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Jakebert
08-29-2007, 04:44 PM
I stole this from another board. It may seem gay at first, but it's one of the funniest threads there, so I figure we could try it here. Don't explain the context, because that kills it.

"I has thirsty."

coke_a_holic
08-29-2007, 04:47 PM
My texts all suck.

"Where are you?"

killer_queen
08-29-2007, 04:55 PM
"don't forget to bring that book. I love you."

Sent by a girl friend.

Llamas
08-29-2007, 04:57 PM
To continue your monthly service as of 09/02/2007, you must pay $39.21 before 09/01/2007. If not paid, all minutes will be debited from your FlexAccount.

I have no idea what a FlexAccount is.

Lodat225
08-29-2007, 05:15 PM
"no idea dude"

such an interesting thread.

Jakebert
08-29-2007, 05:17 PM
"no idea dude"

such an interesting thread.

If you people had funnier friends, then maybe it would work.

Endymion
08-29-2007, 05:19 PM
"Oh yeah. Tastes like rabbit! It got some vanilla ice cream n' whip cream, too."

Linda
08-29-2007, 05:23 PM
Love you too!

Jakebert
08-29-2007, 05:27 PM
"Dude, her name is Nichole not Natalie. How long have you been calling her Natalie?"

coke_a_holic
08-29-2007, 05:30 PM
If you people had funnier friends, then maybe it would work.

Mine was sent by my dad :(

BREAK
08-29-2007, 05:30 PM
Dont remember

The one before that is better:

Reminder about the aragon move tommorrow. it starts at 930 am!

Twinkle
08-29-2007, 05:41 PM
"hey. i really had fun with you at the club lst night. we should hang out sometime? call me. joel."

Sunny
08-29-2007, 06:06 PM
"lamb chops of doom"

BustedKnuckles
08-29-2007, 06:11 PM
"Hey dude could you bring me one of those snickers from the freezer when you come over? Thanks!"

Next one...

"Oh, and peanut m&ms."

Next one...

"Oh, and a chick that will let me stick it up her ass."

Next one...

"and a pony."

Oromis
08-29-2007, 06:13 PM
"Haha. Okay. Did you close early?"

All About Eve
08-29-2007, 06:18 PM
"Sorry I'm a failure."

Oromis
08-29-2007, 06:26 PM
"Is anyone else up there?"

"I'll come up soon"

coke_a_holic
08-29-2007, 06:59 PM
Here's a new one.

"I hate you."

JohnnyNemesis
08-29-2007, 07:08 PM
"Eat my ass 'til it's bloomin' onions"

Ah, gotta love my friends.

Oromis
08-29-2007, 07:12 PM
Here's a new one.

"I hate you."

Haha, explain the context of that one.

coke_a_holic
08-29-2007, 07:26 PM
Haha, explain the context of that one.

"LOL penis"
"I hate you."
"<3"

he won't text me back </3

Oromis
08-29-2007, 07:50 PM
"LOL penis"
"I hate you."
"<3"

he won't text me back </3

Awesome.

My update: "Il take you down tomorrow"

EDIT: "We all saw kim boozin up a storm, right?"

Lodat225
08-29-2007, 07:57 PM
Latest one. even more interesting.

" you faggot"

coke_a_holic
08-29-2007, 08:02 PM
Lodat, stop reading my text messages.


"You're a faggot."

Rag Doll
08-29-2007, 08:03 PM
"yankee stadium is cooler than vws"

All About Eve
08-29-2007, 08:03 PM
New one.

"You're the faggot, faggot."

coke_a_holic
08-29-2007, 08:04 PM
Just got one.

"Theres no way that im the faggot, faggot"

All About Eve
08-29-2007, 08:05 PM
My newest

"Do you want to fight, faggot?"

coke_a_holic
08-29-2007, 08:07 PM
Fuck, this guy keeps texting me.

"Yeah, fucking jew, ill beat your faggot ass up"

All About Eve
08-29-2007, 08:07 PM
I can't stand this loser, insulting my heritage.

"Don't call me a jew, you southern hickfag."

coke_a_holic
08-29-2007, 08:10 PM
Ugh.

