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_Lost_
11-07-2008, 11:37 AM
So today in my chemistry class, I ended up sitting behind two of the dumbest people I had ever heard. First its just this girl talking to her guy friend about this party she went to recently:

"And so I got up on the bar in my MINISKIRT and started dancing too. These guys just started giving me 1 dollar bills. I don't know why. They just kept giving them to me. I ended up making 3 WHOLE DOLLARS!"

Then, her friend sat down beside her:

"So I won this 3 day 2 night vacation, but heres the thing, it was a $5 shipping charge for the welcome package. So I think its legit. I called the guy back and it was the same guy and he gave me all this information and so i think its legit."

"What contest did you enter?"

"Oh, I didn't enter anything. I just got this call from them saying that I had won some raffle."

The guy: "Did they ask you for any information?"

"Yeah, I gave them my credit card number."

I just felt the need to share that. I couldn't believe it. Who has had these type of experiences? Do tell.

OffspringHead
11-07-2008, 11:46 AM
I had a girl ask me: "When does China's votes get counted?" on election night.

nightvision
11-07-2008, 12:45 PM
Lost: That was really awesome :D

_Lost_
11-07-2008, 12:51 PM
All these safety nets are reversing darwin's theories...

Rooster
11-07-2008, 12:57 PM
So today in my chemistry class, I ended up sitting behind two of the dumbest people I had ever heard. First its just this girl talking to her guy friend about this party she went to recently:

"And so I got up on the bar in my MINISKIRT and started dancing too. These guys just started giving me 1 dollar bills. I don't know why. They just kept giving them to me. I ended up making 3 WHOLE DOLLARS!"

Then, her friend sat down beside her:

"So I won this 3 day 2 night vacation, but heres the thing, it was a $5 shipping charge for the welcome package. So I think its legit. I called the guy back and it was the same guy and he gave me all this information and so i think its legit."

"What contest did you enter?"

"Oh, I didn't enter anything. I just got this call from them saying that I had won some raffle."

The guy: "Did they ask you for any information?"

"Yeah, I gave them my credit card number."

I just felt the need to share that. I couldn't believe it. Who has had these type of experiences? Do tell.

All the theories about evolution of life have been wiped out by these two geniuses.

On the other hand, they made my day :D

JohnnyNemesis
11-07-2008, 01:00 PM
This may not have been mindblowingly dumb, but I overheard this girl at a bar claim that someone "stole her Myspace song" and started using it on her page.

The song in question was "Paper Planes" by M.I.A.

Right, girl. You're the only one who had that song there, and people do give a fuck about your Myspace. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

F@ BANKZ
11-07-2008, 01:09 PM
A friend of mine (well, my friend) said that Africa was both a country and a continent, but I've been using that story here since that happened, about three years ago.

_Lost_
11-07-2008, 01:37 PM
I also knew this girl who once asked if there was such thing as a barbecue plant, and if not, then where did barbecue come from. And once me, my brother, sister and mom unintentionally convinced my brother's girlfriend at the time that kilbasa(sp?) was a real animal. It burrows underground, is very long and thin, and it has no eyes. We were just making jokes about it and she says "Wait! Kilbasa is a real animal?? I didn't know!"

nieh
11-07-2008, 01:47 PM
I once convinced someone that the pigeons at Disney World are actually all security cameras/robots.

*waits for it*

I also once convinced someone that a guy she started dated a few weeks earlier was an assassin and she was so freaked out by it that she actually called him up and asked him. I think they broke up that day (or at best a few days later).
Although, really, all the signs DID point to assassin.

F@ BANKZ
11-07-2008, 02:09 PM
I also once convinced someone that a guy she started dated a few weeks earlier was an assassin and she was so freaked out by it that she actually called him up and asked him. I think they broke up that day (or at best a few days later).

Oh my gosh...

The closest I ever came to something that awesome was when we were using a joke-non-electric-hand-shaker-thing on a weedy kid's back, then we pursuaded him that it was a taser and that we were winding the kinetic-electricity up, and he called the teacher over and told her we had been attacking him with a taser. We all received a hearty laugh, then pursuaded the teacher it was a pen...

...Then when she went away we killed him with a taser.

Edit:
I once convinced someone that the pigeons at Disney World are actually all security cameras/robots.
Oh my gosh...

randman21
11-07-2008, 04:41 PM
When we were in something like 7th grade, my best friend very successfully convinced his mom that the Fs on his report card stood for "Fantastic".

