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Mota Boy
11-02-2006, 05:25 AM
The way calories are talked about in this country annoys me in its extreme oversimplification - there's bad science and awful logic being thrown around left and right. People read a couple statistics on calories, put two and two together and think they're some kinda expert on nutrition.

It's even in the New York Times, for chrissakes. I read an article a while ago on nutrition that ended up throwing in a warning about butter - how even an innocent dab of putter can end up leading to obesity. Don't believe me? Well, a dab of butter is thirty calories. Keep gorging yourself that way and you'll gain three pounds a year, piggy.

I mean, come the fuck on. The reporter took thirty and multiplied it by 365 to get the extra calories you'd take in in a year by adding thirty a day and got 10,950, then divided it by the amount of calories it takes to add on one pound o' flesh, 3500 to arrive at three. Ta-da!
Statistics like these are thrown around all the time. Drinking a coke a day will cause you to gain ten pounds over a year, just one Snickers a week will blow your ass up by five pounds come Christmas, etc. An atrocious abuse of factoids.

Hold on there, Encyclopedia Brown. You're actually telling me that thirty calories a day is gonna butter me up? First off, you're assuming that eating habits are constant when they're anything but. Secondly, you're assuming that I'm currently gorging at or over my daily recommended dose, and that I will be doing so every day. If I'm currently averaging, say, 1,600 a day I can stand to throw down thirty more of those bad boys without worrying how I'll look come swimsuit season. Lastly though - and most egregiously - you're assuming that my body will magically transfer the calories into fat the instant they touch my lips. You're ignoring the relationship between food and metabolism. You ever gone a while without eating? Doesn't matter how much of a whale you are, you get pretty damn weak. Why? You don't eat, your body goes into starvation mode. Your metabolism shuts down to preserve your energy. When it slinks to a crawl, you're burning less calories than normal. Conversely, when you gorge yourself, your body kicks up to deal with the food. If I've been inactive for a while, have a decent-sized lunch and go to sit down for a bit, I start overheating like whoa. I just become a furnace as my body doesn't know what to do with all the extra energy. Sure, some of it does go to fat, but the wild swings in the rate my metabolism do wonders for equalizing the amount of calories that my body actually has left over at the end of the day.

On the other side of the spectrum, I read a while ago how "Lite" beer was mostly a marketing ploy. Lite beer actually normally contains only thirty less calories than regular beer. Said the man defending "real" beer, "...and you burn off thirty calories in an hour of sleep." Oh, really bonehead? So you're saying that after I drink a beer, I should take an hour-long nap to get back in shape? First, many people that drink beer don't just grab one. I'm in college, buck-o. Girls here don't mind knocking back twelve cans in a night. That's 360 extra calories (37.5 lbs. a year!!!). And while they'll burn it off by passing out for twelve hours, you're ignoring that they could've spent that shut-eye attacking calories from the burger they ate for dinner.

Finally, I saw an article the other day in USA today on how women that drank four extra glasses of water a day lost, on average, two pounds more a year than women that didn't. The researcher was quoted as saying something like "We've known that water aided digestion, but perhaps it has some as-yet-unknown other affect that benefits weight loss." No shit, Sherlock. I hate to do your homework for you, but I figured this out years ago, without having to conduct any fancy fuckin' study. First off, water has zero calories, so when you drink it you're not adding anything to your body. However, the act of drinking water burns calories. On the obvious side, you've gotta lift the glass to your mouth, swallow, move it into your bloodstream, remove it from your bloodstream into your kidneys, walk over the the toilet and send it back from whence it came, all of which burn... ding ding ding! That's right Einstein, calories. On a more subtle note (but still pretty empirically obvious if you'd have put two seconds of thought into it), water comes into your body at room temperature or (more often than not) below. It exits it at about 98.6 degrees. Now, let's review the dictionary definition of a calorie - A unit of energy-producing potential supplied by food and released upon oxidation by the body, equal to the amount of energy required to raise the temperature of 1 kilogram of water by 1C at one atmosphere pressure. Also called nutritionist's calorie.

Well, what do you know - a calorie is the amount of energy it takes to heat water. Let's say that the women drink an extra kilo of water a day, that starts off at 17C (62.6F) and ends up at 37C (98.6F). Well, that's twenty calories burned a day, 7,300 a year. Or two pounds. [and just in case you think I'm being hypocritical for using this calculation after mocking it earlier, we were already told that the women, on average, drank more water a day, and water, since it contains no energy, has a relatively small impact on your metabolism] Be sure to make me co-author of your latest astonishing find.

