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mynamewastaken
12-27-2009, 07:07 PM
So you want to know everything?
No you don't
you don't want to know about the lttle nine year old girl
who wakes up in the middle of the night
to find mommy asleep on the couch
there's just one problem
mommy won't wake up
this has happened before
a diabetic coma
the little girl is scared
she knew d.h.s. Would take her away if thappeed again
it did tonight
she calls her uncle down the street
he calls the paramedics this time
i has the same effect

days later
she packs her stuff
and kissed her mother goodbye
not yet ready to start her new life
a life of abuse and pain
but that's another story
for another time

My mother actually cried when she read this.

wheelchairman
12-27-2009, 07:11 PM
If I were a worse man, I'd make fun of you. I just want you to know this is trash, but I won't be your Simon Cowell.

God what were you thinking?

Ugh no its just sentimental garbage, meant to bring out emotions. Its terrible. You're excused if your 16 or under, then this is very well done on your part, but my god if you're older...

mynamewastaken
12-27-2009, 07:17 PM
If I were a worse man, I'd make fun of you. I just want you to know this is trash, but I won't be your Simon Cowell.

God what were you thinking?

Ugh no its just sentimental garbage, meant to bring out emotions. Its terrible. You're excused if your 16 or under, then this is very well done on your part, but my god if you're older...

Thank you SO much =] :rolleyes:

Actuallly i'm 15.

Lizardus
12-27-2009, 08:34 PM
Cool story, bro!

nood135
12-27-2009, 08:53 PM
nice sad story dude! you made my eyes wet ! come on!

mynamewastaken
12-27-2009, 08:55 PM
nice sad story dude! you made my eyes wet ! come on!

I don't know if I should say i'm sorryor if I should "lulz". :confused:

Al Coholic
12-28-2009, 12:19 AM
So, are you the new reincarnate of BPB?

Sidewinder
12-28-2009, 05:35 AM
Ugh no its just sentimental garbage, meant to bring out emotions. Its terrible. You're excused if your 16 or under, then this is very well done on your part, but my god if you're older...

It's not well done regardless of age. Comparative to the skill of other 15 year olds in may bebetter as opposed to all poetry ever, but that doesn't make it well done.

wheelchairman
12-28-2009, 05:54 AM
Yes it makes it well done when put into context, for a 15 year old writing sentimental garbage isn't too bad, shows some understanding of what buttons to push, etc., even if its done clumsily and without subtlety.

Everything has a context, and without context phrases like 'well done' are meaningless.

Sidewinder
12-28-2009, 11:04 AM
If it's sentimental garbage then it doesn't belong in the same context as "poetry good for a young person but shitty in general." And it is very much sentimental garbage.

The Talking Pie
12-28-2009, 11:53 AM
I agree. It's so fun to point at children's crappy pasta shell pictures and laugh because they're so bad! Little bastards shouldn't have the audacity to even try if they can't churn out masterpieces first time...

Al Coholic
12-28-2009, 01:21 PM
Actually Pie, that's garbage for a 15 year old.

Sidewinder
12-28-2009, 01:26 PM
Actually Pie, that's garbage for a 15 year old.

This, and whoever posts something like that on the internet, especially with the title 'a sad poem,' has to be looking for feedback. Feedback was given.

Llamas
12-28-2009, 03:09 PM
Alec speaks the truth. A high school sophomore posting this kind of thread... Well there are a lot of things that makes this a pretty bad poem... Cheesy, obvious, very simple boring language, no real structure, plus spelling and grammar issues. This isn't some eight year old kid... When i was fifteen, i was being graded for poem writing in english class, and a poem like this would've definitely earned me a failing grade. Not trying to be a douche, but people here often act like teenagers are toddlers.

The Talking Pie
12-28-2009, 03:09 PM
Oh, I agree, it is crap. But your basic premise was that context doesn't matter, when it always does. My comments are in response to what followed WCM's reply and that alone.

Sidewinder
12-28-2009, 06:03 PM
My comments are in response to what followed WCM's reply and that alone.

Essentially, berating me when I was critiquing a 15 year old's "poem" posted in a public forum. I don't understand this; The context is it's a 15 year old who wrote a bad (very, very bad) "poem."

wheelchairman
12-28-2009, 06:50 PM
If it's sentimental garbage then it doesn't belong in the same context as "poetry good for a young person but shitty in general." And it is very much sentimental garbage.

Yes but for a 15 year old it's not too bad. Is the point we are all trying to make.

mynamewastaken
12-28-2009, 07:50 PM
Yes but for a 15 year old it's not too bad. Is the point we are all trying to make.

You only asked how old I was now, NOT how old I was when I wrote it.

I wrote this about three or four years ago.
I'll have too look for some of my more recent stuff.

Paint_It_Black
12-29-2009, 02:35 AM
My mother actually cried when she read this.

I want to cry at the typos.

Please don't present something like this to the public if you can't be bothered to proof-read it first. Why should we read it if you clearly haven't read it yourself?

I won't criticize the poem itself. I just hate the lack of effort put in to the presentation.

Sidewinder
12-29-2009, 02:57 AM
Yes but for a 15 year old it's not too bad. Is the point we are all trying to make.

I don't think anyone other than you and possible The Talking Pie are making that claim, actually.

I would consider this mediocre at best even for a 12 year old if that was when it was written, point of fact.

PedroACastro
12-29-2009, 08:26 AM
I don't think anyone other than you and possible The Talking Pie are making that claim, actually.

I would consider this mediocre at best even for a 12 year old if that was when it was written, point of fact.

you said it wasn't well done regardless of age which is not true if he/she was 12 years old when it was written than its ok. and a context is always needed this poem is bad for an adult but could be considered good for a 10 year old or around that age

Llamas
12-29-2009, 09:16 AM
you said it wasn't well done regardless of age which is not true if he/she was 12 years old when it was written than its ok. and a context is always needed this poem is bad for an adult but could be considered good for a 10 year old or around that age

Actually, if she was 3, it'd still be a terrible poem. We just wouldn't give her shit about it, we'd be amazed that she can write. :P Context only matters for response; not for whether or not it's a good poem.

I also fully concur with Richard. How can anyone post something like this for others to read, but have so many errors? And ones that are SUPER easy to fix, at that.

PedroACastro
12-29-2009, 09:28 AM
Actually, if she was 3, it'd still be a terrible poem. We just wouldn't give her shit about it, we'd be amazed that she can write. :P Context only matters for response; not for whether or not it's a good poem.

I also fully concur with Richard. How can anyone post something like this for others to read, but have so many errors? And ones that are SUPER easy to fix, at that.

yes but like if a 3 year old showed you that poem you woudn't be like "oh this is just terrible you trully suck at writting". despite of being a bad poem overall it would be good for a 3 year old and you should encourage him/her to keep writting. i think thats what wheelchairman meant with context.

WebDudette
12-29-2009, 10:02 AM
You know those bands that are just a bunch of little kids and people are like 'oh, this is amazing!'? No, it isn't amazing, in fact, it is horrible. Yeah, it is cool these kids can play instruments at such a young age, but that doesn't make it good. The music is still shit. Shit is still shit, no matter the age.