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View Full Version : The Devil's Goat [A short story I worte.]



adombomb222
01-26-2007, 06:52 PM
This is one amongst many other short stories I have written. I like this one the best, so I figured I'd share it with you and get your feed back.



The Devilís Goat


Stumbling upon the skeletons of those long dead, who are among the Damned. I fell to the soil, cold and hard. The place I was in, when I became aware of my surroundings, was dark, cold and mysterious. The sudden chill down my back foreshadowed what was to come, a dark void, understandings of death and those who have died. My eyes adjusted to the darkness. A figure stood in front of me it was in black; I could not see his feet. Its hand reached down and in a cold voice asked if I needed help. I complied and reach for his hand.

It was cold at the touch, but it helped me to my feet. Once on solid ground I looked to see the face of the figure that helped me. A goat. Stunted at first, wary with a stare and batfowled speechless as though I couldnít let out a noise. Human from the chest down, two legs, two arms, and hands with five fingers all but a goatís head was normal, besides the bitter cold touch of its skin. I felt the on coming fainting monition coming on. It moved as if on command and caught me, with human like monition.
He said not to be afraid, that he was human. And I asked him about the goatís head. He said he must wear it, because God chose that no one would ever know who he was. And I asked him to take it off. He explained that the skin on his face was fused with the Goats head, never to come off. He offered to explain who he was, and I complied.

ďI am The Devilís Goat, or the first to sin.Ē He began.

ďYou mean Adam?Ē I interrupted.

ďNo Adam is amongst God in Heaven, He could not be sent to Hell, never, he created Sin. I am the first after Adam to defy God in such a way I could not be forgiven. I spilt the blood that destroyed the Tree of Life, it was my fault the Tree drank unholy split blood and busted into black flames. And if not drowning in the blood of my enemies and allies wasnít a bad enough punishment. God convicted a sentence in Hell for ever, never to see the skys of Heaven, and that this mask be melted to my face, so that no one, not even the Damned in Hell would know who I was and what I did. I walk next to Satan in Hell; I am regarded as a Demon, a demonian of Satan, I am also known as the Devilís Goat, mainly because of the goatís head upon my head. Iíve been in Hell since I was Damned to it in the first place. I know everything about Earth, Heaven, Hell and Purgatory.Ē He continued.

I asked him to tell me everything he knew. He said he would. And so he began. He said that as far as even the Godís knew the Big Bang did happen. We evolved from primates, when the first humans developed, the developed very fast, they had a large population within the first hundred years of existence and a vast complex city. The cultivated plans and ran water to the city. They lived in what would later become know as the Garden of Eden, which is now know as the Middle East, and in the past of the third generation of humans the place is know a Mesopotamia, or paradise. All was great no conflict, till one day an odd specious of humanís the second race, came out of the deserts in modern day Africa, stumbling upon the city, this new race, wanted it all. And soon a war broke out between the two races. After six years of pain and suffering a proposed final battle was sent to the God race (the ones who lived in Mesopotamia) from the Demon race (the ones from the deserts), the Gods agreed. When that battle ended, few were left on either. The battle ground split and filled with water turn red only a few made it to high ground. They met, and comprised, to create a third race, with equal traits from the two races, then to create a homeland for the two races to reside in so that there would never be a war against the two races again, and so that a truly perfect race would be born. First Heaven and Hell were created, basically a parallel world for each Heaven and Hell. Still connected but separate from Earth. Then they established what Heaven and Hell would be used for. This was that the Third race would go to Heaven, the demotic race didnít care, they couldnít care less weather or not the third race would live in their land after death or not. Then Adam was created, not by God, but by St. Peter, with the use of the now forbidden art or alchemy, he was the only one who was able to create a human, and then Eve. He gave them all the knowledge of the world, what they would need to survive. Over the years Peter created many more humans. Until they could live on there own. Never were they told about the Gods or Demons. They were placed at the Tree of Life. And soon the migrated away from the Tree, they became nomadic people. It almost became evident that this third race was not perfect; they fought each other over food and land among other things, they would kill each other. Soon after the purpose of Hell became evident, a place to carry out punishments, that also brought up the idea of redemption and thus Purgatory was established, and forth world also parallel but only to Heaven and Hell, there was no way for anyone on Earth to get to Purgatory without passing through Hell first. Purgatory is much like earth, people are given a second chance to prove they are worthy to see Heavenís gates. However those who preside on Purgatory know the Sins they committed on Earth.