Oh man, the lengths I'll go to avoid cramming for an Econ exam...

Nina
11-02-2006, 05:45 AM
First off, you're assuming that eating habits are constant when they're anything but. Secondly, you're assuming that I'm currently gorging at or over my daily recommended dose, and that I will be doing so every day. [...] Lastly though - and most egregiously - you're assuming that my body will magically transfer the calories into fat the instant they touch my lips. You're ignoring the relationship between food and metabolism.


Yes yes and yes. And thank you very much for finally saying such a thing. All those people who do the math the way you described annoy the piss out of me. It's not like our body is a mathematical formula.



You ever gone a while without eating? Doesn't matter how much of a whale you are, you get pretty damn weak. Why? You don't eat, your body goes into starvation mode. Your metabolism shuts down to preserve your energy. When it slinks to a crawl, you're burning less calories than normal. Conversely, when you gorge yourself, your body kicks up to deal with the food. If I've been inactive for a while, have a decent-sized lunch and go to sit down for a bit, I start overheating like whoa. I just become a furnace as my body doesn't know what to do with all the extra energy. Sure, some of it does go to fat, but the wild swings in the rate my metabolism do wonders for equalizing the amount of calories that my body actually has left over at the end of the day.


I am uncertain if it works that way...I always thought that starving yourself and then eating normally would actually make you gain weight cause your body will be like "zomg FOOD! gonna save it for the next starvation!". Not litterally of course and it's a lot more complicated than that, and if anybody tells me that our body doesnt "think" just like that I'll shoot him or her in the face.
Of course, I am not 100% sure but it makes sense to me.


You forgot one thing about water/similar. It makes your stomach be fuller than without it (obbbvviioouusss) so less food fits. That sounds like 10th grade logic but I'm pretty sure that this aint just a myth.

Tizzalicious
11-02-2006, 06:01 AM
I am uncertain if it works that way...I always thought that starving yourself and then eating normally would actually make you gain weight cause your body will be like "zomg FOOD! gonna save it for the next starvation!". Not litterally of course and it's a lot more complicated than that, and if anybody tells me that our body doesnt "think" just like that I'll shoot him or her in the face.
Of course, I am not 100% sure but it makes sense to me.

That's totally true. Ever since I had a period where I hardly ate anything because of stomach problems, I gain weight like woah, by eating even less than the average person.

JoY
11-02-2006, 06:57 AM
I am uncertain if it works that way...I always thought that starving yourself and then eating normally would actually make you gain weight cause your body will be like "zomg FOOD! gonna save it for the next starvation!". Not litterally of course and it's a lot more complicated than that, and if anybody tells me that our body doesnt "think" just like that I'll shoot him or her in the face.
Of course, I am not 100% sure but it makes sense to me.
=

all true, but that confirms what Mota Boy said. your body is in starvation mode, saving energy for days you might need it. it's storing all the energy it can get. the metabolism rate goes down like a mofo to prevent energy from being wasted/burned. the human body isn't made for starvation diets. when you don't eat, it automatically assumes nature isn't offering you enough food to consume. it doesn't & couldn't possibly know you actually choose to fucking torture yourself. so it adjusts to a mode suitable for famines, for hunger, for cold, for plagues, for lousy harvests.... metabolism rate goes down & then, when you decide to suddenly eat again, your body is like "FOOD YAYY!" & stores it like crazy. mostly that's just because it doesn't get burned either way, because your metabolism rate is still down.

nieh
11-02-2006, 07:27 AM
Your writing needs to be seen by more people than just this BBS.

Endymion
11-02-2006, 07:58 AM
ps: all the references to calorie in your post should be changed to Calorie. a calorie is the energy required to raise one GRAM of water by 1C. a Calorie is 1000 calories.

JoY
11-02-2006, 08:14 AM
I was always taught that's a kilocalorie? :/

Endymion
11-02-2006, 08:18 AM
I was always taught that's a kilocalorie? :/

same thing?

HornyPope
11-02-2006, 10:56 AM
Calories are for fat people and women.

I've grown fat and disgusting recently from sitting on my ass the whole day but I sooner explode like a pumped baloon than start being homosexual about my daily meal intakes. It's commercial garbage.

JohnnyNemesis
11-02-2006, 11:00 AM
Ranting about calories is sooooooo 1996. lolz, come to the new century.

0r4ng3
11-02-2006, 11:03 AM
Ranting about calories is sooooooo 1996. lolz, come to the new century.
Ya, srsly. Rant about trans fat or something.

