through too much together for me to leave her and, as cheesy as it sounds, she has made me feel things that I have never felt before with any other girl.

Wow. I kinda wrote that to make her seem like shes done nothing for me, but its really not that way. I know it sounds like our relationship isn't very strong, but I left out A LOT of events that strengthened our relationship, and, in a way, this whole situation with this other guy has strengthened our relationship. Besides, at least she told me first about him.

Thomas
07-13-2006, 07:53 PM
Okay, sorry if I gave the wrong impression, but if she actually did cheat on me, I am going to stand up for myself. Im not going to let it go like nothing, but I am willing to forgive her eventually. I'm not going to let her take advantage of me (any more than she already has), but I am willing to give her a chance if she can prove herself to me.

JoY
07-13-2006, 07:53 PM
ah yes, that was the word I was looking for instead of "credibility". thank you.

oh man, I lost quite a bit of respect in those days. although that kind of sneaks up on you in the relationship. little incidents, signs of disrespecting your wishes (or actually, things you don't want), adjusting, pushing it further, adjusting some more, untill it just crosses an edge that unacceptable to anyone & it all blows up in your face.

woah yes, those were the days!

you're absolutely right, Josh. cheating shows zero respect for your feelings, for you. forgiving her for a thing like that leaves her with even less respect for you than she already had. including the respect you have for yourself.

Little_Miss_1565
07-13-2006, 08:01 PM
ANyway, she saw how upset I was that day at school, and she basically just sat in the bathroom and burst out in tears. She broke up with him because she said that she couldn't bear to see me upset." And yes, that is a direct quote.

Whoa whoa whoa...she agreed to go out with you because she felt BAD for you? Red flag. Big red flag. Proceed with caution (and with skepticism) through all else.

Bottom line, I think life is way too short to dink around with someone who seems in all likelyhood to be playing games with you because she knows she can. Easier said than done, I know--I'm in a place right now where I need to be taking my own advice there. But what you described here and throughout the thread doesn't sound too promising to me. I'm sorry, Thomas.

nieh
07-13-2006, 08:08 PM
Im not going to let it go like nothing, but I am willing to forgive her eventually.

Don't even say that. You can't plan up front whether or not you're going to actually forgive her. Anyways, even if she's not cheating something clearly is bothering you about the way she's acting now. Tell her you notice she's been acting a bit different lately and ask her if something's been bothering her. If you notice that she's acting a bit odd and are sweet and genuinely caring to the fact that something might be bothering her, if she DID cheat on you she'll probably end up confessing without you even having to ask about it. If she didn't, then you might find out something else that's bothering her and could get brownie points for noticing her change in mood. You win either way! Sort of.

mrconeman
07-13-2006, 08:12 PM
Whoa whoa whoa...she agreed to go out with you because she felt BAD for you? Red flag. Big red flag. Proceed with caution (and with skepticism) through all else.

Bottom line, I think life is way too short to dink around with someone who seems in all likelyhood to be playing games with you because she knows she can. Easier said than done, I know--I'm in a place right now where I need to be taking my own advice there. But what you described here and throughout the thread doesn't sound too promising to me. I'm sorry, Thomas.

100% agreed, I thought the exact same thing reading that paragraph (I even said red flag to myself)
Sorry man, but she broke up with a guy she probably liked and went out with you because she felt sorry for you, definatly not a good sign at all.

JoY
07-13-2006, 08:52 PM
this all sounds very familiar & that doesn't exactly improve my way of looking at this.

this must be weird (I realise it's a bit ridiculous), because I'm telling stuff about me, personal stuff.. I mean, how could that help you now? you don't have to see the similarities, but.. to me they are bizarre.

he was in love with me, for a long time. he'd told me, but I couldn't exactly picture it & he was more like a baby brother, so that's what I said. I'm usually pretty honest & direct. so I matched him with one of my friends who'd said to me she was into him. I thought it was pretty harmless, untill that enormous cow tried to have sex with that 15 year old little fluffball. that stirred up emotions & eventually we kissed. he was actually the first I ever started kissing myself. that made it extra very special.

