View Full Version : Islamisbad National News (updated daily)

Sin Studly
12-28-2006, 07:54 PM
INN ; Islamisbad News Service
Issue #1

Allahu Akhbar true believers and infidel scum. It is I indeed, the Grand High Ayatollah of Islamisbad, keeper of the faith ; but my habibis can just call me Shiek Mohammad ibn Fuckingcamels (ibn KillingArmeniens ibn Cuttingoffmydaughter'sclitoris ibn Eatingcannedgoatmeat ibn Tryingtogetthatsandoutofmyasshole). In this thread I shall be bringing to you all the breaking proof that Islam is a religion of peace, love and mercy. And you will believe it, or else I will cut out your heart you filthy infidel. Death to those who claim our religion is violent. These are our values. YOU CANNOT INSULT THEM!

Lol, it's me, Shiek Mohammad ibn Fuckingcamels.

The Grinch finally steals Christmas (http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/articlenews.aspx?storyid=2006-11-29T171300Z_01_L29524422_RTRIDST_0_OUKOE-UK-CHRISTMAS-CANCELLED.XML&type=oddlyEnoughNews&WTmodLoc=Oddly+Enough-C3-More-2)
Christmas is a time of sin and commercial greed. It is a great victory for Allah and Mohammad, peace be unto him, that we have stamped out this evil and heretical celebrations, as such evil and disgusting ideas as "Santa Claus" and "giving presents" are wholly offensive and disrespectful to good Muslims.

And Americans just used them to pick cotton... (http://www.smh.com.au/news/World/Suicide-blast-kills-eight-in-Somalia/2006/12/01/1164777756541.html)
Allahu Akbar! For many years the great Islamic world has fed on our slave-race niggers in Somalia and the Sudan, but surely it is absolute proof of the righteousness of our beliefs that our own slaves are blowing themselves up for Mohammad, may Peace be unto him. Maybe they will get the 40 virgin camels in Paradise, but I doubt it. They are black. Death to all infidels and blacks.

Sinners now burn BEFORE reaching hell (http://www.irrawaddy.org/aviewer.asp?a=6437&z=154)
In Islam, there are strict rules of Shariah and Halall, which guide us in our daily behaviour. There are also strict punishments. This may seem harsh to crying white westerners, but do we have depressed goth kids shooting up their schools? No, for we are the religion of peace! That is why a 75-year old man was beaten to death, then set on fire, along with dozens of others. Either for comitting the crime of "not being a Muslim", or commiting the crime of "probably not being a Muslim", both of which are terrible terrible sins.

Terrorism pays off big (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/29/AR2006112901179.html)
Allahu Akhbar, it is indeed a great victory for the faithful, that one of our white converts has served the religion of peace so well. It is a great victory for Allah when we manage to cut through the fog of sin and hatred and bring the light to an educated American man, a lawyer. Why? Because now he defends our terr... erm, freedom-fights, in court, and the evil fascist American judges falsely arrested him for committing a terrorist attack in Spain. It should be obvious to true believers that he is not a terrorist, he merely helps terrorists. He languished for two weeks in a dingy, horrible American prison with only basic cable and a choice of steak or chicken, and was awarded two million dollars in a settlement. A million for a week in prison, perhaps I should resign as Ayatollah of Islamisbad and become an American criminal. Ho ho ho, I'm just joking, I couldn't stand to be denied conjugal visits with my camel, Fatima.

Muslims show mercy, only give 15 years hard labour for blasphemy (http://www.metimes.com/storyview.php?StoryID=20061127-061920-9789r)
Allahu Akbar, now we can show how merciful we are towards Christian scum and Jewish dogs. After saving the life of these sinners (we rescued them from an angry Muslim crowd), instead of having them executed we handed down a paltry sentence of only fifteen years hard labour in one of Pakistan's finest 'state hotels', where they'll be given all the luxuries of life like "food" and "water" and "oxygen". How can you now say we are not truly a religion of tolerance?

© Islamisbad National News

Sin Studly
12-28-2006, 10:20 PM
Please submit all questions or comments to Shiek Mohammad ibn Fuckingcamels ; Grand High Ayatollah of Islamisbad, into the form of a letter to the editor.

12-28-2006, 11:20 PM
Do I include in the letter my residential address and a photo ID?

Sin Studly
12-28-2006, 11:22 PM
Yes, and any known allergies (such as to explosions or bullets)

Sin Studly
12-28-2006, 11:23 PM
INN ; Islamisbad News Service
Issue #2

Salaam Alakeim, my Muslim brethren and assorted Christian and Jewish dog-scum. It is I, Shiek Mohammad ibn Fuckingcamels, bringing you new updates on the glorious world of Islam. But first, some humour. For too long we peaceful Muslim people have had to tolerate the persecution of the evil Christian hordes, especially the Danish and Americans. They draw pictures of our prophet, the Muhammad, peace be unto him ; and all we can do in retaliation is murder a few of them and bomb their embassies. This is unacceptable. I have gathered together a crack team of comedians and artists, the greatest in all the Islamic world, and we have retaliated.


