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DeAtHsTaR
01-28-2007, 09:44 AM
Becoming Illegal (From a Maryland resident to his senator)
The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
Senate Office Building
309 Hart
Washington DC, 20510
Dear Senator Sarbanes,
As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process
for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to
illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the
Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions
is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five
years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and
income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I
see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures
it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes
every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of
taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to
be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and
my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying
premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save
almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that
my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school
applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges
throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden
of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance
premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college
age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal
(retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would
be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Pete McGlaughlin
Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue
Service 1-800-289-1040. Please pass this onto your friends so they can
save on this great offer!!!!

wheelchairman
01-28-2007, 09:56 AM
You're a moron.

DeAtHsTaR
01-28-2007, 10:12 AM
You're a moron.

Per, may I ask you when you were last in Southern Oregon?


Lyk srsly, I'd like to be illegal though. I don't have anything against the immigrants, it's our (Americans) own fault.

TheUnholyNightbringer
01-28-2007, 10:19 AM
You're a moron.

DeAtHsTaR
01-28-2007, 10:21 AM
You're a moron.

Well, TUNB said it, I guess that settles it.

TheUnholyNightbringer
01-28-2007, 10:24 AM
So you'll leave?

wheelchairman
01-28-2007, 10:26 AM
Lyk srsly, I'd like to be illegal though. I don't have anything against the immigrants, it's our (Americans) own fault.

But the law makes perfect sense. How do you get people who don't necessarily have to pay taxes, to start paying them? Not by force obviously, since they are already accustomed to living outside the reach of the arm of the law. So obviously you gotta offer a little something up.

And it ain't your (our) fault either. It's the people who create the market for illegal employment.

And we have mexicans all the way up in Portland. They are the people who do the night shifts...pretty much anywhere.

Sin Studly
01-28-2007, 10:29 AM
And it ain't your (our) fault either. It's the people who create the market for illegal employment.

Exactly. Threatening desperate people with prison/deporation is stupid. It's about time your government started cracking down on the people who employ them ; if they actually cared enough to get the scum outta your nation.

Mota Boy
01-28-2007, 10:39 AM
I'm pretty sure we've had this debate before. Personally, I wholly endorse Mr. McGlaughlin in his bid to become an illegal immigrant. But let's make sure he does it right. We need to raise the money to fly him down to Mexico, about $400 to live on and a compass so he'll know which direction is North.

But that'll be the cheap part. We also need to find a way to selectively erase his memory so that he's unable to speak or read most English. Don't worry, I'm sure Mr. McGlaughlin will find that learning another language will be a snap, especially when he's forced to work long hours for minimum wage just to pay rent. And don't forget that he's gotta ship any extra money he makes back to his family to keep them alive!

I'm sure that Mr. McGlaughlin will find working in construction, agriculture, custodial services or in the back of a restaurant to be an incredibly fun and rewarding experience. Plus, think of all the money he's going to save! He won't ever have to worry about paying tens of thousands of dollars in taxes once his rich, white ass is relocated to the bottom of the income bracket. What a deal!

Sin Studly
01-28-2007, 10:51 AM
Does this mean if people from decent countries sneak into the US they'll actually be getting preferential treatment, provided they can find work without a green card?

DeAtHsTaR
01-28-2007, 10:54 AM
Nobody ever said learning English is easy. But if you're going to live in America, you should know how to speak the language that (Most?) Americans speak. I mean, there's kids at my school that have lived here for 10 years or more who STILL don't know English. Don't kids learn foreign languages relatively easy?


Not to mention the illegals shouldn't get preferential treatment for being a minority. Too bad I'll be 60 when whites finally become a minority in America.

DeAtHsTaR
01-28-2007, 10:56 AM
Does this mean if people from decent countries sneak into the US they'll actually be getting preferential treatment, provided they can find work without a green card?