at the time I was a.. "free spirit", like your girlfriend. (actually, I *am* a "free spirit", not so much anymore, but my father still calls me one) as in, not into attaching myself to people too much, physically very close to people, mentally being distant, being flirty, kind of being lonely while being FAR from alone... I surrounded male friends around me - 13 of them admitted to be in love with me all within the same six months. sounds charming, free spirit. fuck well, it's great. whooptidoo. it's a pile of loneliness on top of a pile of loneliness.

after our first kiss, we gave it a try. us, we gave us a try. it must've been.. three days? it didn't really work out for me. even though I'd been thinking about it & wanting it for so long, I just felt there was something wrong. I knew we both didn't expect the same from each other & I thought that was a bad start. I thought I could get over him, if I'd just start seeing someone else. but that relationship lasted a week. actually two, but one of them I cheated on my then current boyfriend, with Him. he was so upset when I was with that guy, it was a gigantic waterfall of tears, accusations... oh god, I blamed myself so much. everything went wrong & became a mess because of me. we were both so hurt. I cared so much, but it was so hard. I decided to make a fucking decision already & choose him. head over heels, there was no stopping us. we were crazy about each other. we were way way WAY too different & also all our expectations, but neither of us cared (actually that was mostly our charm & why we worked so well together) & we were completely happy delusional together. high on love, whatever.

I started cutting myself. this poor kid, a year younger than I was, dragged me through all of it. first I try to replace him, then I rush into new bad habits. if he'd notice, he'd get angry, he'd get sad, mostly angry.. but he sticked with me. we went through a lot. it was impressive, really. I was this happy bounceball (always had been, I guess by nature I am) with scratches & cuts all over my arm (now that was very new), later also my legs - I was the kind of person who'd laugh if you told me something was wrong. while acting very happy, I was extremely sad & the only way that showed was with cuts no one saw, except him. something was very very wrong & he couldn't reach it. was the only one to know it. I can't imagine how hard that must've been.

we were awfully cheesy together. we were so happy to have each other, we were consumed by each other. other people often had to tell us to "go get a room". despite criticism at first when we got together (also with the other relationship) & all the criticism everyone had on our behaviour, we sticked together. we started to drift away from everything that was real & reasonable; friends, school, parents.. they all didn't seem to matter as much as we mattered to each other. it was pretty awesome, except.. I started to miss things. I started to miss me. you know how environment partly "forms" you? it was like a frame melting under extreme heat. I kind of tried to reach out for air, but I'd distanced myself from my environment & they'd distanced themselves from me. so suddenly there wasn't even that much out there anymore, besides him. you're not exactly dependent, but you feel losing each other would leave both extremely empty.

it was on a trip in Rome that he thought I'd kissed with one of his friends. the situation I described in my last posts. he was convinced I'd cheated, when I wanted him, just him & nothing but him. then it kind of all blew up in our faces. he didn't trust me & had shortly experienced he could lose me after we broke up for a short period, so he became even more "consuming" & possessive. I realised if he didn't trust me, there was something seriously wrong between us. I became more hesistant towards the relationship, when he tried to pull me closer to him. it exploded at some point, he went to another school because of it, we tried again, but what started out so beautiful had left me without a single drop of dignity left.

I just want to say; pay attention to what's under the surface. it may hurt to lose someone, but pain is not half as bad as a life long regrets, memories staining your thoughts, knowing you had a choice & chose to pretend there was never a choice. because if you stay with her after she cheats, all you're doing is trying to pretend it never happened, rewind the clock & go back to the point where you were happy & pick up where you left off. if I would've had the distance & objectivity to know what my relationship really looked like, I would've known it was a sinking ship. but I was in it, being in the middle of it & very subjective. we were both very different, but I never had thought the only thing we'd have in common would be being hurt & completely drained.

