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View Full Version : I need to know something...



goonadie1day
04-08-2007, 06:04 PM
My high school every year has this thing called fun nite... and i decided i want to do a little stand-up comedy... anyways... what i need to know from you all... is what you personally think is funny. Certain subjects... etc.

thank you very much!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::EDIT::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
SCHOOL APPROPRIATENESS! It has to be SCHOOL APPROPRIATE!!!

JohnnyNemesis
04-08-2007, 06:06 PM
The Beatles used time traveling techniques- made about forty years from now by the Russians- to steal my entire song library, rewrite my songs, and then they went back to the 60's. I have a small case of psychopathy (or genius, depending on your point of view)- I can eat an entire pizza, and I like to watch Asian chicks in the mall with my gay-lover (who's name won't be said here, for the world isn't ready for a love between two men based entirely on concepts of communism and surrealism).

Behold my magnificent splendor, and bow your heads before my mighty shiny shoes.

Edit: it should be stated as soon as possible (before any other complications arise) that I tend to describe all acts of sodomy as "Chewy" and "Delicious". I've only used the word "Scrumptious" once in my time, and it was not something that I'm proud of.

You're welcome.

Grabbal
04-08-2007, 06:07 PM
Is it 1day yet?

Kills me every time.

Llamas
04-08-2007, 06:09 PM
My high school every year has this thing called fun nite... and i decided i want to do a little stand-up comedy... anyways... what i need to know from you all... is what you personally think is funny. Certain subjects... etc.

thank you very much!

Problem is... you... plus what we think is funny... DOES NOT COMPUTE.

Might be better if you don't get on stage.

0r4ng3
04-08-2007, 06:11 PM
Stand-up, eh? I suggest you steal some Carlos Mencia jokes.

wheelchairman
04-08-2007, 06:12 PM
I like jokes about black people. :) And gays. :)

Llamas
04-08-2007, 06:13 PM
On second thought, ask the audience if they prefer condom or pill. That should get em going.

goonadie1day
04-08-2007, 06:14 PM
You're welcome.

that would be funny... "why does the internet make people so wierd"

TheUnholyNightbringer
04-08-2007, 06:15 PM
If you need to ask us what's funny, you shouldn't be doing standup comedy, really.


On second thought, ask the audience if they prefer condom or pill. That should get em going.

You weren't here when that joke was made! You shall not refer to it!

I wasn't either, but he's my brother, so I'm allowed.

Wikipedia
04-08-2007, 06:18 PM
Budd Dwyer had a pretty good stage act.

I think that you'd set the audience in an uproar of laughter and cheering if you could finish your act half as good as he did.

JohnnyNemesis
04-08-2007, 06:18 PM
Speaking of that guy (or that "hombre" lololol), Days of the Phoenix needs to be re-recorded in .mp3.

*falls into yesterday*

goonadie1day
04-08-2007, 06:18 PM
Problem is... you... plus what we think is funny... DOES NOT COMPUTE.

Might be better if you don't get on stage.


Stand-up, eh? I suggest you steal some Carlos Mencia jokes.


I like jokes about black people. :) And gays. :)


On second thought, ask the audience if they prefer condom or pill. That should get em going.


Im refering to what topics you all think deserve the most attention... im not asking you to write my skit... i have a bunch of shit written... i just dont know what to use... derder

mrconeman
04-08-2007, 06:19 PM
Just tell them about yourself.
I'd laugh.

Rag Doll
04-08-2007, 06:19 PM
Speaking of that guy (or that "hombre" lololol), Days of the Phoenix needs to be re-recorded in .mp3.

*falls into yesterday*

I was on the phone with Endy last night and we were listening to that. talk about lolzzzzz.

goonadie1day
04-08-2007, 06:22 PM
Budd Dwyer had a pretty good stage act.

I think that you'd set the audience in an uproar of laughter and cheering if you could finish your act half as good as he did.

Cause im such a great politician... and ima commit public suicide... whoot!

Llamas
04-08-2007, 06:27 PM
If you need to ask us what's funny, you shouldn't be doing standup comedy, really.



You weren't here when that joke was made! You shall not refer to it!

I wasn't either, but he's my brother, so I'm allowed.

I was not here. But I read all about it!


Just tell them about yourself.
I'd laugh.

haha win.

Endymion
04-08-2007, 06:30 PM
topics i find funny:

overbearing asian mothers
the differences between black people and white people
the differences between gay people and straight people
the differences between men and women
jokes about the relationships of friends
airplane food

nieh
04-08-2007, 06:35 PM
I was on the phone with Endy last night and we were listening to that. talk about lolzzzzz.

omg, I'm so jealous. You got to talk to Endy.

Llamas
04-08-2007, 06:37 PM
Tell jokes about your period.

