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View Full Version : Stupid, illogical things that you believed as a kid.



Jakebert
08-19-2007, 02:04 PM
I thought that up until the 60's or something, the world was in black or white.

I thought that sitcoms were real people that didn't know we were watching them. I also thought people were watching my family, so I always tried to make sitcom style jokes.

I also thought that a car blinker was the car telling the driver where to go.

I thought that if I swore, I'd immediately go to hell.

I thought women gave birth out of their buttholes, and that semen and urine were the same thing.

Oh, first person to say "God" gets minus 10 points on the "funny scale" for going for such an obvious joke.

0r4ng3
08-19-2007, 02:13 PM
I thought women gave birth out of their buttholes, and that semen and urine were the same thing.
I used to think the exact same thing.

I also used to think that caffeine was the reason sodas were so fizzy. This was up until a couple of weeks ago, actually.

XYlophonetreeZ
08-19-2007, 02:40 PM
I thought that all conceptions were immaculate. Women got impregnated by praying to God for a baby.

I thought that when I was playing a one-player video game, the computer-simulated opponent was actually some Japanese guy at the Nintendo company who just sat around playing remotely as the computer against people all over the world who played their games. Like, that was his job. It was all he did. I also wanted to one day have this job.

khaaaaan
08-19-2007, 02:52 PM
As a kid, when ever we'd drive by a toy store I'd ask my dad if we could go and he'd tell me that he forgot his wallet. Even if we'd be driving from the supermarket. Gullible much?

EDIT: Also, I was convinced that everybody was going to experience a fire in their house at least ONCE in their life. Even me. I was pretty freaked out about it.

Rag Doll
08-19-2007, 03:00 PM
i thought someone had the actual occupation of "easter bunny". i wanted to someday be the easter bunny.

Amiralanal
08-19-2007, 03:00 PM
I thought that the airplanetoilets where inside the engines under the wings.

Oromis
08-19-2007, 03:01 PM
I thought that when I was playing a one-player video game, the computer-simulated opponent was actually some Japanese guy at the Nintendo company who just sat around playing remotely as the computer against people all over the world who played their games. Like, that was his job. It was all he did. I also wanted to one day have this job.

Haha, I never thought that anyone else would have thought that. I thought that until I turned about 8 or 9. Maybe a bit earlier.

I also thought that woman gave birth out their buttholes.

Tizzalicious
08-19-2007, 03:04 PM
I thought that if someone broke their arm or leg it meant the arm or leg actually broke off their body. That it was just gone.

I also thought there were people in TVs, I think that one is quite common.

I have 1 sister, and my mom had a miscarriage before I was born. I was under the impression that sex was a horrible thing, and felt sorry for my parents that they had to have sex 3 times and only got 2 kids.

Another TV related one. There's a TV tower somewhere near our town, I always imagined it had thousands of TVs stuck on it when we talked about it. In my mind it kind of still looks like that. All the TVs are playing something else, but the one playing Sesame Street sticks out most.

Andy
08-19-2007, 03:05 PM
I used to think that cars couldn't physically turn a corner without using the indicator

I used to think Doctors were exclusively men, and nurses women

I used to think that there was a little man who monitored traffic lights, and decided when they changed by how much traffic passed. There was a period where I believed the little man lived in the box itself.

That's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure there's more - I used to be a real moron.

Yes, used to.

wheelchairman
08-19-2007, 03:08 PM
I thought that up until the 60's or something, the world was in black or white.

I thought that sitcoms were real people that didn't know we were watching them. I also thought people were watching my family...

I thought that if I swore, I'd immediately go to hell.

Ditto on the black and white thing, except I wasn't stupid (I was born in the 80's after all) so I figured that it was black and white up until the 1940's or so.

I also believed that I was being watched by other people on TV. This just made me worried about doing bad things.

I figured God had a scoreboard where if we did sins, it would go against us. I was very frightened the first time I littered (but I was also very lazy, so I guess that doomed me from the age of 7).


