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View Full Version : Goddamn, my school is fucking creepy.



JohnnyNemesis
02-28-2007, 11:09 PM
So, this is common knowledge among students at my place of education, so sometimes I take it for granted and kinda forget that this shit is legitimately creepy. Check out how the founder of my college died (taken from his brief biography on the school's website):


The college grew under the auspices of Matthew and continued to expand (going coed in 1969) after his peculiar, but apparently peaceful, death on June 23, 1868. While giving his farewell address to trustees at the annual meeting of the board, he died in mid-sentence.

The minutes of that meeting describe in full detail what occurred: " [he] was reading from the eleventh page when he failed to pronounce a word which was upon his lips, dropped the papers from his hand, fell back in his chair insensible, and died at precisely ten minutes to 12 o'clock AM by the clock in the College Tower."

The trustees said a prayer and adjourned until 3 p.m. Believing that Matthew would want them to continue their business that day, the board chair finished Matthew's speech. Ironically, Matthew had written that they were all fortunate not to have had a death or serious illness among the board or student body in the first three years of the college's opening.

Aint that some shit? I dunno, I just get a kick out of it. Mid-sentence at his retirement speech, the man just dies.

Mota Boy
02-28-2007, 11:18 PM
I get the feeling the man was the human incarnation of the boss in "Dilbert" - "Let's temporarily ignore his death and wrap up this meeting first, he would have wanted it that way."

Paint_It_Black
03-01-2007, 12:34 AM
Retirement kills, you hear about it all the time. Not usually so sudden though I'll admit.

the_GoDdEsS
03-01-2007, 01:27 AM
Was there what he died of? Maybe I've missed it. Heart failure or something?

Retirement must be so weird, but some people are so consumed by their work they never retire.

Jakebert
03-01-2007, 03:50 AM
Poor guy. 2 minutes until retirement.

JohnnyNemesis
03-01-2007, 09:47 AM
Was there what he died of? Maybe I've missed it. Heart failure or something?

I'm pretty sure it was heart failure, but they don't say for sure exactly why anywhere on our school's website. It's just insane.

I think I'm gonna give a speech at graduation that's a word-for-word repeat of the original speech that our founder gave before dying. Then I'll pass out and everyone's gonna freak out. Then I'll get up and give everyone a ninth-inspired "PRNK ON U(SA)" finger point, say "el oh el, jay kay!", and run off.

Lizardus
03-01-2007, 09:57 AM
"Enjoy your retirement mister M.!"

Rag Doll
03-01-2007, 10:02 AM
aw, he died on my birthday (albeit many years before i was born, but still).

and omfg, if you gave that speech....so awesome.

German Andres
03-01-2007, 10:02 AM
He died before he could really live...

Paint_It_Black
03-01-2007, 03:17 PM
If you give that speech you know you have to invite us all.

Lizardus
03-01-2007, 04:25 PM
Or post the video on YouTube.

Mota Boy
03-01-2007, 09:35 PM
I like how you zero in on a century-and-a-half-old ironic heart attack as evidence of creepiness at Vassar while ignoring the present-day depravity of your student body.

JohnnyNemesis
03-01-2007, 09:49 PM
I like how you zero in on a century-and-a-half-old ironic heart attack as evidence of creepiness at Vassar while ignoring the present-day depravity of your student body.

Actually, I use the century-and-a-half-old ironic heart attack because it's something most of you people who've never even heard of my school can identify as creepy; the depravity of my student body is way too anecdotal to resonate with most people, y'know?

WebDudette
03-01-2007, 09:54 PM
Reminds me of The Simpsons/Futurama. That is pretty freaky though, was he ill or anything? Or did he just up and die.

If you actually did that for your speech I would love you forever.

Mota Boy
03-01-2007, 10:06 PM
Actually, I use the century-and-a-half-old ironic heart attack because it's something most of you people who've never even heard of my school can identify as creepy; the depravity of my student body is way too anecdotal to resonate with most people, y'know?Ah, I was beginning to wonder if you had already become so accustomed to your school's renowned proclivity for experimentation as to overlook it entirely. There are few things I dig more than watching a liberal arts friend of mine pause halfway through a story upon seeing me laugh off cue, cock their head while squinching up their face and say "...yeah, I guess I could see how people would think that would be odd."

JohnnyNemesis
03-01-2007, 10:16 PM
Ha! I've done that to so many people.

I was telling someone about how this drunken girl started kissing me out of nowhere at a party but I couldn't see her face or who she was so I pushed her away and realized it was someone I'd NEVER met before. And before I could get to what I thought was the hilarious end of the encounter (breaking away from the kiss to introduce myself, lying about having to leave the party, and going to the other corner of the room to FREAK OUT about it amongst my friends), my buddy started laughing at what had already transpired.

Natch, I said "...yeah, I guess I could see how people would think that would be odd."