Bipolar Bear
11-07-2008, 05:05 PM
i convinced my little brother that we were vampires and that when he'd reach
12 years of age he'd turn into one himself

he cried.

_Lost_
11-07-2008, 05:15 PM
When we were in something like 7th grade, my best friend very successfully convinced his mom that the Fs on his report card stood for "Fantastic".

HAHAHA rofl! Thats just flat out amazing!

Rag Doll
11-07-2008, 06:43 PM
I once convinced someone that the pigeons at Disney World are actually all security cameras/robots.

*waits for it*



i hate you.

i never really remember stupid stuff other people say/do. mainly just the stuff i say/do.

though, my mom and i had a VERY long discussion with my friend about what places (london, ohio, las vegas, england, etc) were cities, states, and countries. she kept asking us if we were SURE london was not a country and SURE that las vegas was not a state and SURE that ohio was not a town in texas.

iPunk247
11-07-2008, 07:14 PM
ME need i say more? yikes!

nieh
11-07-2008, 07:27 PM
i hate you.

Hey, you reminded me of it when we saw MTB!

the_real_potomek
11-08-2008, 12:58 AM
once me, my mum and my cousin went to a shop and my mother asked us of finding toothpicks. after a while my cousin came to us and said delighted that she found it. but it weren't toothpicks, it was shashlik sticks.

Rutegard
11-08-2008, 10:48 AM
i had a hard time trying to convince my sister's boyfriend that real twins actually come from the same egg and sperm, that dinossaurs actually existed, and that mick jagger can read musical notation (staff)

and i had a "friend" of mine really pissed at me because he said that vegetables feel pain when you cut/kill them, and that he actually can hear it screams if there isn't too much noise around.....well, he failed, 'cause i still can't hear anything suspicious 'till now

Grimesy da Offspringfan
11-08-2008, 10:59 AM
The dumbest people on this f*cked up planet are working for MTV...who think Osaka Motel (and Linkin Park, but it's not THAT bad) is better thatn Metallica

bighead384
11-08-2008, 11:18 AM
One time my friend who just moved to Philly asked me how the weather has been back home when I visited him. We live like 15 miles from Philly.

I've heard worse, but that's just what popped into my head.

wheelchairman
11-08-2008, 03:42 PM
The dumbest people on this f*cked up planet are working for MTV...who think Osaka Motel (and Linkin Park, but it's not THAT bad) is better thatn Metallica

No you're wrong, the dumbest people on the planet are people who think taste is quantifiable and measurable and that there is verifiably good art and verifiably bad art.

Rooster
11-08-2008, 03:52 PM
When we were in something like 7th grade, my best friend very successfully convinced his mom that the Fs on his report card stood for "Fantastic".

I'm speechles. That dude deserves a statue, so that all future generations of liars would be reminded of this amazing achievement and could worship him over the next few million years... He reached immortality

Grimesy da Offspringfan
11-08-2008, 03:52 PM
No you're wrong, the dumbest people on the planet are people who think taste is quantifiable and measurable and that there is verifiably good art and verifiably bad art.

That's true, but i mean, compare a few young strange girls with Metallica? That's ridicoulous

T-6005
11-08-2008, 04:06 PM
That's true, but i mean, compare a few young strange girls with Metallica? That's ridicoulous

You must be the last stop on the Obvious Express.

JoY
11-08-2008, 07:31 PM
awesome stories.

I've got me some barbie roommates & one time I was sitting in the kitchen, doing my thing, boiling an egg, & two of my roommates came in, talking to each other & I picked up one particular bit of their conversation I will NEVER forget; "oh my god, did you see what she was wearing?? like, she is SO wannabe-hip!"

oh yes boys & girls, the word "wannabe-hip" actually happened in MY kitchen.

JoY
11-08-2008, 07:35 PM
by the way, I also had a girl in my class, who asked if the ETA (pronounced in Dutch as Ata) speaks EETS (pronounced in Dutch as AIDS) & who asked the ONE guy in class with massive glasses on his nose if he has lenses. bright girl that was.

Desperado
11-08-2008, 07:49 PM
No you're wrong, the dumbest people on the planet are people who think taste is quantifiable and measurable and that there is verifiably good art and verifiably bad art.

No. When you compare "Want You Bad" with something such as "Amazed" or "Dirty Magic", is there honestly a doubt in you're mind which is superior, or a doubt in ANYONE'S mind? I doubt it. And if somebody said that "Want You Bad" was a better song, they would sound...well, stupid. Admit it, music is also art and can be objectively measured. People have different tastes but you can still measure something even if you don't like it.

