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bighead384
07-30-2008, 12:25 PM
I've recently started to feel guilty about the fact that I basically don't pay for any of my own stuff. I'm 21 and I don't pay for my car insurance, my cell phone bill, the apartment I live at by myself, the high speed cable internet in my apartment, and probably other things that I'm forgetting. The only things I pay for are food and gas. The thing is, despite what some might say, I really don't think it's had an awful impact on my personality like it's supposed to. I may be way more fortunate than others, but I really don't think it's made me spoiled or ungrateful. And I go to school full time and pretty much always have a job, so it's not like I'm extremely lazy or anything. My question is: Should I try to become less codependent or should I just enjoy the fortunate life I've been given?

Random pet peeve: People that lie about paying for all their own shit to sound badass when clearly they don't make enough money to pay for all of it.

Cock Joke
07-30-2008, 12:28 PM
You're lucky! I say just enjoy what's going on.

nieh
07-30-2008, 12:38 PM
I'm 21

Really?

Also, I'm not sure what about this makes it quality as COdependency as that implies that two parties are dependent on each other, not just one on the other.

drummerbecca
07-30-2008, 12:39 PM
I'd suggest trying to take some of it on yourself, just a little bit at a time. Inevitably, it's not always going to be the case that someone will pay for everything for you, so the sooner you learn to become independent, the better (in my opinion)

bighead384
07-30-2008, 12:40 PM
Really?

Also, I'm not sure what about this makes it quality as COdependency as that implies that two parties are dependent on each other, not just one on the other.

Yeah, wrong word, I guess it should just be "dependency".

Also, I know what you're trying to pull by acting surprised about my age.

bighead384
07-30-2008, 12:42 PM
I'd suggest trying to take some of it on yourself, just a little bit at a time. Inevitably, it's not always going to be the case that someone will pay for everything for you, so the sooner you learn to become independent, the better (in my opinion)

I was thinking about trying to cover my cell phone bill and internet connection. I make enough to pay for that myself. But then again, another part of me wonders if it will really do me any good.

Camilamazed
07-30-2008, 12:43 PM
Well if you're fortunate why not enjoy it? I see no problem as long as you keep working and studying and not just sitting around.

WebDudette
07-30-2008, 12:53 PM
If my dad could and would pay for me at that age I would take it.

I mean as long as I'm going to school and/or working I wouldn't feel guilty.

Sunny
07-30-2008, 03:00 PM
i'd say just enjoy it while it lasts. you have a whole life ahead of you to worry about your bills; if your parents are willing to take care of them for now, hey, good for you!

i don't think paying for my own shit has made me a better person or anything like that. more greedy, though... yes. ;z

Llamas
07-30-2008, 04:18 PM
I think it's fine to accept it, but I'd consider it a good idea to slowly weed it off. I think the biggest concern is that, one day they might just cut it all off at once, and you'll be left in a very difficult situation of suddenly having to live a COMPLETELY different life than you've ever lived before. I say, take advantage of the situation, but maybe bit by bit start paying for things yourself. Maybe start paying your phone bill... then in like 6 months or so, start paying your internet... I dunno. It just seems that a lot of people I know whose parents supported them for a long time just cut them off at once and left them in a hole.

nieh
07-30-2008, 04:22 PM
Rather than paying the bills, I think it would be a good idea to put the money in the bank. What's the point in paying them if you're parents are willing and able to pay them for you? If you take over just for the sake of taking over, you'll have no money when you graduate.

jacknife737
07-30-2008, 07:04 PM
Rather than paying the bills, I think it would be a good idea to put the money in the bank. What's the point in paying them if you're parents are willing and able to pay them for you? If you take over just for the sake of taking over, you'll have no money when you graduate.

Exactly, enjoy this while it lasts, I know I am.

Paint_It_Black
07-31-2008, 05:50 AM
i'd say just enjoy it while it lasts. you have a whole life ahead of you to worry about your bills; if your parents are willing to take care of them for now, hey, good for you!

I concur.


I think it's fine to accept it, but I'd consider it a good idea to slowly weed it off.

You mean just sit around and smoke weed until his parents stop paying for stuff?

Oxygene
07-31-2008, 07:02 AM
I've recently started to feel guilty about the fact that I basically don't pay for any of my own stuff. I'm 21 and I don't pay for my car insurance, my cell phone bill, the apartment I live at by myself, the high speed cable internet in my apartment, and probably other things that I'm forgetting. The only things I pay for are food and gas. The thing is, despite what some might say, I really don't think it's had an awful impact on my personality like it's supposed to. I may be way more fortunate than others, but I really don't think it's made me spoiled or ungrateful. And I go to school full time and pretty much always have a job, so it's not like I'm extremely lazy or anything. My question is: Should I try to become less codependent or should I just enjoy the fortunate life I've been given?

Random pet peeve: People that lie about paying for all their own shit to sound badass when clearly they don't make enough money to pay for all of it.

Don't take it for granted
Appreciate it
Be thankful for it
And.. ENJOY IT!

Mota Boy
07-31-2008, 07:32 AM
The thing is, despite what some might say, I really don't think it's had an awful impact on my personality like it's supposed to....naaah, too easy.


The main downside to such a set-up, aside from any minor personality flaws that supposedly are connected to a disconnect to the "real" world, would be poor financial planning. In other words, it may be harder to adjust to the small sacrifices one has to make when you start devoting a significant chunk of your income to aspects of life you never really considered before.

Tizzalicious
07-31-2008, 09:27 AM
As long as you remember that things won't stay this way all your life, I guess it's fine.

It's nice to know how to handle money when you move out and have to pay for all your shit.

Jakebert
07-31-2008, 10:00 AM
My parents pay for my college/housing as long as I'm pulling down good grades and a steady job, so I don't feel too guilty about taking money from them since I've been holding up my end of the deal, as well as paying for everything else like food, clothes, music, and whatever other things I need/want.

But I have set a goal of being able to at least pay rent on an apartment by my junior year of college and to become basically financially independent by my senior year.

lost_nvrfound
07-31-2008, 07:31 PM
I thought the suggestion of putting money in savings is probably your best bet. That way, God forbid, if something happens and your parents can no longer afford to pay, you'll have something to pad you while you try to find a way to pay for it all on your own. You'd also have it, say, if you need to make a down payment on a new car or a new apartment.

Betty
07-31-2008, 08:42 PM
I know one of the problems I've witnessed in people who are financially dependent on their parents is that they don't have independence from their parents. That obviously depends on the specific situation, but if your parents are paying for you, then they have the right to expect certain things of you and of what you do with their (and even your) money.

If that's not a problem, I'd agree with those who said to try and put some money in the bank for when you do have to start living in the "real world". And just try to be as productive as possible in the meantime and use the extra cash to your advantage, however you may define that productivity.

Apathy
08-01-2008, 12:01 AM
My parents both have lots of money. Just recently this came to frutition, because my mother just finished paying off her student loans, and my dad just finished paying for his newly built house.

They're divorced by the way. Helps with the story.

Anyway, my dad doesn't want to help pay for college at all. My mom, says she'll pay for it, but not all of it because she thinks that kids who have their college paid for by their parents don't take college seriously and end up dropping out. So I've been instructed that I need to put half my paycheck in for college every week. (Well, bi-weekly because that's how I'm paid).

The problem is this: because my mom decided to help- she's trying to convince me to go to schools I don't want to go to. Namely, University of Wisconsin Madison. She says that it'll be far far cheaper than where I was considering going, University of Chicago, because it's in state.

Do you think it would be a good idea to tell her I'd rather just pay for it myself? That way I could go wherever I wanted. I don't really have any problems with being in debt from student loans, but I also don't have enough life experience to know exactly what that entails.

Thoughts?

Endymion
08-01-2008, 12:14 AM
they're both fantastic schools in general. what do you want to study and why do you want to go to chicago?

HornyPope
08-01-2008, 12:16 AM
My parents both have lots of money. Just recently this came to frutition, because my mother just finished paying off her student loans, and my dad just finished paying for his newly built house.

They're divorced by the way. Helps with the story.

Anyway, my dad doesn't want to help pay for college at all. My mom, says she'll pay for it, but not all of it because she thinks that kids who have their college paid for by their parents don't take college seriously and end up dropping out. So I've been instructed that I need to put half my paycheck in for college every week. (Well, bi-weekly because that's how I'm paid).

The problem is this: because my mom decided to help- she's trying to convince me to go to schools I don't want to go to. Namely, University of Wisconsin Madison. She says that it'll be far far cheaper than where I was considering going, University of Chicago, because it's in state.

Do you think it would be a good idea to tell her I'd rather just pay for it myself? That way I could go wherever I wanted. I don't really have any problems with being in debt from student loans, but I also don't have enough life experience to know exactly what that entails.

Thoughts?

Debt is a bitch but it is not the worst thing in life. You'll survive. Do what you believe is right for you as a person and the rest will fall into place. If you realize you made a mistake, it's okay. It's normal and you will learn from it. Don't let fear of making a mistake get in the way of achieving something you truly want.

Apathy
08-01-2008, 12:18 AM
This may sound stupid, but the main reason I don't want to go to Madison is that many people from my school go there every year, and I was hoping to get away from most of my high school. Plus I used to live in Madison and I hated it.

As for the studying, Not sure either.

Betty
08-01-2008, 12:19 AM
Debt is not the end of the world, I'll concur. Especially if you're planning on getting a job that pays half decently.

You should go to the school you want, and I'd imagine you could probably even convince your mom to get on board if you insist that you'll pay for it yourself if need be.

bighead384
08-01-2008, 01:18 AM
The thing is, despite what some might say, I really don't think it's had an awful impact on my personality like it's supposed to.


...naaah, too easy.

Just in case anyone missed out on the comedy, I thought I'd quote it.

F@ BANKZ
08-01-2008, 02:33 AM
I do a lot of vouluntery work to make myself feel of more use, it's actually more fulfiling than I had expected it would be. It always used to seem soulless to work hard for a day purely to receive a wod of notes. When I am studying I consider it more acceptable to be dependant on others, but if I am idle I always feel an urge to contribute to a cause. I have to make my own money for luxuaries that exceed 30 a month, although I do not tend to buy many large items so 30 for a sandwich and chocolate bar here and there is perfectly reasonable. At any rate, voulentary work is highly recommended; help out the people who need it the most. If you feel remorseful towards your parents directly more than anything then I would advice you show appreciation and, if you feel like it, gradually become more self-sufficient.

As for debt - drawn from my nonexistent personal experiences - I think it depends on the person. My uncle & aunt practically live in debt and live a high quality of life very happily. My parents on the other hand, who do not have so much money, used to stay awake at night when they were a couple of thousand pounds in debt. I know that whenever I owe somebody money (usually in the 1-4.50 spare change region) I feel very uncomfortable until it is paid. My father seems to think that because his parents became affluent when he was about to leave home, he didn't become dependent on the high-price lifestyle his brother did.

Sunny
08-01-2008, 03:03 AM
Do you think it would be a good idea to tell her I'd rather just pay for it myself? That way I could go wherever I wanted. I don't really have any problems with being in debt from student loans, but I also don't have enough life experience to know exactly what that entails.

Thoughts?

on one hand, student debt kinda sucks. my mens and i pay $1k to student loans every month. it's a bummer. at the same time, though, if you have a decent job, you should be able to pay it off no problem. and the ability to freely choose which school you want to go to is very nice.

however... do you really want to get yourself balls deep in debt to get away from people from your high school? if there is a significant academic difference between the schools, i'd get it... but if not wanting to be around some people is the primary factor here, i'd reconsider. is it really worth all that money to you?

Little_Miss_1565
08-01-2008, 01:38 PM
The problem is this: because my mom decided to help- she's trying to convince me to go to schools I don't want to go to. Namely, University of Wisconsin Madison. She says that it'll be far far cheaper than where I was considering going, University of Chicago, because it's in state.

You know what, I'd actually recommend UW-Madison over U of Chicago. Not only is Madison cooler than Chicago, but U of Chicago seems to produce...not very smart people. Or at least, idiot savants. I had a friend from high school who was waitlisted then taken off the waitlist and admitted, and then lorded it over anyone with ears, so I was really surprised to find out that the school doesn't have a very good reputation.