I thought that all conceptions were immaculate. Women got impregnated by praying to God for a baby.

I thought that when I was playing a one-player video game, the computer-simulated opponent was actually some Japanese guy at the Nintendo company who just sat around playing remotely as the computer against people all over the world who played their games. Like, that was his job. It was all he did. I also wanted to one day have this job.
I figured that all conception had to be done in front of scientists so that they could make sure nothing went wrong. The awkwardness I thought would be very daunting.

I also figured that if you did really good on a video game, people would be watching it on tv. Like some kind of video game sports channel.

My parents always told me that my Dad used to be a spy in the cold war. Since I didn't know what the cold war was, I was never particularly impressed.

I also remember when we went into the first Gulf War, and I asked my mother if there was a risk that we might be bombed or attacked. She told me "it's not that kind of war." I was also contemplating how much war time rations would suck.

Also on conception, I didn't think that erections were related whatsoever. And I once asked my mom what would happen if a man peed while inside of the woman. She told me that that was impossible. Sweet lady.

More on the innocent ignorance of my parent's jobs. My mom was a hippy farmer but I always figured that that was ordinary farm. Apparently it was grazing animals and the occassional illegal crop. Not to mention that she worked for the American government in El Salvador in the early 80's, this too was just an innocent job to me.

I used to think that to make an image on a computer screen, you had to make it out of letters in Microsoft Works.

Bazza
08-19-2007, 03:12 PM
I thought black humour was jokes performed by black people and that in A Christmas Carol it was the ghost of Bob Marley (as opposed to Jacob).

nameless
08-19-2007, 03:22 PM
i believed the old story that if you were pulling a face and the wind changed direction you would be stuck with that face forever!

killer_queen
08-19-2007, 03:24 PM
I used to think Turkey was the best and the biggest country in the world and all of the other people who don't live in Turkey would do anything to live here.

I thought people couldn't choose and definitely hate their wives/husbands because my parents used to fight everyday.

And I thought Big Bird was real and I was slightly diasppointed when ı couldn't see a bird like him in the zoo.

I also thought men could marry men but women couldn't marry women because one of my friends told me so.

0r4ng3
08-19-2007, 03:27 PM
I used to think Pluto was a planet :(

Vera
08-19-2007, 03:50 PM
I thought that if I went to buy candy, the cashier gave me money back only if she liked me.

Quite a few times I walked out of a shop thinking, "What an evil person. :("

momo1tx
08-19-2007, 04:38 PM
I thought libraries made all of their money from late fees.

I thought the cashier got to keep all the money in the register, so i felt bad for the person working the 10 items or less lane.

Alleviate
08-19-2007, 04:49 PM
I also thought people were watching my family, so I always tried to make sitcom style jokes.
LOL, I thought the same thing, but I used to try and act dramatic in situations, so the viewing audience would think I was a good actor.

Nineteen Seventy Nine
08-19-2007, 05:06 PM
I really like reading these posts, because some I used to believe, some I never thought of before, and some I think would even be stupid for a kid to think.

I also believed that I was being watched by other people on TV. This just made me worried about doing bad things.
My father once told me he put cameras all over the house, and I believed him, and it prevented me from doing numerus "bad things".

I thought that sitcoms were real people that didn't know we were watching them. I also thought people were watching my family, so I always tried to make sitcom style jokes.
Same here. Actually, I still make sitcom style jokes, just in case.


I used to think that there was a little man who monitored traffic lights, and decided when they changed by how much traffic passed.
Again, same here. And sometimes, when there was a long red light, I assumed the guy fell asleep.


I used to think Turkey was the best and the biggest country in the world and all of the other people who don't live in Turkey would do anything to live here.
I used to think this about the United States.

I also believed Africa and South America was all jungle and safari, and that the only people that lived there were tribes that lived in tents.

I thought Europe was way behind in technology and still used sailboats and rode horses around. This probably had something to do with my history book.

I believed all teenagers were no good punks.

Andy
08-19-2007, 05:09 PM
I just noticed Jesse's post, and almost choked on my apple.