Or e coli spinach. That's the good stuff.

mrconeman
11-02-2006, 11:20 AM
I love this. People who read the back of everything before they eat it annoy the piss out of me to no end.

Vera
11-02-2006, 11:51 AM
It's kind of like that one study I remember reading about when relatively young, where they had like, people eating McDonald's meals every day and the people who moved when listening to music gained less weight than the people who didn't move to music.

ERGO, moving to music makes you lose weight. HELL YEAHZ. I can pig out all I want as long as I move my bum around when listening to some phat beats. Thanks science!

I agree with nieh. You should consider maybe starting up a blog or something. I know you have a livejournal but I consider those things somewhat more personal journal type than a web blog which is essentially meant for a wide audience - to know about your thoughts but not necessarily about you as a person or your emotions about friends/family. But for rants like these, or any other thoughts on something you might have read or seen. You have the sort of writing style that I think would really appeal. And if nothing else, at least you'd have a good way to archive all this stuff - it wouldn't just magically disappear into the 3rd, 4th, 15th page of General Chat.

HornyPope
11-02-2006, 12:00 PM
I think this forum gets a bigger audience than most people like to admit... well, the good threads that is. Blogs and the such are harder to put off and require a regular commitement, and creative writing is hard to force on a schedule basis.

Mota Boy
11-02-2006, 01:16 PM
ps: all the references to calorie in your post should be changed to Calorie. a calorie is the energy required to raise one GRAM of water by 1C. a Calorie is 1000 calories.
Eh, I'm just an armchair nutritionist, and I speaking the language of the masses.


Ranting about calories is sooooooo 1996. lolz, come to the new century.
Pshaw, I ain't hatin' on calories themselves. I'm hatin' on bad science. Bad science never goes out of style (see: intelligent design).

And thank you Nina, nieh, Vera, et al. I'll be sure to mention you on the dedication page of my book. I'm finally going to complete the Bible trilogy.

Betty
11-02-2006, 10:12 PM
Yeah, it's quite possibly true that Mota would get a bigger audience on this site than on some random blog. Unless it got Internet discovered of course.

I always read the labels on things before I eat them now. Did you know that a few shrimp contain some >50% of your daily intake of cholesterol? I sure didn't.

nieh
11-03-2006, 04:22 AM
I dunno. This thread only has 168 views and I'm willing to bet most of those are the same people coming back to read the replies.


I'm finally going to complete the Bible trilogy.

You know, I hear it was originally planned as a trilogy but they weren't able to get financial backing for the third one right away because of how long it took for the second one to take off.

Duskygrin
11-03-2006, 06:16 AM
As a sidedish, I love taking the piss outta fat ppl who gorge themselves on low-fat food. Lolz geyzers!

HeadAroundU
11-03-2006, 06:30 AM
So how do you take a piss? like FAT KILLS!!1 an so on?

Vera
11-03-2006, 07:23 AM
I dunno. This thread only has 168 views and I'm willing to bet most of those are the same people coming back to read the replies.

Yeah. And don't underestimate the power of dropping a few links in select places - myspace, friendster, AIM profile, here, any other board MB might visit. He seems to have quite a few buddies outside the realm of internets but who probably still use the internet and if he wouldn't mind them reading some of these things he posts here, I'm sure there'd be his initial audience - people he knows and who know him.

Also, blogs are all about linkage. I've been browsing some Bollywood blogs (yeah yeah shut up) and very often an entry in one starts with a link to a post in another blog - as to say "Okay so this person talked about something in here, which made me think about this and thus I'm writing this entry". So the initial audience would probably eventually expand.

Mota Boy
11-03-2006, 08:47 AM
You know, I hear it was originally planned as a trilogy but they weren't able to get financial backing for the third one right away because of how long it took for the second one to take off.
Also, a lot of people were miffed that they killed off the main character at the end, followed by the cheesy deus-ex-machina device they used to make it all "okay".

Vera
11-03-2006, 09:15 AM
Also, a lot of people were miffed that they killed off the main character at the end.

Those bitches were being all fucking Jewish about it.

T-6005
11-03-2006, 10:44 AM
Eat food. Food good.

Mota Boy
11-03-2006, 10:49 AM
Those bitches were being all fucking Jewish about it.
Why do you have to bring religion into this?

HornyPope
11-03-2006, 11:41 AM
Judaism isn't religion, it's a way to shop.

Mota Boy
11-03-2006, 04:43 PM
Certainly not for hats. They buy the ugliest styles...