Also, Linkin Park > Metallica.

Omni
11-08-2008, 08:38 PM
When I was 13, my 11 year-old neighbor tried to tell me that Albert Einstein was stupid because he only served one term as President. I also convinced this same kid that there was a "Sun Tornado" coming - a tornado that only reared itself in fair weather. He hid under the bed for a good fifteen minutes while I "went to get supplies."


I love how stupid little kids are. They'll believe anything. I used to trick my neice (she was like 4 or 5 at this time) into chewing an aftershave bottle by unscrewing the lid and acting like I took a bite and pretending that it was good.


EDIT: I once convinced my 15 or 16 year-old cousin that chocolate milk came out of cows chocolate, you just had to alter their diet a week before you were ready to begin collecting milk and feed them lots of cocoa and Hershey's bars. And then keep the diet up until you're ready to stop getting milk from them.

JoY
11-08-2008, 09:46 PM
when I was about 4 years old, my brother convinced me that Switzerland was named after him & was really called "Fritserland". it took me about a month to figure that one out. & yes, we visited "Fritserland" during that month.

_Lost_
11-08-2008, 11:42 PM
EDIT: I once convinced my 15 or 16 year-old cousin that chocolate milk came out of cows chocolate, you just had to alter their diet a week before you were ready to begin collecting milk and feed them lots of cocoa and Hershey's bars. And then keep the diet up until you're ready to stop getting milk from them.

hahaha! that makes me think of the commercials with tthe "chocolate milk cows". amazing!

Rooster
11-09-2008, 02:46 AM
A few years ago i succesfully convinced a 10 year old kid that the godzilla really exists and lives behind a hill near my village. I even showed him a "footprint" of it in a field (it was actually a small, shallow hole covered with grass, 5-6m across). I scared the shit out of him :D

wheelchairman
11-09-2008, 05:03 AM
No. When you compare "Want You Bad" with something such as "Amazed" or "Dirty Magic", is there honestly a doubt in you're mind which is superior, or a doubt in ANYONE'S mind? I doubt it. And if somebody said that "Want You Bad" was a better song, they would sound...well, stupid. Admit it, music is also art and can be objectively measured. People have different tastes but you can still measure something even if you don't like it.

Also, Linkin Park > Metallica.
Actually yeah, Amazed often comes off as sentimental and tacky to me. So I would prefer Want You Bad.

Anyways I've been trying to think of monstruously stupid people that I know, but the only ones I know are in this course I've had for two weeks. "Ethnicity and Identity." The point of the course is not to learn more about ethnicity or identity, the point is to take random images of immigrants (from pamphlets, or artists' crap) and analyze them so we can find out that these pamphlets are racist.

So for example in a guidebook for immigrants made by the government that is about 150 pages long. On one page there is a picture of two smiling muslim teenagers, and a half paragraph saying that female circumcision is illegal and will be punished.

People in my class were convinced that this was racist because it obviously targets muslims.
stupidstupidstupidstupidstupid

And then when I said it obviously was designed to target a specific problem and direct a response to the likeliest target group (muslim immigrants).

The professor, who is a guest professor from the US, went as far as saying that female circumcision isn't really a problem in Denmark because it really never happens here.

What? You think? No shit it doesn't happen here....

One student thought that this was so racist, she wondered if they also were telling muslims in this booklet that murder was also illegal. *facepalm*

Also the word "immigrant" is inherently racist, it's not a word to describe a person in a certain situation, or what have you. It's racist and is far too large an umbrella term.

I hate that class.

_Lost_
11-09-2008, 09:14 AM
Damn! That sounds about as great as my sociology class. Actually, I think yours is worse. Wtf? I hate classes like that.

wheelchairman
11-09-2008, 10:22 AM
Damn! That sounds about as great as my sociology class. Actually, I think yours is worse. Wtf? I hate classes like that.
I don't know. Being an American I never would have said that the standard of American universities is low. But the exchange students and the accompanying guest professor are idiots. Or well, the exchange students who feel the need to say their opinions, the rest are pretty intelligent. This is however true of anyone who usually feels the need to waste peoples time in class by sharing inane opinions.

