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View Full Version : Isn't sticking up for yourself supposed to feel...good?



JohnnyNemesis
07-13-2008, 10:35 PM
Disclaimer: This is boring. I'm boring.

Anyway, so yesterday I went out "clubbin'" with my ladyfriend and some of her friends. We had a big group of about 15 people, but as the night dragged on and people got tired, the group started thinning out until it was me, her, and 7 of her close friends. And then I realized that I was the only guy there.

Those of you familiar with downtown NYC might see where this is going. I was like, prime target right there.

Another disclaimer: you folks know that I'm silly, you've seen my pictures and know that I'm a rail-thin skinny kid who, despite my BBS persona, is pretty chill offline and lets things slide and is more like "ayyyy" then "arrrrrgh".

So anyway, some fratty drunk white guys pass by in a yellow taxi that's slowing down, and they said some pretty foul/obscene shit to the people in my group. About 99 times out of 100 I remain silent and we all just move on, but for some reason I was just reallllllly annoyed, so I turn and shout "Yeah, go fuck yourselves!"

The one dude was taken aback. Drunkenly harassing strangers is a common activity in NYC, one that rarely involves any response from anyone, so he just stared at me as I ignored him and kept walking. So after a pause he says "Hey! Hey you! You with the backpack, nice backpack you fucking LOSER!".

I ignore him until he shouts "Hey! I'm talkin' to YOU!". So I turn and say "Yes. I know who you're talking to. Go fuck yourself."

To be honest, I was lucky they didn't beat me to a bloody pulp. But the point I'm trying to make is...wasn't that supposed to feel, like, good? Sticking up for yourself, even if some small way, when someone disrespects you is supposed to feel nice...so why did it piss me off instead?

Has anyone here been in a similar situation?

Rag Doll
07-13-2008, 10:39 PM
I had that happen over a parking space at the mall (the stereotypes about jersey girls and the mall and their attitudes are true, kids!). and i totally told this girl off and then went to go have drinks and cheesecake with my mens....and was cranky the whole rest of the night. my whole mood completely changed, despite clearly being the smarter/quicker/funnier person (or whatever. definitely the better driver)...i just felt "grrrrrrrrr."

Little_Miss_1565
07-13-2008, 10:40 PM
I tend to get pissed off BECAUSE I had to defend myself. Like, I fucking live here, can't you bridge and tunnel rats take your retardation somewhere else?

The other morning a really gross dude came up to me while I was walking to the train. He was drinking a tall boy in a paper bag, natch. He asked me if I was a bicycle or a tricycle. Can you guess why?

I told him I was a person and not a thing and seriously does that line ever actually work on anyone? His only answer was that he was going to the park now bye see you around.

JohnnyNemesis
07-13-2008, 10:41 PM
I had that happen over a parking space at the mall (the stereotypes about jersey girls and the mall and their attitudes are true, kids!). and i totally told this girl off and then went to go have drinks and cheesecake with my mens....and was cranky the whole rest of the night. my whole mood completely changed, despite clearly being the smarter/quicker/funnier person (or whatever. definitely the better driver)...i just felt "grrrrrrrrr."

Exactly! It's so dumb. And the group I was with was very nice to me about it; I apologized for causing a mini-scene, but one gal told me I handled it as well as I possibly could have and the gf absolutely loved every single thing I did there.

But I was cranky as fuck all night and even a little mad at myself for not letting it go. I'm not into that, like, macho bullshit or whatever. But at the same time, wtf.


I tend to get pissed off BECAUSE I had to defend myself.

That, too. I'm a pretty easy target 'cause I look pretty soft, and that shit just wears on you after awhile.

0r4ng3
07-13-2008, 10:42 PM
I tend to get pissed off BECAUSE I had to defend myself.
I think that's usually the case. The good feeling of having successfully defended oneself is usually offset by the anger towards whoever you had to stick up against in the first place.

But, I shouldn't be one to talk. I've never technically stuck up for myself, ever.

Little_Miss_1565
07-13-2008, 10:44 PM
But, I shouldn't be one to talk. I've never technically stuck up for myself, ever.

And you grew up on Staten Island? Most everyone I've known from there has been more than quick to stick up for themselves, even when it's not warranted.

0r4ng3
07-13-2008, 10:50 PM
I'm not like most Staten Islanders, which is something I'm a bit proud of.

Anyway, yeah, I see a lot of people sticking up for themselves, but I also realize that most of the time it's pointless bullshit anyway. Stuff like that just annoys the hell outta me nowadays.

Homer
07-13-2008, 11:10 PM
I think it's a matter of regret. For instance, yeah, you stuck up for yourself, but maybe it's because you feel that you could've done it in a better way?

