PDA

View Full Version : About me.



KHWHD
08-21-2008, 06:53 PM
Some of you know me, others don't or care not to. Anyway, a little bit of personal stuff about me. I have 2 daughters, Nina (10/17/05) and Aaliyah (12/08/06.) I was with their father for a little over 2 years. And yes, he is the father of both. Hate when complete strangers ask.. "Same father?" Fuck off. :rolleyes: We met playing an online video game 5 1/2 years ago. Tacky I know. He left when Aaliyah was 2 weeks old. Calvin (my ex) left and went back to his ex-wife in MD. Just until recently I found out it wasn't his ex. They were never divorced. He told me that he thought that they were. I wasn't pleased with that, believe me.

He left her the first time because he caught her cheating on him and got knocked up by some douches kid. Then he tells me Saturday that he once again caught her with someone else. Long story. He moved out and is now living in his car because he's trying to save up to move into a new apartment. Calvin was in the USMC for over 7 years. He's very quiet and very disciplined. He rarely pays child support (I think I've got maybe $5-600.00 from him in nearly 2 years.) He's been here 3 times to see them. He lives 8 hours away (drive.) The longest span was from March of last year to Sept. He was just here about 2 months ago for 1 whole day.

Part of me will always love him, because he is my daughters' father. Another part of me hates him for not coming to see them (he works and goes to ITT Tech in MD) and for not paying support. I'm at a loss. I can't seem to get over him. It's been nearly 2 years since he left and my heart breaks for him. At first I cried when he told me (about Kellie cheating on him,) then I laughed cause I figure... fuck Calvin... she cheated on you before, and you were stupid enough to go back to her.

Nvm. My link was removed for some reason.


I don't know. He's called me a couple times this week and sounds all chipper and shit but I know he's hurting. Should I tell him to just to suck it up (he always says that) and move on, or be there for him after what he's done to his daughters' and I? Here are a few pics. of him and the girls. The one of him and the girls was taken almost 2 months ago. One of my nephew and Nina, and one of my baby girl. Thanks for reading if you made it this far, I appreciate the help and/or advice.

http://img399.imageshack.us/img399/4054/n66346500433726047398yg4.jpg

http://img399.imageshack.us/img399/6064/bothin2.jpg

http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/8177/81088421rk8.jpg

Apathy
08-21-2008, 07:03 PM
I hate commenting on other peoples lives, because no matter how much you write I never know enough about the situation to accurately give any advice.

I'm mostly just posting because I want to point out that he got his "Associates Degree in CNS" on my birthday.

Other than that: fuck him. Sounds like he screwed up and no matter how overused the proverb is - Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

That goes for you too. Take him back if you like, but don't expect to stay together for more than a few years.

KHWHD
08-21-2008, 07:04 PM
I hate commenting on other peoples lives, because no matter how much you write I never know enough about the situation to accurately give any advice.

I'm mostly just posting because I want to point out that he got his "Associates Degree in CNS" on my birthday.

Other than that: fuck him. Sounds like he screwed up and no matter how overused the proverb is - Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

That goes for you too. Take him back if you like, but don't expect to stay together for more than a few years.

I never said we were getting back together. I just wanted to know if I should tell him to move on or be there for him as a "friend" through all of this. He keeps whining to me that he's not eating cause he keeps puking. :confused:

KHWHD
08-21-2008, 07:25 PM
Here are 2 of Calvins blogs on his Myspace. First blog is from Sat. and second one is from today (if you hadn't noticed the date at the top. :p)

http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/6091/41147719an3.jpg

http://img119.imageshack.us/img119/6440/37659543or6.jpg

Apathy
08-21-2008, 07:29 PM
I never said we were getting back together.

That doesn't matter. You've probably thought about it.

KHWHD
08-21-2008, 07:33 PM
That doesn't matter. You've probably thought about it.

Of course I have. Thought about it on and off for 2 years. Kids deserve to have both of their parents in their lives FULLTIME. I think that has been the hardest thing of all between himself and I are that we're not from the same country. It's always been an issue. I admitted that I still love him and he knows that, but we both know that it'll never work because of the "being in different countries" thing. He loves his job too much, and I refuse to move out of Canada. *shrugs*

MindlessSelfIndulgent
08-21-2008, 08:12 PM
I'll say: Fuck him. He's an idiot. Tell him that he should've learned from his mistakes. His wife cheated, and he was stupid enough to take her back. Of course she'll do it again. Tell him not to just come crying back to you because his marriage failed once again.