Paint_It_Black
07-13-2006, 09:26 PM
Thomas, if you can give us some real examples of what exactly is making you suspicious, maybe we could give you some better advice.

nieh
07-13-2006, 09:30 PM
I started cutting myself. this poor kid, a year younger than I was, dragged me through all of it. first I try to replace him, then I rush into new bad habits. if he'd notice, he'd get angry, he'd get sad, mostly angry.. but he sticked with me. we went through a lot. it was impressive, really. I was this happy bounceball (always had been, I guess by nature I am) with scratches & cuts all over my arm (now that was very new), later also my legs - I was the kind of person who'd laugh if you told me something was wrong. while acting very happy, I was extremely sad & the only way that showed was with cuts no one saw, except him. something was very very wrong & he couldn't reach it. was the only one to know it. I can't imagine how hard that must've been.

That sounds kinda like how it was with me and my ex. Except she was a bit worse and ended up being committed three times by the time we broke up. And she ended up an alcoholic/coke addict/heroin addict/stripper not long after we broke up (though she's supposedly cleaned up since then). There was one point where after not hearing from her for a while (because she lived 2 hours away but we would still normally talk every day or two) that I accused her of cheating and spent the rest of the night apologizing to her. There was also the time (one of them anyway) where she took a bottle of aspirin, had to get her stomach pumped and then tried to explain to me why I can still trust her not to do stuff like that because 'she was the one that called the ambulence' even though she was also the one that swallowed the pills in the first place. And the last time I saw her when she had cigarette burns all in a row up both arms saying "look! I'm an alien!" and trying not to cry about it. Blah. The second half of that whole thing was the worst hell I've experienced so far in life.

Thomas
07-13-2006, 09:34 PM
100% agreed, I thought the exact same thing reading that paragraph (I even said red flag to myself)
Sorry man, but she broke up with a guy she probably liked and went out with you because she felt sorry for you, definatly not a good sign at all.

Sorry for not explaining the timeline well here, but we started going out months after all this happened.

JoY- I know what you mean, and I will take that to heart, but I don't even know if anything has happened yet. The difference between our situations, though, is that I was encouraged by almost everyone (let me emphasize almost) to go out with her, even before anyone knew I liked her. Even people that didnt know about our "relationship" before we went out said that we should go out.

P_I_B: I would give some specific axamples, but they are a bit abstract and would require telling a lot more history that I'm not willing to explain at the moment. In short, every once in a while I get these feelings or hunches that something is wrong. Ill ask her if something is wrong and my timing of getting these feelings has always been right on the money every time. And your advice is good, dont get me wrong. It may not apply as much as it should, but I can still get a lot from what you guys are saying. Thank you.

Sin Studly
07-13-2006, 09:39 PM
The easiest way to really fuck up a woman's self esteem is not care if she cheats on you. I'm not talking about 'forgive' like some worthless pussy a woman will never respect, just not show any signs of giving a shit whatsoever and hence have nothing to forgive her for. Nothing will make her feel more worthless, and therefore emotionally vulnerable.

"Honey, I'm sorry... but I fucked your best friend yesterday,"
"Okay. But you still did the shopping and drycleaning, right?"

Thomas, this is very likely the only way you'll manage to regain control over the bitch without busting her mouth.

Thomas
07-13-2006, 09:43 PM
Justin, I don't know if you are being serious or not, but I don't care about control or anything like that. Mostly, I just want honesty. ONce I get that, I will be able to make my own decisions. The hard part is getting that honesty, or maybe the hard part is knowing when honesty is present...

nieh
07-13-2006, 09:45 PM
The easiest way to really fuck up a woman's self esteem is not care if she cheats on you. I'm not talking about 'forgive' like some worthless pussy a woman will never respect, just not show any signs of giving a shit whatsoever and hence have nothing to forgive her for. Nothing will make her feel more worthless, and therefore emotionally vulnerable.

A friend of mine at work walked in on his wife cheating on him when he got home from work early. He just turned back around and walked out. She went NUTS. She gave all his clothes and cds and everything else she could to Good Will. She took the plates off his car and called the cops saying it was an abandoned vehicle so they towed it away. He moved out and she stayed in the house (the house and mortgage were both in his name). He gave her checks to pay the mortgage and she cashed them for herself, didn't pay the mortgage and fucked his credit beyond belief. I can't even remember what else she did to him but needless to say it wasn't much fun for him at the time.