"Ill call you whatever i wanna call you, jew faggot"

EDIT: No edits here, folks.

All About Eve
08-29-2007, 08:12 PM
"Go drown yourself in sweet tea, moron."

He won't stop :(

Little_Miss_1565
08-29-2007, 08:12 PM
"She just bailed on me. Sorry about not showing up blah blah blah"

:(

coke_a_holic
08-29-2007, 08:14 PM
"Im gonna be honest. im a faggot, but only for you. your just so hot, ive got to have you."

All About Eve
08-29-2007, 08:15 PM
"ive always felt the same about you, too! omg!"

coke_a_holic
08-29-2007, 08:17 PM
"ill be at your house in like an hour bring lube"

All About Eve
08-29-2007, 08:18 PM
" k "

0r4ng3
08-29-2007, 08:20 PM
"hey, wanna join me n my friend in an hour? ive got lube"

All About Eve
08-29-2007, 08:29 PM
Your friends sound awesome, Jesse.

SplinterByMyOwnDesign
08-29-2007, 08:49 PM
"Well what do you think i'd want coming out of a 7 month relationship. So how long were you with the chick that broke your heart huh?"

hah...tsk... I love mind games, they excite me. ;)

0r4ng3
08-29-2007, 09:07 PM
Your friends sound awesome, Jesse.
Yeah, and they feel even awesomer.

StayInTheHouseCarl
08-29-2007, 10:03 PM
"alien vs. predator requiem comes out on xmas. the best present baby jesus has ever recieved!"

text i recieved from my friend lauren

nevo
08-29-2007, 11:37 PM
"yeah, but I didn't ask anyone to stick their fingers in me! :("

Tizzalicious
08-30-2007, 01:42 AM
"Did the mail come yet?" From Per, who was waiting for something important.

The one before that is worse, from Per aswell: "I'm hungry, what's for dinner?"

Sin Studly
08-30-2007, 02:06 AM
"I am work demolition'ng. Time of my life!!!! Rdgrds to all!"

KyleW
08-30-2007, 02:09 AM
my last recieved text was... wait for it...

Ok

my last sent message was

hey u awake? i cant sleep.

(i got no reply)

Vera
08-30-2007, 02:30 AM
"ok n 4 steissil to"

Translation would explain the context a bit too much..

Autonomist
08-30-2007, 03:40 AM
"Ever notice how both Marge and Lois date fat retards?"

KyleW
08-30-2007, 03:50 AM
"Ever notice how both Marge and Lois date fat retards?"

haha! thats a crazy text!

Tijs
08-30-2007, 04:29 AM
"Oh yeah, the dogs name's are Sofie and Anne and must be on a leash at all time. Mega thanks in advance!"

I'm such a kind person. Who names their dogs Sofie and Anne?!

KyleW
08-30-2007, 04:46 AM
"Oh yeah, the dogs name's are Sofie and Anne and must be on a leash at all time. Mega thanks in advance!"

I'm such a kind person. Who names their dogs Sofie and Anne?!

one of your friends apparently

mrconeman
08-30-2007, 06:15 AM
"full on braintrust 2nite, pizza n evrything"
It was sent yesterday though.

Lodat225
08-30-2007, 07:01 AM
This morning:

"i can't sleep my love <3333
- barry" fag.

just now:

" r u on the boulevard? r there girls there"

it's 9 am. Why would i be out?

Jakebert
08-30-2007, 08:53 AM
"Hahaha, there's another bomb threat today. no class woo!"

Sunny
08-30-2007, 08:55 AM
does everyone here have a blackberry or something? your text messages are damn long.

killer_queen
08-30-2007, 09:32 AM
does everyone here have a blackberry or something? your text messages are damn long.

I have a regular cell phone and I usually get very long text mesagges. I have even got a long poem as a text message one day. You can send long text mesagges with cell phones, can't you?

Sunny
08-30-2007, 09:39 AM
well, you can, it's just... odd. =p i don't tend to type entire essays unless i'm using a phone with a full qwerty keyboard. but apparently other people do. hm.

killer_queen
08-30-2007, 09:55 AM
Uh, tell me about it! I do find it pretty odd too. Texting is really annoying and boring. But the real annoying thing is the people who don't want to pay just a little more bill and text instead of calling you. But my attitude is clear: if you don't care enough about me to make a call then I don't care enough about you to text back. That's why people don't send texts like "hello, sup?" to me anymore.