Buuut, that's impossible, isn't it? When you really care about someone, you can't just tell them to fuck off. It's the hardest thing to do. No matter how bad they've treated you.
And he iiiis the father to your children, so I don't think it's a good idea to totally cut him off, eventhough he has been an asshole.

So maybe you should just keep a low profile. Be there for him, but don't over do it. Talk to him, but don't give him pity. He doesn't deserve it.

lost_nvrfound
08-21-2008, 08:14 PM
Terri, you've told me a lot about this guy and i'm not trying to make a reference to anything here, but his shit is fucked up. I think that you need to let him figure his whole situation out on his own, to protect yourself from being hurt again. When he's ready, he'll come see the girls and try a little harder. Just don't let him drag you into his mess. You deserve better than that. Better than him.

KHWHD
08-21-2008, 08:20 PM
Be there for him, but don't over do it. Talk to him, but don't give him pity. He doesn't deserve it.

Funny thing is, is that he NEEDS pity. He would never admit it, but he is needy. He can't be alone. He has REALLY bad low self esteem. Needs to be told he does good in school, that he's good looking, great in bed, great at a game (online,) etc., etc., etc. That's who he is. He knows he's really good at a lot of things. He is really arrogant, but needs the extra boost for some reason. I've never really understood that.

MindlessSelfIndulgent
08-21-2008, 08:34 PM
Funny thing is, is that he NEEDS pity. He would never admit it, but he is needy. He can't be alone. He has REALLY bad low self esteem. Needs to be told he does good in school, that he's good looking, great in bed, great at a game (online,) etc., etc., etc. That's who he is. He knows he's really good at a lot of things. He is really arrogant, but needs the extra boost for some reason. I've never really understood that.


Gah, I know guys like that. They're worst.
But it sounds like he's just coming to you for pity then :/ For a self esteem boost. I'm sure you're great at saying all the right things, that will make him feel all better about himself. But I don't think you should do that, because I'm afraid he won't be there afterwards :/

KHWHD
08-21-2008, 09:02 PM
Gah, I know guys like that. They're worst.
But it sounds like he's just coming to you for pity then :/ For a self esteem boost. I'm sure you're great at saying all the right things, that will make him feel all better about himself. But I don't think you should do that, because I'm afraid he won't be there afterwards :/

Well the last time I talked to him was yesterday and he just emailed me asking if I'm okay cause he hasn't heard from me in a while. :rolleyes: I told him that it bothers me that I really didn't hear from him a whole lot in 2 years (maybe 1 email a week) then all of a sudden Kelly fucks around on him and he's emailing me 10-20 times a day, if not more. He said he needs someone to talk to besides his Mother (he's close with her) that knows about his feelings. He denies that he's using me to get over his feelings for Kellie, but I disagree. I called him a few min. ago to make sure he was ok and he's staying at a friends place and told me to call him tomorrow. I don't know.

T-6005
08-21-2008, 09:20 PM
I can't help but think that it's improper to post things that people have written on their myspace, public as myspace might be.

It's like I'm suddenly being made a witness to somebody's private life when they don't know about it, which bothers me.

KHWHD
08-21-2008, 09:52 PM
I can't help but think that it's improper to post things that people have written on their myspace, public as myspace might be.

It's like I'm suddenly being made a witness to somebody's private life when they don't know about it, which bothers me.

I understand that, but his blog is public so ANYONE can read it. Therefore it isn't too personal for anyone that doesn't know him can see it.

Little_Miss_1565
08-21-2008, 10:49 PM
He will always be the father of your children, so you do need to maintain some kind of relationship with him if you want him to be a part of the girls' lives. But being a role model for your kids also means you are obligated not to be a doormat. He's turning to you for pity and love because he's been hurt very badly, and you can keep the door open, but he ran out on you once so he is more than capable of doing it again.

Fool me once, shame on you. But fool me twice, shame on me. If he went back to his ex knowing she cheated on him, he can't pretend to be surprised that she'd do it again. But that doesn't mean you can't give him a sympathetic ear if you feel it's right to do so. Talk to him about how he feels and validate those feelings, but don't trash talk the ex yourself. And if you need child support, ask for it. Don't give more than you can reasonably expect back.

I agree with Or4ng3 in that I weird about his blog being screencapped here, but it's there and I read parts of it. All I can say is that his shit sounds childish. I don't think I wrote blog entries like that after I left my college boyfriend for abusing me. And I was 18. I don't know how old this guy is, but he's certainly old enough to know better. Not that my journal isn't full of shit like that, but that's old school pen to paper and kept in my dresser where the world doesn't read it.