Paint_It_Black
07-13-2006, 09:47 PM
Well, all I can really say is that hunches on this kind of stuff are usually right. But if you're determined to forgive her anyway, and you already think whatever she was doing is over, you could try just putting it out of your mind. If things go back to normal just forget it ever happened. If things don't go back to normal you'll have to investigate more. If you find you just can't forget about it then be prepared to accept the consequences that could come just from pursuing this line of thought.

If advice from a total stranger is useful for you but you don't want to post up any details on here, you can pm me or email me if you want. I empathize with your situation.

JoY
07-13-2006, 09:58 PM
P_I_B: I would give some specific axamples, but they are a bit abstract and would require telling a lot more history that I'm not willing to explain at the moment. In short, every once in a while I get these feelings or hunches that something is wrong.
every single month by any chance? ;p

okay, that was lame, but I do have to say that once a month I always start to act real weird in our relationship, as if I don't even really want it & don't care, when I want him more than anything. & then two days later I get my period. I swear, it's the weirdest thing. but maybe it's my medication that makes my moodswings worse. probably.

the reason I told that story about myself, is because you tried to tell me your relationship is different, extraordinary & that you've been through so much. you can go through a whole lot together & still have a relationship that in reality doesn't work. you can love each other without being able to make it work together. that's possible. & if you're willing to sacrifice your self-respect by "forgiving" her (because believe me, it'll be a matter of pretending for good ol' times sake, trying to turn back the clock, forgetting anything ever happened), you're on the verge of losing your own identity in the relationship. it all just sounds VERY unhealthy. did she cheat before? honestly?

& I don't see how everyone encouraging you has anything to do with it. I always encourage people around me to get funky, making matches & then later on they always turn to me; "it didn't work out!" & then I'm like, "when did I say it would? I thought it'd be fun for the both of you."

& Justin is right (you shouldn't wonder whether it's serious or not, but take it the way you'd mean it) & Josh just told the most horrifying, sad story ever that reminded me of two very depressing books I've read. I don't even want to be able to imagine how one can lose everything that way, including herself, dignity & everything. what a total nightmare. *cuddles Josh*

Thomas
07-13-2006, 09:59 PM
Thanks a lot. You guys have really helped. I must say, though, I am not posting a lot of things because it would require me writing an entire history that I'm, quite frankly, too lazy to write. It would be really long anyway and it probably won't be too say everything anyway.

I just have one more question: What would be a good way of knowing if my hunch is correct or not? SHould I just let her know that I feel like something is wrong, even though I don't know what it is (which is mostly true)? Would something like that maybe get her to tell me if something is wrong or not?

Honesty. That word has come up a lot in our relationship and we have both agreed that it is something that we both need and want in our relationship (which also goes into a story that would take too long to explain). But would saying nothing be dishonest?

nieh
07-13-2006, 10:09 PM
*cuddles Josh*
The cuddles made it all worth it.


I just have one more question: What would be a good way of knowing if my hunch is correct or not? SHould I just let her know that I feel like something is wrong, even though I don't know what it is (which is mostly true)? Would something like that maybe get her to tell me if something is wrong or not?

Tell her you think she's been acting a bit odd lately and you were wondering if something's bothering her or that you're wondering if everything's alright. Don't say "I feel like something's wrong", it's too easy for that to sound accusatory even if that's not how you mean it.


Why the hell am I still awake now?

JoY
07-13-2006, 10:10 PM
only if either you or she are/is holding back information that's relevant to the other & could change a situation to spin it around 180 degrees. if she's cheating on you, I think you have the right to know. it affects YOU. the hunch about her cheating doesn't sound strong enough to say you have to make a scene for that. a whole emotional scene for a hunch..? nah. I don't think you have to. but I can imagine it's bugging you & that you want to get it out of your system. if I were you, I'd sit down with her for a good long chat, ask her if anything's wrong, if yes, what, what could preferably be changed/adjusted in the relationship... things like that. if you don't register there's a problem, that could also indirectly hurt her.