Look, it's Condoleeza Rice, the infidel slut of Satan, and she has a monkey in her womb! It's a monkey because she's a heathen black Christian infidel. Get it? Black people are monkeys, hahahaha! How does it feel now???? Do you feel big and powerful drawing pictures of our Mohammad, peace be unto him? No, because we drew your Secretary of State with a monkey in her womb, because she's a black Kaffur monkey!!! Now who's laughing, Christian sons of pigs???

Now, let us move on to more serious issues.

Heathen sinners given a rocket-propelled message (http://rawstory.com/news/2006/Extremist_Islamic_group_says_it_des_11302006.html)
Heathen scum in Gaza have been seen visiting Music stores and Internet Cafes instead of dedicating their lives to Jihad. Luckily, our peaceful Mullahs have taken it apon themselves to show these lapdogs of imperialist Crusaders and Jews the error of their ways ; by firing rocket-propelled-grenades at these dens of vice and debauchery. And women who have not covered their hair to show modesty get acid thrown into their face. Lets see what man finds you attractive now, you horrible slut of the Devil! That will teach you to wear skirts that show off your ankles. Allahu Akbar, God is Great!

Struggle for democracy in Lebanon (http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2006-12-01-lebanon_x.htm)
Thousands of true believers rally in Lebanon calling for a free government, and demand the ousting and death of Imperialist lap-dog Fouad Siniora. No longer shall the Lebanese be oppressed under a government that unjustly bans our most sacred traditions, such as non-consentual group revenge-sex, and the killing of infidel dogs. Finally the fascist government will be forced out, and we may ban alcohol, heathen religions, holding hands with members of the opposite sex, and showing your hair in public. It is a great day for liberalism and democracy.

Satanic midnight ceremonies stopped (http://www.jihadwatch.org/archives/014262.php)
An evil and dangerous cult, known as the "Orthadox Christian Church" has been practising their hideous rituals at midnight, to hide them from the tolerant and loving Muslim men and women of Etheopia. Luckily, a group of concerned citizens heard of these evil and monstrous rituals, and burned the heathens out of their church, before stabbing and shooting them to death. Allahu Akbar!

Western fascist scum attempting to ban rape (http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,20867,20857109-2703,00.html)
Imperialist sons of Christian dogs have taken away our most sacred of traditions, the act of gang-raping a woman for wearing revealing clothing, or looking at a man. Such unconstitutional laws are barbaric and freedom-hating. How can one claim they are pro-freedom or respectful of our beliefs if they make such an integral part of life as running a train on an infidel slut a crime? Luckily, thousands of good men and women are fighting the evil repressive laws that deny us the basic human right to slam down a salami-train and pound some slut's tuna-box till it bleeds semen.

Heathen subverter captured in Morocco (http://clarityandresolve.com/archives/2006/12/islamic_toleran_5.php)
A disgusting evil Christian son of the devil's whore has been arrested and sentenced to six months imprisonment after attempting to convert our beautiful Islamic sons and daughters to his vile Crusader-heathenry. When will the persecution of our faith end, even now the barbaric European Crusader-states assault us constantly. All we want is for there to be no other religions but Islam permitted anywhere on the world. And for that, we are assaulted by these radical terrorists, trying to shake the foundations of our peaceful religion. Shame on Germany, shame on the Crusader-States!

Islamisbad National News

Sin Studly
12-29-2006, 12:54 AM
INN ; Islamisbad News Service
Issue #3

There have been many updates to our national paper recently, and Inshallah there shall be many more. I remain, as always, Shiek Mohammad ibn Fuckingcamels, the Grand High Ayatollah of the Islamic Republic of Islamisbad. Firstly, the great artists of our mighty nation have a new production to share with you, a little piece entitled "Jews are evil Kaffur blood-drinking scum". It is less of a modern art piece than our last presentation, and it is easier to understand.


Now, with our harmless fun out of the way we can move straight to the news.

Turkey stays the path (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,13509-2482831,00.html)
Heathen Christian sons of bastards have been rightfully arrested under Article 301 of Turkish penal code... "Insulting Turkishness"!!! The evil Crusader scum insulted Turkishness by converting to a dangerous and marginalised cult of violence known as "Protestantism". Protestants wear white cloths over their heads and burn crosses in the front yards of Muslims. They also grind the bones of Muslims to make their felafels, which they spread with avocado, and they drink the blood of Muslim babies in their wine coolers.