-Sheree-
08-19-2007, 05:26 PM
I used to think that tv ads were actually always acted out each time they were on tv , which then made me wonder how the people got it sooooo perfect each time!

I also thought corn beef was horse meat despite the obvious name because I asked my dad one day what exactly it was made out of :/ and he said horse meat. I believed it for years until he told me he was only joking. I think that's just me being plain idiotic.

And like everyone else has said, I used to wonder how all those people were able to fit inside the tv!

Also, I used to think there really was a 'man on the moon' that lived there allll the time!
Unfortunately I came to realise that people just meant the craters making a face :p

offspring dude
08-19-2007, 11:21 PM
I used to think the world was black and white up until colour tele as well.



I used to think that there was a little man who monitored traffic lights,


I had a similar thing, except i thought that somewhere in the city there was a huge place with lots of people infront of screens watching different trafic lights and changing them whenever they thought was right.



I once asked my mom what would happen if a man peed while inside of the woman. She told me that that was impossible. Sweet lady.


I used to think that could happen quite easily when you were having sex and that men wouldn't be able to tell wether what was coming out was piss or semen. I didnt know what an orgasm was at the time and thought this could happen quite easily.

I also knew that women gave birth through their vag but for some reason i thought that they peed out of a little hole in one of their ass cheeks. I thought that until i was about 10 actually, no one ever mentioned where women peed from and I never bothered to ask.

Endymion
08-19-2007, 11:34 PM
i grew up with a copy of grey's anatomy in my house, so i knew full-on details.

i don't think there was anything weird that i thought as a kid... growing up with my mother, the queen of TMI, and my dad, a scientist, i knew it all straight up.

and if you don't believe my mom is the queen of TMI, one time when i was 16 or 17 she randomly went on some tangent from how she had to teach sex ed in her middle school to how my father's and my stepfather's cum tasted different, with details.

wheelchairman
08-20-2007, 02:14 AM
Wow she really is the queen of TMI.

Vera
08-20-2007, 02:47 AM
My mum explained me the concept of sex pretty early on, the basic "what goes in where" and the idea that it's like adults' version of playing.

I didn't have many sex-related confusions.

Weirddimensions
08-20-2007, 04:25 AM
I asked my parents about babies when i was 4. They told me EXACTLY how it happens. It took me more than a
decade until I realized they told me EXACTLY how it happens.

sKratch
08-20-2007, 10:21 AM
One of my favorites was that my black friend thought that since his poop was brown, white people pooped white.

I remember one time asking my mom if there were sausages in heaven because I really didn't like sausages.

I thought girls had a hole they peed out of between their legs but the hole you had sex in was on the front of their pelvis, analogous to the location of the penis.

In kindergarten the teacher asked us to write why we thought dinosaurs became extinct. I wrote that they all got old and died. I don't know if I actually thought that or if it was just the most logical thing I came up with when forced to think of an answer.

Overall I don't think I had any crazy misconceptions. At least nothing as bad as half you retards lolz.

Stranger With Candy
08-20-2007, 10:34 AM
I used to think that if i slammed the controller in the ground and yelld at the Nintendo it would feel bad for me and let me win the next time.

Shibby
08-20-2007, 12:08 PM
I used to think my parents turned into vampire/skeletons at night. I was constantly terrified...

I also used to think that kids would be always kids (like.. you'd get to like, 8 years old, and then turn back into a baby) and same with all people. i actually believed this up until i was about 6.

Oh, i still have memories of my dad with an eye patch (weird..) and i always thought it was real, but then last year, i asked my mom about it and she told me that he's never had an eye patch, and it all just a dream.:confused:

KyleW
08-20-2007, 12:12 PM
I used to think that there was a little man who monitored traffic lights, and decided when they changed by how much traffic passed.

I still think that is true..... how do they change by themselves? especially the ones without the buttons you can press to cross the street

wheelchairman
08-20-2007, 12:51 PM
I remember when I was 4, and my little brother was 2. I thought my little brother would never be 4 (because I was 4) and I would never be 2 (because I didn't remember being 2). I think this is my earliest memory of an actual thought process.

Mannen som blev en gris
08-20-2007, 05:49 PM
I must have been a pretty smart kid. I don't remember believing any of these things you all describe. Of course there was the "how are babies made"-thing but that was pretty much it.

BREAK
08-21-2007, 08:34 AM
A lot.

- Cartoons were "performed" live by people actively flipping the pages one by one. For like, a whole half hour. I'd make my own little flipbooks and wonder how anybody could keep up the patience required to draw and color so many thousands of pages each day.
- Other people's eyes could see themselves, only mine could not. My eyes could only look at other people, everybody else I guess had way more powerful vision than me.
- A person's race was determined entirely by chance. Like, some people were born black, some white, that's all. This one didn't last very long.
- Abortions were performed by literally snatching the child from the womb mid-birth and slaughtering it. Blame my mother.
- You could only get AIDS by having sex in the butt. Blame another family member.
- Actually, for a long time I thought all babies had to be surgically removed at birth. I marvelled that my mother would consent to having her stomach cut open and sewn back shut so many times.

I'll think of more later.

Mota Boy
08-21-2007, 08:41 AM
I thought my grandfather lost his pinky finger in the Civil War (he actually lost it in a bar fight). It was just one of those things that I assumed back before I knew of history and age and carried with me even after I learned better. One of those things that I actually had to say out loud once when I was, like, eight, before I realized how stupid it was.

I don't actually remember thinking this, but apparently I once remarked to my babysitter "Wow, you're so old your skin turned black!"

mks73
08-21-2007, 09:30 AM
Nemesis used to believe that he's white

Jakebert
08-21-2007, 10:13 AM
- Abortions were performed by literally snatching the child from the womb mid-birth and slaughtering it. Blame my mother.

I know a lot of adults who still believe this one.

HeadAroundU
08-21-2007, 10:22 AM
Nemesis used to believe that he's white
LoL, jew nazi.

Andy
08-21-2007, 10:34 AM
I used to believe the holocaust actually happened.

JoY
08-22-2007, 03:01 AM
my grandfather told me when I was little, that the painting above my grandparents' dinnertable would come to life at night & that the merchant would ride his horse & carriage into town to sell his goods & that all the animals in the forest would come to life & do their nightly routine.
when morning light would creep over the treetops in the painting, they would hurry back to get into the exact same position as before, so I wouldn't notice.
the story caused me to have countless sleepless nights when staying at my grandparents', sitting & waiting by the dinnertable for the magic to happen, but it never did. of course it never did, because they knew I was watching. some things are too good to let go of.

my brother had made me believe me our dog Joris had so much charisma, he was king of the neighbourhood & every time he walked him, all the other dogs would make a bow on their front paws in his presence.

he also made me believe Zwitserland was named after him & for a good year & a half I called it Fritserland every time we drove to our house there.

JoY
08-22-2007, 03:23 AM
I remember when I was 4, and my little brother was 2. I thought my little brother would never be 4 (because I was 4) and I would never be 2 (because I didn't remember being 2). I think this is my earliest memory of an actual thought process.

hahahaha, that reminds me! my brother is 5.5 years older than I am & needless to say, a hell of a lot stronger. physically, at least. *grin* every time he punched me against the side of my shoulder, or wrestled me down in a lock I couldn't get out of, or caused any other of the countless bruises I had, I thought; "you wait, buddy, it'll soon be my birthday & eventually, I'll catch up with you & punch your ass to pulp!"

EVERY year, when time would creep closer to the month December, I'd be disappointed at the preparations for his birthday & hoped desperately my parents would forget about it.

I guess I didn't see aging as an ongoing process, which I now believe to be quite logical, since it's pretty fucking illogical to grow older an entire year in one day. that's not exactly how it goes, but that IS how it feels, to me.

HeadAroundU
08-22-2007, 03:38 AM
You people don't want to know what I thought. :D

Well, I believed that girls peed like shower head. :p

*changes name to ShoverHeadAroundU*

Meg
08-22-2007, 06:59 AM
When I was really young, I thought that if you got married it meant you had to have babies. And because of that, from the amount of pain my mum described about childbirth, I swore never to get married.

Andy
08-23-2007, 04:06 PM
I never got the concept of Pirate videos. I used to think they were films about Pirates. Never being a fan of nautical presentations I didn't actually watch one for about three years after I first heard the expression. Eventually the phrase, "Pirate Jurassic Park" sounded too good to resist.

At first I was a little disappointed when I realised it was just a crappy copy of the film, but then I realised how awesome Jurassic Park was.


Also, this wasn't me, but I remember when I started Secondary School there were some guys who decided to "smoke some grass" behind the huge sports hall on our field. Anyway, as their drug knowledge was that of an average suburban middle-class white 13-year old (even in England that's pretty green) they decided literally to smoke grass.

To be exact, freshly cut lawn placed inside a rolled up piece of A4 paper. Smelt disgusting, and made one of the smokers ill.

no_way
08-23-2007, 06:16 PM
I've been laughing out loud all along the thread, someone should definitely write a book about these (not a very smart one, but who knows how much you can earn with it).

As for me, the only thing I remember is:

I thought that when I dreamed of someone, it was because that someone was dreaming too, and we met in some kind of "parallel dreaming dimension".
I went to kindergarten one day having dreamed of some of my friends and asked them if they remembered of "our adventure" or something. This could have such a cool ending, but I'll be honest: I don't remember what they ever replied. I think they didn't take me to the kinder-psichologist.

nieh
08-23-2007, 06:34 PM
and if you don't believe my mom is the queen of TMI, one time when i was 16 or 17 she randomly went on some tangent from how she had to teach sex ed in her middle school to how my father's and my stepfather's cum tasted different, with details.

Did she tell you which she preferred?

Endymion
08-23-2007, 07:27 PM
Did she tell you which she preferred?

no, just things like who was saltier, who had more tart, sweetness levels.

Jakebert
08-23-2007, 10:21 PM
I never got the concept of Pirate videos. I used to think they were films about Pirates. Never being a fan of nautical presentations I didn't actually watch one for about three years after I first heard the expression. Eventually the phrase, "Pirate Jurassic Park" sounded too good to resist.

At first I was a little disappointed when I realised it was just a crappy copy of the film, but then I realised how awesome Jurassic Park was.


Also, this wasn't me, but I remember when I started Secondary School there were some guys who decided to "smoke some grass" behind the huge sports hall on our field. Anyway, as their drug knowledge was that of an average suburban middle-class white 13-year old (even in England that's pretty green) they decided literally to smoke grass.

To be exact, freshly cut lawn placed inside a rolled up piece of A4 paper. Smelt disgusting, and made one of the smokers ill.

These are two of my favorites. I know someone who did the second one, and the phrase "Jurassic Park Pirates" is awesome.

Homer
08-24-2007, 12:30 AM
Also, this wasn't me, but I remember when I started Secondary School there were some guys who decided to "smoke some grass" behind the huge sports hall on our field. Anyway, as their drug knowledge was that of an average suburban middle-class white 13-year old (even in England that's pretty green) they decided literally to smoke grass.
To be exact, freshly cut lawn placed inside a rolled up piece of A4 paper. Smelt disgusting, and made one of the smokers ill.

A lot of kids that age around here were sniffing Kool-Aid mix about 4 years ago. On a regular basis, too. I was, I think, 11 or 12 at the time, and I even knew that that was so god damn stupid.

Also, I've got nothing to add to the subject of this thread, mostly because I can't remember a thing from when I was a kid.

DeAtHsTaR
08-24-2007, 01:31 AM
- Other people's eyes could see themselves, only mine could not. My eyes could only look at other people, everybody else I guess had way more powerful vision than me.


I thought that too!! And I thought I was the only one...