T-6005
04-08-2007, 06:40 PM
Tel them you're funny.

At the very least it's got a kind of sardonic irony.

Rag Doll
04-08-2007, 06:43 PM
omg, I'm so jealous. You got to talk to Endy.

you should be jealous. he told me jokes, we listened to steven shaw, and we had phone sex followed by phone hugs.

envy me!

Llamas
04-08-2007, 06:45 PM
envy me!

Is it just coincidence that Envy and Endy are only one letter apart? hmm...

the_GoDdEsS
04-09-2007, 05:24 AM
Being an angsty (not a word) teenager and waiting for 1day. I'd lol.

Sin Studly
04-09-2007, 06:09 AM
I agree with everyone who said you should make jokes about how black people are different from white people.

People will see your comedy has social edge, and will respect you for it.

goonadie1day
04-09-2007, 01:05 PM
I agree with everyone who said you should make jokes about how black people are different from white people.

People will see your comedy has social edge, and will respect you for it.

yea... that or Xe will pop a cap in my ass... and i don't even want to deal with Tyler if i said that shit...

Llamas
04-09-2007, 01:10 PM
Hey, just an honest favor, no insulting, can you make your sig smaller? It's a hassle to scroll past several times in a page. JW.

goonadie1day
04-09-2007, 01:20 PM
Yupp... no problem... i need to change it anyways!

mrconeman
04-09-2007, 01:25 PM
Oh, there is a God. Oh wait, you just moved the sig, you're still here.

Lizardus
04-09-2007, 01:46 PM
Do you know how to make knots?
I could tell you about an awesome one time only on stage trick.
It involves some rope and 1day.

Sin Studly
04-09-2007, 01:48 PM
yea... that or Xe will pop a cap in my ass... and i don't even want to deal with Tyler if i said that shit...

That's pretty racist to assume blacks are so sensitive and prone to violence.

In fact, if you don't make jokes about how black people are different to white people, I'm pretty sure they'll all assume that you didn't because you believed the racist stereotypes of blacks being violent thugs with no sense of humour, and they'll probably pop a cap in your ass for it.

goonadie1day
04-09-2007, 02:15 PM
That's pretty racist to assume blacks are so sensitive and prone to violence.

In fact, if you don't make jokes about how black people are different to white people, I'm pretty sure they'll all assume that you didn't because you believed the racist stereotypes of blacks being violent thugs with no sense of humour, and they'll probably pop a cap in your ass for it.

Xe and Tyler are very violent. Tyler isn't even black... he is a wigger! Xe would kill me... he just about killed a kid last year for calling him an oreo (Half black and half white.)

Endymion
04-09-2007, 02:35 PM
Xe and Tyler are very violent. Tyler isn't even black... he is a wigger! Xe would kill me... he just about killed a kid last year for calling him an oreo (Half black and half white.)

are you sure you don't live in papillion?

0r4ng3
04-09-2007, 02:38 PM
There's no way, man. Paptown is way 2 h4rdc0r3.

the_GoDdEsS
04-09-2007, 02:42 PM
Five stars? That'd better be a prank.

Lodat225
04-09-2007, 02:43 PM
Four stars.

goonadie1day
04-09-2007, 02:45 PM
are you sure you don't live in papillion?

No... I live in Auburn. A little spec of shit that should not exist. I attend Nebraska City for school... and my best friends boyfriend got us lost in Paptown once... :D idiot.

Jebus
04-09-2007, 02:46 PM
Did he get shot?

goonadie1day
04-09-2007, 03:06 PM
Did he get shot?

No, he needs to be though!

Paptown is not as bad as the ghetto in Omaha. We went to a concert at 'The Qwest Center' and had to go through the ghetto, because they had a couple roads closed, anyways we saw this big black lady shoot this skinny ass black guy.

JohnnyNemesis
04-09-2007, 03:28 PM
This thread just turned wonderful on me.

goonadie1day
04-09-2007, 03:36 PM
This thread just turned wonderful on me.

And how is that? (If you don't mind me asking!)

Endymion
04-09-2007, 04:06 PM
ghetto in Omaha

<3<3<3<3<3

RickyCrack
04-09-2007, 04:11 PM
There's black people in the midwest?

goonadie1day
04-09-2007, 05:21 PM
There's black people in the midwest?

Yes, there are black folks in the midwest. What do you think populates Omaha... or as they like to call it 'The O-N-E' Gayasses!

JohnnyNemesis
04-09-2007, 07:43 PM
Pfft, I was essentially LOLing at the ghettoness of Omaha when I was still a kid. My proof? The fact that I already knew that this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grassroots_%28album%29)* existed.

*Track 5.

