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SweetTatyana
05-08-2009, 10:57 PM
I must ask, does anyone here believe that one can be good friends with someone, hook up with them on one or more occasions, and once the action ceases still remain good friends?

I ask this because recently, friends of mine who have been good friends since elementary and highschool days, have been putting on the moves. I thought that everyone kind of knew that even a single hook-up can put a friendship in dire risk of ending. Which then leaves me wondering if that 5+ years of friendship meant nothing that a single hook-up would be worth the risk of ending it?

I have always felt that once you hook up with someone it is not going to be the friendship you once enjoyed. I have partaken in a similar situation, where I had made out with a guy but only because I felt the friendship could be more. That guy won't even talk to me anymore but he also had much stronger romantic intentions in our situation however, I don't believe any of the guys in my current situation have any at all.

Anyway, thoughts?

RickyCrack
05-08-2009, 11:41 PM
i've done this MANY A TIMES. however it never ends well cuz girlies always get attached.

Rag Doll
05-09-2009, 12:16 AM
i've had various "relations" with people and remained good friends with them after without it being weird at all. *shrug*

randman21
05-09-2009, 12:32 AM
It totally depends on the people involved. Some people can handle this, that and the other. Some can't.

IamSam
05-09-2009, 01:20 AM
You never know. I hooked up with a this girl and the sex ended up being so great we hooked up for an entire month and then officially dated for two more. I'm still friends with her.

Alison
05-09-2009, 03:13 AM
I wouldn't ever take the risk with any of my friends, I don't think. I wouldn't want to risk losing a good friendship. There's too many emotions involved, and much of the time, I don't think you can just get rid of those emotions. There's almost always going to be feelings left, and that's not gonna be fun when you've to hang around with them when they move onto someone else.

I personally don't think that a friendship could remain the same. It's different if it's someone you'd only been friends with for a couple of months, but when it's years, nah.

JoY
05-09-2009, 03:28 AM
you can't control hormones &/or feelings.


at least, that's what my years of puberty & being "one of the guys" taught me.

JoY
05-09-2009, 03:52 AM
I wouldn't ever take the risk with any of my friends, I don't think. I wouldn't want to risk losing a good friendship. There's too many emotions involved, and much of the time, I don't think you can just get rid of those emotions. There's almost always going to be feelings left, and that's not gonna be fun when you've to hang around with them when they move onto someone else.

I personally don't think that a friendship could remain the same. It's different if it's someone you'd only been friends with for a couple of months, but when it's years, nah.

there's too many emotions involved.. in hooking up, you mean? & then there'll be feelings left, after you break up, & you can't get rid of those... is that what you meant? because to my understanding, friendship evolves around feelings for each other as well. & if there comes a point one of the two falls in love, you can't just brush that aside like it's nothing.

I hooked up with a good friend twice in my life. one ended in the greatest mess I'll ever encounter in my life, the other in me breaking up with him over voicemail. so no, it wasn't very successful & yes, it cost me two friends. but I'm pretty sure, though, there was no chance in HELL our friendship ever would've survived anyway. in the second case, that's probably why I hooked up with him in the first place. the fact it wasn't going to work out either way, as friends, or as lovers, made it a pretty safe deal, because not too many emotions were put into it.

the guy I'm dating right now was my housemate, as in we shared a bathroom, kitchen & livingroom. we got close friends pretty quickly under those circumstances & within half a year I was sold. had I known him for over five years, I probably wouldn't have hooked up with him, because if that was the turn our friendship was supposed to take, I suppose that would've happened years earlier.

but I've seen plenty of people break up & stay friends. it's just mostly not the people who already were friends beforehand.

batfish
05-09-2009, 04:47 AM
I was friends with a particular guy from when we were really young, about 5 years old. We hung out every summer (we were neighbours) and when we were 16, all we did when we were alone was make out. Then when the summer was over we just stopped, a kind of mutual unspoken decision. It was fine, we carried one being friends and we never said anything about it, and it wasn't awkward either. Probably because we didn't take it any further and we only really did it out of boredom...

Alison
05-09-2009, 04:56 AM
there's too many emotions involved.. in hooking up, you mean? & then there'll be feelings left, after you break up, & you can't get rid of those... is that what you meant? because to my understanding, friendship evolves around feelings for each other as well. & if there comes a point one of the two falls in love, you can't just brush that aside like it's nothing.


Yeah, that's what I meant. There's too many emotions involved in hooking up with someone...diferent emotions than those in a relationship that is solely friendship, and i don't think they can disappear, not fully anyway.

XYlophonetreeZ
05-09-2009, 06:40 AM
Dammit, I was hoping that the age-old question would be "condoms or the pill."

sKratch
05-09-2009, 06:44 AM
Dammit, I was hoping that the age-old question would be "condoms or the pill."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Any ways, for serious, as much as I always say "no, it doesn't work," some people are totally fine with it. Sometimes though I think people that "handle it" just put a face on for it and it really does bother them.

0r4ng3
05-09-2009, 07:43 AM
Dammit, I was hoping that the age-old question would be "condoms or the pill."
I expected it to be about abortion.

MindlessSelfIndulgent
05-09-2009, 10:03 AM
My first thought was No, you won't be able to remain friends. But after thinking about it, well, it depends who you are.
Me, I wouldn't be able to be friends afterwards. It would be too awkward. Plus, if I were to be romantic in any way, with a friend, it would be because I had feelings for this person. And then it would just be too hard afterwards..

But like there's people in open relationsships, who doesn't mind their girlfriend/boyfriend seeing other people, there will be people who can hook up with a friend, and still remain friends afterwards.

But not if there's too many feelings involved, I think.

JoY
05-09-2009, 10:13 AM
Yeah, that's what I meant. There's too many emotions involved in hooking up with someone...diferent emotions than those in a relationship that is solely friendship, and i don't think they can disappear, not fully anyway.

I know what you mean, but there's a flaw in the argument. like you said, you can't stop yourself from feeling certain things, you can't shut off emotions. then how are you going to deal with a situation where one of two friends falls in love with the other? it just happens, you have no control over it at all.

I consider myself a pretty cool chick who can distance herself from something in case she really really needs to. I can pull off the "sex with friend", but I can mostly pull it off if the friendship's dying either way. that being said, I think women are terrible creatures, who are too emotional to fully pull off a hook-up with a close friend & then walk away being friends.

Cock Joke
05-09-2009, 11:07 AM
Fuck! I was hoping this would be a pirates vs ninjas discussion!


My vote goes for pirates, btw.

ninthz
05-09-2009, 11:27 AM
I started hanging out with a neighbor of mine last year and ended up sleeping with her. Things may have been a little weird for a while, but we're all tight as fuck and still good friends now. We're moving into an apartment together in August, which is going to be awesome. I'm not sure if this was relevant at all, but I'm sober right now and can't think straight.

JoY
05-09-2009, 11:28 AM
but I'm sober right now and can't think straight.

that is so damn cute. ;p

Llamas
05-09-2009, 11:29 AM
that is so damn cute. ;p

I was about to quote that same line and say how awesome ninthz is.

JoY
05-09-2009, 11:32 AM
yeah, you know how great minds work. :P

Llamas
05-09-2009, 11:34 AM
^5! Did I ever reply to your really long PM on here a few months ago? I know I meant to but can't remember if I did...

JoY
05-09-2009, 11:38 AM
I don't think so... but I've been away for a really long time, so I wasn't really offended, or anything. ;p

Llamas
05-09-2009, 11:46 AM
Aw crap! I will reply this weekend!!! :)

Little_Miss_1565
05-09-2009, 12:21 PM
It totally depends on the people involved. Some people can handle this, that and the other. Some can't.

This.

If you're going to be hooking up with a friend, you can't have any romantic feelings about that friend if you want to remain friends. Unless that friend has romantic feelings about you as well. Some people can separate a sexual relationship from a romantic one. Some can't. The people who can't shouldn't hook up with their friends.

Outerspaceman21
05-09-2009, 12:44 PM
It totally depends on the people involved. Some people can handle this, that and the other. Some can't.

This, plus it depends on how the relationship goes. If you break up mutually, then there should be no trouble.

But if it's one of those that ended badly (like with cheating and the use of "whore" and "you're stupid like your father") then good luck trying to save the relationship.

Bipolar Bear
05-09-2009, 12:48 PM
I'm unfortunately a bit too sensitive for that, so I can't really handle it.

JoY
05-09-2009, 12:53 PM
But if it's one of those that ended badly (like with cheating and the use of "whore" and "you're stupid like your father") then good luck trying to save the relationship.

I don't think that's a friendship that deserves to be saved.

Outerspaceman21
05-09-2009, 01:11 PM
I don't think that's a friendship that deserves to be saved.

Yeah, seriously.

Alison
05-09-2009, 04:44 PM
I know what you mean, but there's a flaw in the argument. like you said, you can't stop yourself from feeling certain things, you can't shut off emotions. then how are you going to deal with a situation where one of two friends falls in love with the other? it just happens, you have no control over it at all.

I consider myself a pretty cool chick who can distance herself from something in case she really really needs to. I can pull off the "sex with friend", but I can mostly pull it off if the friendship's dying either way. that being said, I think women are terrible creatures, who are too emotional to fully pull off a hook-up with a close friend & then walk away being friends.


I know that my argument is flawed, especially how i explained it, but it's hard to describe it. :confused:
But...even though i said you cant shut off emotions, some are easier to shut off than others. If you've had an intimate relationship with someone, you've been much closer to them than when you were just friends. Things like jealousy, resent, hurt, are things a lot harder to hide, and especially to deny to yourself.
Whereas, if you fall in love with a friend, I think, it is a lot easier to hide it, to deny it to yourself, if there hasnt been any intimateness between ye. And you are much more likely to get over someone if you've never been extremely close to them.
I don't know how well that's explained, but either way, thats my opinion...

ninthz
05-09-2009, 04:56 PM
you cant shut off emotions
No, you can. Just be rational and a goddamn adult about things and it isn't too difficult. Do you have any idea how novel human relationships are? I mean, I'm not trying to portray myself as above human emotion and I definitely won't imply that I haven't had terrible break-ups (the last two relationships I had were definitely overly complicated and dragged out in their endings). But Christ, hate the opposite sex for all of three days while going about your normal routine then saddle back up and spit some goddamn game.

nameless
05-09-2009, 08:19 PM
it depends on the individual, some epople keep in touch with exs and others just want to forget them! in a way you are gonna be jeopardising what you have either way!

JoY
05-10-2009, 03:24 AM
Yeah, seriously.
I know, right? there have been times I was actually grateful something shitty happened in my life, because it's an awesome filter for lousy friends.


No, you can. Just be rational and a goddamn adult about things and it isn't too difficult. Do you have any idea how novel human relationships are? I mean, I'm not trying to portray myself as above human emotion and I definitely won't imply that I haven't had terrible break-ups (the last two relationships I had were definitely overly complicated and dragged out in their endings). But Christ, hate the opposite sex for all of three days while going about your normal routine then saddle back up and spit some goddamn game.

you can't help but feel what you feel. it's about if you're going to express it/do something with it.

my problem usually is, that it takes two to be rational & reasonable about it. if I can look at it rationally & can remain friends, the other person can't & the other way around.

I don't want to point the finger, but it seems with the guys I hooked up with, that because they so rigidly tried to pretend like everything was fine & dandy, the whole friendship went to hell. since the only way for them to deal with a break up, was to completely repress everything & avoid the issue & the person, it was impossible to get back together as friends in a normal fashion.

Alison
05-10-2009, 03:31 AM
No, you can. Just be rational and a goddamn adult about things and it isn't too difficult. Do you have any idea how novel human relationships are? I mean, I'm not trying to portray myself as above human emotion and I definitely won't imply that I haven't had terrible break-ups (the last two relationships I had were definitely overly complicated and dragged out in their endings). But Christ, hate the opposite sex for all of three days while going about your normal routine then saddle back up and spit some goddamn game.

You must not have read all my post(or maybe you just read my first one), because if you had, you would have realised I said some emotions are easier to shut off than others. Maybe you think when I said you can't shut off emotions that that means you must telle verybody and be an emotional drama queen, no I meant that sometimes you can't deny your own feelings to yourself. Read my other fucking post maybe, before getting up your ass about things and trying to make me out as being inferior to your intelligence, thank you

T-6005
05-10-2009, 08:07 AM
I suppose what we've really learned from this entire thread is that it depends.

Outerspaceman21
05-10-2009, 09:53 AM
I know, right? there have been times I was actually grateful something shitty happened in my life, because it's an awesome filter for lousy friends.

I never thought of it that way. Thats brilliant.

Virtuoso
05-10-2009, 02:19 PM
Uh, someone deleted a bunch of posts.

As far as the original question goes, I'll be innovative enough to say that it depends, there's no rule of thumb I'm afraid. Usually it doesn't work for me, or it takes a lot of time before we can be "friends again" (I'm talking about serious long-term relationships now). It also depends to a great extent on how involved you are, and who is the first one to say "that's it". In most cases that person still wants to "be friends", and if you're still in love, hurt and what not, then you're kinda screwed and all like "will you get the fuck out of my face already?". But after some time, when everything settles down again, you probably start thinking, "why not give it a shot, let's at least try". And then it turns out that the other person doesn't give a damn anymore and there's no hope for friendship whatsoever. Though hooking up without romantic feelings seems to be a completely different matter. One thing for certain, it depends too. I would only say that sex and friendship just don't get along too well.

Nina
05-11-2009, 12:35 AM
i've done this MANY A TIMES. however it never ends well cuz girlies always get attached.

This is strange, I honestly believe it's the other way around, at least from my own experience and the experience from a few close female friends. In other words, if we slept together we wouldnt have complications afterwards. Wanna bang?

[[Meli.x]]
05-11-2009, 03:42 AM
Wanna bang?

LOL!

Well, me and my boyfriend were best friends for 2 years before we got together, we have been together 2 years since and are still very happy... We have a strange sort of ability to turn on and off the relationship thing... what i mean by that is that is that sometimes he is still my best friend, and others he is my boyfriend... even though we have never split up... im not sure how well ive explained it though...
in a nutshell, even though we are in a strong, and intimate relationship, he is still my best friend. Our friends however, have the sort of attitude "you dont have to like your girlfriend" which i find strange...

Although, i hooked up with an old best friend, nothing intimate might i add, and that ended up an absolute train wreck... once we got together, we werent friends anymore.

I think it depends on the people, my current boyfriend is very laid back and doesnt think we will ever fall out, even if we do split up. Whereas, other friends wont see it that way, if they split, they go for the jugular.

Quagmire
05-11-2009, 07:11 PM
I must ask, does anyone here believe that one can be good friends with someone, hook up with them on one or more occasions, and once the action ceases still remain good friends?

I ask this because recently, friends of mine who have been good friends since elementary and highschool days, have been putting on the moves. I thought that everyone kind of knew that even a single hook-up can put a friendship in dire risk of ending. Which then leaves me wondering if that 5+ years of friendship meant nothing that a single hook-up would be worth the risk of ending it?

I have always felt that once you hook up with someone it is not going to be the friendship you once enjoyed. I have partaken in a similar situation, where I had made out with a guy but only because I felt the friendship could be more. That guy won't even talk to me anymore but he also had much stronger romantic intentions in our situation however, I don't believe any of the guys in my current situation have any at all.

Anyway, thoughts?

Be my friend and we can find out :D

T-6005
05-12-2009, 06:44 AM
It totally depends on the people involved. Some people can handle this, that and the other. Some can't.


it depends


Some people can separate a sexual relationship from a romantic one. Some can't.


it depends on the individual


it depends, there's no rule of thumb


];1301867']
I think it depends on the people


I suppose what we've really learned from this entire thread is that it depends.

I am the voice of a generation.

SweetTatyana
05-12-2009, 06:50 AM
You know hilariously, this situation happened yesterday with someone I was 100% sure he was gay. I had to make out with him to test, I still think he might be.

Al Coholic
05-12-2009, 10:50 AM
And what a thrill it would be to turn a gay man straight right?

He planned it.