JoY
07-13-2006, 10:13 PM
Why the hell am I still awake now?
how are you awake? what time is it there? it's 7:12 am here & I haven't seen my bed from up close in over 24 hours. *poutpout*

nieh
07-13-2006, 10:16 PM
how are you awake? what time is it there? it's 7:12 am here & I haven't seen my bed from up close in over 24 hours. *poutpout*

It's about 1:15 but I have to be up in about 5 1/2 hours to get ready for work. Why are you not sleeping?

noodlesfan
07-13-2006, 10:19 PM
I just noticed that if you change the 'R' to an 'N' in Joy's signature, it says "nickisMYcock"

JoY
07-13-2006, 10:20 PM
I don't know. I suppose I couldn't. I was first scared lying still would make me inactive/lazy/fatzo/something extremely irrational, but now I'm sitting here with my stomach stuck to my back & hunger like a warchild, I'm seriously starting to wonder what the hell I'm doing.
lately I haven't been exactly myself. must be the time of the month in combination with ze stupid medication. *grrz & sigh*

nieh
07-13-2006, 10:23 PM
I just noticed that if you change the 'R' to an 'N' in Joy's signature, it says "nickisMYcock"

No, it'd say "nickyisMYcock" which leaves kind of a horrifying mental image in my head.

Bella: Get some food in you and go to bed. I command it! Then maybe I'll be slightly more inclined to get off the computer.

noodlesfan
07-13-2006, 10:27 PM
No, it'd say "nickyisMYcock" which leaves kind of a horrifying mental image in my head.

Bella: Get some food in you and go to bed. I command it! Then maybe I'll be slightly more inclined to get off the computer.

I didn't see the 'Y'.
Food? Bed? Bah! I haven't had more than 3 hours of sleep per night in a month. I've got sleeping issues that I refuse to take medication for. The lady who works the graveyard shift at the 7-11 down the street knows me by name, because there's nothing else to occupy my mind except for hotdogs and a long walk in the dark. (that covers the food portion)

JoY
07-13-2006, 10:28 PM
same here! I thought that as long as you're here, the bbs is fun.

& the first sentence in your post cracked me up like nobody's business. hahahaha!!!!

JoY
07-13-2006, 10:29 PM
I didn't see the 'Y'.
Food? Bed? Bah! I haven't had more than 3 hours of sleep per night in a month. I've got sleeping issues that I refuse to take medication for. The lady who works the graveyard shift at the 7-11 down the street knows me by name, because there's nothing else to occupy my mind except for hotdogs and a long walk in the dark. (that covers the food portion)
Bella, take your medication & give me back my nickname. kthxbi.

nieh
07-13-2006, 10:40 PM
Noodlesfan: Do you refuse to take meds because you don't like the idea of drugs or do you refuse to take meds because you like having sleeping problems? If it's the latter there are other ways to help yourself get to sleep.

That image is going to give me nightmares. Or I'll discover something about myself and it'll end up as a wet dream. *shudders*

noodlesfan
07-13-2006, 10:42 PM
It's not that I'm afraid of the meds, I just don't like the idea of any foreign substance being used to make me "normal". I don't exactly "enjoy" it, but it's not as much of an issue after a while.

JoY
07-13-2006, 10:45 PM
I explained somewhere else that the definition of "normal" & "health" is rather fucking slippery.
in the end it all comes down to being able to function. which I know I can't do very well right now, as I'm starting to see things move & vibrate in the corners of my eyes. very annoying. so let's all go to bed. *thumb up* especially you & I, Josh.

Edit: as for the way you used the word "foreign": medication = chemicals. the only reason that can have an effect, is because your body reacts to chemicals, because it WORKS with chemicals. so not so foreign. often medication is supposed to function as a supplement for a chemical your own body doesn't produce/catelyse/process/inhibit enough.

nieh
07-13-2006, 10:52 PM
especially you & I, Josh.