Sorry I can't help but rant on this. The core course of the subject (Cultural Encounters) was really interesting, there was an abundance of interesting theoretical information, quantitative and qualitative data to accompany it. This supplementary course is just stupid and I regret taking it. :p

I also had sociology here, but I really can't comment because I skipped it almost entirely. The two lectures I went to were relatively interesting, also history of sociology was quite interesting as well. I think I might have even gone to as much as 5 sociology lectures total actually. But sociology can be really hit or miss. I've heard that the ones I skipped were just downright awful.

_Lost_
11-09-2008, 10:45 AM
I don't know. Being an American I never would have said that the standard of American universities is low.
I would say it. I mean seriously! It can be depressing if I think about it too much.



I also had sociology here, but I really can't comment because I skipped it almost entirely. The two lectures I went to were relatively interesting, also history of sociology was quite interesting as well. I think I might have even gone to as much as 5 sociology lectures total actually. But sociology can be really hit or miss. I've heard that the ones I skipped were just downright awful.

yeah, there have been 2 or 3 lectures this entire semester worth listening to. Everything else has just been brutally awful...

Desperado
11-09-2008, 11:40 AM
Actually yeah, Amazed often comes off as sentimental and tacky to me. So I would prefer Want You Bad.

You prefer it, but can you honestly say it's BETTER? Can you say that it took more talent to make, better songwriting ability to make? Really?

I would rather listen to Want You Bad than Beethoven's 9th Symphony, but it's obvious that the 9th Symphony is a better written song.

wheelchairman
11-09-2008, 11:47 AM
You prefer it, but can you honestly say it's BETTER? Can you say that it took more talent to make, better songwriting ability to make? Really?

I would rather listen to Want You Bad than Beethoven's 9th Symphony, but it's obvious that the 9th Symphony is a better written song.

I don't think there is a basis of comparison between Want You Bad and Beethoven's 9th. Two completely different kinds of music with completely different goals.

As far as Want You Bad. Yes in my opinion it's better than the other two mentioned songs. Talent is irrelevant in this regard, the only thing that matters is my own personal taste. You can't quantify that, and you certainly can't quantify talent either.

Static_Martyr
11-09-2008, 12:10 PM
No you're wrong, the dumbest people on the planet are people who think taste is quantifiable and measurable and that there is verifiably good art and verifiably bad art.

I'm arguing with someone on another forum who insists that there is such a thing as "objectively funny/unfunny," and that God is the standard by which we judge this funniness.

I'm not adding anything to that, I just wondered what everyone else would think 0_0

No. When you compare "Want You Bad" with something such as "Amazed" or "Dirty Magic", is there honestly a doubt in you're mind which is superior, or a doubt in ANYONE'S mind? I doubt it. And if somebody said that "Want You Bad" was a better song, they would sound...well, stupid. Admit it, music is also art and can be objectively measured. People have different tastes but you can still measure something even if you don't like it.

I don't really think there are objective standards to music. I mean, if we're talking about complexity, or the goal of the arrangement (i.e. "it's supposed to be a happy song," or "it's supposed to have this message,"), then that's something that can be argued. But you can only argue that if we agree upon a criteria to discuss; it can't just be "good" or "bad." If you like songs about wanting chicks to be bad, then Want You Bad is obviously a better song. Personally, I just like the music :) But I also like Amazed and Dirty Magic, and I think they're great songs, too, just in different ways.

I don't know. Being an American I never would have said that the standard of American universities is low.

Depends on what part of America we're discussing; Liberty University, anyone?

Can you say that it took more talent to make, better songwriting ability to make? Really?

Better written to what end? In that it's more complicated/technical, or that it's better at inciting an emotional response, or that its lyrics accomplish their goals better?

Also, I don't think the amount of work a song requires is necessarily a hint of how "good" the song is. I've heard some 9-minute-plus epic metal ballads that are "well-written" in the sense that they are complex and orchestrated, but I still don't really prefer to listen to them, or consider them "good" in any other way. "Good" being kind of an umbrella term to describe the song's overall functionality and....what, "preferability?"

Anyway, on topic....I've been thinking about stupid people, and I really can't come up with but one. I did a blog post on my Myspace about it the day I met her. Here it is:

So I was the victim of a drive-by at work today....a drive-by conversion attempt, that is. Not a drive-by shooting; gah, I'm too middle-class for that 0-0

But seriously, I was at lunch today (which only lasts about 15-17 minutes, maybe 20 if they take forever getting my order ready), and I was hauling ass to finish this huge chicken sandwich of mine so I could clock back in ASAP. I'm watching FOX News (both TVs were set to it, I couldn't help it) out of the corner of my eye, minding my own business....when this lady comes floating up out of nowhere and starts proselytizing me. She wasn't just trying to convert me to Republicanism, either (I'm not a Dem, I'm actually not registered with any party); she was also trying to convert me to Christianity in the same breath.

She also knew jack about me, we've never met before, and so for all she knew I already was one or both. Although she didn't seem to think I was worthy of the time it would have taken to make such an assertion (nor did she think it beyond the scope of her personal business what I believe).

You all know I'm gonna say it, so here goes: She was an idiot. Flat-out. Here's how the conversation went, roughly; the words aren't exact, but I'm approximating as close as possible.

LADY: *ramble ramble ramble, something about Sarah Palin porn*

ME: *through a mouthful of sandwich* "....um, what?" (I hadn't heard about the Sarah Palin porn thing yet)

LADY: "Did you hear about that Hustler fellow, making that porno about Sarah Palin? Trying to make her look bad. That's so trashy, that man's just trying to make money and make her look bad."

ME: "I hadn't heard, no....but it really does sound unnecessary."

LADY: *agrees*

ME: "Yeah, I mean, she does a pretty good job of making herself look bad. She doesn't need the help of a low-budget porno to tarnish her reputation."

LADY: "What?"

(now at this point, I assumed that she simply hadn't heard me and was asking me to repeat; instead, I learned that I had made a grave mistake: I had engaged her politically....)

ME: *repeats last comment*

LADY: "Now that's not true! Why do you say that?"

ME: "She can't even form a coherent sentence. And she called Ahmedinejad Ack-medinejad---

LADY: "That's not true, yes she can! I don't know where you got that from!"

ME: "Um, from TV? And from watching her speak? And from reading her quotes?"

LADY: "Oh, I suppose you're voting for that....that other fellow, Obama?"

ME: *black power salute*

LADY: "What do you want, then? Is it money? Do you want a college grant, or something like that? That must be it."

ME: *chuckling in disbelief* "Um, no, I actually already have one of those...."

LADY: "Well, I don't like Obama. He's not experienced enough, and I don't like his stance on abortion and gays and all that. No, no sir!"

ME: "That's cool, we all got our beliefs."

LADY: "That's what everyone is saying now, that's the new buzz word---that's what my pastor said, we talked about that in church. Everything's relativism now---if it feels good to me, then it's okay! That's what everyone's doing now. That's what's happening in the world."

ME: *nodding patronizingly, trying to watch TV and finish sandwich, hoping
she will get the idea and buzz off*

LADY: "Did you know that?"

ME: "I've definitely heard that before."

LADY: "They want to obey the truths of themselves, not the truth of Jesus Christ." *gazes heavenward with a creepy expression*

ME: "Um...yeah...."

LADY: "That's what's wrong with the world today, is people don't want to hear God's truth, they want to hear man's truth. That's the religion of man --- if you don't believe in God, then man becomes your God, and you only want to listen to man's law."

ME: *is an atheist, knows she doesn't know what she's talking about*

LADY: "That's what's happening in the world."

*awkward silence while she stares daggers at me, apparently awaiting a response*

ME: "Let's just say, I tend to take explanations like that with a grain of salt, is all."

LADY: "Maybe so, maybe so...but you gotta think about it!"

ME: *squinting painfully at the idea of this woman telling anyone that they need to think about anything*

LADY: "Think about it!" *walking away....thankfully....*

ME (thinking to self): "Um...no....just....yeah, no....."

Desperado
11-09-2008, 12:12 PM
But music isn't only entertainment, it's also art, and art can be objectively measured. I may have used a bad example but I think it's pretty obvious...

_Lost_
11-09-2008, 12:43 PM
I would rather listen to Want You Bad than Beethoven's 9th Symphony, but it's obvious that the 9th Symphony is a better written song.

you obviously haven't heard beethoven's 9th on speakers worth more than twice the value of my car.

actually the absolute BEST is the second movement of Verde's Requiem with all the choral parts. Fucking fantastic!

And Tim, you gotta love those obscenely religious people! There was this guy in the brickyard (big open area where everyone on campus passes through everyday. some schools would call it their quad or pit), and he was there all day arguing with people about how their lifestyle and such is soooo wrong. He has this sign on that said that all hindus buddhists gays monosexuals (wtf is a monosexual anyway?) and a bunch of others were all going to hell for their sinful lives. I stood around and watched people argue with him for a good 20 minutes. It was amazing.

Static_Martyr
11-09-2008, 05:23 PM
And Tim, you gotta love those obscenely religious people! There was this guy in the brickyard (big open area where everyone on campus passes through everyday. some schools would call it their quad or pit), and he was there all day arguing with people about how their lifestyle and such is soooo wrong. He has this sign on that said that all hindus buddhists gays monosexuals (wtf is a monosexual anyway?) and a bunch of others were all going to hell for their sinful lives. I stood around and watched people argue with him for a good 20 minutes. It was amazing.

Hah, "monosexual..." I'm gonna have to use that one~

But yeah, something eerily similar to that happened to this lady a few days later; she came in while my friend was on shift (I was at home, but he told me about it later) and started trying to convert some kids from a local atheist convention-group-type-thing, and from what I hear they tore her a new one, argumentatively speaking. Which isn't surprising; even for a hardcore religious zealot, her arguments were surprisingly inept.

I think I'd be just a little bit ashamed if I ever came across as that sure of myself.....

_Lost_
11-09-2008, 05:50 PM
Which isn't surprising; even for a hardcore religious zealot, her arguments were surprisingly inept.

its not at all uncommon. i haven't found one to make a halfway decent arguement yet. otherwise i'd enjoy it more.

HornyPope
11-09-2008, 09:05 PM
I was talking to somebody last month as were walking down the stairs when she proclaimed: "I can't talk and go down the stairs at the same time!!"

Did I share this story yet?

_Lost_
11-09-2008, 09:14 PM
I was talking to somebody last month as were walking down the stairs when she proclaimed: "I can't talk and go down the stairs at the same time!!"

Did I share this story yet?

oh my...

actually... I had a friend in middle school who couldn't walk and carry on a good conversation at the same time... she'd get confused... poor girl... i loved her... but she was dumb as dirt!

Llamas
11-09-2008, 09:28 PM
I think every Christmas, my mom and I have gotten into some ridiculous argument over something regarding science. Highlights:

The hottest part of a flame. We were starting a fire in the fireplace, and she told my little brother that there are two types of flame: "red hot flame" and "white hot flame", and that "red hot flame" was the hotter of the two. I told her that there are more than two types of flame, and the blue part is, in fact, the hottest part of the flame; the red part is actually the coldest. She proceeded to tell me, "You've never seen a barn fire." Apparently there is more red flame in a barn fire, and since a barn fire is hotter than a small fire, red flame is the hottest. I then called my bff of the time, who was a biochem major, speakerphoned it, and asked, "Hey, what's the hottest part of a flame?" "The blue part..." "K, thanks, bye!" My mom disappeared into the basement for about 45 minutes... I thought she was sulking. But here's the best part. She emerged from the basement with an encyclopedia from like 1952, which said that the blue part of the flame was the "area of no combustion" and that the red part was the hottest. I said, "Mom, that book is from 1952." She said, "Fire doesn't change." I said, "No, but science does." She didn't talk to me the rest of the day.


The other memorable argument was about the existence of dinosaurs. She said that God planted fake dinosaur bones in the ground to test our faith... and then said that the fake bones are actually styrofoam.


and i had a "friend" of mine really pissed at me because he said that vegetables feel pain when you cut/kill them, and that he actually can hear it screams if there isn't too much noise around.....well, he failed, 'cause i still can't hear anything suspicious 'till now
My freshman year roommate had a professor who swore that same thing. She was rather obese (omg I h8 fat ppl).

_Lost_
11-09-2008, 09:35 PM
HAHAHA! OMG llamas! ROFL! Now THAT just made my day!

Omni
11-09-2008, 10:18 PM
I think every Christmas, my mom and I have gotten into some ridiculous argument over something regarding science. Highlights:

You, my friend, have just opened Pandora's fucking Box. Let me run some of the shit my dad has said past you:


-He once tried to have a serious debate with my brother that the moon is in fact bigger than the Earth. My mom - who's normally pretty sensible - actually took his side calling my brother "Professor John the knowitall"

-Anyone ever heard the Stamp Out Smoking commercials? My dad used to be a huge smoker, and he'd get pissed at the idea of anyone trying to take his little tubes of death away from him. So he'd change the subject to something he thought was was more dangerous. In this case, alcohol. He said they should take away alcohol because "99% of all people drink, and MAYBE 10% don't."

-He and my windbag cousin once theorized that sometimes people step outside their doors and black holes suck them up.

-My brother and his ex-wife were going to a movie (before they were married), and they were going to take her little brother with them... who was in like 8th grade at the time. And my dad protested because he said Mexicans would steal him (the city wasn't even heavily populated by Mexicans) and put him in the copper mines.

Theres been a shit ton more, but thats all I can think of off the top of my head.

WebDudette
11-09-2008, 10:45 PM
In my Honors English IV Class we read 'A Modest Proposal' then we talked about all the satirical aspects of it. Near the very end of the period a girl raised her hand and asked 'How do we know this was satire?'

My Honors English II Teacher (two years ago) and my school paper (a month ago) referred to Martin Luther King as infamous.

In my Art III class I sat with the stupidest girl I have ever met all year. One day she told us a story about how she had caught a frog and put it in a jar, then she looked for it an hour later and couldn't find it. Another girl and I convinced her that frogs have a special disappearing powder. She was also fairly confused when we told her fish poop and have sex, she asked the teacher if this was true. There was something about why Asia went by two names Asia/China and how many languages they spoke. Every day was a facepalm moment with her.

Omni, I think your father is a troll.

Static_Martyr
11-09-2008, 10:51 PM
Oh, since we're on science now :)

My dad told me just the other day that "Daddy Long Legs" spiders have the deadliest poison of any spider in the world, but they can't bite you because their fangs are too small. I told him I didn't think that was entirely true, and he got pissed at me ("Whatever," etc.). I looked it up on the internet and in an encyclopedia later, and come to find out --- surprise, surprise --- it's not true.

I mean, I knew it was, but it was still reassuring to see it written down in more than one place 0_0

_Lost_
11-09-2008, 11:33 PM
well... i mean... i'm not surprised to hear that one tim. I still can't convince people that they aren't spiders at all. the insect i see referred to as a daddy long leg is called harvestman (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvestman). yes, they are arachnids, but they aren't spiders because of their body shape and their lack of venom glands. BUT, I will say that all spiders are poisonous. Its the only way that they can eat. and its true than not all spiders can bite people as far as i know. And since people can't seem to understand that daddy long legs are not spiders, they are naturally gonna think they are poisonous. (though i don't think that everyone knows that ALL spiders are poisonous and that being poisonous is part of what allows the insects to be classified as spiders in the first place)

Omni
11-09-2008, 11:35 PM
Yeah, they're more of a mite than a spider.

Llamas
11-09-2008, 11:53 PM
Some more gold from my mom, but not about science. (Much of it is religious or political).

-She told me that the democrats are scary, and they want to build a highway that starts in Mexico and goes all the way through the US so Mexico can dump all its crap here.

-She came home from the supermarket one day, and just started flipping out. She said she saw a "terrorist type" in the store (sometimes she calls middle eastern people "Al", short for Al Qaeda), and said he was talking really fast into this little black thing in his ear. I said, "Mom, that's called a cell phone". "But he was talking REALLY fast in his native language!" I told her that every language sounds really fast when you don't speak it, and of course he's speaking his native language... you would still speak English to English speakers if you lived in a foreign country. She didn't buy it, and proceeded to tell me that he was looking around really suspiciously, and his eyes were darting around the store. He wasn't there to buy any groceries; he was there to plant bombs. This led to her explaining to me how the "terrorist types" are buying all of our gas stations and planting bombs in our grocery stores, because in the bible it says something about "evil destroying our food and transportation". I said, yes mom, obviously "we" refers to "the united states of america", cause it was totally a country when the bible was written, and the bible is so about america cause Jesus is from Illinois... but she was so certain of all this.

-She came home another day, again from the supermarket, and said that "they" had installed fences by the cash registers. I asked why anyone would ever do that... she said so they could push a button and trap everybody in when they set off the bombs. I didn't even bother asking why they'd need to lock everybody in in order to set off bombs... but then I told her I didn't see any fences at the grocery stores; she said "That's because they disguise them as magazine racks".

-A couple years ago, when gas prices were first climbing above $3, we drove past a gas station that had gas for $2.99. She grabbed my step dad's hand and said, "Praise the Lord! This is happening because I prayed that Jesus would bind oil and take it out of the hands of evil and place it into the hands of good. I prayed that gas would never be above $3 again". A few weeks later, gas went above $3 again. I asked her how this was possible, I thought it was bound in Jesus Christ; she said she got too boastful, so God took it away.