Sin Studly
04-09-2007, 07:53 PM
I always kinda assumed the Midwest had ghettos, every place does, but I never once thought they might have actual black people in them.

edit ; I'd love so hard to be able to be Ricardo's tour guide to a rural Australian ghetto. The kinda place where you have to add rum to the tap water after you boil it and it still poisons you. The kinda place where the streets are named "Sulphide Street" and "Oxide Street" after the mines that have been closed for two decades. The kinda place where Mad Max 2 was filmed.

Mainly to see his reaction when he keeps getting asked which tribe he's from.

Llamas
04-09-2007, 07:59 PM
Milwaukee, WI is the most segregated city in the US currently... the black population massively outnumbers the white... but I guess it's like an hour from Chicago.

goonadie1day
04-09-2007, 07:59 PM
I always kinda assumed the Midwest had ghettos, every place does, but I never once thought they might have actual black people in them.

Next time i go to Omaha, i will take a picture just for you. This is going to sound really racist, although please understand I'M NOT RACIST!

I had never met a black person before i moved to Nebraska. I mean i new plenty of every other ethnicity, but i had honestly never seen a real live black person.

EDIT: And besides when white people live in 'ghettos' they call them 'Subsidized housing units'... Hispanics, they call them 'Over populated city regions'... or at least thats what it is around here.

I makes me cringe, cause that to me is really racist.

JohnnyNemesis
04-09-2007, 08:01 PM
zomg u h8 brwn ppl :( :mad:

Sin Studly
04-09-2007, 08:01 PM
How the fuck does not knowing black people = racist? If anything you're more likely to be non-racist if you've never met a coon.

Llamas
04-09-2007, 08:02 PM
well maybe if you told your pplz to stop stealing our pplz cars, we wouldn't have a problem, now would we!

goonadie1day
04-09-2007, 08:05 PM
How the fuck does not knowing black people = racist? If anything you're more likely to be non-racist if you've never met a coon.

Well, i didn't want to come off as being racist.

Actually my dad and brother are very racist... it bothers me... one of my best friends happens to be black. :D I'd post a picture... but....

nieh
04-09-2007, 08:08 PM
I had never met a black person before i moved to Nebraska. I mean i new plenty of every other ethnicity, but i had honestly never seen a real live black person.

Where did you live before, Juneau? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juneau_City_and_Borough%2C_Alaska#Demographics)? It can get pretty cold up there.

Llamas
04-09-2007, 08:10 PM
lol eskimos r black.

goonadie1day
04-09-2007, 08:12 PM
Where did you live before, Juneau? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juneau_City_and_Borough%2C_Alaska#Demographics)? It can get pretty cold up there.

Born in Cali. I don't remember it though. Raised in Cheraw, Colorado (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheraw,_Colorado); Then i lived in Hagerman, Idaho (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hagerman,_Idaho) for a stint.

Rag Doll
04-09-2007, 08:18 PM
This thread just turned wonderful on me.

holyfuck, agreed. <3333

Sin Studly
04-09-2007, 09:05 PM
Well, i didn't want to come off as being racist.

Once again, how can not knowing any black people possibly be percieved as racist?

goonadie1day
04-09-2007, 09:19 PM
Once again, how can not knowing any black people possibly be percieved as racist?

I don't know. I just... nevermind... my bad.

All About Eve
04-09-2007, 09:23 PM
Milwaukee, WI is the most segregated city in the US currently... the black population massively outnumbers the white... but I guess it's like an hour from Chicago.
Tipped population scale =/= segregation.

Also, my hometown is over 70% Hispanic. I find it hard to believe the percentages in Milwaukee are that high.

ninthlayer
04-09-2007, 11:21 PM
we saw this big black lady shoot this skinny ass black guy.
This doesn't sound made up in the slightest.


This thread just turned wonderful on me.
Pap pap pap.


There's black people in the midwest?
Mario is, I think.


Milwaukee, WI is the most segregated city in the US currently... the black population massively outnumbers the white... but I guess it's like an hour from Chicago.
Quoted for mass "What the fuck are you talking about?".

Llamas
04-10-2007, 04:50 AM
Tipped population scale =/= segregation.

Sorry, those were meant to be two seperate comments. There should have been an "also" in there. It was like 4am... gimme a break. :P

JoY
04-10-2007, 07:05 AM
*points @ location*

pap pap pap pap!

JohnnyNemesis
04-10-2007, 07:52 AM
...goes the sound of my gat!

Sin Studly
04-10-2007, 08:26 AM
Auburn is a city in Nemaha County, Nebraska, United States.

As of the censusGR2 of 2000, there were 3,350 people, 1,479 households, and 924 families residing in the city.... The racial makeup of the city was 97.19% White, 0.36% African American, 0.27% Native American, 1.04% Asian, 0.03% Pacific Islander, 0.30% from other races, and 0.81% from two or more races. Hispanic or Latino of any race were 0.81% of the population.