Was that an invitation?

JoY
07-13-2006, 11:02 PM
don't tell me you almost missed it. I shouldn't have to repeat myself. *winknudge*

Edit: at first I wanted to post a dirty innuendo to reply with, but then I looked at the time & realised it's really too complicated. it probably wouldn't have been logical & either impossible to get, or too easy & transparant.

noodlesfan
07-13-2006, 11:09 PM
...supplement for a chemical your own body doesn't produce/catelyse/process/inhibit enough.
The way I see it, if my body doesn't make enough whatever, and that's how it's been for a majority of my life, I'm not going to take a medication to bring me back to health, because if i've been like this for so long, I see it as normal for myself.

Plus, on the good side of it, you can make like 8 bucks a pop for sleeping pills.

nieh
07-13-2006, 11:12 PM
Oh, you don't have to repeat yourself. *scurries off to bed*

I'm sure I would've been able to figure it out tomorrow even if I was completely dumbfounded by it tonight.

Bedtime now. Goodnight!

JoY
07-13-2006, 11:13 PM
noodlesfan:
you must be freaking kidding me... you sell.. your medication....
inexcusable.

about the issue "normal" & "health" again; it's about functioning in every day life generally.
if you can get by without medication just fine, I don't get why you ever went to see a doctor & got medication in the first place.


bye Josh, sleep well! *cuddle+kiss*

noodlesfan
07-13-2006, 11:19 PM
noodlesfan:
you must be freaking kidding me... you sell.. your medication....
inexcusable.

I never said that, all i said is that i could make money. When I got meds for it, it was decided between my mother and my doctor. She told him that I had been staying up for days on end, only on an hour or two of sleep. I don't deal drugs of any kind, I try to stay out of most illegall activities, because I don't want to attract the attention of any kind of high authority.

Thomas
07-14-2006, 12:59 AM
Okay, just a quick update:

I was talking to her on the phone, actually, Im talking on the phone to her right now and everything is okay. Thank you everyone, though.

Sin Studly
07-14-2006, 07:28 AM
I don't care about control or anything like that.

Your relationship will fail.


A friend of mine at work walked in on his wife cheating on him when he got home from work early. He just turned back around and walked out. She went NUTS. She gave all his clothes and cds and everything else she could to Good Will. She took the plates off his car and called the cops saying it was an abandoned vehicle so they towed it away. He moved out and she stayed in the house (the house and mortgage were both in his name). He gave her checks to pay the mortgage and she cashed them for herself, didn't pay the mortgage and fucked his credit beyond belief. I can't even remember what else she did to him but needless to say it wasn't much fun for him at the time.

Well, he's a worthless pussy and the relationship was doomed anyway. Not necessarily because he let her get away with all that shit ; because he was the type of person who'd tell workmates about it. Christ.

Fat Boy Samsam
07-14-2006, 11:52 AM
Okay, just a quick update:

I was talking to her on the phone, actually, Im talking on the phone to her right now and everything is okay. Thank you everyone, though.

Wow.. this is weak. You REALLY ARE just a loser screaming out for attention.

That_Guy91
07-14-2006, 11:55 AM
Wow.. this is weak. You REALLY ARE just a loser screaming out for attention.
That's pretty funny coming from you.

Fat Boy Samsam
07-14-2006, 11:56 AM
That's pretty funny coming from you.

Heck.. it aint me acting like a cry baby just cos my girlfriend looks at another guy.

Thomas
07-14-2006, 06:12 PM
Dude, just because you cant get a girlfriend, it doesn't mean that you have to make fun of me, no matter how unfunny it was. Seriously, how the Hell does that make me a loser screaming for attention? I came to this forum to avoid attention on this subject from people I actually know.

Little_Miss_1565
07-14-2006, 06:15 PM
It's okay, Thomas. Ignore the troll.