KHWHD
08-21-2008, 11:00 PM
He will always be the father of your children, so you do need to maintain some kind of relationship with him if you want him to be a part of the girls' lives. But being a role model for your kids also means you are obligated not to be a doormat. He's turning to you for pity and love because he's been hurt very badly, and you can keep the door open, but he ran out on you once so he is more than capable of doing it again.

Fool me once, shame on you. But fool me twice, shame on me. If he went back to his ex knowing she cheated on him, he can't pretend to be surprised that she'd do it again. But that doesn't mean you can't give him a sympathetic ear if you feel it's right to do so. Talk to him about how he feels and validate those feelings, but don't trash talk the ex yourself. And if you need child support, ask for it. Don't give more than you can reasonably expect back.

I agree with Or4ng3 in that I weird about his blog being screencapped here, but it's there and I read parts of it. All I can say is that his shit sounds childish. I don't think I wrote blog entries like that after I left my college boyfriend for abusing me. And I was 18. I don't know how old this guy is, but he's certainly old enough to know better. Not that my journal isn't full of shit like that, but that's old school pen to paper and kept in my dresser where the world doesn't read it.

I'm doing the best I can, and I agree. I don't trash talk her, he does enough of that on his own... haha. Yes, I agree it's juvenile in his blogs. I was honestly shocked reading what he posted. If he was smart, he'd make those blogs private instead of public. That's a lot of trash talking for such personal stuff for the entire world to read. Oh well, not my problem. Like I said, he's a very quiet person and that's how he "talks." I remember when we were together we'd be on our PC's (same room) and he would literally email me from the same fucking room, I kid you not. He's always been that way. Instead of communicating and talking he'd email you. I remember Kellie told me that over a year ago on the phone. He blames it on his past.. blah, blah. Calvin completely changed when I had our first daughter. We disconnected totally for some reason. It wasn't me, it was him. Calvin turned 30 in March.

Sunny
08-22-2008, 05:21 AM
he sounds incredibly immature, like a 16 year old boy. i don't think i need to point out the hypocrisy of calling him calling his wife a "slut" and "ho" and saying he wants to seriously hurt her for cheating on him, while *he* cheated on her too... and had two children. what's the difference?

he also sounds... uhh... pretty delinquent. a 30 year old father of 2 who hasn't paid child support in months and doesn't bother to visit his kids all that often? yikes.

i don't know how involved he needs to be in your life, but it just doesn't sound like he's bringing all that much into it. not for you and not for your children.

KHWHD
08-22-2008, 07:27 AM
he sounds incredibly immature, like a 16 year old boy. i don't think i need to point out the hypocrisy of calling him calling his wife a "slut" and "ho" and saying he wants to seriously hurt her for cheating on him, while *he* cheated on her too... and had two children. what's the difference?

he also sounds... uhh... pretty delinquent. a 30 year old father of 2 who hasn't paid child support in months and doesn't bother to visit his kids all that often? yikes.

i don't know how involved he needs to be in your life, but it just doesn't sound like he's bringing all that much into it. not for you and not for your children.

His excuse has always been that he has bills too that has to be paid. And that it costs a fair amount to drive up here. Yet he told me the other night that it would cost him around $50 to drive here. Which I personally found inexpensive to drive 8 hours, 1 way. No idea.

Sunny
08-22-2008, 07:50 AM
honestly, i'm still in my 20s and don't have any kids, so maybe i don't know what i'm talking about... but i figure that once you have children, you need to "man up" a bit and stop making excuses, and learn some personal responsibility. it seems like he likes to play the blame game a lot... blames his past, his bills, his personality, whatever... to make up for the fact that he's not living up to his duties as the father of your children.

you say he needs your pity and constant reassurance. have you tried not giving him what he wants? how does he react?

KHWHD
08-22-2008, 07:56 AM
honestly, i'm still in my 20s and don't have any kids, so maybe i don't know what i'm talking about... but i figure that once you have children, you need to "man up" a bit and stop making excuses, and learn some personal responsibility. it seems like he likes to play the blame game a lot... blames his past, his bills, his personality, whatever... to make up for the fact that he's not living up to his duties as the father of your children.

you say he needs your pity and constant reassurance. have you tried not giving him what he wants? how does he react?