I don't know, I might be talking nonsense right now, but I totally understand that feeling you just described.

Llamas
07-13-2008, 11:23 PM
He asked me if I was a bicycle or a tricycle. Can you guess why?

Am I complete moron for not knowing what that means?

I can't relate, though... I don't come across this kind of thing a lot, probably partially due to not living in a similar area. I don't come across scummy people a lot, or dickhead frat boys anymore. But in the event that it happens, I agree with Harnum. I usually don't think of anything good to say back til later, which sucks.

Erm, Homer... not Harnum...

ad8
07-14-2008, 02:34 AM
To be honest, I was lucky they didn't beat me to a bloody pulp. But the point I'm trying to make is...wasn't that supposed to feel, like, good? Sticking up for yourself, even if some small way, when someone disrespects you is supposed to feel nice...so why did it piss me off instead?

Has anyone here been in a similar situation?

Well, I am pretty much like you(skinny, calm) and I too have these kinds of situations sometimes. Well, the people who made fun of me were never drunk but they were always in a group of people and tried to gain respect by making me look like a fool. I always want to stick up for myself, but I know that it's better to stay quiet and not lower my level to theirs. So you might be pissed because you paid attention to people that totally aren't worth it.
Next time just think of their intelligence and then of your intelligence and ignore them.

mrconeman
07-14-2008, 04:06 AM
I know exactly what you mean, just having that kind of confrontation during your night really fuckin' throws the mood for me, I mean theres a few nights I can look back on and be glad I stood up for myself/others because it was justified, but it doesn't feel all that good, pretty much what 1565 said, you shouldn't have had to stick up for yourself, against some random assholes, but it happens.

Nobody wants to know what I thought the thread title said.

Camilamazed
07-14-2008, 04:57 AM
I will never understand why these frat boys have the need to be such assholes.

The funny thing is that they never harass people when they're alone. They always need "friends" to do that; And then they call others losers. That's why I would laugh at him and say (Instead of go fuck yourself!): "hey, you already showed your buddies how cool and brave you are when they're around. Now you can go back to your insignificance. Good Night!"

Rooster
07-14-2008, 06:45 AM
I'm not really into that macho man bullshit either, but when i feel that i really need to stick up for myself (or someone else) i just do it. It makes me angry as hell, but if it has to be done, it just has to be done. I don't care if i get beaten up badly, i'd rather end being beaten up than letting someone mess with me (it had already happened to me, i was in that fight alone against a few douchebags, but i didn't care, because i knew i was right). I need quite a lot shit to be thrown at me to start a fight, but when i do, i'm really pissed off. I never get into fighting if i don't have a good reason for it though.

Oxygene
07-14-2008, 07:28 AM
Frat boys are asshats because the dumb sluts still fuck 'em.. so why would they behave.

And good for you Johnny.. stickin up for yourself should feel good. :cool:

Sunny
07-14-2008, 07:57 AM
it should technically feel good, but i always feel kinda "eh" afterwards. like i should've handled it differently. like i allowed some asshole to piss me off... you know?

on another note. i avoid the "clubbin" (meatpacking/chelsea) area like the plague on the weekends. the concentration of pure, unadulterated douchebaggery is just too much to handle. the whole area turns into a gigantic frat/douche party, www.guidofistpump.com style. aand frankly, being around drunken, beligerent, armani exchange clad long islanders with fake tans is not my thing. ugh. get back in your hummer limo and fuck off back to whatever hole you crawled out of.

Rag Doll
07-14-2008, 08:01 AM
on another note. i avoid the "clubbin" (meatpacking/chelsea) area like the plague on the weekends. the concentration of pure, unadulterated douchebaggery is just too much to handle. the whole area turns into a gigantic frat/douche party, www.guidofistpump.com style. aand frankly, being around drunken, beligerent, armani exchange clad long islanders with fake tans is not my thing. ugh. get back in your hummer limo and fuck off back to whatever hole you crawled out of.

i wish i could avoid all this. all those people probably came from my hometown. i have honestly see pictures on that site and i'm not sure if i graduated with them or not (they all look exactly the same, with the orange glow and a/x). at least 50% of my town is, as you put it, pure, unadulterated douchebaggery =(

Sunny
07-14-2008, 08:18 AM
having lived in westchester for a while, i totally feel your pain. nothing quite like taking the metro north train late at night on the weekend... it looks like a spray tan/gucci factory threw up all over it. it's hell... HELL I TELL YOU.

it's entertaining sometimes, though. recently i ran into a pack of "the Hills" wannabees (a common affliction among classy westchester ladiez, it seems), all drinking 40s (on the train), taking pictures, talking on their cell phones... and suddenly one of them exclaims "LIKE IT, LOVE IT, RUB YOUR TITTIES ON IT!" with an amazing valley accent. at the top of her lungs.

i was sooo happy.