Thomas
07-14-2006, 06:26 PM
:mad: :mad: :mad:


EDIT: :(

JohnnyNemesis
07-14-2006, 07:01 PM
I know the issue is dead and everything, but even if you love someone, you don't have to be with them. And if she's cheating on you and you DO forgive her, I wouldn't blame you...but you still shouldn't be with her no matter how much you love and forgive her if she does that shit to you.

sKratch
07-14-2006, 07:47 PM
Yeah I'm gonna go ahead and say a few things, ignoring the fact that the issue is dead.
Don't let a girl cheat on you. Make it very difficult for her, because if you just take her right back and let it slide, she knows she can walk all over you. Girls will, honest to goodness, pull shit like that to see how far you bend. You should restart with zero trust and make her have to gain every millimeter back. If a girl cheats on you, I'd say you have every right to be very suspicious of her from there on out.

ninthlayer
07-14-2006, 08:00 PM
High school relationships aren't even real because high schoolers aren't real people. I say go have a one night stand, it will refresh you and you'll lawl so hard that you'll forget about old what'shergash. Don't be the spineless faggot that you're making yourself out to be, or someday you'll look back and be like "What the fuck was I thinking?"

Oh, and do anal with your girl before breaking up with her. That's a Sean Life Lesson right there, it always gives you the upper hand in an argument.
"Blah blah blah blah, you're a jerk and you make me mad and you need to sort your life out."
"STFU, I put it in yo' ass."
"LAWL, it's true! I'm so mad that I'm going to throw my phone against the wall and break it and then go get pregnant :mad: :mad: :mad: :( "
"LAWL, TYMEN2DRINK AND LAWL ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT!"

Little_Miss_1565
07-14-2006, 08:20 PM
I know the issue is dead and everything, but even if you love someone, you don't have to be with them.

Goddamn JN, that is some sage muthafuckin' advice.

noodlesfan
07-14-2006, 08:26 PM
If you find out that your girlfriend/boyfriend is cheating on you, find the person they're cheating on you with, and kill their pet dog. Everything will work out in the end.

That_Guy91
07-14-2006, 08:27 PM
Or just stab it in the crotch, so noodlesfan can post the pictures online.

noodlesfan
07-14-2006, 08:28 PM
Or just stab it in the crotch, so noodlesfan can post the pictures online.
Thank you for caring.

JohnnyNemesis
07-15-2006, 12:23 AM
Goddamn JN, that is some sage muthafuckin' advice.


Gracias, mija.


If you find out that your girlfriend/boyfriend is cheating on you, find the person they're cheating on you with, and kill their pet dog. Everything will work out in the end.

No one likes you, no one ever will, go the fuck away.

no_way
07-15-2006, 04:58 PM
No one likes you, no one ever will, go the fuck away.

Please Rick, for the love of God stop repeating the same words over and over trying to make a big deal about it. Just stop, you needn't have pointed out anything there, seriously.

H1T_That
07-15-2006, 05:08 PM
Please Rick, for the love of God stop repeating the same words over and over trying to make a big deal about it. Just stop, you needn't have pointed out anything there, seriously.

......the fuck?

ninthlayer
07-15-2006, 05:13 PM
She's just some wacky spic, don't take anything she posts to heart.

JohnnyNemesis
07-15-2006, 06:50 PM
Please Rick, for the love of God stop repeating the same words over and over trying to make a big deal about it. Just stop, you needn't have pointed out anything there, seriously.

This obsession you have with me needs to end. I've been ignoring you for weeks, yet you still feel this urge to communicate with me. I don't even respect your opinion on ANYTHING else; why would I take your suggestions on my posts to heart?

Shut the fuck up already.

Harnum
07-15-2006, 07:05 PM
Please Rick, for the love of God stop repeating the same words over and over trying to make a big deal about it. Just stop, you needn't have pointed out anything there, seriously.
shut up! he's funny, you're not. stop trying so hard.

sKratch
07-15-2006, 10:26 PM
She's just some wacky spic, don't take anything she posts to heart.
lolz @ JN being a wacky spick too!!!1

0r4ng3
07-15-2006, 10:27 PM
As a former officer of the Los Angeles Wacky Department (LAWD), I approve.