Sunny
08-30-2007, 09:59 AM
aha. good point ;p

i like emailing via phones though, because it's totally free, it's instant email and you can write long-ass messages in seconds. weee. i was so happy when i was using a blackberry. too bad bitch broke and i had to go back to my old-ass shitty phone.

wah!

Andy
08-30-2007, 10:02 AM
My last last text recieved said simply, "sure".

The one recieved before that read "Pub. Tonight. Deal?"

Vera
08-30-2007, 10:02 AM
I ramble in text messages and the fact Finnish isn't a language easily abbreviated like English (though R U THR etc text speak is retarded to me) so I tend to type lengthy texts. Also, I'm so used to texting, I almost type texts faster than I type on the keyboard, but only almost.

Tizzalicious
08-30-2007, 10:28 AM
Typing long messages isn't that hard when using the dictionary/t9 setting, it's faaaast.

Sunny
08-30-2007, 10:36 AM
i can't stand intelligent text. it always gets it all wrong. >_<

Tizzalicious
08-30-2007, 10:38 AM
It used to piss me off too, but once you get used to it it's really fast, and useful. It's annoying when it doesn't know a word though.

FAT has the same keys as EAT. Lolz.

JohnnyNemesis
08-30-2007, 10:40 AM
I've got quick and nimble fingers, so texting is easy for me.

Andy
08-30-2007, 10:42 AM
Ever the ladies man, Rick.

JohnnyNemesis
08-30-2007, 10:48 AM
lol, i kno rite?

texting? mor liek sexing!

Rag Doll
08-30-2007, 10:50 AM
lol, i kno rite?

texting? mor liek sexing!

everyone be jealous. this fine man was texting me the other night...

Vera
08-30-2007, 12:05 PM
It used to piss me off too, but once you get used to it it's really fast, and useful. It's annoying when it doesn't know a word though.

Yeah, I know. I used to type a lot of casual colloquial language in my texts but then I found it was just easier to write the written proper language words as the intelligent text thingy knew those words..

Sam - lulz, was your phone on vibrate mode? [/tacky]

Rag Doll
08-30-2007, 12:37 PM
Sam - lulz, was your phone on vibrate mode? [/tacky]

if Rickies is texting me, always ;p

Bazza
08-30-2007, 01:14 PM
"This is your orange wednesday ticket for 29 aug: 297....." yadda yadda.

How boring.

wheelchairman
08-30-2007, 02:33 PM
I just got a text from a number I don't know that said

"Get in here now..."

("Nu kommer du her ind...")

must say, a little creepy.

wheelchairman
08-30-2007, 02:34 PM
And the mystery goes on: I say

"who are you?"

reply:
"Your wife"

my response:
"That's either a bad joke or you've got the wrong number."

wheelchairman
08-30-2007, 02:41 PM
and it goes on:

"It was a bad joke, it's Robin."

Me:
"Uhh I don't know any Robins. You sure you have the right number?"

"It's Martin for fuck's sake."
"Don't tease me."

Me:
"Martin from my math class last year? Or high school?"

him:
"Stop :-( "

wtffffff?

wheelchairman
08-30-2007, 02:42 PM
Me:
"I have no idea who you are. Who do you think I am?"

him:
"Lotte?"

Me:
"My name is Per..."

wheelchairman
08-30-2007, 02:54 PM
Him:
"Hi Dirty Per."

me:
"Hi Martin. Where did you get my number from?"

Him:
"From a hot guy named Michael."

Me:
"Haha." (I was thinking this would end it."

Him:
"You like it...Can't you keep going for a little while."

Me:
"I'm going to say no thanks. I'm in the middle of an interesting computer game. But good luck."

No response after that.

Sunny
08-30-2007, 03:45 PM
VZW_FREE_MSG: Your VZW bill is ready to view on-line. Your current bal is $94.76, for acct ending 7310-00001. Visit verizonwireless.com or dial #PMT SEND to pay.

aw, fuck!