Do all 12.06 of the black people in Auburn live in the ghetto?

Llamas
04-10-2007, 08:28 AM
hahahaha wow. That's quite a diverse racial make up!!! Damn, you must be overwhelmed with all those blacks!

Sin Studly
04-10-2007, 08:32 AM
I just found a movie that must be about the ghettos of Auburn.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114746/

(edit ; actually, aren't there only eleven now since that big black lady shot the skinny black guy?)

Wikipedia
04-10-2007, 08:47 AM
New plan of action:
Print this thread and read it word for word. Wear a beret.

Whiplash
04-10-2007, 08:47 AM
Are you on crack?

Jakebert
04-10-2007, 08:56 AM
You guys are completely ignoring the Pacific Islanders.

Sin Studly
04-10-2007, 09:07 AM
Pacific Islander. There's only one.

Llamas
04-10-2007, 10:02 AM
You gotta round up, Sin. There are 12.9 Blacks in Auburn. Get it right. And you don't know the skinny black guy died. Them Neblacks is tough shit.

I wanna know what city goon lived in in Cali... she hadn't seen a black til she moved to a city (can you call it a city?) with 13 blacks.

There is more black in Ricky than in all of Auburn.

Sin Studly
04-10-2007, 10:03 AM
It's rounded up to 12.1, or rounded down to 12, depending which decimal point you take it to. You gotta watch out for those 0.1's of blacks. I saw a lot of them in New Orleans a while back.

Llamas
04-10-2007, 10:08 AM
hmm, I'm getting 12.06 now. 3350 * 0.0036, right? No matter. Half blacks don't count as people, anyway.

Jakebert
04-10-2007, 01:08 PM
hmm, I'm getting 12.06 now. 3350 * 0.0036, right? No matter. Blacks don't count as people, anyway.

Fixed .

Rocky-girl
04-10-2007, 01:52 PM
look: situation in the bus: a girl with big bag in standing near the window, a man stands behind her, he put his hand in her bag, and take out of it a...gun!

second: situation in strip-tease: boy take away his shirt, girls are standing around, when he took his shirt off one girl say:oh! he is so thin, oh, he is so lean! let's feed him!

Coleby
04-10-2007, 01:56 PM
Stand-up comedy is about finding your own personal topics and making them funny. If you try to start with a funny topic, chances are, the material is hack.

goonadie1day
04-10-2007, 04:18 PM
Do all 12.06 of the black people in Auburn live in the ghetto?

When did i say there was a ghetto in Auburn... i said i live in Auburn... i go to school 20 miles away in Nebraska City... i know maybe 3 people that live in this shit bucker.


I just found a movie that must be about the ghettos of Auburn.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114746/

(edit ; actually, aren't there only eleven now since that big black lady shot the skinny black guy?)

Happend in Omaha... i don't know if the guy lived or not.


You gotta round up, Sin. There are 12.9 Blacks in Auburn. Get it right. And you don't know the skinny black guy died. Them Neblacks is tough shit.

I wanna know what city goon lived in in Cali... she hadn't seen a black til she moved to a city (can you call it a city?) with 13 blacks.

There is more black in Ricky than in all of Auburn.

Again... of the people i know that live in this shit bucket... none are black.


EDIT: And besides when white people live in 'ghettos' they call them 'Subsidized housing units'... Hispanics, they call them 'Over populated city regions'... or at least thats what it is around here.

I makes me cringe, cause that to me is really racist.


No, he needs to be though!

Paptown is not as bad as the ghetto in Omaha. We went to a concert at 'The Qwest Center' and had to go through the ghetto, because they had a couple roads closed, anyways we saw this big black lady shoot this skinny ass black guy.

:D I was born in Mission Viejo... i was 14-ish months old when we left... Dad being a racist sob i dont think i ever met a black person there. Just saying.

JohnnyNemesis
04-10-2007, 04:20 PM
Just saying.

Stop doing that.

Sin Studly
04-11-2007, 06:10 AM
Okay, I'm sure Nebraska City has ghettos. Fuck all the ghetto elitists here who think ghettos only exist in New York, LA and Chicago.

Tell me, what school do you go to in Nebraska City, just so we can see if you're truly from da streetz?

goonadie1day
04-11-2007, 11:45 AM
Nebraska City High School.

Omaha is where i was refering to, about the ghettos. NC just has 'slums'.

RickyCrack
04-11-2007, 12:29 PM
http://www.cnn.com/SHOWBIZ/News/9908/06/showbuzz/pjs.jpg

goonadie1day
04-11-2007, 10:07 PM
Back onto topic. Today were the auditions for 'Fun Nite' were today. I made the roster. I was the 3rd act that was decided on! So I'm very happy about that. Out of 102 auditions i made it!!! The roster only had 15 spots on it, so this is awesome for me! :D