Well like I said, we spoke occasionally over the last 2 years. He just told me today that he didn't talk a lot to me because he was in a relationship and thought it would have been disrespectful if it wasn't to do with the girls'. He told me that if I didn't want to talk to him (help him get through this) that it was fine and he'd be alright. But yet he condradicts himself. He's lying because he needs someone to talk to cause in reality, he doesn't have anyone else other than his family and me.

lost_nvrfound
08-22-2008, 02:11 PM
His excuse has always been that he has bills too that has to be paid. And that it costs a fair amount to drive up here. Yet he told me the other night that it would cost him around $50 to drive here. Which I personally found inexpensive to drive 8 hours, 1 way. No idea.

I think thats one of the most goddamn pathetic excuses and men are allowed to say it to goddamn often. When I was a kid, my dad would go hungry if thats what it took to pay the child support on time. There is nothing that pisses me off more than hearing that some guy is using it as an excuse. THATS FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE!!!

KHWHD
08-22-2008, 07:36 PM
He admitted that he "needs" me cause he needs to talk to someone. Saying he needs companionship and that he's lonely. I got a total of 23 emails from him today. I'll be there as a friend and a shoulder to cry on, but I'm not going to fall into a trap again, fuck that. He hurt me too badly when he left.

T-6005
08-22-2008, 10:56 PM
I agree with Or4ng3 in that I weird about his blog being screencapped here
itsme@fishing4credit.com

Sunny
08-23-2008, 05:49 AM
He admitted that he "needs" me cause he needs to talk to someone. Saying he needs companionship and that he's lonely. I got a total of 23 emails from him today.

unless there was a major emergency, 23 emails is straight-up psycho, especially coming from a 30 year old man. a needy 13 year old boy... maybe.

JoY
08-23-2008, 09:39 AM
sounds like you fell for the wrong guy.
of course it'd be great for your kids to grow up with two loving parents, who take care of them, who love them, who support them & who raise them. but it isn't always an option & your story somehow makes me think he's not really up for the job of being a dad.

maybe it's possible they're better off not hanging out with their dad, or that the three of you together, you & your kids, are better off if he isn't around? because if you still love him, with all that he's done, it's got to be hurtful that he's trying to pull you back towards him. I imagine the situation is immensely tensed; he has a wife, lives in another country, you have his kids, you still love him, he tries to get your attention & affection.... it must be very stressful for you & the kids. I can't imagine that's healthy for you, as a family. are you sure he isn't just using you for attention & love, that he isn't feeding his ego with it & needs it to feel better & that it is the only reason he contacts you so much?

I don't know, but it might be possible that the fact he's still trying to keep in touch with you kind of blocks you from picking up your life after all that he's done & all that's happened. that can't be good. it seems clear that he isn't going to move to where you live & isn't really planning on being a fulltime dad to his children, that he has his life there, with his wife & his job & everything.

KHWHD
08-24-2008, 01:21 PM
Anyhoooo.... I told Calvin last night that I don't want him emailing me anymore unless it has to do with his daughters or if he's upset about Kellie and needs a shoulder to cry on. Not bad, only got 14 emails from him yesterday and none today.............................. so far. I don't think he was very happy about that, oh well. He made this blog last night too.

http://img115.imageshack.us/img115/1469/15067045uv2.jpg

Not really sure what to think of it. I've heard this same song and dance for over a year now. Meaning he'll concentrate on his girls. I told him last night that his main concern is HIM, not them. Again, I don't think he was pleased with that.

Oh, and he said CHARMIN and Aaliyah. Ninas' birth name is Charmin Nina, and I told him I'd never call her that cause I didn't really like it... hence why I call her Nina. Charmin is his Moms' name and Nina is what people call her. And of course Aaliyah was named after the singer that died. He again named her too.

KHWHD
08-24-2008, 02:16 PM
Look, I didn't mean to start a war between members and mods here. All I wanted was some advice.

Little_Miss_1565
08-24-2008, 02:30 PM
Look, I didn't mean to start a war between members and mods here. All I wanted was some advice.

...which you did get, am I mistaken?

You didn't start anything. Did your mom ever say "I don't care who started it but I'm here to finish it"? It's kinda like that right now. Someone picks on someone else, then that person turns around and picks on someone else just so they don't feel like they're being victimized anymore. You have kids, you know how it goes. ;)

KHWHD
08-26-2008, 10:46 PM
Haha. Calvin emailed me and asked if I could take a bus with the girls to go see him --- of course he'd have to pay. I'm like, first of all... there's no way in hell I would take an 8 hour bus ride with 2 kids. Second of all, they need passports. And lastly, he's staying at a friends place. And his reply was... so maybe? My God. So much easier for him to bus it (his car is unreliable) than it is for 2 kids and myself. :rolleyes: