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View Full Version : Penis request for a raise (NO it isn't porn)



KHWHD
10-06-2008, 05:57 PM
My Mom sent this to me. I lol'd at it. :D

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response:

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V . A Gina

Tyler Durden
10-06-2008, 07:01 PM
Sorry, sexual innuendo isn't that funny to me anymore...

KHWHD
10-06-2008, 07:28 PM
Sorry, sexual innuendo isn't that funny to me anymore...

It wasn't funny to me either when I was like 14. The post is more for "grown-ups."

HeadAroundU
10-06-2008, 08:07 PM
I lol'd, but not at the first post.

Conspiracyof1000
10-06-2008, 08:17 PM
I must be really immature if I found that funny, then...>_>

Ryder1234
10-06-2008, 08:22 PM
I found it funny too.

Hey HAU is back...

ninthlayer
10-06-2008, 08:32 PM
Yo dawgs, my mom sent me this super funny e-mail:


Yo Ninthz,

I regret birthing you. FWD THIS TO ALL OF YR FRIENDS BECAUSE YR A FAGGOT.

ps: I'm listening to Journey right now. Your bio used to fuck my brains out to this jam. Now I have Meniere's Disease. Eeewwwweeeaaaaahhhhh.

People that forward//post e-mails in forums are assholes.

Jakebert
10-06-2008, 08:51 PM
It wasn't funny to me either when I was like 14. The post is more for "grown-ups."

....what? Really?

Cock Joke
10-06-2008, 09:24 PM
Ahahahahahahaha! I'm reading that to my brother when I get the chance.

KHWHD
10-07-2008, 02:31 AM
Yo dawgs, my mom sent me this super funny e-mail:



People that forward//post e-mails in forums are assholes.

You're calling me an asshole? Ouch, you hurt my girlie girl feelings. :rolleyes:

Sunny
10-07-2008, 03:48 AM
It wasn't funny to me either when I was like 14. The post is more for "grown-ups."

this is by far the funniest thing in this entire thread. you're a comedic genius, Shank.

Rutegard
10-07-2008, 04:09 AM
My Mom sent this to me. I lol'd at it. :D

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response:

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V . A Gina


LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

poor penis....

but well, administration is fucking right...

what a situation we got here :p

wheelchairman
10-07-2008, 04:43 AM
Am I the only that finds this constant criticism of Shank to be pathetic?

Why is it necessary? What is your motivation?

Is it because she reacts so strongly to criticism? Or is it her terrible tastes that you feel need judging?

And really does everyone need to criticize the same thing. Is it necessary to hop on the pathetic-bandwagon? It's the ugliest side of this bbs when people do that.

Sunny
10-07-2008, 04:49 AM
if you post something that's deeply unfunny or plain stupid, and then claim others just don't get it because they're 1. not accustomed to sarcasm or 2. simply too young to comprehend it, you will have your ass handed to you. this is Human Interactions 101, or so i thought. do you think this mechanism is fundamentally unjust? or am i missing something?

GreenTerror
10-07-2008, 04:56 AM
I thought it was pretty funny and I'm not (entirely) an immiture retard. I don't see why everyone's making a huge deal about it, either, to be honest.

Rutegard
10-07-2008, 05:08 AM
I thought it was pretty funny and I'm not (entirely) an immiture retard. I don't see why everyone's making a huge deal about it, either, to be honest.

i think it was funny and i just stop drinking milk last week soo....i'm still really young eheheh

wheelchairman
10-07-2008, 05:11 AM
if you post something that's deeply unfunny or plain stupid, and then claim others just don't get it because they're 1. not accustomed to sarcasm or 2. simply too young to comprehend it, you will have your ass handed to you. this is Human Interactions 101, or so i thought. do you think this mechanism is fundamentally unjust? or am i missing something?

I think it's way overdoing it when more than two people feel it necessary to point out why that particularly comment was stupid. I mean we don't normally approve of people constantly repeating each other, yet a pat on the back for a good insult seems to be the norm. And really only the comment of one person is required.

It's just quite ugly.

Sunny
10-07-2008, 05:39 AM
my understanding is that this is the way member behavior is regulated in communities, online or otherwise. whether that side of human behavior is ugly or not is not for me to judge. if many members of a community dislike something you do, you will get negative feedback from more than one person. similarly, if members of a community like something you do, you will get a lot of praise. eventually, that feedback shapes the way people behave. many of today's respected members came here and got slagged for posting stupid shit and corrected their behavior.

should we limit the amount of repetitive comments for the sake of avoiding redundancy? i mean... aren't most interactions on this board pretty repetitive? a good thread will usually get 15+ "lulz" or "lets secks". a bad thread will get 15+ "you suck". i don't necessarily see a problem with that. should there be a rule that limits criticisms to 2-3 comments max?

i oppose people attacking people for the hell of it, and i do believe that to be an ugly side of online interaction. however, when Shank posts worthwhile content - be it about her new job, asking for advice or posting photos of her children, people react favorably.

H1T_That
10-07-2008, 06:26 AM
Yeah, it wasn't all that funny...

T-6005
10-07-2008, 06:42 AM
I think I read that one. In 1999.

I actually thought it was hilarious then.

JohnnyNemesis
10-07-2008, 08:06 AM
I hate every single thing about this thread for various reasons.

Cock Joke
10-07-2008, 09:00 AM
You know what? I should have said "Nice cock joke, Shank!"



I blew it. ;)

JohnnyNemesis
10-07-2008, 09:03 AM
I blew it. ;)

I see what you did there? I think?

Cock Joke
10-07-2008, 09:07 AM
You sure did.

Out on Patrol
10-07-2008, 09:09 AM
I knew it, and i like it hah :D

ad8
10-07-2008, 10:21 AM
It seems childish, but I liked it, though.

Sofinch
10-07-2008, 10:42 AM
I rode it before (but in Dutch):p

lost_nvrfound
10-07-2008, 11:29 AM
i've honestly gotta say that me and most of my friends alike wouldn't have found this funny at 14. She seriously had a valid point there.

Granted, it was more dumb then funny, but i did chuckle.

Sunny, you seem to be the worst on here for jumping all over shank when she posts something you don't like. get off her case.

holland25
10-07-2008, 11:37 AM
I rode it before (but in Dutch):p

I always thought the past simple of READ is READ...

And as to Shank's joke, I liked it when I was like 16-17, now I don't consider it that funny.

disclaimer_07
10-07-2008, 12:03 PM
Talking about penises, this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpa4Ya-6d7U) is so hilarious. Kinda old, but still funny.

Vera
10-07-2008, 12:19 PM
This isn't anything to jump on Shank, if you enjoy this sort of messages, go right ahead, more power to you.

Myself I'm more than fed up with annoying "funny emails" that circulate and people forward to everybody they know with sex jokes and naughty generalizations about men and women. People have luckily stopped forwarding such stuff to me, but there was a time few years ago when a couple RL friends (who I love but didn't have to heart to tell 'em "stop sending me this crap, plz") used to send this type of stuff as well as the endless "send this to 92749 people or your left arm will fall off" type emails.

But they seem to still hold a certain appeal to people. My dad's gf works at an office and she loves this kind of stuff, it's very popular among her circle of friends and she says they cheer her up during exhausting work days. *shrug*

lost_nvrfound
10-07-2008, 12:31 PM
lol. I know how that is. I used to get them ALL the time. Once i didn't check my email for an entire summer (crazy, no?) and when i finally did, my friends had sent me hundreds of those things. There wasn't a single worthwhile message in my inbox (part of the reason i stopped checking.)

Now I just get one every now and then. They usually make me giggle. The only ones that really bother me anymore are the "ZOMGZZ!!!1!1!!!11 WORST VIRUS EVER!" and they are all "snopes has confirmed it" but you look on snopes and it says its not real. A-FREAKING-NNOYING!

Free?
10-07-2008, 12:38 PM
Why does every random-thing thread started by Shank ends up with discussing her? I know, this time wheelchairman's intention was exactly opposite, but some of us can't be helped but go on with bashing Shank. Let's leave it already people, I think she chooses words much more carefully than from the start. And accepts much more critics in her address with much less opposing. Meh, I've got a feeling that I've messed up with my English :s

Sunny
10-07-2008, 12:56 PM
This isn't anything to jump on Shank, if you enjoy this sort of messages, go right ahead, more power to you.

Myself I'm more than fed up with annoying "funny emails" that circulate and people forward to everybody they know with sex jokes and naughty generalizations about men and women. People have luckily stopped forwarding such stuff to me, but there was a time few years ago when a couple RL friends (who I love but didn't have to heart to tell 'em "stop sending me this crap, plz") used to send this type of stuff as well as the endless "send this to 92749 people or your left arm will fall off" type emails.

But they seem to still hold a certain appeal to people. My dad's gf works at an office and she loves this kind of stuff, it's very popular among her circle of friends and she says they cheer her up during exhausting work days. *shrug*

oh, people L-O-V-E forward emails. from "funny kittenz" to "hang in there" or "good friends are like ____" messages... it never ends. i find they're most popular among the middle-aged office set and older relatives (my mens' aunts send me tons of those). then again, i have the good sense not to repost them on boards or book of the face, because... just... no.

ninthlayer
10-07-2008, 02:42 PM
Forwarding e-mails has always seemed to hold a greater appeal to the "my-vagina-is-drying/dried-up-and-i'm-so-pathetically-alone" types than anyone else. It's like, I guess the e-mail in this thread is supposed to be empowering to that crowd or something because no one really wants to put the dong shaft to a sandy v and they're in denial of the fact that no one wants to be with their washed-up, child birthing axe-wounds.

brb, masturbating to how awesome I am (shit's SO cash)

Sunny
10-07-2008, 02:55 PM
the concept of chain emails being a source of inspiration, empowerment or spiritual nourishment (cunt ur blessings :):):o) is something i can't really comprehend.

and i totally lolled at "sandy v". for shame!

IamSam
10-07-2008, 03:10 PM
This thread fails in all aspects but one. Be it from the attempted humor to the judging of people's posts because they are all to 'negitive.'

The only win is ninth because more and more so I find what he said to be true.

Cock Joke
10-07-2008, 03:24 PM
I rode it before (but in Dutch):p

ANOTHER COCK JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is my lucky day.