Interview with Saudi-Arabia's official decapitator (http://memri.org/bin/latestnews.cgi?ID=SD137406)
Here we have a fireside chat with a lovely, lovely man, and credit to the Islamic faith. Abdallah Bin Sa'id Al-Bishi has a job most of us long for, his job is to cut the heads and hands off infidel heathen scum. Read on to find out what it's like living the dream, and whether he is happier now than he was as a simple goat-meat factory worker.

Australian mosque attacked by shameless sluts! (http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/mosque-to-get-police-guard-for-bikini-rally/2006/12/02/1164777846230.html)
In one of the most heinous assaults against Islam ever, shameless brazen sluts in bikinis are parading their filthy whore bodies in front of good Muslim men, attempting to lure them into committing pre-marital sex, which is a great sin. Obviously these women should all be gang-raped for such horrible crimes. Terrified Muslim clerics have locked themselves in doors and requested police assistance, but one is in a critical condition after catching a glimpse of uncovered nipples. These infidels must pay!

Christian dogs bump medic's hand to cast disrespute on circumcision (http://news.monstersandcritics.com/asiapacific/news/article_1228879.php/Malaysian_medic_slices_off_boys_penis_during_botch ed_circumcision)
A Christian son of a dog terrorist deliberately snuck into a Malaysian hospital somehow and bumped a good Islamic medic carrying out the sacred tradition of slicing up a boys penis, resulting in half of it being severed. This is definitely the fault of a Christian. Or a Jew. It is unacceptable that these Crusaders and infidels attempt to oppose our peaceful and enlightened traditions of mutilating the genitals of small children.

Jihad on youtube! (http://mypetjawa.mu.nu/archives/185584.php)
Listen ye all, for as Grand High Ayatollah and Mufti of Islamisbad, I am placing a fatwa on all those who have sponsered the heretical youtube website. When we attempt to put good educational videos online, such as the correct manner in which to cut off a clitoris, or when we wish to broadcast the rape of an infidel girl to increase her shame, we are censored! But when others use biased evidence such as "videos of us blowing things up" to cast disrespute on Islam, they are permitted to get away with it. Well, no longer!

Islamisbad National News

12-29-2006, 01:25 AM
Dear editor, have you been thinking of banning beaches in all those heathen countries?

Sin Studly
12-29-2006, 01:36 AM
From the desk of Shiek Mohammad ibn Fuckingcamels ibn KillingArmeniens ibn Cuttingoffmydaughter'sclitoris ibn Eatingcannedgoatmeat ibn Tryingtogetthatsandoutofmyasshole

Dear shameless Whore of Satan,

It is quite strange and surprising for me to recieve a letter from a woman. Obviously your husband has not been forceful enough in his teachings of Islam, and allowed you to become a brazen and impetious slut, who knows how to read and write. Inshallah, he shall recieve forty lashes and you shall be publicly raped so that he shall know the shame of having such a whore for a wife.

But I shall deign to answer your question, in case any men are reading this. Allah created the beaches, with their glorious sand and water, and surely no servant of Allah wishes to ban a creation of the Almighty. There is nothing evil about beaches, but infidel Christian dogs and Jewish slime have perverted them by using them as a place to run naked and commit sins of the flesh. One day all beachgoers shall be covered in their hijabs, and shall not show off their hair ; as you are doing in your picture.

But you should not worry your head about such things. You, child, are a horrible worthless slut, and Inshallah your husband shall leave you after he is beaten and you are shamed in front of your entire village. But fear not, for Allah is forgiving. I shall consent to have you placed into my harem to serve me alongside Fatima the camel and my kidnapped Ukranian slave-girls.

Yours sincerely,
Shiek Mohammad ibn Fuckingcamels

12-29-2006, 10:35 AM
The best part is the Raznatovic signature following every news announcement.

12-29-2006, 01:49 PM
this forum is finished
whatever you can do can't make you save

yell that we can't
see how we do it

SONOFABITCHES:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Sin Studly
12-29-2006, 01:51 PM
Please address all questions or comments to Shiek Mohammad ibn Fuckingcamels in the form of a letter to the editor.

Not Ozymandias
12-29-2006, 02:06 PM
this forum is finished
whatever you can do can't make you save

yell that we can't
see how we do it

SONOFABITCHES:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
Allah is a faggot.

12-29-2006, 04:37 PM
Well, I see that "Forum Jihad II: Electric Boogaloo" is about to start. This should be fun.

Edit: Or did I miss it already?

01-05-2007, 12:27 AM
I don't understand how you're not famous yet. Or at least infamous.