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View Full Version : OK so I stand up when I wipe my ass



sKratch
04-16-2009, 12:53 PM
This makes automatically flushing shitters a nightmare.

Discuss.

JohnnyNemesis
04-16-2009, 12:54 PM
I often just lean over. Only occasionally do I stand up.

Oh, and gross!

IamSam
04-16-2009, 01:34 PM
This makes automatically flushing shitters a nightmare.

Discuss.

Especially when you don't get it all on the first wipe. You have to scramble to finish it off. Pain in the ass really.

sKratch
04-16-2009, 02:57 PM
I don't really understand the dynamics of wiping while seated... The junk is in the way from the front (OMG SO HOOJ) and from behind just doesn't seem right. Apparently however, I'm in the minority with my standing, as I understand it.

To return to the auto-flush shitter, the big problem becomes getting the flush to trigger after the butt has been de-pooped. Sometimes I do a little feigned sit but my pants are usually back up so I don't want to get all the way on the seat. And there's something unnatural about sitting back down bare-assed after you're done with the deed.

When we all greet our eventual robotic overlords, I will ask them to leave me one manually flushing toilet.

Free?
04-16-2009, 02:59 PM
...I wipe my ass

Not trupunx.

Llamas
04-16-2009, 03:02 PM
I'm with sKratch on all accounts (except regarding having junk that gets in the way). I hate automatic toilets for this reason.

T-6005
04-16-2009, 03:22 PM
Dude that is fucked up. Just sit you pansy.

RickyCrack
04-16-2009, 04:33 PM
girls stand when they wipe, only to wipe front to back, if you know what i mean. don't be a vagina.

renato piquette
04-16-2009, 04:37 PM
Not trupunx.

yeah,really,i just wait for the shower to deal with it

nieh
04-16-2009, 05:01 PM
Dude that is fucked up. Just sit you pansy.

So you're saying his shit is fucked up? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!! oh god that was awesome.

JohnnyNemesis
04-16-2009, 05:17 PM
I'm with sKratch on all accounts (except regarding having junk that gets in the way).

Liar.


So your saying his shit is fucked up? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!! oh god that was awesome.

http://i43.tinypic.com/2i16k5.gif

Al Coholic
04-16-2009, 05:25 PM
Yeah my ass is kinda hairy so I let to get the pre-last one wet to make sure I got the job done. I usually got to get up and go to the sink to do that one. I just about never shit publicly unless I'm going to shit my pants.

Hey, you clicked on a thread about ass wiping.

WebDudette
04-16-2009, 05:27 PM
lift sack, wipe ass.

coke_a_holic
04-16-2009, 06:30 PM
Wait, you guys DON'T stand?

Wtf? :confused:

sKratch
04-16-2009, 07:17 PM
girls stand when they wipe, only to wipe front to back, if you know what i mean. don't be a vagina.
If girls wipe back to front they get vagina worms!

Wait, you guys DON'T stand?

Wtf? :confused:

When I was a freshman in college one of my floormates was all "Holy shit this kid [editor's note: this ridiculous kid was one of my roommates, I don't even want to go into how absurd of a human he was] was standing up while he wiped." I've been terribly self conscious ever since.

Edit:
PS. Re: "Liar"
Ever see Chyna's clit? Worst thing I've ever seen on the Internet.

Mota Boy
04-16-2009, 07:36 PM
The worst, the absolute worst, is that the IR on automatic toilets gets somehow confused by black shirts. There's nothing worse than sitting down and having the toilet suddenly launch into an industrial-strength flush, which causes me to jump up... three times in a row. There have been times when I've taken off my shirt to avoid it, so essentially the only clothes I'm wearing are pants and boxers functioning as socks.


And standing up is weird, ya' weirdo.

Al Coholic
04-16-2009, 08:27 PM
The worst, the absolute worst, is that the IR on automatic toilets gets somehow confused by black shirts. There's nothing worse than sitting down and having the toilet suddenly launch into an industrial-strength flush, which causes me to jump up... three times in a row. There have been times when I've taken off my shirt to avoid it, so essentially the only clothes I'm wearing are pants and boxers functioning as socks.


And standing up is weird, ya' weirdo.

I remember when I was like, 3, I would strip naked to take a piss.

nieh
04-16-2009, 08:30 PM
I used to drop my pants completely before my parents told me "some people like that" and "the big burly man will get you" which left me eternally creeped out. Now I piss in the stall.

Al Coholic
04-16-2009, 08:32 PM
God dammit dude, that is fucking hilarious.

nevo
04-16-2009, 08:34 PM
Quite possibly the greatest thread, ever...

JohnnyNemesis
04-16-2009, 08:36 PM
Ever see Chyna's clit? Worst thing I've ever seen on the Internet.

Fuck you.

Took me like three years to wash that out of my memory, and now it's back for good.

Fuck!!

SK8rocka
04-16-2009, 08:45 PM
my toilet wipes my ass for me.

http://img25.imageshack.us/img25/2604/788332.jpg (http://img25.imageshack.us/my.php?image=788332.jpg)

RickyCrack
04-16-2009, 11:19 PM
If girls wipe back to front they get vagina worms

centipedes? in MY vagina?

Tizzalicious
04-17-2009, 01:03 AM
Automatic flushers are just bad in general. If you hover over the seat instead of sitting down, it tends to just flush randomly, causing 1. your ass to get wet. 2. it not to flush anymore when you actually leave the cubicle. Grrrrr. I hate those things.

Oxygene
04-17-2009, 01:14 AM
I nominate this thread for best off topic thread in the 09 bbs awards.. there is no way this can be topped.

In fact I nominated for the 2010 awards as well :)

ninthz
04-17-2009, 01:22 AM
Wait, I don't get it.

wheelchairman
04-17-2009, 08:45 AM
Wait, you guys DON'T stand?

Wtf? :confused:

Exactly. I didn't know that people sit down to wipe until today actually. wtf?

T-6005
04-17-2009, 08:57 AM
Exactly. I didn't know that people sit down to wipe until today actually. wtf?
You make it sound like an active thing. Think of it more as... not standing up.

Also as natural.

sKratch
04-17-2009, 09:16 AM
centipedes? in MY vagina?
It's more likely than you might think.

Automatic flushers are just bad in general. If you hover over the seat instead of sitting down, it tends to just flush randomly, causing 1. your ass to get wet. 2. it not to flush anymore when you actually leave the cubicle. Grrrrr. I hate those things.
I'm fine with automatically flushing urinals. It's actually pretty nice because a shitload of people don't flush after they piss and then it just fucking smells like piss all up in there.

Also, I'm sincerely comforted in this newfound comraderie of standing wipers.

jacknife737
04-17-2009, 09:36 AM
Exactly. I didn't know that people sit down to wipe until today actually. wtf?

Pretty much, it just seems odd.

Standing is obviously the logical method.

wheelchairman
04-17-2009, 09:50 AM
It's what Spock would do.

Al Coholic
04-17-2009, 10:38 AM
You know what else is really, really bad when taking a shit? Having a penis, and a randomly arousing thought.

IamSam
04-17-2009, 10:44 AM
Also, I'm sincerely comforted in this newfound comraderie of standing wipers.

I'm in your group. I still can't fathom how to wipe while sitting. I attempted last night and failed miserably.

Al Coholic
04-17-2009, 10:48 AM
Or for that matter a toilet with a shallow bowl. Am I supposed to hold my penis the entire time?

medi01
04-17-2009, 11:01 AM
This makes automatically flushing shitters a nightmare.

Discuss.

ur a freak

Endymion
04-17-2009, 11:35 AM
right, i'm going to go ahead and post it:

http://pics.livejournal.com/weird_lilith/pic/002e1kqz

JohnnyNemesis
04-17-2009, 01:18 PM
This has slowly become one of the better threads yet.

T-6005
04-17-2009, 05:49 PM
I found out you're all defying the natural order. Interesting indeed, you deviants!

Lizardus
04-17-2009, 07:05 PM
It's more likely than you might think.

I'm fine with automatically flushing urinals. It's actually pretty nice because a shitload of people don't flush after they piss and then it just fucking smells like piss all up in there.

This would be very useful in my uni, everyone knows when you have gone to the bathroom for this very reason.

IamSam
04-17-2009, 07:21 PM
I also get an evil pleasure of talking to people with shy bladders as they are trying to go about their business.

Omni
04-17-2009, 07:51 PM
I also stand and had never considered sitting to wipe, it's just one of those things you never think about. Our kind seem to be in the minority, though. We're the left-handers of the shitting crowd.


*Waits for new Harvard scientific studies to link standing-wipers at higher risk for heart disease and failed marriages than sitting-wipers*

Mota Boy
04-17-2009, 09:32 PM
I also get an evil pleasure of talking to people with shy bladders as they are trying to go about their business.

Ever had a shy bladder duel? You walk up to a urinal at the exact same time as someone else and you both just stand there, staring at the wall, obviously not pissing, side by side in a silent, awkward camaraderie.

T-6005
04-17-2009, 10:24 PM
Ever had a shy bladder duel? You walk up to a urinal at the exact same time as someone else and you both just stand there, staring at the wall, obviously not pissing, side by side in a silent, awkward camaraderie.

Ugh, I totally know this one. The other day I had to go in a public bathroom that was just... well, packed full of men, which is just weird, and there were only two urinals and they were oddly close to each other - major shoulder touchery going on as I tried to go. Complete silence, for over a minute, as I wondered whether I'd actually be able to go or not, and not a single sound to break it up - the guy next to me clearly wasn't going either, and the 8 people behind us barely breathed, trying to catch the sound of liquid hitting urinal which signified their turn. Eventually I squirted a tiny bit of pee out, packed up, and went to find another, mercilessly empty restroom.

AP guy
04-17-2009, 10:45 PM
OK so I stand up when I wipe my ass

omg!!!!!!!!!! we have a lot in common, we should date!!!!!!!!!

iPunk247
04-17-2009, 10:48 PM
yeah, so do i. yall better clean that wipe shit and fucking do it properly homies. :D :cool: :o

WebDudette
04-18-2009, 12:37 AM
The only time I have ever had a problem peeing is when a kid who is confined to a wheel chair and has some sort of mental disability came into the restroom the same time I did. He had to have someone with him, because he can't really use his arms and he peed in a cup. Even then it wasn't to difficult.

Alison
04-18-2009, 02:17 AM
I just kinda lean forward a bit...no standing up fully for me.

wheelchairman
04-18-2009, 08:47 AM
Shy bladders I don't really understand no. Must be hell when drinking.

sKratch
04-18-2009, 12:08 PM
Ever had a shy bladder duel? You walk up to a urinal at the exact same time as someone else and you both just stand there, staring at the wall, obviously not pissing, side by side in a silent, awkward camaraderie.

Yup definitely happens. It's awful. I stare at the wall for a while, it feels weird so I go to look at my junk and then get scared that I'll peripherally catch the other guy's and then stare at the wall again.

In other news, I enjoy some of these tags.

Budzy
04-19-2009, 03:26 AM
GOOD THREAD!

Well I used to stand, until laziness got the better of me and I found different more easier ways of wiping my ass. Leanning over to the side, give it a good wipe, much much easier. Though my legs aren't as strong as they used to be, when I was still a stander.

Jesus
04-20-2009, 11:02 AM
Didn't know people wiped their ass standing (apart from kids). Sitting=lazy=brilliant, seems natural to me.


I also get an evil pleasure of talking to people with shy bladders as they are trying to go about their business.

I hope you honor the (if possible) leave one empty urinal between each other oath.

This said, nice topic. We definitely need a morning wood vs urgent need to pee thread now.

IamSam
04-20-2009, 11:08 AM
I hope you honor the (if possible) leave one empty urinal between each other oath.



Oh yeah. I'm a major supporter of that. I've called out friends who have sidled up next to me when other urinals are open. Don't all up in my business, bitch!

mynamewastaken
04-20-2009, 05:12 PM
So you're saying his shit is fucked up? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!! oh god that was awesome.

How long were you waiting to say that?

sKratch
04-20-2009, 06:28 PM
This said, nice topic. We definitely need a morning wood vs urgent need to pee thread now.

Yeah but that gets brought up all the damn time...

IamSam
04-20-2009, 06:30 PM
Every morning for me.

Al Coholic
04-22-2009, 01:09 AM
We definitely need a morning wood vs urgent need to pee thread now
Though you gotta love nudging your girl awake with one of those.

Fractal
04-22-2009, 03:56 AM
I shit while standing. All the badasses do.

Bipolar Bear
04-22-2009, 11:49 AM
Have you ever sneezed while standing up and pissing? Quite unpleasant.

Apathy
04-22-2009, 02:53 PM
How would you wipe while sitting? Your hand is in the fucking toilet! It makes all wiping very inaccurate and claustrophobic.

I didn't know people even could wipe while sitting.

What feels the weirdest to me is that when I stand up in a public restroom, often times My head pokes out from over the stall doors because they usually aren't very tall. So every once in a while I end up seeing other people in the bathroom and I'm like...Hi. I'm wiping my butt right now. Stop Looking at me.

Llamas
04-22-2009, 04:51 PM
How would you wipe while sitting? Your hand is in the fucking toilet! It makes all wiping very inaccurate and claustrophobic.
See that's what I was thinking! It runs too much risk of touching the seat or even the water, which is gross (well seat is only gross in public restrooms usually) :(

Also, since your butt is in the back of your body, it seems most logical to reach behind than to reach all the way back from the front. Freax.

Al Coholic
04-22-2009, 05:09 PM
What the fuck is wrong with you people? REALLY?

You're sitting at a chair right now. Take your hand , reach down and wipe your ass. You didn't need but what, two inches of room to get down there right? I mean fuck, there's atleast 6-8 on a toilet. I understand standing and whiping out of preference, but you can't tell me you can't fathom wiping and sitting. You're just dumb then.

Bipolar Bear
04-22-2009, 05:14 PM
What the fuck is wrong with you people? REALLY?

You're sitting at a chair right now. Take your hand , reach down and wipe your ass. You didn't need but what, two inches of room to get down there right? I mean fuck, there's atleast 6-8 on a toilet. I understand standing and whiping out of preference, but you can't tell me you can't fathom wiping and sitting. You're just dumb then.

or fat like your mom

Llamas
04-22-2009, 05:52 PM
What the fuck is wrong with you people? REALLY?

You're sitting at a chair right now. Take your hand , reach down and wipe your ass. You didn't need but what, two inches of room to get down there right? I mean fuck, there's atleast 6-8 on a toilet. I understand standing and whiping out of preference, but you can't tell me you can't fathom wiping and sitting. You're just dumb then.

I'm not sitting in a chair, but I don't see how you can wipe your ass while sitting in a chair; your ass is ON the chair. Plus, that's completely not comparable. If you slide all the way to the back of the toilet seat, then I guess there are probably maybe six inches between the seat and you, but normally there are only a couple. And all you need is one random bump or shake (a sneeze? a random cough? something loud to startle you?) to end up with your hand in the water or pressed up against the seat of a public toilet, which I would just prefer not running the risk of.

You seem to be awfully passionate about this.

Outerspaceman21
04-22-2009, 06:07 PM
or fat like your mom

You just had to mention that?...

I'm surprised a thread about wiping ones ass has gone on for so long.

I stand and thats where I am going to leave it.

WebDudette
04-22-2009, 07:23 PM
I've done both, typically sitting. Lift sack and wipe, or lean a little to the side and wipe. It really isn't that difficult. I've rarely, if ever, put my hand in the water or touched the seat. I could see how this would be a problem in some really shallow toilets maybe, but those are the ones where the water sprays your ass when the fecal matter hits, and i prefer not to use those anyway. Besides, when you stand up, don't your butt cheeks like come together?

Anyway, majority rules, don't call us freaks.

ps. I want to try and do my business standing on the toilet seat and crouching like a gargoyle.

iPunk247
04-22-2009, 10:06 PM
Just wipe away my awesome folks. if its good enough for ya. i know i'm so rad at it myself. this thread is hella wicked. thanxxx. :cool::D

ninthz
04-22-2009, 10:30 PM
ps: I always shower after I wipe if I'm at home. Poop is gross.

sKratch
04-23-2009, 06:25 AM
ps. I want to try and do my business standing on the toilet seat and crouching like a gargoyle.
It's my understanding that Asian societies have really low public shitters that you like squat over. I might be totally wrong.

ps: I always shower after I wipe if I'm at home. Poop is gross.
What about poop dick in the mouth?

RageAndLov
04-23-2009, 06:38 AM
ps: I always shower after I wipe if I'm at home. Poop is gross.

It don't have to be dirty if you eat fibers and not doing it less than every 72 hours or so (depends on how much you eat).

Al Coholic
04-23-2009, 06:54 AM
It's my understanding that Asian societies have really low public shitters that you like squat over. I might be totally wrong.

What about poop dick in the mouth?

A lot of places have a hole in the ground, not just asians. What was weird to me was coming across a flushable hole in the ground. Like really...wouldn't've gotten even a chair with a hole in it or something?

Bipolar Bear
04-23-2009, 10:28 AM
ask a friend to wipe your ass for you if it's so complicated that you must discuss it for pages

kinda like you when you were small and asked your mum to wipe your ass for you
moms are useful for such things
and blowjobs..

Endymion
04-24-2009, 07:39 AM
http://www.amazon.com/review/R3IWO18C3EXZ84/ref=cm_cr_pr_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=192913214X

ninthz
04-24-2009, 08:46 AM
What about poop dick in the mouth?
Always been on the dicking side.


It don't have to be dirty if you eat fibers and not doing it less than every 72 hours or so (depends on how much you eat).
Take your scat fetishes elsewhere, you sick fuck.

Al Coholic
04-26-2009, 01:54 PM
I'm not sitting in a chair, but I don't see how you can wipe your ass while sitting in a chair; your ass is ON the chair. Plus, that's completely not comparable. If you slide all the way to the back of the toilet seat, then I guess there are probably maybe six inches between the seat and you, but normally there are only a couple. And all you need is one random bump or shake (a sneeze? a random cough? something loud to startle you?) to end up with your hand in the water or pressed up against the seat of a public toilet, which I would just prefer not running the risk of.

You seem to be awfully passionate about this.

Apparently you have some kind of giant sagging ass with big shaky man-hands, cause I've been shitting and wiping for decades and never has my hand touched the bottom. My hand is flat when I wipe, and considering that part of it is within my asscheeks, it hardly sticks out at all. Leam forward, stick your hand between your ass, and wipe upwards. If you can't handle that than god help you.

Andy
05-02-2009, 08:18 PM
I feel bad. I was totally nonplussed by the humour in this thread. Give me a day or so, I'll re-read it and I'm sure will see it.

Skinny
05-02-2009, 08:57 PM
I just read this entire thread, and I laughed the most that I have laughed in a long time (I'm kinda a miser). :D Best thread I have ever read.

P.S. One more for the shitter sitters, we are a strong people!

KHWHD
05-02-2009, 09:36 PM
Loving the tags in this thread... lmao. :D

KHWHD
05-02-2009, 09:39 PM
Apparently you have some kind of giant sagging ass with big shaky man-hands, cause I've been shitting and wiping for decades and never has my hand touched the bottom. My hand is flat when I wipe, and considering that part of it is within my asscheeks, it hardly sticks out at all. Leam forward, stick your hand between your ass, and wipe upwards. If you can't handle that than god help you.

OMG, I literally had tears laughing at this reply, along with your quote to Briannas... thanks guys... too fucking funny.

sKratch
05-03-2009, 12:08 PM
I feel bad. I was totally nonplussed by the humour in this thread. Give me a day or so, I'll re-read it and I'm sure will see it.

I can't come up with a good way to make fun of British humor at the moment. Damn.

Al Coholic
05-12-2009, 11:03 AM
British humor is too dry for them to appreciate wiping.

Maria Cortez
05-13-2009, 05:43 PM
HAHA us humans oughta wipe it but wipe it real good front to back inbetween and in and out like side to side etc...lalalala i keep mines hella clean and fresh.

Al Coholic
05-14-2009, 08:25 AM
Are you for real?

Maria Cortez
05-14-2009, 05:28 PM
Like totally for reals.

Llamas
05-18-2009, 04:33 PM
I was gonna make a new thread for this, but it's not really worth it... totally relevant to this thread, though. WHY WIPE YOUR ASS WHEN YOU CAN USE THE WASHLET??

http://www.washlet.com/

T-6005
05-18-2009, 05:14 PM
What a fantastic, feel-good website.

Bipolar Bear
05-18-2009, 05:37 PM
I was gonna make a new thread for this, but it's not really worth it... totally relevant to this thread, though. WHY WIPE YOUR ASS WHEN YOU CAN USE THE WASHLET??

http://www.washlet.com/

Wow lol. I could really see my grandparents buying that type of creepy device.

findout5
05-19-2009, 11:08 AM
I actually pee sitting sometimes. Especially in the morning, due to "morning wood". I even considered mekaing a thread about it, but this one seemed like a good place for this kind of info!

RageAndLov
05-19-2009, 01:13 PM
I actually pee sitting sometimes. Especially in the morning, due to "morning wood". I even considered mekaing a thread about it, but this one seemed like a good place for this kind of info!

Um, wouldn't you just pee in your face then?

findout5
05-20-2009, 02:37 AM
Not really, cos I point it down (like when a car has the brake handle released). You always have to hold "it" when you pee!

Bipolar Bear
05-20-2009, 06:52 AM
I pee sitting sometimes, like when I'm drunk to not make a mess, or when it's dark and I can't see anything. I can't believe a lot of people don't do this, I hate it when a drunk tard pees all over the place lol

findout5
05-20-2009, 09:16 AM
I have never EVER seen a clean male public toilet in Portugal!
I 've been a couple of times to the ladies room and it's always nice :) Always invited, of course :rolleyes: One time I got caught though...I was still in high school...

Bipolar Bear
05-20-2009, 09:21 AM
I have never EVER seen a clean male public toilet in Portugal!
I 've been a couple of times to the ladies room and it's always nice :) Always invited, of course :rolleyes: One time I got caught though...I was still in high school...

Yeah, here too, some people just can't aim lol

findout5
05-20-2009, 09:23 AM
There's nothing better than aiming and having pee control, is there??

Well, in a related story, a friend of mine tells me there was an ejaculation distance competition, and the winner shot "it" 1,70m. That's pretty good, but I'm an excellent masturbator and I've been telling a lot of people I can do it over 2m! And I'm gonna, goddamit!! If it's the last thing I do... lol

Bipolar Bear
05-20-2009, 09:29 AM
There's nothing better than aiming and having pee control, is there??

Well, in a related story, a friend of mine tells me there was an ejaculation distance competition, and the winner shot "it" 1,70m. That's pretty good, but I'm an excellent masturbator and I've been telling a lot of people I can do it over 2m! And I'm gonna, goddamit!! If it's the last thing I do... lol

I bet I could shoot mine pretty far too, it's all in the technique!
How far can you piss now?

findout5
05-20-2009, 09:32 AM
I haven't pissed wildly (it's always in the bathroom now) in a while but I reckon I could probably go like...2.5m!

Budzy
05-21-2009, 04:10 AM
I pee sitting sometimes, like when I'm drunk to not make a mess, or when it's dark and I can't see anything. I can't believe a lot of don't do this, I hate it when a drunk tard pees all over the place lol

Same here! When I'm drunk I sit because I like being able to go over to my friend's places, and I'm sure if I piss all over their floor they won't be too happy.