View Full Version : I'm slowly developing a talent for awkward summers.

07-06-2008, 10:21 AM
Two summers ago, during my first year of university, I made the horrible mistake of listening to my parents and coming home as soon as the year was out, with the result that I was home, mostly alone, with no friends, for the better part of four months. We lived way out without anyone I knew or could meet and so the only way for me to get out was to get driven somewhere by my mom. Great. I eventually went crazy and developed the anxious tendencies and susceptibility to panic attacks that I still have to this day.

Not so awkward, really. Just felt like killing myself and my incessant floating around the house only underlined the fact that I'd had nothing to do with my summer other than take two exceedingly long flights halfway around the world to mope for 4 months. Which was mildly awkward. Even mild awkwardness builds up over 4 months.

The next time summer rolled around I was ready, applied for a job, got it, and all was good. Only my summer housing plans fell through and I was forced to rely on the girl I'd been dating 6 months to prevail upon her dad for housing. I had only met her dad maybe 2, 3 times tops, and now I was going to live with him. It really didn't help that he seemed at times mildly antisocial and at other times much too interested in me and my guitars (I think at one point he expected me to give one of them to him), and that I resorted to my typical silent nature whenever I was addressed. Still, it wouldn't have been too bad except that his daughter also moved back home for support and that we had sex a lot.

Don't get me wrong. I was more than happy for her company and all that, but considering I'd just moved into her dad's house, it seemed like a mild social faux pas. The situation's only saving grace was that I worked nights and her dad worked days, so I managed to avoid him most of the time. Of course, work presented its own challenges, like the biggest stoner I have ever met going off at 3AM to bang somebody downtown and asking me to cover his phone for him. Every night.

It was pretty awkward to be reliant on a guy you'd hardly ever met for lodging while engaging in unspeakables with his offspring. For several months.

And this summer I'd managed to figure out a good housing situation and everything, only this time the job fell through and I ended up coming home any way, although only for 2 months, not 4. Thinking ahead, I turned a hundred thousand air miles (I have been working 14 years to save these damn things up) and decided to bring Holly to France to see me, and to introduce her to my family.

Great plan, right?

Apparently everyone else in my family thinks so too. My brother's having his LDR girl imported from Holland at the same time, and to top it off I'll be getting to meet her parents for a night. I caught him packing fuzzy handcuffs into his suitcase today, by the way. They're pink.
But not only her - he's decided to bring one of his friends from Lebanon over to France at the same time, which is a great idea because everyone knows that long-distance girlfriends that you haven't seen in months and everyday friends mix well 24/7 when stuck together in a house on a farm in the middle of nowhere in the French countryside.

So that's for my brother. I also have a sister who has come up with the same plan (note: I was the only one to actually shell out miles for my guest - I think that's important somehow) and who will have another friend over at the house.

Because it's not a recipe for disaster that we have three beds - one for my parents, one for me and Holly, and one for my brother and whatsherface - and 9 people total, not to mention family coming to visit us at the only available time all year.

I think this year will be much more awkward than the last.

To recap.
9 people. My parents, me and Holly, my brother and his webgirlfriend, my brother's eager third wheel friend, my sister, and a friend of my sister's.

One house. Three beds. No phone. No internet. No television. Doors that don't lock. Deadly insects.

We're leaving in 3 hours to embark upon this adventure. I'm sure it'll be memorable.

And awkward.

Wish me luck!

Rag Doll
07-06-2008, 10:52 AM
wow. best of luck, sir. i hope we all hear about the awkwardness upon your return!

i can semi-relate to your situation last summer. 2 months into dating, my boyfriend basically moved into my house because i live much closer to school/work than his mom does. so he also relied on my parents (though he barely knew them) and was banging their daughter on a nightly basis in the next room. that has now been going on for uhhh....10 months!

07-07-2008, 02:33 AM
Last night I went out for drinks with my girlfriend and my exgirlfriend.

07-07-2008, 12:39 PM
In January, I had to move in with my ex (my first boyfriend ever) and my good friend (who original introduced me to my ex)... the day after they got married.

Good luck with that, though. Sounds pretty... interesting :P

08-14-2008, 01:21 PM
So it went fairly well. Holly went over well with everyone and I didn't feel too awkward most of the time.

There's something to be said about only hearing your brother's girlfriend through the wall at night - it's not nice.

I mean, the girl showed up and said hello to everyone and then her and my brother went upstairs and had sex with the windows open for hours while I nervously asked her parents (who were apparently oblivious) if they wanted wine.

Then nothing until she said goodbye to me and went back to Holland. So I thought that was kind of awkward.

And my parents are as uncomfortable to be around as always, dragging other people into their stupid fights and getting generally loaded and rehashing the same fights they've been going through for the last decade.

But overall went very well. And now I'm back!

08-14-2008, 01:49 PM
And my parents are as uncomfortable to be around as always, dragging other people into their stupid fights and getting generally loaded and rehashing the same fights they've been going through for the last decade.

Dude, I can relate and I'm real sorry, I know how that is. Fuckin' adults, let's grow up to be better than they.. :[

08-14-2008, 11:55 PM
Your brother scored his Internet girlfriend? Good deal.

08-15-2008, 07:03 AM
Your brother scored his Internet girlfriend? Good deal.

From what I gathered, he did practically nothing else. I'd be surprised if they said more than two words to each other.

08-15-2008, 08:42 AM
Check his Internet history for brides.ru

A guy I lived with last year said his buddy actually got a Russian mail-order bride and it paid really well (she gave him a steady stream of cash to pretend they were a real couple to get her citizenship).

08-16-2008, 06:32 AM
His girlfriend's Dutch.

I'm sure she'd be very nice if she ever said more than two words, but all I got during the entirety of her two week stay was "Hello" the first day and "Goodbye" the last day.

08-16-2008, 09:25 AM
Well the first part was a joke ;o

08-16-2008, 04:10 PM
Well the first part was a joke ;o
Just don't like imagining my younger brother raking in the cash.

08-16-2008, 04:35 PM
I can't believe I just noticed... but is your avatar from Serious Sam? SS 1 and 2 were a lot of fun from what I remember.

08-16-2008, 04:50 PM
I can't believe I just noticed... but is your avatar from Serious Sam? SS 1 and 2 were a lot of fun from what I remember.

Yeah, it's the Serious Sam symbol. Don't feel bad, I haven't been here in like 2 months. Very little reason to ogle my... picture.

Serious Sam one was pretty awesome, but they peaked at Serious Sam The Second Encounter, which is still on my list of top video games of all time. Doing a co-op with two or three friends in the battle before the Summoner, shit falls from the sky - lightning, meteorswhile it changes color as the battle goes on and on and on - it's awesome.

Serious Sam II fell a little flat for me. I don't know what it was - it was just missing that mmph that made Second Encounter so much fun. Still, some fun here and there - I find myself grinning somewhat idiotically every time I want to quit and they ask me "Are You Serious?"