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H1T_That
01-04-2007, 02:03 PM
30 things actually said in court (allegedly)

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Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

#
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

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Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

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Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

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Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

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Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

#
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

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Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

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Q: Did he kill you?

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Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

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Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

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Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

#
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

#
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

#
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

#
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

#
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

#
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

#
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

#
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

#
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Lodat225
01-04-2007, 02:08 PM
Where was the funny?

khaaaaan
01-04-2007, 02:09 PM
Those are funny. And very believable.

Jakebert
01-04-2007, 02:10 PM
Some of those are pretty funny, and others are so fake that they're not funny at all.


Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

This one shouldn't be on here, because anyone who's not retarded knows exactly what he means. It's worded poorly, but still, it's not some horribly stupid thing.

Harnum
01-04-2007, 02:12 PM
Where was the funny?

I second this question...

Mota Boy
01-04-2007, 03:23 PM
Oh man, I remember reading those in Dear Abby a decade ago.


This one shouldn't be on here, because anyone who's not retarded knows exactly what he means. It's worded poorly, but still, it's not some horribly stupid thing.Yes it is. A collision means that the two things are approaching each other. The distance changes each moment until the two objects collide together. Even if the lawyer is asking for the witness to estimate the distance between the two objects at some arbitrary point prior to them smashing into each other, it's still idiotic and tells us nothing.

Jakebert
01-04-2007, 04:00 PM
Like I said, it's horribly worded, but it's pretty obvious to tell that he means to ask how far they were before the collision.

Mota Boy
01-04-2007, 04:20 PM
Like I said, it's horribly worded, but it's pretty obvious to tell that he means to ask how far they were before the collision.But WHEN before the collision? One second? Eight seconds? A minute? Five?

Immediately prior to the collision, the two objects were moving towards each other, and so if he's using "at the time of the collision" to refer to some vague point in time immediately prior to the collision, the answers would vary wildly and ultimately tell us nothing while depending entirely on how the witness interprets the question. It's not just worded poorly; it makes no sense at all.

Blinkweasel
01-04-2007, 04:20 PM
No offense Jakebert, but can't you chill a little? I mean God, who cares?

Jakebert
01-04-2007, 07:03 PM
But WHEN before the collision? One second? Eight seconds? A minute? Five?

Immediately prior to the collision, the two objects were moving towards each other, and so if he's using "at the time of the collision" to refer to some vague point in time immediately prior to the collision, the answers would vary wildly and ultimately tell us nothing while depending entirely on how the witness interprets the question. It's not just worded poorly; it makes no sense at all.

I get what you mean, but I still don't see it as something so incredibly stupid. Most people in that situation would be likely to think he ment when the course of events that led to the collision taking place. Which, granted, that should have been said, but I just don't see it as being overly stupid. It just seems like something that was taken out of context to make it look dumber.

And, I'm sure I'm reading way too much into it at this point, but the vagueness was probably done on purpose to confuse the judge/jury.


No offense Jakebert, but can't you chill a little? I mean God, who cares?

Message boards are generally about arguing/discussing trivial things that don't matter whatsoever. But you're right, I'm out of control. There's so much hostility in my posts in this thread.

Llamas
01-04-2007, 07:08 PM
Message boards are generally about arguing/discussing trivial things that don't matter whatsoever. But you're right, I'm out of control. There's so much hostility in my posts in this thread.

I feel my life is threatened by every word you typed in this thread. :( Can't we just all get along?? *Hugs Jakebert*

bobinator
01-04-2007, 09:21 PM
Well, I for one thought they were all funny and couldn't believe some of the things these people said.

Seconded .

Italia311
01-04-2007, 09:24 PM
what the hells.

Great Mike
01-05-2007, 04:31 AM
Where was the funny?

Your Triforce is gay.

Duskygrin
01-05-2007, 06:24 AM
Hahaha, those made me laugh.

But the one that truly got me in stitches was "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

Stranger With Candy
01-05-2007, 06:35 AM
http://i3.tinypic.com/3y4vx2s.jpg

Mota Boy
01-05-2007, 10:03 AM
Message boards are generally about arguing/discussing trivial things that don't matter whatsoever. But you're right, I'm out of control. There's so much hostility in my posts in this thread.
Whoa, calm down there, crazy man. There's no need for that kind of talk.

Rilex
01-05-2007, 01:49 PM
What’s wrong with this one?


Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

The stairs could lead in both ways…

Nineteen Seventy Nine
01-05-2007, 01:51 PM
The stairs could lead in both ways…

Woah, woah, woah. Are you saying stairs could take you up AND down?!

Rilex
01-05-2007, 01:56 PM
Yea, if you are standing in the middle of elevation…

Duskygrin
01-06-2007, 09:29 AM
Woah, woah, woah. Are you saying stairs could take you up AND down?!

hahaha, this made my day. *slaps desk*

As for tribunal quotes... Groucho said in a movie I forget: "Gentlemen, Chicolini may look like an idiot, & sound like an idiot. But don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."

Isn't that lovely?

nameless
01-06-2007, 08:17 PM
seen a few of those before! they also did one on the weirdest ever call centre conversations, stuff like

operator: right click and and select undo
customer: nothing happened
operator: right click again
customer: ive wrote click again and still nothing happened!