It's amazingly easy to find work without one. Granted, they all work in supermarkets and restaurants, (NOT construction around here) but those would normally be the jobs that people my age could get. It's the damn employer's fault forh iring them. Like I said, I don't blame the Mexicans.

wheelchairman
01-28-2007, 10:57 AM
Does this mean if people from decent countries sneak into the US they'll actually be getting preferential treatment, provided they can find work without a green card?

I'm fairly certain most countries have tax waver programs for university graduates seeking employment. At least for a few years too.

TheUnholyNightbringer
01-28-2007, 10:57 AM
And what about those that don't have the money to go on a nice English course, or pay for a fancy English Linguaphone before they leave for America? How about they might just want to get over the border and earn some money for themselves and their family before they consider saving up for a language course?

To Dain, obviously.

wheelchairman
01-28-2007, 10:58 AM
Nobody ever said learning English is easy. But if you're going to live in America, you should know how to speak the language that (Most?) Americans speak. I mean, there's kids at my school that have lived here for 10 years or more who STILL don't know English. Don't kids learn foreign languages relatively easy?


Not to mention the illegals shouldn't get preferential treatment for being a minority. Too bad I'll be 60 when whites finally become a minority in America.

And again, if they don't need to. Why should they?

And you're really an idiot for thinking whites will become a minority. That's a scare statistic with no basis in reality. They said Danes would be a minority now due to crazy muslim birthing practices. However the muslims still only make up 10%.

the_GoDdEsS
01-28-2007, 11:02 AM
I mean, there's kids at my school that have lived here for 10 years or more who STILL don't know English. Don't kids learn foreign languages relatively easy?


That's the general stereotype that kids acquire a language more easily than adults. In many ways it's true, they are able to pick it up more naturally when exposed to it, however adults are better learners and quicker with grammar and the logical language parts.

It might be an attitude problem though. Maybe the immigrants lack the willingness. Some immigrant kids just won't learn the language of the country they live in and resent it because they see the same attitude in their parents.

DeAtHsTaR
01-28-2007, 11:06 AM
And again, if they don't need to. Why should they?



So they can communicate with the vast majority of Americans maybe? So I don't have to say "pollo" when I go to KFC and order some chicken? I just don't see hwy WE should have to learn Spanish when they don't even make an effort to learn English.

TheUnholyNightbringer
01-28-2007, 11:07 AM
Nice generalising, that.

Paint_It_Black
01-28-2007, 11:15 AM
Dain, propose a better system. Let's see how you'd do it.

In a way I agree with some of what you're saying, but it's not practical.

JohnnyNemesis
01-28-2007, 11:17 AM
So I don't have to say "pollo" when I go to KFC and order some chicken?

OH GOD! THE EVILS OF DIVERSITY SUMMED UP IN ONE HORRIFYING EXPERIENCE!

ohnoez.

Sin Studly
01-28-2007, 11:20 AM
With all the illegals in your country, I doubt employers are desperate enough to hire the ones so stupid they can't figure out what the word "chicken" means when they're working for fucking KFC.

Endymion
01-28-2007, 11:20 AM
So they can communicate with the vast majority of Americans maybe? So I don't have to say "pollo" when I go to KFC and order some chicken? I just don't see hwy WE should have to learn Spanish when they don't even make an effort to learn English.

try saying "chicken", not "pollo". if it doesn't work, leave. the only reason KFC is willing to have people who can't speak english take orders is because you're willing to put up with it. look, they don't lose money by having a guy who can't speak english there because you say "pollo" and adapt. if the net loss of business outweighed the saving from hiring illegals or whatever, then they wouldn't hire them. it's simple fucking economics and you just feed it and curse under your breath.

DeAtHsTaR
01-28-2007, 11:22 AM
Nice generalising, that.
Ay, I guess I made my statement a little too broad.


OH GOD! THE EVILS OF DIVERSITY SUMMED UP IN ONE HORRIFYING EXPERIENCE!

ohnoez.