BREAK
08-30-2007, 05:48 PM
"Where my dave cd?"

(1 minute later)

"Found it"

Stupid bitch.

Lodat225
08-30-2007, 05:50 PM
"were outside rays house come now"

soooo interesting.

HornyPope
08-30-2007, 06:10 PM
"Welcome to telekom Srbija. Just dial 611 for your customer care the same as you do at home. Have a pleasant stay"

That's the last one I got on my phone at least.

Thomas
08-30-2007, 06:38 PM
"I'm not pregnant!"





*shifty eyes*




EDIT: Just for the record, she took a pregnancy test to see how her blood reacts to a new medications she's taking. She was being sarcastic with that message. There is absolutely no way I would have impregnated her.

HornyPope
08-30-2007, 07:33 PM
"I'm not pregnant!"





*shifty eyes*




EDIT: Just for the record, she took a pregnancy test to see how her blood reacts to a new medications she's taking. She was being sarcastic with that message. There is absolutely no way I would have impregnated her.

Why are you so certain? Are you using a condom or is she on the pill?

yelloweyeyes
08-30-2007, 07:44 PM
um... i dont text much so im using my last myspace message.

"dude whats the name of the movie"

Oromis
08-30-2007, 07:46 PM
"Where d hell did u go?"

Thomas
08-30-2007, 07:59 PM
Why are you so certain? Are you using a condom or is she on the pill?

Neither. We haven't had sex yet.

WebDudette
08-30-2007, 09:09 PM
"yo nigga wanna brawl.'
I hate you guys for making me realize how dumb some of my friends actually are :(.

Oromis
08-31-2007, 12:00 PM
"Wake up fucker. Your late."

Iamstupid
08-31-2007, 12:17 PM
"Wake up fucker. Your late."

Have we got the same father ?

Oromis
08-31-2007, 12:40 PM
Have we got the same father ?

Doubt it. Im a Polak for the last 1000ish years, and then Greek.

"Pick up your fucking phone.

TBD
08-31-2007, 03:12 PM
'Apparently'

boring.

Duskygrin
08-31-2007, 04:05 PM
"don't forget to flush the toilet next time plz thx"

actually I'm bored and just making this up. I wish it were true, it'd crack me up not a little.

Nineteen Seventy Nine
08-31-2007, 07:57 PM
"hey, wanna join me n my friend in an hour? ive got lube"

Yeah, and they feel even awesomer.
I haven't laughed that loud in a while.

--
"I just saw socks and they reminded of me of you. i thought id let you know"

All About Eve
08-31-2007, 09:50 PM
"You're a sweetie"

This one actually WASN'T from Mike, believe it or not.

Llamas
08-31-2007, 10:07 PM
Do u wanna go to a brewers game sat?

Skyler
09-01-2007, 06:31 AM
"i love you!" heh (:

Lodat225
09-01-2007, 07:32 AM
"ewww. you pervert. :)"

i didn't know saying "get your ass here already ashley" was perverted. bitch.

Toxic Speed Bump
09-01-2007, 07:47 AM
last night

"R U GUYS GOIN OUT ANYWHERE 2NITE?"

the answer was "no", but I had no credit.

Rag Doll
09-01-2007, 11:35 AM
haii is 3:30 fine?

Apathy
09-01-2007, 04:24 PM
Sorry. Nate just showed up. I Love You.

coke_a_holic
09-01-2007, 11:05 PM
Here's an awesome typo:

Your missing the had cream truck.

sKratch
09-01-2007, 11:33 PM
"Skunk butt"

Rag Doll
09-02-2007, 09:10 AM
at a wedding and i just realized my cousin is marrying a gay man. lots of luck to the happy couple. i hope she and his lover are all very happy.

nieh
09-02-2007, 09:21 AM
Neither. We haven't had sex yet.
Well then there's always the possibility that someone else got her pregnant.

Tijs
09-02-2007, 12:49 PM
"Tijs! This is my new number in case you were planning to call or message me tomorrow. My breaks are from 10.00 until 10.30 and 12.00 until 12.45.
xxx little sister of..."

wheelchairman
09-02-2007, 01:06 PM
You'll have to pay for a new one!!! Lol

Andy
09-02-2007, 01:42 PM
"Mate...ur not gonna believe this...i bet my dole on a villa win 2mins before the game"

Lucky git, villa beat Chelsea 2-0. Beers on him.

DeAtHsTaR
09-02-2007, 01:48 PM
Naked now. Yay.

Bazza
09-02-2007, 02:04 PM
"Mate...ur not gonna believe this...i bet my dole on a villa win 2mins before the game"

Always nice to see a good use of job seekers allowance!

Lodat225
09-02-2007, 02:37 PM
"well i dont have a 2inch dick"

:( i don't. she's mean.

DeAtHsTaR
09-02-2007, 03:59 PM
"well smack my ass and call me charles!"

DeAtHsTaR
09-02-2007, 05:49 PM
"Well your penis looks like a minute hand on my clock face"

All About Eve
09-02-2007, 05:54 PM
"Oh come on."

calichix
09-05-2007, 07:42 PM
"it's not very bright but it spreads real easy. ;)"

MindlessSelfIndulgent
09-07-2007, 01:08 AM
TOO BAD with caramelsauce aaaand vanilla iiiiice and chocolate. MMMMH! WE JUST HAD LUNCH! And that wasn't SUPER DUPER. I want spicy salmon again and again and again. THAT IS SO CRAZY! But hey HELLO YOU - we're listening to the radio everyday and I'm about to puke. Over the music they play 20 times a day. Tina Dickow. AND ALL THAT CRAP! I'm tired of it and it makes me puke. On deine kindereier! HEHEEHEH! Ew.. Do you have eggs? Are you a CHIIICKEN? CHICKEN BOCK BOCK, bucks? How many and what do you want? ;) ;) FROM YOUR MOTHER IN LAW. I think that FENG SHUI talking, everything is much better no when I have rearranged my furniture. I needed the change. Did you? Are you feeling better? In your new.. THE ROOM? With pepper. LOTS OF CHILI! What? You do like rice? Jahahahajahajhah. But I'm Superman and you're a TRAINPASSENGER! Now, who's coolest? In the world. Little mirroe og the wall - THE MISTLAND! :( BYEBYE SEE YOU LATER! Strawberries? I haven't got any of those! You must have misunderstood that. Say hi to STEPPENWOLF and tell him that I'm funny and on blackmarket. LAHAHAHAHAHA. Goodbye. Mette. Goodbyyye! Don't cry for me ballerina. SUPER DUPER!

:o

KyleW
09-07-2007, 09:05 AM
"No, I didn't ask her, I'll talk to her tomorrow, I'm going to sleep now. Dont text back lol. cya"

I asked him to ask someone out for me because i couldnt contact them at this time, they said yes, but broke up with me the next day. I feel so loved :D

wheelchairman
09-07-2007, 09:11 AM
Your approach to women is so....high school-esque. aww.

But you're a Brit, so it's probably a little gross too. ew.

Lodat225
09-07-2007, 04:45 PM
"No, I didn't ask her, I'll talk to her tomorrow, I'm going to sleep now. Dont text back lol. cya"

I stole DexterHollandIsGod's cell phone.

wheelchairman
09-07-2007, 04:56 PM
"Per Pedersen, do you know the telephone number of Gretchen Pedersen? I've found her buspass at Islands Brygge, and her address : blah blah lbah has no number registered. She can call me at ..........., Anders Bo Nielsen."

My stupid sister loses everything. How can I be related to her? I'm forgetful sure, but I never *lose* things. I can't fathom it. And important things too, her phone, mp3 player, keys (several times), and her bus pass. wtf?

JohnnyNemesis
09-07-2007, 04:57 PM
My stupid sister loses everything. How can I be related to her?

lol Disney channel.

wheelchairman
09-07-2007, 05:33 PM
That was a damn good call.

Lizardus
09-07-2007, 05:40 PM
"Per O' Flannigan, do you know the telephone number of Gretchen O' Flannigan? I've found her buspass at Islands Brygge, and her address : blah blah lbah has no number registered. She can call me at ..........., Anders Bo Nielsen."


You have an awesome name.

mrconeman
09-07-2007, 05:45 PM
"HEAGLE"
Yeah.

nieh
09-07-2007, 05:51 PM
"Rematch party!"