With that, he stood to his feet, and told me he would see me again soon. And he disappeared in the darkness. And I again wondered, till I found a passageway back to daylight sky. And though back at my awing experience.

ninthlayer
01-26-2007, 06:54 PM
Straight up horrendous. Never attempt to write again.

adombomb222
01-26-2007, 06:55 PM
Did you even read it?

RickyCrack
01-26-2007, 07:01 PM
I read the first paragraph. horrible exposition.

ninthlayer
01-26-2007, 07:01 PM
Yeah, and the part about the goat skull being melded onto the guy's face was particularly gay.

Lodat225
01-26-2007, 07:02 PM
Holy crap, Ninth. Reading that whole thing and replying in under 2 minutes. I can't do that.

ninthlayer
01-26-2007, 07:04 PM
Well, you're a faggot.

Lodat225
01-26-2007, 07:06 PM
And it takes you two minutes to read and reply to my short post.

You're awesome.

ninthlayer
01-26-2007, 07:07 PM
Or, you know, I'm tabbing between five different websites.

Lodat225
01-26-2007, 07:18 PM
Oh, so that's how you read a 5-6 paragraph story within two minutes. Gotcha.

adombomb222
01-26-2007, 07:20 PM
No it's a reading skill where you skim and pick up only important parts... people who can do this have advance minds and are able to put together the parts and understand what it's talking about.

Lodat225
01-26-2007, 07:21 PM
No it's a reading skill where you skim and pick up only importent parts... people who can do this have advance minds and are able to put together the parts and understand what it's talking about.

In under two minutes.. while tabbing 5 different websites. He said the whole story is horrendous.

ninthlayer
01-26-2007, 07:23 PM
When I initially replied I had read the beginning, end, and skimmed the middle (which was enough to give insight as to how horrible the work was). By the time I replied the second time (stating that I had, in fact, read the entire trainwreck of a story) I had read the entire piece.

Seriously though, why so butthurt over this particular topic? I guess you trolls really do need to stick together in order to validate yourselves, so perhaps that could answer the question I posed. Do you consider a passing blow against every ridiculous spamming faggot on this board as a blow against yourself?

Lodat225
01-26-2007, 07:25 PM
Adom isn't a troll. I'm just amazed at how awesome you are.

adombomb222
01-26-2007, 07:27 PM
Ok, first of all you had already stated you opinion on the story, we understand you do not like it. You do not have to restate it 3 times. Second, I'm asking the opinion, not spamming. And I'm not a troll.

ninthlayer
01-26-2007, 07:31 PM
Adom, I file people/persons I deem as relentlessly annoying and/or pathetic under the title of troll. It is of no concern to me if you dislike my definition.

Lodat, you're a social invalid. Follow the board's general consensus and stop fucking posting.

adombomb222
01-26-2007, 07:36 PM
Lodat, you're a social invalid. Follow the board's general consensus and stop fucking posting.

He's got a point.

Llamas
01-26-2007, 11:53 PM
I read the first paragraph, and could not go on because you don't know how to write and your grammar makes me want to cry.

Paint_It_Black
01-27-2007, 04:44 AM
I didn't read it all.

Can I make a suggestion? At least make sure everything is spelled correctly before sharing it with others.

the_GoDdEsS
01-27-2007, 04:48 AM
No it's a reading skill where you skim and pick up only important parts... people who can do this have advance minds and are able to put together the parts and understand what it's talking about.

I don't know where you got the idea from but you're wrong.