Oh, I could go on and on. She's just so intelligent.


My dad told me just the other day that "Daddy Long Legs" spiders have the deadliest poison of any spider in the world, but they can't bite you because their fangs are too small. I told him I didn't think that was entirely true, and he got pissed at me ("Whatever," etc.). I looked it up on the internet and in an encyclopedia later, and come to find out --- surprise, surprise --- it's not true.

What Lost said... but also, there is a Daddy Long Leg spider in Australia (doesn't look anything like what we call them), but there are no records of them biting people, so there's no proof of how poisonous they are. It's also a common myth about our daddy long legs being the most poisonous bullcrap.

_Lost_
11-10-2008, 12:03 AM
*face palm*

I've gained a new appreciation for my parents after reading this thread.

EDIT: There are also Pholcidae (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daddy_long_leg) which according to wikipedia are also referred to as daddy long legs. I've seen these countless times, but I've NEVER heard anyone refer to them as daddy long legs.

Llamas
11-10-2008, 12:13 AM
One of my best friends used the term "reverse racism" yesterday. :( :( :(

_Lost_
11-10-2008, 12:20 AM
One of my best friends used the term "reverse racism" yesterday. :( :( :(

You are my favorite person tonight llamas.

EDIT: Just saw this online:

"because of his race won't be tolerated."

article it came from (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081110/ap_on_re_us/stabbing_death)

zacsta
11-10-2008, 02:05 AM
While i was on holiday in new york city, we were up on the empire state building deck and there were pidgeons everywhere. I heard an american ask in an amazed voice, "Look at the pidgeons! how did they get up here?!"
And the sad part is she was being dead serious.

lil_punk_rawker
11-10-2008, 02:08 AM
I have the stupidest girl ever in my class. My school is full of them!

She was convinced that the blair witch project was real. We were like, then why does it have a director and actors? Her reply was, well somebody had to edit it.

We had to work out which countries made up the UK and she said London, so we ignored her thinking she would realize, but she kept saying it.

She also asked if Las Vegas was in australia.

I had a friend ask me what a rectangle was.

Also, we had an AIDs talk at school and some girl suggested they cure AIDS by taking Vitamin C tablets.]

2 girls asked the teacher what a 'sheem' was, we found out she meant scheme.

God, there's so many more that I can't think of... my class is full of dropkicks.

_Lost_
11-10-2008, 02:34 AM
hehe... i think this is my favorite thread that i've started ever!...

well maybe not. paptown a couple years ago totally pwns all...

Llamas
11-10-2008, 11:22 AM
When I was in high school, a bus full of students pulled up. A guy I knew asked them where they were from.
"We're from Arkansas."
The guy turned to us. "Where's Arkansas?"
Another guy in our group said, "I think it's in Chicago." He was dead serious.

_Lost_
11-10-2008, 02:23 PM
When I was in high school, a bus full of students pulled up. A guy I knew asked them where they were from.
"We're from Arkansas."
The guy turned to us. "Where's Arkansas?"
Another guy in our group said, "I think it's in Chicago." He was dead serious.

you are just on fire with these! HAHAHA! I've *head desk*ed soo many times! lol

[[Meli.x]]
11-10-2008, 03:02 PM
I once told a friend of mine the joke:

"what does a blonde say when she looks into a box of cherrios?
Oh look! Dohnut seeds!"

we then convinced her that the expensive dohnuts were grown on trees and the ones we were taught how to cook and the cheaper ones are an artificial substitute...
It took us a whole 10 minutes...
Then my other friend blew it and said "come on, stop being mean, They dont really grow on trees."
She looked so let down, it was hillarious.

Static_Martyr
11-10-2008, 04:24 PM
You are my favorite person tonight llamas.

EDIT: Just saw this online:

"because of his race won't be tolerated."

article it came from

Actually....

County Executive Steve Levy says the "heinous crime" that led to the man's death because of his race won't be tolerated.

It's quite correct~

2 girls asked the teacher what a 'sheem' was, we found out she meant scheme.

Once I had a girl ask me, "What's a gazzle?" I found out later she meant, "Gazelle."

_Lost_
11-10-2008, 04:38 PM
thanks for making me feel smart tim. this is what i get for posting in the middle of the night.

Static_Martyr
11-10-2008, 04:55 PM
Anytime, friend :)

the_real_potomek
11-11-2008, 12:44 AM
my friend maintained that lollipops are made from fat...:rolleyes: