View Full Version : Favourite tv quotes

01-22-2005, 08:15 AM
This is probably an old thread, but i'm too lazy to search for it and i'm bored.

Family Guy

Peter gets a new job as the owner of Eldorado Cigarettes after his old boss died. There's a court meeting to try and sue the company; Peter changes his mind and realises smoking is bad;people on the courtroom start confessing things about cigarettes. One guy comes out with "Cigarettes killed my father and raped my mother"

Peter's in a pub with Brian(talking dog). Brian's in the middle of a conversation and peter randomly bursts out with : "HOLY CRAP YOU CAN TALK"

I'll add more later but they're my favourites.
Glass pipes (http://glasspipes.net/)

Punky Dudess
01-22-2005, 08:20 AM
Fave tv quote-
"eat mi shorts!"

01-22-2005, 08:36 AM
Talman, those quotes really made me laugh! Too bad we don't have the show in our country... No, let me repeat that, our shithole of a country!

Anywho, my favourite quotes are:
Stan: You guys, I'm getting that John Elway football helmet for Christmas.
Cartman: How do you know?
Stan: 'Cause I looked in my parents' closet last night.
Cartman: Yeah, well I sneaked around my mom's closet too and saw what I'm getting. The Ultravibe Pleasure 2000.
Stan: What's that?
Cartman: I don't know but it sounds pretty sweet.

Cartman: No, kitty, this is my pot pie... No, kitty! Get back, kitty!... No, kitty, it's my pot pie! Mom! Kitty's being a dildo!
Cartman's Mom: Well, then, I know a certain kitty kitty who's sleeping with Mommy tonight!
Cartman: What? (South Park)

Kelso: Guys! I just saw a U.F.O.!
Hyde: What a coincidence, I was just telling Fez how stupid you were.

Kelso: Fez, the foundation of a good relationship is three little words: I don't know. What're you doing? I don't know. What're you thinking about? I don't know. Who's that under you? I don't know. (That 70s Show)

Marge: Homer, it's the thought that counts. The moral of this story is a good deed is its own reward.
Bart: Hey, we got a reward. The head is cool.
Marge: Well then... I guess the moral is no good deed goes unrewarded.
Homer: Wait a minute. If I hadn't written that nasty letter, we wouldn't've gotten anything.
Marge: Well... then I guess the moral is the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Lisa: Perhaps there is no moral to this story.
Homer: Exactly! It's just a bunch of stuff that happened.
Marge: But it certainly was a memorable few days.
Homer: Amen to that!

Homer: Son, a woman is a lot like a... [looks around] a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... [spots his can of Duff] Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! [downs the beer] But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! (The Simpsons)

01-22-2005, 09:05 AM
From Jonathan Creek:
"Cathy, you have the body of a woman and the brain of a sexually stunted newt"

01-22-2005, 11:04 AM
Bender: Damn you Fry and Leela!
[Futurama - The Godfellas]

Nibblerian Council Member 1: Does he not know?
Nibblerian Council Member 2: He does not know.
Nibblerian Council Member 3: He knows not!?
Nibblerian Council Member 4: Knows not does he.
Nibblerian Council Member 5: Not he knows...?
Nibblerian Council Member 1: Enough!
[Futurama... I dont remamber the title of this episode]

01-22-2005, 11:07 AM
Okay, that seriously made me laugh my ass off!

01-22-2005, 11:19 AM
Homer Simpson: DOH!

01-22-2005, 11:31 AM
"and the winner is: wendy! with her chewbacca costume"

01-22-2005, 11:35 AM
Homer Simpson: DOH!
Nothing beats Homer's 'Doh!'.

01-22-2005, 11:38 AM
- from "That's my Bush!" :D
God, how i love that show.

01-23-2005, 12:02 AM
"I bent my wookie!" - Simpsons, Ralph wiggam

01-23-2005, 12:06 AM
Homer Simpson: DOH!
Indeed... Is there something better than Home Simpson's D'Oh?!

01-23-2005, 12:45 AM
(bart caught for shoplifting)
homer: alright marge ive figured out some punishments for the boy.
rule number one, no leaving the house, not even for school.
rule number two, no egg nog. in fact, no nog, period.
and rule number three, absolutely no shoplifting for three months.
ho ho.

I don't know
01-23-2005, 12:46 AM
homer rocks

01-23-2005, 04:40 AM
I just heard this one on Futurama,

(crew tries to apologise to alien)

"Apology!? you can put your apology in the bottom of your one-way digestive system!"

01-23-2005, 05:09 AM
"what are you doing to the furniture!?"

01-23-2005, 06:02 AM
"ooo, doctor I went to a place with lots of fire and people in red pijamas were poking pitchforks in my butt"-Homer

Lord Azrael
01-23-2005, 08:26 AM

Lilith: Well, I'm off. I don't know what the future holds. Whatever happens, I only hope I can realize my full potential. To acquire things the old Lilith never had.
Carla: Like a body temperature?
Lilith: That's very good, Carla. Incidentally, I've taken your little wisecracks for a few years now, you hideous gargoyle, and if you ever open that gateway to hell you call a mouth in my direction again, I'll snap off your extremities like dead branches and feed them to you at gunpoint.

01-23-2005, 09:18 AM
I have a can of coke on my back...cos i love life

Lord Azrael
01-23-2005, 09:39 AM
The Osbournes

Ozzy: I'm not proud of everything I've done. I'm not proud of having a poor education. I'm not proud of being dyslexic. I'm not proud of being an alcoholic drug addict. I'm not proud of biting the head off a bat. I'm not proud of having attention deficit disorder. But I'm a real guy. To be Ozzy Osbourne, it could be worse. I could be Sting.

01-23-2005, 09:48 AM
^I like that George Carlin quote. He's maybe my favorite comedian. I'm gonna rattle off some Carlin quotes here. It may not quite be TV, but HBO is close enough to TV.

01-23-2005, 10:45 AM
Mr. Burns: "excellent"

01-23-2005, 02:19 PM
You know my favorite thing on Television? Bad News....I wanna see explosions and fires. I wanna see shit blowin' up and bodies flyin' around....You show me a hospital and people on crutches are jumping off the roof and I'm a happy guy! I wanna see a paint factory blowin' up. I wanna see an oil refinery explode. I wanna see a tornado hit a church on Sunday. I wanna know there's some guy running through K-mart with an automatic weapon firing at the clerks. I wanna see thousands of people in the street killing policemen...I wanna see people under pressure. Sirens, flames, smoke, bodies graves being filled, parents weeping. Exciting shit, my kinda TV! It's just the kind of guy I am. ...That's why I watch auto racing. I wanna see some accidents man! I don't care about a bunch of redneck jackoffs driving 500 miles in a circle. Children can do that for christ sake. Hey, where else am I gonna see a 23 car collision and not be in the son of a bitch?....Hey, at least I admit it. Most guys see something like that on TV they say, "Oh isn't that too bad." PBBTHHT! Lyin' asshole! You love it and you know it! -George Carlin

Noodles is gay
01-23-2005, 02:22 PM
OK, not TV but i don't care. Just the thought of this caused me to break out into rather loud laughter ring my gcse physics exam, followed by some very nasty looks:

From Austin Powers - Goldmember

Dr. Evil: "Welcome to my submarine lair; it's long, hard and full of seamen!":D