I don't have a problem going into Sergio's Authentico Mexicano and ordering food in Spanish. Hell, I love Mexican food. But when the entire menu is in English at Kentucky Fried Chicken, I'd expect the guy to understand English! I'd also prefer it to be a Black man taking my order since it's KFC too. :D

wheelchairman
01-28-2007, 11:23 AM
So they can communicate with the vast majority of Americans maybe? So I don't have to say "pollo" when I go to KFC and order some chicken? I just don't see hwy WE should have to learn Spanish when they don't even make an effort to learn English.

If you don't like them working in KFC, then go to a fast food place that has English speaking employees.

Paint_It_Black
01-28-2007, 11:26 AM
Nice play ignoring my question Dain.

If you can't propose a better system, stop your whining.

JohnnyNemesis
01-28-2007, 11:50 AM
But when the entire menu is in English at Kentucky Fried Chicken, I'd expect the guy to understand English! I'd also prefer it to be a Black man taking my order since it's KFC too. :D

Well then, you should put your money where your mouth is and start acting like a stereotypical white teenager too! Skate, where hideous clothing, be really unintelligent and bad at arguing your points!

...waiiiit a minute, you have that down...

Seriously though, you're using a mildly incovenient fast-food experience to discuss a huge point about things that actually matter: home, borders, immigration, employment, etc. It's just really fucking stupid and impossible to take seriously.

DeAtHsTaR
01-28-2007, 11:54 AM
Skate, where hideous clothing,
I haven't skated since last summer, and define hideous? I pretty much wear whatever I can afford...no ugly-ass trends for me.

JoY
01-28-2007, 12:49 PM
trends are for suckerrrs.

..oh wait, *looks at herself* NOOOESSSS!!!!!!!!!!

Guest
01-28-2007, 05:45 PM
That can't be real, it seems like it would be ... illegal.

Paint_It_Black
01-28-2007, 10:48 PM
Well then, you should put your money where your mouth is and start acting like a stereotypical white teenager too! Skate, where hideous clothing, be really unintelligent and bad at arguing your points!


Stop being a stereotypical minority and learn English.

coke_a_holic
01-28-2007, 11:10 PM
Thanks for telling me the name of one of my Senators, I realized that I had forgotten it a few months ago but didn't care enough to look it up, now I won't have to.

DeAtHsTaR
01-29-2007, 07:51 AM
Stop being a stereotypical minority and learn English.

WINOMGROFLWINWINWIN.

Jakebert
01-29-2007, 08:28 AM
I don't have a problem going into Sergio's Authentico Mexicano and ordering food in Spanish. Hell, I love Mexican food. But when the entire menu is in English at Kentucky Fried Chicken, I'd expect the guy to understand English! I'd also prefer it to be a Black man taking my order since it's KFC too. :D

Oh, shut up. The people at KFC don't want to have to talk to retarded little teenagers who spout out inane, cliched dribble and think that they're making a legitimate point, but they do it anyway.

Oh, and good work on the lame back joke, Carlos Mencia.

Paint_It_Black
01-29-2007, 04:06 PM
Jakebert, he's gonna take that as a compliment.

DeAtHsTaR
01-29-2007, 05:30 PM
Oh, and good work on the lame black joke, Carlos Mencia.

Carlos wasn't the first person to say Black people love Chicken, dipshit.

WebDudette
01-29-2007, 05:32 PM
No, it was still a lame ass Carlos-esque joke though.

Paint_It_Black
01-29-2007, 08:57 PM
Carlos wasn't the first person to say Black people love Chicken, dipshit.

No, Comedy Central just treat him like he was.

Mota Boy
01-29-2007, 09:34 PM
Obviously, Dave Chappelle was.

Jakebert
01-30-2007, 04:31 AM
Carlos wasn't the first person to say Black people love Chicken, dipshit.

I love it when people get the point and miss it at the same time.