Rag Doll
07-14-2008, 08:28 AM
ohmygod. that is amazing.

i definitely need to listen more to what is said on the PATH. because going back to jerz at night, that is ALL that is on train until you get to hoboken. i usually just see, like, LC and Audrina v21246.0 giggly drunk and dancing around, generally with either homeless men or men that have absolutely no interest in them.

IamSam
07-14-2008, 08:37 AM
I have to agree with others that it is the fact that you have to negatively defend yourself when you're in a situation where you shouldn't have to worry about defending yourself. It's all about confrontation, and I know very few people who actually like confrontation. For you, Ricky, it made you go past what you were comfortable with which automatically made you feel like a giant douche for doing it.

Anyway, that's why I think you're feeling bad about it.

Oxygene
07-14-2008, 08:37 AM
we have the same asshats here in Hungary, they all have fake tans wear white look like fags, blow money out ther ass, and listen to shitty ass techno music...

I don't get why girls fuck these guys.

Anyone from the female gender care to elaborate?

Little_Miss_1565
07-14-2008, 09:27 AM
Anyone from the female gender care to elaborate?

Well, for me at least, I wouldn't hit that shit with a 10 foot pole. The most famous guidette, I think, is the Jersey hooker who caused the governor of New York to lose his job. So basically, I think we're talking about a group of men and women who can't get it from anyone else because the rest of the world is freaked the fuck out.

And hey, for the record, I <3 fags so calling these douches fags is an insult to fabulousness.

Jakebert
07-14-2008, 11:18 AM
So, as someone who is in a fraternity, I feel the need to say that the frat bashing here is pretty dumb. "Frat" guys usually aren't assholes, and that stereo-type is pretty untrue, for the most part, at least at every college I've been to.

Little_Miss_1565
07-14-2008, 11:23 AM
So, as someone who is in a fraternity, I feel the need to say that the frat bashing here is pretty dumb. "Frat" guys usually aren't assholes, and that stereo-type is pretty untrue, for the most part, at least at every college I've been to.

You and a couple of my friends are the only frat guys I've ever encountered who weren't itching to sew their date rape chemistry badges on their cub scout vests. I know it's possible for frat guys to be totally decent guys -- most of the guys in my sister's boyfriend's frat are cool, though their college outlawed the greek system after a series of date rapes and other general badness so they've all gone underground. Maybe there should be an initiative to take back the fraternity identity and make it positive as originally intended?

The Search Button
07-14-2008, 11:27 AM
To be honest, I was lucky they didn't beat me to a bloody pulp. But the point I'm trying to make is...wasn't that supposed to feel, like, good? Sticking up for yourself, even if some small way, when someone disrespects you is supposed to feel nice...so why did it piss me off instead?


You'd feel a lot better if you punched the guy.

Hospitals and prisons are my favourite places to spend the night.

Jakebert
07-14-2008, 11:30 AM
At the few colleges I've been at, they've set up systems like that, and it's been working really well. At my school, they've done an amazing job at making greek life go back to it's roots of being about building better people.

There is one where I go to school that fits the stereo types pretty bad, but they're getting kicked off campus anyway, so that doesn't matter anymore.

Sunny
07-14-2008, 11:39 AM
jakebert, with all due respect, i refuse to believe you can't see where it's coming from. it's great that you and your friends are decent people, and no one is saying ALL "frat boys" are douches. however, at least from my experience, the frat party and the accompanying douchebaggery is very much a real phenomenon.

it's like, if someone says that all art school kids are all illiterate, pill-popping, narcissistic cokeheads, i will not get offended, because while i've met plenty of smart people there, and i don't consider myself to be an illiterate cokehead either, i KNOW the type. i know that unfortunately, the stereotype has some basis in reality. of course, once you're immersed in an environment, you realize that it's diverse and multifaceted, unlike the stereotype... but if someone says "i ran into a bunch of coked out art school douchebags", i will immediately be able to visualize the kind of person they're talking about without getting defensive.

Llamas
07-14-2008, 12:56 PM
There are always exceptions, but 90% of frat guys I've met (and I of course mean social frats/non-academic frats) have been quite stereotypical. My closest guy friend is a frat boy, and most of the guys in his frat do break the mold. But just because you, a decent person, is in a frat, doesn't make the standard social frat guy NOT a dick. I may have been in band and not acted like a big dork about it, and most of my friends may have been the same way, but I still know exactly where the "band nerd" stereotype comes from.

I'm reminded of one day when I had to take my horn to work on my first day, and this guy came running up to me: "Okay, so have you ever used that thing or heard of anyone using that thing for a BEER BONG????" "No, but I don't doubt some idiot has tried that..." "Sweet! I totally gotta get one of those for my frat!!!" Dear gawd.

JohnnyNemesis
07-14-2008, 01:01 PM
I think it's a matter of regret. For instance, yeah, you stuck up for yourself, but maybe it's because you feel that you could've done it in a better way?

I dunno, 'cause I think I handled it the best way possible. I shot back with a direct, no-nonsense comment that shut him the fuck up once I repeated it. I think it's more just that I was/we were disrespected in the first place that almost ruined my night.


Hahahaha what a bitch. And I mean you Johnny, good going on the Frat dudes part.

lol DOWN WIT MODZ. (ps. your mother's a whore)


Nobody wants to know what I thought the thread title said.

I lol'd heartily.

Rooster
07-14-2008, 01:07 PM
Nobody wants to know what I thought the thread title said.

I think that i know... I thought the same thing at first, too, mainly because that "sticking up"... I said too much already :D

sKratch
07-14-2008, 01:17 PM
I'm not like most Staten Islanders, which is something I'm a bit proud of.

lolz ya ur azn

In any case, "sticking up for yourself" doesn't necessarily feel good all the time. I see it kind of like this:

If someone really pisses you off and you respond to them with some sort of name calling and no one really comes out on top, you're not gonna feel any better. The other party made you angry, which elicited a sort of knee jerk reaction to try to put some of that bad sentiment back on them. There's no vindication, really. This is what you basically described.

The other case is, someone pisses you off, and your reaction makes you "win". For example, you beat the ever living shit out of them, or say something that really gets to them and they've got no response. They now feel defeated and you're on top. Maybe you'll still feel loss, but there will be a more tangible gain than simply standing up for yourself.

2

JohnnyNemesis
07-14-2008, 01:19 PM
^Well said, and I agree. However, you're a fucking dork for using an actual cent sign in that one. I could kiss you.

I think that ultimately, what I did falls into the second category because after I repeated my request for him to go fuck himself, dude looked pretty defeated all up in the facial area. I still didn't feel wonderful though, and I know that if I'd beaten the shit out of him I would feel even worse...but all's well that ends well?

Oxygene
07-15-2008, 12:14 AM
Well, for me at least, I wouldn't hit that shit with a 10 foot pole. The most famous guidette, I think, is the Jersey hooker who caused the governor of New York to lose his job. So basically, I think we're talking about a group of men and women who can't get it from anyone else because the rest of the world is freaked the fuck out.

And hey, for the record, I <3 fags so calling these douches fags is an insult to fabulousness.

I like homos - atleast the ones I know/knew anyway... I don't like fags tho.. There's a disticion.. or so I was told by my gay drummer... kinda like Chris Rock with Niggers and black people. It's not a pre-conecption or prejudice, it's once you get to know them :p

Oxygene
07-15-2008, 12:17 AM
douchebaggery is very much a real phenomenon.


I just love that word :)

JohnnyNemesis
07-15-2008, 10:59 AM
It's an amazingly wonderful word.

And Jakebert, I understand your frustration with people zeroing in on the unfortunate stereotypes, but as has been implied thus far, I think your beef lies more with the people perpetuating those stereotypes than anything. Is the bashing dumb? Maybe. But am I gonna feel sorry for setting a tone of frat bashing in the thread after what happened to me Saturday?

Well, actually, I am gonna feel a little sorry, because it's you and I like you a lot and stuff. But generally, you get my bigger point.

(Lolz, I give you "bigger point" ;))

Oh, so my cousin/best friend heard about this and went insane and it reminded me that I'm really glad I wasn't with him when this happened, because he's the kinda guy with a real short fuse and stuff and I generally try to avoid violent encounters (again, I hate that macho bullshit). One time someone on the street told him to not wear his favorite jacket anymore because it was the color of the dude's gang, and he didn't even respond, he just started wailing on the dude with his fists immediately and the police got involved and blah blah BLAH SHIT I DON'T WANNA DEAL WITH.

Eff this noise, I'm moving to Montana.

Offspring-Junkie
07-15-2008, 12:31 PM
I don't talk back if someone offends me, but I feel fine about that. I don't feel like a coward.
Stereotypes and prejudices are not true in my opinion. Yeah, they happen to be true very often, but behind every human being there is just one story. You can't generelize people because of some certain behavior.

IamSam
07-15-2008, 12:34 PM
Eff this noise, I'm moving to Montana.

I would advise against this statement. Unless you dislike civilization.

I still read the title of this thread as "Isn't sticking it to yourself supposed to feel...good?"

Rooster
07-15-2008, 12:51 PM
I still read the title of this thread as "Isn't sticking it to yourself supposed to feel...good?"

Same here :D