View Full Version : Please help me

German Andres
08-24-2007, 03:41 PM
I have a problem. Its about my girlfriend. She used to smoke, but since we started dating I`ve helped her and she gave up smoking for a couple of weeks.
But now she has started again, and I have already told her that it isn`t the fact that she smokes what bothers me, the thing is that I love her to much to see her dealing with that. I have told her that, but she answers me with sort of things like "I have tried to gave up but I can`t". Please someone who has passed through this reccomend me what to do....
Lately I`ve seen her a bit strange, don`t know if that means something please tell me what to do. Thanks in advance

08-24-2007, 03:52 PM
Craaaaawling iiiin my skiiiiiiiin!

She should be smokin' something else.

08-24-2007, 05:33 PM
Leave her the fuck alone.

08-24-2007, 06:50 PM
Easy, everytime she lights up, just give a short sharp shock. Except a drawn out one.

08-24-2007, 06:52 PM
Hmmm...smoking is an unattractive quality, but does it really matter if you love the person? Just buy her nicotine patches.

08-24-2007, 07:10 PM
Hmmm...smoking is an unattractive quality, but does it really matter if you love the person? Just buy her nicotine patches.

It's more than 'unattractive' and loving someone is even more of a reason to not want them to do it. That said, if she's hooked you're better off just keeping your mouth shut and dealing with it. If she tries to quit for you instead of for herself, she'll fail, and if you keep pressuring her into quitting it'll cause strain to the relationship which may have already happened since you think she's been acting strange.

08-25-2007, 02:52 AM
You can't make someone quit. They have to do it. And only if they want to. It's really none of your business that she smokes.

08-25-2007, 04:09 AM
I actually get lessons in how to help smokers quit their habit. which is cool to know for when I want to give up smoking myself, except I often get the feeling the guidelines are designed to trick a person into giving up smoking. when I feel like I'm being tricked, it's because I sense an attempt to reprogram me without my full consent & liking. & to quit smoking does take some reprogramming.

when people try to change something about me, even if it's something I myself would like to change about myself, I still feel somewhat tricked, cheated, rejected & pushed away. because I'm being pressured to change something about me, not by myself, but by someone else, which is just another way to say I'm not being fully accepted the way I am now. I imagine it'd be extra hurtful, if that someone else is someone I love & who's supposed to love me.

in short; I don't mind when people are anti-smoking, I do mind when I get the feeling they're anti-smoking-Bella. because I'm a whole lot more than a smoker & if someone's anti-smoking-Bella, they're indirectly anti me, which yes, puts them on the other side.

when someone else tells me it'd be better to stop smoking, I can't help but feel like; "uh yeah, great advice, I know, but remember I'd have to do the quitting. not you, me". in other words; it's an addictive habit, that's expensive & bad for me, that makes me less attractive & that would put me through the troubles of quitting, if I would try to beat it. so if I'd quit, it's going to be my decision & it really can't be anybody else's.

about your girlfriend: imagine the amount of stress she'd feel, if she thought you'd love her less if she keeps smoking/failed to quit smoking... dude, I would run to get whatever relaxes me the most, if I felt that way, which would be cigarettes. when you're pressured to kick a habit at a time you're not ready to give up the habit, you're destined to fail anyway, so why not give up straight away?

you can't help who you fall in love with & you fell in love her, just the way she is now, smoking & everything. so you shouldn't feel like you have to change her ways & she shouldn't feel like you won't love her if she keeps smoking. if she feels genuinely loved & supported, that will give her strength & confidence. & who knows, that could be just the thing to do the trick. ;p

((as for something boring:
there are five stages defined specially for smokers;
-maintaining the new habit

precontemplation: the smoker hasn't really considered yet to quit smoking & doesn't really want to. in this case your advice is nothing, because it's not wanted, so it'd be useless & would only annoy the smoker, pushing him away.

contemplation: the smoker considers quitting the habit within the limit of 6 months. in this case you try to support the smoker in his wishes to quit smoking by giving him information on health effects, that confirm & reinforce the reasons for wanting to quit, without pushing him.

preparation: the smoker is preparing to quit smoking within a limit of 1 month. in this case you try to support & encourage the smoker with for instance information & advice about nicotine patches, nicotine gum & good/harmless habits that could replace the smoking. also, to be properly prepared, the smoker should be informed on any inconveniences that can go along with giving up smoking, so they won't come unexpected, or be considered abnormal.

action: the smoker is in the process of quitting. in this case you try to guide the smoker. guidance can be offered by frequent check-ups to see how the smoker is doing, offering to give up a bad habit yourself, so you're kind of in it together, keeping each other updated, & letting the smoker keep a diary on how he's doing.

maintaining the new habit: this would be maintaining the new habit not to smoke after a period of 6 months, or so. compliments as a reward & respect are in order, aswell as encouragement to keep it up, while informing on the importance.))

Sin Studly
08-25-2007, 04:37 AM
Just buy her nicotine patches.

Saddam's knowledge on fighting addiction is astounding.

08-25-2007, 04:40 AM
probably the worst advice I've ever seen on the subject.
sorry, Twinkle.

08-25-2007, 04:41 AM
Saddam's knowledge on fighting addiction is astounding.

Saddam? .

08-25-2007, 05:32 AM
*extreme headdesk*

08-25-2007, 08:02 AM
Saddam? .

08-25-2007, 08:05 AM
Ah-ha. I figured as much but you don't ask you don't get.

German Andres
08-25-2007, 08:13 AM
Well thanks everybody for the support. Especially Joy. thanks

08-25-2007, 11:29 AM
Even if she succeeds in quitting, she'll resent you for it the rest of her life. Just drop the bitch, or take up smoking yourself, OR learn to live with it. Your love & devotion are no match for the sweet, sweet nicotine.

08-25-2007, 11:32 AM
dude, it's no heroin.

Sin Studly
08-26-2007, 04:13 AM
I've quit heroin, but I'd prefer lung cancer over even thinking about giving up my precious tobacco.

08-26-2007, 04:38 AM
ah, tobacco, that small joy rolled to a white little stick.

Sin Studly
08-26-2007, 04:57 AM
I've started smoking it from a pipe these days. It's classier, and you get a bigger, stronger hit to your lungs.