Andy
09-07-2007, 06:17 PM
"Fuck you"

Very rude. Even ruder as it was from a number that wasn't in my phone book

coke_a_holic
09-11-2007, 06:04 PM
"I just wrote 'by andrew' on the rape poster."

There's an activism poster in my school that says "six women are raped every second" or something equally as "frightening." Now the culprit has been named.

Nineteen Seventy Nine
09-11-2007, 06:07 PM
^ Haha.

Last text received:

"THANK YOU FOR THE HUG TODAY :)"

Making reference to National Hug Day, which was yesterday. It was a shame, because not that many people knew about it. I had to spread the love myself.

Rilex
09-11-2007, 07:41 PM
my last MSG:

"Brate, ne javljas se... Sta ima novo? jesi li jos sa onom ribom iz vojske?"

Lodat225
09-11-2007, 07:48 PM
"hahaha, talalay got his shit messed up by kevin after school"

Little_Miss_1565
09-11-2007, 10:24 PM
"Rematch party!"

That was MEEE!

Marco
09-12-2007, 05:15 AM
"Yeah, also my first day of school was good!"

KyleW
09-12-2007, 10:08 AM
"She said she isnt sure. She doesnt know you tht well. You should still ask her out though."

Andy
09-12-2007, 04:18 PM
"Definately the one with the shirt"

Jakebert
09-14-2007, 04:42 PM
"moar dimebag!"

"ps this is jn. kill whitey".

Nina
09-15-2007, 01:55 AM
"sooo boring zzzzz.."

:/

nieh
10-12-2007, 04:54 PM
"Let me know when im not wearing pants"

Camel Filters
10-12-2007, 07:51 PM
"I love you"

Offspringfan67
10-12-2007, 07:53 PM
i dont have any friends so i dont get any text messages

Autonomist
10-12-2007, 08:14 PM
"I understand. I hope i get 2 c u again b4 i go. XoxoX"

the_offsprings_monkey
10-14-2007, 04:51 PM
Orange: Sorry, the balance enquiry service is currently unavailable. Please try again later.

nameless
10-15-2007, 02:31 PM
you have a new voice message. call 901 to retrieve it!

Lodat225
10-15-2007, 03:29 PM
"awwwwww thank you."

really boring thread.

vladimir's blue eyes
10-19-2007, 05:10 PM
"can you get a drip but instead of food make it cigarettes? good luck babe! call me if your bored because i will be too. woo!!! ill also get a drip which blows out cig smoke, do you want me to visit you in hospital and bring you like "substances" ? by substances i mean flowers of course. cmok"

JohnnyNemesis
10-19-2007, 05:11 PM
"Pimpin' - whiskey, cocaine, etc."

This was in response to my "what are you doing tonight?" text.

0r4ng3
10-19-2007, 05:15 PM
"Welcome to AIM on SMS! You can now recieve AIM text messages. Learn more at mobile.aol.com. To disable this service, reply 'out' to this message."

I got this one about 2 weeks ago. Yeah, I'm Mr. Popular.

Bazza
10-19-2007, 05:15 PM
"Lol it's centre left!"

Goddamn political discusions that are solved via text.

JohnnyNemesis
10-19-2007, 05:36 PM
I got this one about 2 weeks ago. Yeah, I'm Mr. Popular.

I sent you a text, fag.

ps. If you can get a ride over here, you should. You and I are literally 10 minutes away from each other, we should be hangin'.

0r4ng3
10-19-2007, 05:58 PM
I sent you a text, fag.
"Stop. Take some time to think. Figure out what's important to you."

Thanks for that.

JohnnyNemesis
10-19-2007, 05:59 PM
My response to that snippy post has been sent in text form!

WebDudette
10-20-2007, 01:18 AM
'Get to the chess room with eli now'
Yeah, I'm in chess what no bitches. I'm also an officer and my title is Supreme Chancellor.

nightvision
10-20-2007, 03:02 AM
"Chris called you but didn't leave a message. Thank you for choosing 3."

Not very exciting but very informative.

Camel Filters
10-20-2007, 05:54 AM
"bone diggity"